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Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:25:00 -
[1]
tl;dr: Give me 600 million now, I give you 36 million in a month, and 636 million the month after that. I also have a healthy sense of humor.
Slightly longer version: I'm expanding the scope of my 0.0 moon operation from "make enough money to pay for the fuel so I can run labs" to "make me internet space rich, oh yea, also run labs" and want to borrow money to help do that. Yes you guys probably won't fund me. This I know already.
(As explained in a question and answer format)
Q: So whats the name of your company?
A: The Charles Ponzi School of Business.
Q: That's supposed to make me want to invest?
A: Probably not, but either way that's the name.
Q: So this is a ponzi scheme, right? I can get in on the ground floor and make a ton of ISK as all the people after me pile in. That's how this works, right?
A: No. That's just the name of the company. This is a loan. You're going to make 6% for two months. That's it.
Q: Oh. Oh well. So whats your ticker?
A: SCAMU
Q: ...ok.
A: ...yes?
Q: So this is a scam then?
A: No.
Q: And hows that a scam?
A: It's really not.
Q: Your lying.
A: Thats not a question.
Q: Ah, ok. Are you lying?
A: No.
Q: Really?
A: I'm really not lying. I'll pay you back. This is just me adding to what I have to fuel and setup another POS.
Q: So are you willing to undergo a full audit by one of the trusted members of the MD community?
A: No. I mean, I'd love to, but I really can't since I'm a goon and I own moons. I wouldn't be allowed to show my full API to anyone.
Q: What if we found a goon auditor?
A: You have a goon auditor? I mean, sure in that case. But... really? You would trust a goon in this case to audit me?
Q: Well, lets say you did have an audit done. What stuff would it find that we'd all really want to know?
A: Well, that all my characters are goons? Usually that would be enough for an auditor to throw his hands up and say "Red Flag! Bad! Run Away!"
Q: So I should throw my hands up and run away from this, right?
A: If you are a steak, yes. I'll eat you. Doubly so if you're cooked medium rare.
Q: Be serious.
A: Steak is seriously tasty.
Q: So just what are you going to do with all this money?
A: Among other things, pay down an existing private loan (150 million @ 10%), buy a blockade runner, the transport ships skill book, the last few pos parts I need, and a big pile of fuel.
Q: Hold on a minute there! I see you paying down another loan! This is a ponzi scheme.
A: Hardly. It's due in two and a half weeks. That's plenty of time for me to take care of it on my own.
Q: Well why don't you pay that down first?
A: Because my side business is buying up stuff all over 0.0 and reselling it. That takes liquid capital. And I don't want to have all the stuff I need and have nothing in the bank.
Q: Uh, you're keeping you money in Ebank?
A: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, my wallet. Sorry.
Q: So are you willing to lock down a bunch of BPOs with someone here to collateralize this loan?
A: Uh... I really don't have any BPOs valuable enough to do that. And either way no.
Q: How about you let one of our guys into your corp, make him CEO, and then he can lock down all the assets on your POS.
A: Uh... You really think the goonswarm directorate would let that go on? That'd violate about a dozen rules.
Q: Then can someone hold your tower until you pay this off?
A: Wouldn't that prevent me from, well, using it?
Q: So let, me get this straight: You're a goon, want our ISK, won't undergo an audit, won't provide any collateral, its in 0.0 space, the corporation is named after a famous fraud, and the ticker is even "SCAMU". And you think we're going to loan you money?
A: Honestly, not really.
Q: So then why did you even bother typing this up?
A: Well, either someone here loans me what I need at 6%, or when I ask someone in my alliance for it at 10%, I can link here.
Q: ...
A: Yea, that and this should be an epic thread.
Q: So what do you want again?
A: 600 Million ISK, for two months, at a 6% interest rate. |
Kazzac Elentria
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:29:00 -
[2]
To low of interest rate.
10-12% might get you some bites |
Saehta
Sigillum Militum Xpisti
Novus Ordo Mundi
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:33:00 -
[3]
 Quote:
Q: So let, me get this straight: You're a goon, want our ISK, won't undergo an audit, won't provide any collateral, its in 0.0 space, the corporation is named after a famous fraud, and the ticker is even "SCAMU". And you think we're going to loan you money?
A: Honestly, not really.
I liked that part
Anyways Kazz its not a real bond off regardless of anything he says |
Loth Cephak
Minmatar
We Come From Planet Anus
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:35:00 -
[4]
Originally by: Kalrand
tl;dr: Give me 600 million now, I give you 36 million in a month, and 636 million the month after that. I also have a healthy sense of humor.
This is true, definitely gave me a chuckle.
So are you looking for one investor? Or multiple small investors? |
Kazzac Elentria
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:36:00 -
[5]
Originally by: Saehta
Quote:
Q: So let, me get this straight: You're a goon, want our ISK, won't undergo an audit, won't provide any collateral, its in 0.0 space, the corporation is named after a famous fraud, and the ticker is even "SCAMU". And you think we're going to loan you money?
A: Honestly, not really.
I liked that part
Anyways Kazz its not a real bond off regardless of anything he says
I know, just trying to play the I R serious in the internet spaceships guy today 
...some of us have fun feeding trolls from time to time (no offense to Kalrand) |
Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:41:00 -
[6]
Originally by: Loth Cephak
So are you looking for one investor? Or multiple small investors?
It really doesn't matter. Though if someone wanted to loan me less than a million isk I wouldn't really want to do the bookkeeping. |
Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:46:00 -
[7]
Originally by: Saehta
Anyways Kazz its not a real bond off regardless of anything he says
Hey! This is real! |
Bonhomme Carnaval
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:50:00 -
[8]
So what characters do you have on your account? 720, Kalrand and your main? |
Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.11 16:58:00 -
[9]
Originally by: Bonhomme Carnaval
So what characters do you have on your account? 720, Kalrand and your main?
Close. Kalrand, Randlak, Fourscore, and Sally Bestonge (aquired on 5/24).
Kalrand is my main.
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Bonhomme Carnaval
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Posted - 2009.06.11 17:02:00 -
[10]
Edited by: Bonhomme Carnaval on 11/06/2009 17:03:04
Originally by: Kalrand
Originally by: Bonhomme Carnaval
So what characters do you have on your account? 720, Kalrand and your main?
Close. Kalrand, Randlak, Fourscore, and Sally Bestonge (aquired on 5/24).
Kalrand is my main.
Where do I sign up for a 4-slot account? 
EDIT : I ought to make a Lavanrac Emmohnob character myself. |
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Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.11 17:19:00 -
[11]
Its actually two accounts that both have a free slot. Fourscore is a long term training alt, Sally Bestonge just got tucked on there b/c I was being lazy when it got transferred. Kal and Rand are on the same account.
The plan is to eventually put a lab alt on the Kal account, and some kind of a jita market trader account on the Fourscore account. But I just haven't gotten around to it yet.
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Viktor Raybach
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Posted - 2009.06.11 17:46:00 -
[12]
Obvious question is 'Why can't you get the funding from someone else in Goonswarm?' There are a number of GS market types (Sophie and Corestwo both post on here for starters) who I'm sure could cover the investment and do so more securely than someone from the MD forums could. |
Bonhomme Carnaval
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Posted - 2009.06.11 17:56:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Viktor Raybach
Obvious question is 'Why can't you get the funding from someone else in Goonswarm?' There are a number of GS market types (Sophie and Corestwo both post on here for starters) who I'm sure could cover the investment and do so more securely than someone from the MD forums could.
See the Q&A. |
Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.11 19:12:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Viktor Raybach
Edit: As for an auditor, I'd trust Sophie Daigneau (Goonswarm) to audit it.
Edit: Missed the 10% part. If this is still going on Monday when i'm back from going away and if Sophie's confirmed some/all of the above then i'd be willing to throw a chunk of cash at it. Not the lot but in the 100-300 mil area.
1) I'd be open to being audited by Sophie if I got a director to approve it. Curious what would you be looking for her to check?
2) This won't be open Monday. This would happen today/early tomorrow, or I'd go to my alliance.
(Oh No! Act now or you get shut out! It must be a scam!) |
Saehta
Sigillum Militum Xpisti
Novus Ordo Mundi
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Posted - 2009.06.11 19:15:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Kalrand
2) This won't be open Monday. This would happen today/early tomorrow, or I'd go to my alliance.
You wont get an audit in your time frame. Sorry but M&D takes time.
Originally by: Kalrand
(Oh No! Act now or you get shut out! It must be a scam!)
No shi-
GL with Goon investors though |
Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.11 19:25:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Saehta
Originally by: Kalrand
2) This won't be open Monday. This would happen today/early tomorrow, or I'd go to my alliance.
You wont get an audit in your time frame. Sorry but M&D takes time.
1) My finances aren't complicated.
2) I wasn't planning on an audit when I wrote this up. Someone just happened to point out that Sophie would work, which I didn't think was the case. If I ever come to the market for more ISK in the future, I'll keep that, and the time frames needed, in mind. |
Eric Woo
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Posted - 2009.06.11 20:35:00 -
[17]
Love your post  |
Xailz
Godless Horizon.
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Posted - 2009.06.11 21:25:00 -
[18]
Funny post, would read again
Xz |
Kazuo Ishiguro
House of Marbles
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Posted - 2009.06.11 21:37:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Kalrand
1) I'd be open to being audited by Sophie if I got a director to approve it. Curious what would you be looking for her to check?
Verification of your existing POS activities, names of all alts on involved accounts (these need not be made public except in the event of a scam), current assets.
I'm curious, though- goon internal loan rates are not a great deal higher than 6%, so why go to the trouble of making an offering to the general public if it's only for two months? We're much harder to convince, and there's little incentive for trust on either side.
A reminder for anyone thinking of investing: to date, every public offering involving low sec towers has either failed or scammed.
---
20:1 mineral compression
ISRC Racing, Season 7 - schedule |
Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.11 22:05:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Kalrand
1) I'd be open to being audited by Sophie if I got a director to approve it. Curious what would you be looking for her to check?
Originally by: Kazuo Ishiguro
Verification of your existing POS activities, names of all alts on involved accounts (these need not be made public except in the event of a scam), current assets.
Perfectly reasonable.
Originally by: Kazuo Ishiguro
I'm curious, though- goon internal loan rates are not a great deal higher than 6%, so why go to the trouble of making an offering to the general public if it's only for two months? We're much harder to convince, and there's little incentive for trust on either side.
It never hurts to ask. I think I made it pretty clear this was more a "hey, if you want in, go for it" kind of offering than a "Invest Now!" kind of offering. FWIW, I'm offering 10% internally to get this done, with the caveat that I'm reducing that need by whatever I can raise (cheaper) here.
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Hazlock
Amarr
Tolerance Training Academy
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Posted - 2009.06.11 22:15:00 -
[21]
Normally I detest any kind of IPO or other business plan that is written in such a fashion but this actually made me lol
Still not getting any isk though |
Tachoh
Minmatar
GoonFleet
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2009.06.12 00:38:00 -
[22]
Edited by: Tachoh on 12/06/2009 00:38:29
I WOULD LIKE TO INVEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Kalrand
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Posted - 2009.06.12 01:11:00 -
[23]
I've secured all needed funds from my corp mates.
Thank you for considering this investment.
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corestwo
Goonfleet Investment Banking
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2009.06.12 01:39:00 -
[24]
Edited by: corestwo on 12/06/2009 01:39:57
I'm not going to lie, this got taken far more seriously than I would have expected. Maybe it's a sign of just how desperate people are for investments.
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Goonfleet Investment Banking - Bringing you the spoils of Delve!
Search Corestwo and Goonfleet Investment Banking under "issued by" on contracts for the current item list! |
Krylon Rhae
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Posted - 2009.06.12 05:44:00 -
[25]
Kalrand... loved the read... |
Ralara
Caldari
D00M.
Triumvirate.
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Posted - 2009.06.12 07:09:00 -
[26]
Funny but you are borrowing isk to pay off a loan?
u mad? 
--
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Viktor Raybach
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Posted - 2009.06.12 07:45:00 -
[27]
Originally by: Ralara
Funny but you are borrowing isk to pay off a loan?
u mad?
Debt consolidation
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dr doooo
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Posted - 2009.06.12 11:00:00 -
[28]
Has a goon toon ever managed to raise funds here from a non-goon? (I won't even bother asking if anything got repaid)
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Kazzac Elentria
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Posted - 2009.06.12 12:23:00 -
[29]
Originally by: dr doooo
Has a goon toon ever managed to raise funds here from a non-goon? (I won't even bother asking if anything got repaid)
Nope, and I really don't see that changing any time soon.
Despite the fact that having talked to some goons and reviewing their business plans... some of them... they honestly know their ****. |
Kalrand
|
Posted - 2009.06.12 15:09:00 -
[30]
Edited by: Kalrand on 12/06/2009 15:12:44
Originally by: dr doooo
Has a goon toon ever managed to raise funds here from a non-goon? (I won't even bother asking if anything got repaid)
My first business plan, which I spittballed here a while back involved arbitraging the difference between the public rates, and the private rates between goons. There's about a 4% difference in the rate I'd have to pay out vs. what I would receive, and goons have a virtually nil default rate between each other.
However, I'd be trying to raise money here, with no collateral aside from those loans themselves, and an audit, if I was even able to give someone my api key, wouldn't be able to show anything one way or another, since no hard assets would be involved.
I did the math, and if I could raise 10 billion, I could pay 6% to investors, pretty much forever (legitimately!), easily find enough people to loan it to, and never have to pay to play eve again.
However that "raise 10 billion from investors" part is pretty much never going to happen. Since goons really can't get public loans.
edit: clarity, math. |
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