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Tom Hanks
Amarria Auxilia
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Posted - 2009.11.16 21:05:00 -
[1]
Tom Hank was an experienced and traveled combat pilot, having served in the presence of the Glorious Majestic and Ultimate Badass, Lord Commander Militant Russo of AMAX.
Tom had never been a stable individual and was raised by a pack of Caldari feral dogs that ran through the rubble of some god forsaken hell hole of a burned out city on the edge of Caldari space. He would bark and howl at the moon with his pack, while feasting upon putrid flesh and drinking blood. He would go into psychotropic dream realities as his body reacted to the toxic chemicals of certain amphibians he would eat.
Tom was rescued by a salvage team inspecting the ruins for any items of value. He was put into a state school where he learned to speak human tongue and eat with a spoon.
Tom did not fit in with the other children and was diagnosed as severely disturbed and put on heavy medications to prevent him from biting off ears and barking at people. There were a few horrible incidents to begin with, but after that, and a daily dose of 1000mg of tryzasol he was ready for state indoctrination.
That was twenty five years ago. Now Tom had traveled the stars and fought in every kind of fight there was. From frigates to dreadnaughts, Tom had flown them or killed them.
Today was another such day. Another day of rocket and con trail, bullet and trace, laser and boiling metal. Another day of battle. Tom was leading a wolf pack of less experienced combat pilots into action against some other group of pilots. Tom didnt even remember how he got into the middle of their fight. But he needed to be in the action to feel alive anymore. Nothing else came close.
After a brief engagement the enemy forces had warped away. Tom and his wolf pack remained on the field and recovered wreckage and modules. Inside his escape pod Tom floated, mentally ordering his ship to release a ****tail of hard core drugs into his mind to make the combat experience all the more amazing.
The desired effect was not achieved.
The next thing Tom knew he was looking up at the sky. There was a white moon against a black sky with millions of dots of light. A moon like the one from his childhood. A giant meteor crashed into the moon, which opened up with a giant mouth and ate the meteor, then chewed it up like bubble gum and began to blow a bubble. The bubble got larger and larger as if it would engulf Tom. The bubble popped and covered everything, including Tom, in pink gum.
Tom clawed at the gum covering his face and tried to breath. He finally clawed off enough of the gum to breath and stood up in terror. He was in the middle of an endless desert for every direction he could see. A flat endless expanse. Every few meters were giant balloons floating up, still in the windless atmosphere. They were held down by a thin string.
Each balloon was the blown up face of someone he knew. He walked up to one of the balloons and it was the blown of face of Gus Preston. He said hello to Gus with a worried voice.
Gus' giant distorted face opened its mouth and began screaming with rows of sharp fangs. Tom ran away and soiled himself. As he ran passed rows of more balloon heads he came upon a bed. The bed was like one of the racecar begs for children. This bed was of a Tengu instead.
Tom jumped inside the Tengu bed and turned its engines on. The Tengu bed flew up, up and away into the black sky. Tom reached out with his hand and played with all the millions of stars. They moved around his hand as if they were in water and he was passing his hand through.
Tom flew to the moon and gave it a kiss on the lips. But when he opened his eyes again his Tengu was gone and he fell down to the planet again, into an ocean of screaming Gus Preston balloon heads, ready to eat his organs and intestines. They laughed and screamed for his flesh.
Caldari Racial Purity
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Grr
Amarr Epitoth Guard Curatores Veritatis Alliance
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Posted - 2009.11.16 21:32:00 -
[2]
You my friend need to lay off the blue pill.
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Sinjin Mokk
Amarr 24th Imperial Crusade
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Posted - 2009.11.16 22:29:00 -
[3]
Your owner needs to be slapped for letting you spout on a public tchannel like that Mr. Hanks.
Infidel defilers. They will all drown in lakes of blood. Now they will understand why they are afraid of the dark. Now they will learn why they fear the night. |
Lykouleon
Trust Doesn't Rust Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2009.11.16 22:32:00 -
[4]
I believe this is a prime example of what happens when you mix Mindflood and Drop.
I would suggest you check into rehab, good sir.
Quote: CCP Mindstar > Sorry - I've completely messed all that up. lets try again
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Graelyn
Amarr Deus Imperiosus Acies
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Posted - 2009.11.17 04:30:00 -
[5]
Ahhh.
AMAX.
One of a kind (Thank Holy God). -------
Cardinal, Deus Imperiosus Acies |
Ruby Amatucci
Tomorrowland Orphanage
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Posted - 2009.11.18 00:29:00 -
[6]
Aw, you can't just stop the story there, Tom!
What happened next?
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Tom Hanks
Amarria Auxilia
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Posted - 2009.11.18 02:24:00 -
[7]
Tom fell and fell until he landed on the desert floor. The Giant Gus Preston balloon heads crowded around him eagerly and began biting like piranhas. Tom curled up into a fetal position and simultaneously emptied his bladder and colon immediately, and cried sweet tears of agony. The moon looked down and smiled gayly. Toms arms and legs flailed around wildly. His body snaked up and down in a motion that could be described as a dance move called ôthe wormö. The Gus Preston balloon heads were so round and large they were unable to get close enough to Tom to bite him. When Tom realized he was safe he calmed down and laughed in relief. The Gus Preston balloons made sad faces. One of the Gus Preston heads spoke. ôOkay guys. If we all crowd around, we block one another. If you all back off a minute, I will be able to get close enough bite him. Then you all have a turn. All the other Gus Preston balloons smiled, quite gaily and obliged. Tom runs away, white with terror, and defecating uncontrollably and the balloon head chased him at speed. Tom looked into the sky and begged Mr Moon to help. The Moon winked and smiled. The stars all fell down upon the balloons, popping them all at once into eruptions of stinking blood and brains. Tom celebrated and danced in a circle, like smeagol from Lord of the Rings when he finally gets the One ring and falls into the lava. Back in reality the 2nd battle was unfolding. TomÆs wolf pack watched in amazement as he single handedly annihilated the enemy fleet with his completely overloaded weapon and defensive systems. Tom spoke semi coherent gibberish on comms. The things uttered were so sick, so perverse, so twisted, so horrible and disturbing, they brought the souls of those who listened into an abyss of humane depravity and hopelessness so deep and dark that to escape the mad rantings, they immediately spammed the warp button to run away to some far corner of the galaxy where they could settle down with a dull and boring wife, raise dull and boring children, and hopefully live a busy life on a farm milking goats and never, ever, forevermore, never think of what Tom Hanks said that day. That was a mouthful. Tom continued firing at the burning hulls of the destroyed ships until they became pieces. Then he shot the pieces into bits. Then the bits into itty bitty bits. Then the itty bitty bits, into wee bits. And when he couldnÆt lock onto anything hat small, he fired the remainder of his missiles in their general direction. When the drugs and missiles ran out, Tom looked around and felt lonely. He warped around the star system and admired the celestial bodies.The bodies of the galaxy were his family, whether they liked it or not.Tom was their uncle.The perverse incestuous uncle who tried to touch your privates when he visited for the holidays. It was time for some galactic abuse now. Tom released a special mix of drugs into his brain and began to make sweet, forbidden, incestuous love to the planets and moons.
Oh the sweet lure of the methane and helium gas giants and the taste of the smaller dense planets of dirt and iron. The ice moons and the not so icey moons. He loved them all, but mostly the iron balls.
He swam around in space, floating like a geese in the winter sky.Gus Preston's balloon head approachedTom looked at it suspiciously with...suspicion.
Gus Preston balloon smiled at Tom and said "I like you." Tom looked around in a happy stupor of chemical joy.The moon smiled at Tom and said "I like you too."
Tom smiled gayly and asked "are you fibbing?"
The Moon and Gus Preston's Balloon head looked at each other and then at Tom.Then in unison they replied."Oh we really like you."
Then without warning The Gus Preston Balloon head rammed Tom towards the Moon.His inertia in the void of space kept him moving closer and closer towards the moon, who opened his mouth and closed it around Tom.
Tom lit a match. Was it the end, or the beginning
Caldari Racial Purity
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Gus Preston
Gallente NibbleTek
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Posted - 2009.11.18 23:02:00 -
[8]
*Gus Prestons balloon head slowly drifts by the forum*
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Josh Vermanek
Gallente Intaki Liberation Front
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Posted - 2009.11.19 00:53:00 -
[9]
Sounds terrifying.. stick with Frentix.
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zoolkhan
Minmatar Mirkur Draug'Tyr Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2009.11.19 12:12:00 -
[10]
tom, what happened to one of my dearest foes russo?
can we somehow bribe him back into active duty?
recruiting -forum
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Tom Hanks
Amarria Auxilia
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Posted - 2009.11.19 17:49:00 -
[11]
Lord Arch Bonner Russo said I was a huge gayboy so he executed me with a clothes hangar around my neck and had his own brain scan implanted into my new clone. For all intense and purposes I am Russo. There is a duality between the Father and the Son, however we are both of the same being and both have the spirit.
A trinity of sorts. An unholy trinity.
Caldari Racial Purity
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Rodj Blake
Amarr PIE Inc.
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Posted - 2009.11.19 19:20:00 -
[12]
Originally by: Tom Hanks For all intense and purposes I am Russo.
You're certainly mad enough to be him.
Dulce et decorum est pro imperium mori.
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Tom Hanks
Amarria Auxilia
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Posted - 2009.11.20 06:28:00 -
[13]
Blakey meet me at the monkey bars after school. I have something to show you...wanna fly?
Caldari Racial Purity
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zoolkhan
Minmatar Mirkur Draug'Tyr Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2009.11.20 08:01:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Rodj Blake
Originally by: Tom Hanks For all intense and purposes I am Russo.
You're certainly mad enough to be him.
\o/ the kestrel of doom over pator , surely help waking up the republican wussies...
recruiting -forum
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Tom Hanks
Amarria Auxilia
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Posted - 2009.11.20 19:18:00 -
[15]
I feel a flood of images coming into my mind...more of Russo's memories....ahhhh
*images of bloodclaw missiles streaking through the sky and blowing up rifters and other homosexual ships flown by Minmatar*
"Drink up my lads drink up my lads, Russo the top gun of the skies has come to save the day! His trusty Kessie-von-richtofen will send the dogs to hell!"
*Flashes of more images of frigate dog fighting in the Minmatar home systems out numbered ten to one and still scoring kills in his kestrel, jaguars and wolfs losing control and exploding*
*Russo's mind is now in complete control of Tom Hanks...
Zoolkhan you old dog faced scum. Its nice to see you here, reminds me of the old days when combat was personal and exciting. Now its so dull and predictable. I dont feel the joy anymore when I smoke some rookie like I used to feel when I would take out one of the Minmatar big names.
That was a golden age of dog fighting and Aces with big personalities and character. Look what the times have reduced us to now. Now we wander around space, fighting and fighting, hoping to feel alive again. But we battle shadows, enemies without substance.
I dont think we will ever live to see a return to those days when both sides had their legends flying to meet and do battle in the stars. Gaius Kador, Light Kominski, Golan Trevize, the insane AMAX boys, Zoolkhan, Maggot, Makkar, and a hundred others.
I think its time to drink, and to remember fondly the glory.
Caldari Racial Purity
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Tom Hanks
Amarria Auxilia
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Posted - 2009.11.24 07:35:00 -
[16]
Tom could see around him once the match lit up. A midget sized Flotwell greeted him. One of the oldest and most insane AMAX pilots from the glory days years ago. He was 3 feet tall, naked, floated gently on a pair of small angels wings, and had a big beer belly and goat legs. He carried a wand, for making magic.
"Flotwell, what are you doing here" Tom asked. "Oh Tom, I am your fairy guide into the under world. I will take you into the 7 levels of hell. It is where all the losers and noobs are sent after you kill them. Each clone actually goes to hell when you kill them."
"Thats cool. Is there cake?" Tom inquired. "No. No cake. Only pain and gnashing of noob teeth." Flotwell smiled. "Fair enough. What do we do now? Should I pack some heat?" Tom laughed. "No" Flotwell responded with a flutter of his wings, "Where we are going, guns wont help you. Only Soymilk poured over my privates will."
Tom poured Vanilla flavored soymilk onto Flotwells Goat privates and they began their decent into noob hell.
"That hit the spot"
The ground fell away to reveal a long staircase circling down deep into the darkness where the sound of a numberless multitude of souls cried and wailed. Flotwell led Tom down the spiraling staircase for what seemed to be hours. The wails and howls of pain and sorrow became louder and louder. Eventually they reached Bill Preston, the gatekeeper to the 7th level of noob hell.
Bill Preston was wearing a lovely pink dress that showed off his figure. In each hand was an m79 40mm grenade launcher and on his shoulders were dual scorpion tails with giant stingers which looked like they would inflict severe hurting..
Bill spoke. "Tom Hanks you are of a realm of living souls. You may not enter, unless you wish to join the noobs in their misery for all time."
Flotwell spoke up "Yeah well listen. I am commander flotwell and youre just a little pink dress loser with small scorpion tails so you better stfu noob and gtfo my face or I will wtfpwnzerbbq ur face. Tom is coming with me and I am his escort."
Bill laughed "Keke"
So Flotwell lead Tom through the gates and into the first level of noob hell.
Caldari Racial Purity
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Jakiin
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Posted - 2009.11.24 23:05:00 -
[17]
Enjoys a few moments break of listening to the rantings of a madman. Checks watch. Returns to PR ****storm. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Jakiin Holder Heir of the Kingdom 'Pacifist Reclaimer' |
Tom Hanks
Amarria Auxilia
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Posted - 2009.11.30 06:54:00 -
[18]
The first level of noob hell was a massive mission running area where noobs in poorly fitted loser ships would take any number of thousands of acceleration gates. As the noob warped away he would vanish off into the distance, then moments later appear back in the departure area. The noobs would spend eternity unable to leave. All gates led right back to the origin point.
Tom wept for them. "Oh god its terrible. All the noobs...never able to complete their mission. They have even lost their time completion bonus. The horror. The lost standing, the lost time...."
Flotwell fluttered in the air with his wings. He ate a kebab and his lips smacked loudly as he chewed with his mouth open, enjoying his meal greatly. It was made out of noob flesh, marinated with noob tears for an eon.
"Yeah well, this is what the punishment of noobs is who were mission running whoras. They wasted their lives endlessly running missions to get expensive gear they would lose when they got ganked by a real pvper. This is their fate for eternity. It was their choice."
The noobs tried to auto destruct, but nothing would happen. They were in local chat typing incoherent gibberish. Their minds had gone mad many years ago. In space, only the noobs would hear the screams.
Tom and Flotwell descended further down the winding staircase, until they reached the 2nd level of noob hell.
Caldari Racial Purity
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