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Artemis Rose
Sileo In Pacis THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2009.10.20 19:06:00 -
[1]
Have you had a bad run in real life?
Are you feeling inadequate about the size of your Thorax?
Do you just try piracy, and while you may be decent at the game, you just aren't e-famous like your fragile ego needs?
After it all, don't you just wish people on an Internet Spaceship Forum used YOUR name in common conversation. You have gone far enough to realize, the only hope for your internet fame is for a "victim" of yours post a really funny thread where he claims you have completely owned him. What if you don't have a victim handy...
Then hire me! The process is simple. Anybody seeking an uberpwn! reputation constantly needs threads to be created in this fine forum to keep their e-peens afloat. While military experts don't quite argee, if a span of 1-2 months passes without the mention of your avatar's name, your e-peen will wither away into nothingness.
I'll unleash a hellstorm of "carebear" posting alts, specifically tailored for whatever the client needs. A few examples would be miners, mission runners, industrial players, haulers, warpstab monkeys, empire station humpers, hello kitty! online sekrit agents. From there, they will exclaim up and down how you ruined their gameplay experience. Some sample statements include (but are not limited to)
* Losing absolutely everything they have * Getting their only ship ganked from under them * Scammed out of ISK.
FAQ
How much will it cost?
First off, there is a consultation fee. 100 million ISK. Before you can hire me to assist you, you must send the exact fee with the transaction comment saying exactly "MERC" to Artemis Rose. Anything else is considered a donation to the cause!
Sample prices:
250 million ISK Ninja salvage special. Any T1 non faction mission runner ship and get a thread of tears. 350 million ISK: A helpless n00b corp begging on the forums to help with a wardec. 550 million ISK: Scam/Corp Theft story up to 3 billion ISK. Chat logs, maybe a photoshopped picture or two. 650 million ISK Same thing as above, but up to 5 billion ISK. 750 million ISK Butthurt faction BS/hauler. A killmail will be produced and the former owner WILL not be pleased. 50 million ISK for extra killmails, 100mil ISK for additional upset characters. 950 million Smack talking clueless corp. Several lolfit KMs will be produced and a couple of their members will post e-rage. 250 million extra for video. 1.5 billion ISK Meme creation. Nothing says uber as provoking the next greatest forum meme.
Why are you doing this now? My wife left me with 4 kids that aren't mine and she took my house. I could have really used the ego boost!
I have been doing this for awhile, but in secret! Read this forum, check out the stories, and ask yourself...Could it be my work?
*** Currently Playing: Trolls from Outer Space Current Equipment: VISAcard chain mail, +2 Amulet of Epic Whine, Self Banstick +2 WTB: +666 E-peen killboard stats |
Armoured C
Gallente Noir. Noir. Mercenary Group
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Posted - 2009.10.20 19:15:00 -
[2]
try here mate
wrong forum
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General Coochie
The Bastards The Bastards.
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Posted - 2009.10.20 19:34:00 -
[3]
Quote: Are you feeling inadequate about the size of your Thorax?
Why did I suddenly start to think about tiller reading this thread?
Got Cooch?, solo PvP movie
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Tau Dades
Caldari Even End of the Universe
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Posted - 2009.10.20 20:36:00 -
[4]
Sir, my e peen haz been feeling rather withered of late. I am in desperate need of your services. I shall be contacting you in game.
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Tom Peeping
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Posted - 2009.10.20 20:58:00 -
[5]
insert austin powers quote, "That's not my bag baby!"
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Artemis Rose
Sileo In Pacis THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2009.10.21 06:20:00 -
[6]
* Remember how Planks talks with his main Garmon to create epic lulz?
* Ever notice how the time between a Jonny101 scam lolvictim and Jonny101's response is one minute of the original post?
* Who could forget about Curzon Dax and the Orange Soda Incident.
Planned forum posts/drama produce dramatic e-peen growth, both in size and girth. Hurry up and act now. Get your piece of C&P E-Fame!
*** Currently Playing: Trolls from Outer Space Current Equipment: VISAcard chain mail, +2 Amulet of Epic Whine, Self Banstick +2 WTB: +666 E-peen killboard stats |
Tau Dades
Caldari Even End of the Universe
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Posted - 2009.10.24 00:16:00 -
[7]
wow. Thank you Mr. Rose. My epeen is once again large and hard. You have exceed all expectations
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Marko Riva
Adamant Inc.
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Posted - 2009.10.24 00:38:00 -
[8]
Edited by: Marko Riva on 24/10/2009 00:39:49 Thing is ofcourse that even IF what the OP says were to be true that means that because he named his previous clients they're now robbed of what they wanted in the first place, as it was all just a hoax. Epeen shrivel time!
So he's either a liar and scammer OR he just created the precedent where he's willing to expose his previous clients for future profit, not exactly an enticing idea for any possible new (and old) clients because who says he won't make YOUR insecurity public for his personal gain?
----------- ADM-I |
Cro Magnun
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Posted - 2009.10.24 04:27:00 -
[9]
Mr. Rose has done wonderful things to my e-peen...I mean for my e-peen. And I am in no way associated with him or his business. He would never expose himself...er...his clients. Everything is above board, and well worth the fee.
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Eros Materis
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Posted - 2009.10.24 04:34:00 -
[10]
Me either. He gives me all the vitoc I need. He am a great guy, and duz good stufthings for everyone. I'm sorry about that young boy in your quarters Mr. Rose, I thought he was unconscious.
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Rose Artemis
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Posted - 2009.10.24 04:36:00 -
[11]
Confirming Artemis Rose is a scoundrel, no good, rotten chicken lover. He confided in me his deepest, darkest secrets and told me he loved me. It turns out he stole my identity and dragged my good name through low sec.
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Artemis Rose
Sileo In Pacis THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2009.10.24 04:49:00 -
[12]
Originally by: General Coochie
Quote: Are you feeling inadequate about the size of your Thorax?
Why did I suddenly start to think about tiller reading this thread?
Tiller would be a great example of how my work can make you better. Decent pirate/gatecamper, but without the posts, he wouldn't have his international e-fame!
Originally by: Marko Riva So he's either a liar and scammer OR he just created the precedent where he's willing to expose his previous clients for future profit, not exactly an enticing idea for any possible new (and old) clients because who says he won't make YOUR insecurity public for his personal gain?
Sir, my doctorate is in Business Ethics from a top class Internet Business School (with a super legit name... DEGRREE'Fo'FREE). I show nothing but the greatest respect to my clients, old and new. *** Currently Playing: Trolls from Outer Space Current Equipment: VISAcard chain mail, +2 Amulet of Epic Whine, Self Banstick +2 WTB: +666 E-peen killboard stats |
Terra Mikael
Private Nuisance
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Posted - 2009.10.24 11:16:00 -
[13]
Edited by: Terra Mikael on 24/10/2009 11:16:42
So basically you're selling e-peni$ enhancements?
edit: aparently p e n i s is a bad word
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lollerwaffle
Sileo In Pacis THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2009.10.24 11:18:00 -
[14]
0/10 troll post
Stop forum whoring, log on and come shoot some wartargets u dik
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Bongo Debbie
Minmatar Sekret Kool Klubb
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Posted - 2009.10.24 13:52:00 -
[15]
Pathetic. ----
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Troll Dades
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Posted - 2009.10.24 14:55:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Bongo Debbie Pathetic.
NO YOU!
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Kumq uat
Gallente Guiding Hand Social Club Dystopia Alliance
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Posted - 2009.10.24 15:50:00 -
[17]
Sorry but we are already E-Famous
www.eve-pirate.com original author
Please resize your sig to a maximum of 400 x 120 and a file size no greater than 24000 bytes - Mitnal |
Artemis Rose
Sileo In Pacis THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2009.10.26 22:37:00 -
[18]
I have some free spots coming up for next month, get those fees and evemails ready. Can you taste the e-fame?
Remember...
* The thread about....A big glass of PEPSI!
* BECAUSE OF FALCON! meme
* And dare I say it... Ginger Magician's whole posting career.
Originally by: Kumq uat Sorry but we are already E-Famous
No doubt due to your "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT US LOOKIE LOOOKIE" forum posts and all the great stories.
*** Currently Playing: Trolls from Outer Space Current Equipment: VISAcard chain mail, +2 Amulet of Epic Whine, Self Banstick +2 WTB: +666 E-peen killboard stats |
Armoured C
Gallente Noir. Noir. Mercenary Group
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Posted - 2009.10.27 00:06:00 -
[19]
man this thread is hilarious
=D
clearly some of you can't get it up =D how is the epeen replacement going =P
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Artemis Rose
Sileo In Pacis THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2009.11.14 10:58:00 -
[20]
2 successful threads and 2 happy clients since I first went public with the service
Can you spot the threads?
Sign up today and be e-famous tomorrow! *** Currently Playing: Trolls from Outer Space Current Equipment: VISAcard chain mail, +2 Amulet of Epic Whine, Self Banstick +2 WTB: +666 E-peen killboard stats |
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TimMc
Gallente Brutal Deliverance Extreme Prejudice.
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Posted - 2009.11.14 12:31:00 -
[21]
I want a larger and t2 thorax please.
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Chajitsoyo
Gallente
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Posted - 2009.11.14 13:17:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Artemis Rose 2 successful threads and 2 happy clients since I first went public with the service
Can you spot the threads?
Sign up today and be e-famous tomorrow!
In most cases you are discrete, but the following was a bit sloppy for my taste (although highly entertaining)
http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1213131
I would still recommend your services!
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Jimer Lins
Gallente Noir. Noir. Mercenary Group
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Posted - 2009.11.14 20:18:00 -
[23]
I heartily endorse this product and/or service.
Killboard-Declarations of War Podcast |
jimmyjam
Gallente Sinner Among Saints Exquisite Malevolence
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Posted - 2009.11.15 17:46:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Artemis Rose Have you had a bad run in real life?
Are you feeling inadequate about the size of your Thorax?
Do you just try piracy, and while you may be decent at the game, you just aren't e-famous like your fragile ego needs?
After it all, don't you just wish people on an Internet Spaceship Forum used YOUR name in common conversation. You have gone far enough to realize, the only hope for your internet fame is for a "victim" of yours post a really funny thread where he claims you have completely owned him. What if you don't have a victim handy...
Then hire me! The process is simple. Anybody seeking an uberpwn! reputation constantly needs threads to be created in this fine forum to keep their e-peens afloat. While military experts don't quite argee, if a span of 1-2 months passes without the mention of your avatar's name, your e-peen will wither away into nothingness.
I'll unleash a hellstorm of "carebear" posting alts, specifically tailored for whatever the client needs. A few examples would be miners, mission runners, industrial players, haulers, warpstab monkeys, empire station humpers, hello kitty! online sekrit agents. From there, they will exclaim up and down how you ruined their gameplay experience. Some sample statements include (but are not limited to)
* Losing absolutely everything they have * Getting their only ship ganked from under them * Scammed out of ISK.
FAQ
How much will it cost?
First off, there is a consultation fee. 100 million ISK. Before you can hire me to assist you, you must send the exact fee with the transaction comment saying exactly "MERC" to Artemis Rose. Anything else is considered a donation to the cause!
Sample prices:
250 million ISK Ninja salvage special. Any T1 non faction mission runner ship and get a thread of tears. 350 million ISK: A helpless n00b corp begging on the forums to help with a wardec. 550 million ISK: Scam/Corp Theft story up to 3 billion ISK. Chat logs, maybe a photoshopped picture or two. 650 million ISK Same thing as above, but up to 5 billion ISK. 750 million ISK Butthurt faction BS/hauler. A killmail will be produced and the former owner WILL not be pleased. 50 million ISK for extra killmails, 100mil ISK for additional upset characters. 950 million Smack talking clueless corp. Several lolfit KMs will be produced and a couple of their members will post e-rage. 250 million extra for video. 1.5 billion ISK Meme creation. Nothing says uber as provoking the next greatest forum meme.
Why are you doing this now? My wife left me with 4 kids that aren't mine and she took my house. I could have really used the ego boost!
I have been doing this for awhile, but in secret! Read this forum, check out the stories, and ask yourself...Could it be my work?
I will just go ahead and say it your stupid and anyone that needs this service is a ***got.
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Almagar Phog
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Posted - 2009.11.16 02:25:00 -
[25]
OMG, I can finally be famous. I <3 Arte.
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Artemis Rose
Sileo In Pacis THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2009.11.19 21:45:00 -
[26]
Another happy client.
His stabber is now a throbbing Armageddon, his wife, mistress and the three goats couldn't be happier.
Got another on in progress but should be free in the next couple of days. *** Currently Playing: Trolls from Outer Space Current Equipment: VISAcard chain mail, +2 Amulet of Epic Whine, Self Banstick +2 WTB: +666 E-peen killboard stats |
Scarlett Sky
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Posted - 2009.11.20 06:27:00 -
[27]
For those who doubt his prowess:
I can personally attest to him coming up with such lines as "Aligning like a fat kid to a treadmill"
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Noir Hellscream
Gallente Clandestine Vector THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2009.11.20 11:49:00 -
[28]
i even feel more famous now after after this life changing service thanks again Rose!!!!!! was totaly worth it for the small fee
p.s. and guys all the rumors are true it really does grow!!!!!! Pull over to the top astroid belt and step out of the pod and this will go alot easier for you |
Benedict Carol
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Posted - 2009.11.20 16:46:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Scarlett Sky For those who doubt his prowess:
I can personally attest to him coming up with such lines as "Aligning like a fat kid to a treadmill"
I demand more examples of his literary excellence.
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abrasive soap
Shade. Cry Havoc.
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Posted - 2009.11.21 01:12:00 -
[30]
+1 us mercenaries need to stick together c u on teh battlefield
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