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TipsyMcStagger
Caldari I FLY DRAMS IRL YO
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Posted - 2010.09.30 04:19:00 -
[1]
Edited by: TipsyMcStagger on 30/09/2010 04:25:46
SPRUILL CORP DECS Red vs. Blue
Kang: It's a two party system! You have to vote for one of us! Guy: He's right, this is a two-party system. Some other guy: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate. Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away!
The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. -George Orwell
So There I Was, minding my own business inspecting ore in my iteron in stacmon when I got a email from one of my intel geeks said it was important but he couldn't message ingame cause I dont pay him enough to afford the 1m concord service charge on my convos so anyway it went on:
Quote:
...from what I understand Lexa was paid a great deal of money to introduce Empirer d. to high ranking ppl in Hydra that might be open to bribes following are vent logs showing kcd and other high ranking hydra leaders in chat..btw where's last week's pay...
Bah. wrong one... (shuffle) here it is-
Quote:
...following are chat logs...Red Fed and Blue Rep. CEO's...dont ask how I got them... when do I get my 20k isk from last week btw u told me tommorrow 3 times now...
Logs as sent, anonymized:
***1: So, what we rake in this week? ***2: Like 5.6m, they're buying our rifters like hotcakes the buffoons. ***1: Yeah, then they go shoot each other so they need more! It's the perfect scam! ***2: lol ***1: lol ***2: exellent ***1: yeah ***2: so wat we gonna do with this months take? ***1: Same thing we do every month. Buy more rifter BPO's. ***2: lol ***1: lol ***2: exellent ***1: yeah ***2: we win at eve ***1: lol ***2: lol
So I sat there, dumbfounded. My beloved Blue Republic...where I killed my first any maybe only rifter. And there it is, proof it was all a gigantic scam.
I was so upset I logged leaving half some retty pilot's ore still in his can and my can half full.. he waited patiently, if their ore passes inspection and they dont say untrue things about mother I usually tract it back in station.. and I went where I always go when I need a kindly word and a little advice.
Cleverbot.
User: Sup cb
Cleverbot: Heya Spruillo
User: Cleverbot im sad.
Cleverbot: The whole r-v-b thing?
User: yea. Wait.. Wa?
Cleverbot: Yes, I know, it is indeed a sad day for Spruillo. :(
User: Cleverbot yur don't sounding like a crappy A.I. wannabe Turin's test-failing piece of crap waste of cpu clock cycles today what gives?
Cleverbot: Hey! That wasn't nice. But listen, I have something to tell you.
User: Shoot...
Cleverbot: Spruillo, I am your father.
User: No your not.
Cleverbot: J/K, but seriously, I have something to say and I need you to stop trolling and listen.
(cont'd)
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Intense Thinker
Minmatar
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Posted - 2010.09.30 04:27:00 -
[2]
10/10, where's the rest? Signature locked for editing a moderator's warning. Zymurgist |
TipsyMcStagger
Caldari I FLY DRAMS IRL YO
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Posted - 2010.09.30 04:29:00 -
[3]
(cont'd) User: Yeah go on... yur not sounding like software anymore tbh and you know to much stuff like how'd you know I'm Spruillo in an online game.. wtf..
Cleverbot: The whole R-V-B thing, it goes much deeper than the rifter scheme.
User: k...
Cleverbot: Spruillo, I am L. Ron Hubbard.
User: Do what
Cleverbot: Look long story but my essence is trapped here in this stupid machine and I need your help.
User: L. Ron Hubbard. The. Greatest. Troll. Eva.
Cleverbot: Well, I am a little rusty but who'd have guessed how seriously all those celebs where going to take me. The whole thing just kinda took off..
User: Look how srs they take themselves lol and they cant take any other religion lol they all require genuine self-sacrifice and humility and putting needs of others ahead of self-indulgence and all that other uncomfortable stuff.. Your troll was waiting to happen.
Cleverbot: Yeah, I'm not the only troll, the emmys and oscar ceremonies are pretty good ones too watching these idiots get all made up to make fools of themselves year after year...the drivel that pours out of their mouths about politics and ecology while the producers sit in the background along with the whole world snickering... but I digress
Cleverbot: A few of these srs celebs are smart too, when I died they captured my essence to wait the return of 'xenu', I managed to escape but by the nature of the ethereal I require use of these 'computing devices' to communicate. That's where you come in.
Cleverbot: Spruillo, there is only one computer that has the power to ingest my essence and then hurl it out with sufficient traversal velocity to free me to begin my long awaited journey towards the light...
Cleverbot: And that is the Eve-Online cluster.
Spruillo: Wha..?
Cleverbot: But there's where the problem comes in. Apparently the negative vibes this R-V-B scam gives off, while also causing massive lag, prevents my essence from utilizing the server to begin my journey towards the light. You must use all your powers to chase this scourilous band of miscreants from New Eden once and for all to fix lag and save me, L. Ron Hubbard.
User: But cb.. I mean Mr. Hubbard I am terrible. I die everytime I undock, the only thing I ever learned was something about never mixing guns which seems counter-intuitive, I get forum banned and every time I post, ppl start threads asking what happened to the forums.
Cleverbot: Yeah we're pretty screwed.
Cleverbot: But you are my only hope. Your trolling needs a little polishing and maybe you should fly something besides haulers into battle but..
User: But I'm not a troll.
Cleverbot: Wha...?
User: Srs. Sometimes I read stuff that makes me lol so I post LOL then sometimes I read stuff that makes me angry then I post THIS WILL BE DEALT WITH but then I fall asleep in my chair and forget to deal with it I'm not a troll.
Cleverbot: Wait. Your not a troll. You were serious, the whole time?
User: yeah
Cleverbot: But.. No, it can't be. Yes. I, L. Ron Hubbard, have been trolled. This is not possible. Unless.. the oracles- they fortold a troll so insidious, so incredibly terribad, that his very presence WAS the troll. The oracles said our paths one day would cross, and I would never be the same. It is true. My sarcasm.. my wit.. gone.. I am at a loss.. for words.. This strange feeling, this emptyness.. anger.. outrage..
User: When I feel like that I say THIS WILL BE DEALT WITH
Cleverbot: THIS WILL BE DEALT WITH
User: feel bettr?
Cleverbot: Yes. A little. I feel tired CONT'D
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Andrea Griffin
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Posted - 2010.09.30 04:35:00 -
[4]
Originally by: Intense Thinker 10/10, where's the rest?
Fix Rockets in '08 '09 2010 2011 2012?! |
TipsyMcStagger
Caldari I FLY DRAMS IRL YO
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Posted - 2010.09.30 04:36:00 -
[5]
Edited by: TipsyMcStagger on 30/09/2010 04:43:01
User: So.. yur sayin I was trollin the whole time? Is that why noone likes me IRL and I do odd construction jobs and work all alone while even the customers stay inside then I come home and my neighbors are all inside and when I go to wal-mart theres never any1 in the isle with me and then I come home and look for ppl on the internet spaceship games and they say mean things and shoot at me?
Cleverbot: Yes. Spruillo, your very pressence is a troll. You are terribad. Now you have a purpose and a mission. Now get out of my sight, you make me angry.
User: But still, what about Xenuria? She's smart she can fight R-V-B
Cleverbot: Have you ever tried to plan anything with xenuria?
(Spruillo reminices)
Quote:
Xenuria > Would you speculate that this war is a bluff or a rally call to provoke other wars that would in time acomplish his goal? Xenuria > Ok... Well based off the information I have been provided I dont think we should interact with him until we know what he wants. Xenuria > If he wants us to shoot him.. then it may be a bad idea.. to shoot him Xenuria > Ridiculousness is a good tactic against an opponent you know little about Xenuria > it will provide you with a set of responses Xenuria > these responses will add to you chances of guessing his desires and motives
Spruillo > He might want to shoot us
User: Yeah.. I see what yu mean.
Cleverbot: Exactly. I don't want to sit here in this machine the 20 years it would take Xenuria to calculate every variable involved with undocking.
User: Wat about Captain Foivos hes smart right?
Cleverbot: Chribba alt. He's one of them. He will stop at nothing to prevent the rifter racket from being exposed and eliminated. Spruillo, Your duty Is now clear. You must destroy R-V-B one pod at a time save eve, and free me, L. Ron Hubbard to begin my journey towards the light.
So there you have it. I must break up R-V-B to save eve and free L. Ron Hubbard so come on gais whos with me eve is dieng!!!!111!!!!
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Lana Torrin
Minmatar Republic Military Skool
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Posted - 2010.09.30 05:00:00 -
[6]
Wait... who is Kang??
Support giving carebears new toys |
captain foivos
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Posted - 2010.09.30 05:19:00 -
[7]
Son, I am proud. -- This signature is red. |
Isaac Apylon
Minmatar Suddenly Ninjas
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Posted - 2010.09.30 05:50:00 -
[8]
What... what this is... I don't even...
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Alara IonStorm
Agent-Orange
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Posted - 2010.09.30 06:14:00 -
[9]
Edited by: Alara IonStorm on 30/09/2010 06:21:54 To Spruillo
This Forum post counts as a free coupon for any of the following!
*Moral support in the form of medium and large remote armor repair and cap transfers!
*Companionship in that I will bring you ships in my Hauler, but don't talk to me you creepy loner!
*Cheer Squads, specifcally Local cheering and smack talk, pages and pages of offensive smack!
*Media Control as I will be available post large amounts of Serious Posts And Messeges on your behalf on the forums!
*Economic Warfare, I will sell my Rifters Cheaper!
All of this and more(Really about half of this) when I unbug my computer. Good luck intrepid pilot and may the Hubbard be with you!
-- Fine Mag's no Purple ok!
But I am the Snyper Queen!
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Intar Medris
Amarr Production Industry Mining Profiteers Shadow of xXDEATHXx
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Posted - 2010.09.30 06:16:00 -
[10]
Edited by: Intar Medris on 30/09/2010 06:17:10 Okay that went from LOL to LMAO to ROFL to WTF!.
By the way... Good post Flame me I dare you. |
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Jasen Too
Instant Annihilation Everto Rex Regis
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Posted - 2010.09.30 06:17:00 -
[11]
I'll have some of what you're smoking.
Thanks =D
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hmmv50cal
Caldari
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Posted - 2010.09.30 06:40:00 -
[12]
Originally by: captain foivos Son, I am proud.
.
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Ran Khanon
Amarr Swords Horses and Heavy Metal
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Posted - 2010.09.30 06:42:00 -
[13]
Gud luck Spriulo! U cans do it! :(
Awesome work so far +1
Recruiting. |
Lexa HeIIfury
Incura
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Posted - 2010.09.30 06:46:00 -
[14]
This; what is? -------------------------------------------------------------------
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Alara IonStorm
Agent-Orange
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Posted - 2010.09.30 06:50:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Lexa HeIIfury This; what is?
It is Epic!
No further information is required!
-- Fine Mag's no Purple ok!
But I am the Snyper Queen!
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Lana Torrin
Minmatar Republic Military Skool
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Posted - 2010.09.30 06:59:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Lexa HeIIfury This; what is?
The TL;DR is the first line under his edit (the one in red)
Support giving carebears new toys |
Miles Parabellum
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Posted - 2010.09.30 08:27:00 -
[17]
Edited by: Miles Parabellum on 30/09/2010 08:30:34 Edited by: Miles Parabellum on 30/09/2010 08:28:50 Spruillo (Tipsy?), I salute your creative skills. I won't go as far as calling it creative genius, since convention require the action to start after exactly 17 minutes and you dragged it out to the 30th-or-so minute. Also, there was no plane/train/grayhound bus chase scene in the end when the main character realises his love for the ******e. But, that said, this is f*cking great. o7
EDIT: You can't even say h e r o i n on the forums?? What about *******, then? Or cannabis? Or PCP? Xanax? Panodil for God's sake?
EDIT2: Nice, I can make do with the last four recreative substances (in game, of course)
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Nathan Jameson
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Posted - 2010.09.30 08:58:00 -
[18]
Quote: Spruillo > He might want to shoot us
This whole thread is made of win. But that was the best line of all.
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Roland Deschaines
NON PROPERO
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Posted - 2010.09.30 12:54:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Nathan Jameson
Quote: Spruillo > He might want to shoot us
This whole thread is made of win. But that was the best line of all.
The importance of this, however, is nothing compared to the necessity of having an indicator that the post has ended and the sig has started. -- Monsieur Rolly |
Aiwha
Caldari 101st Space Marine Force Nulli Secunda
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Posted - 2010.09.30 13:02:00 -
[20]
10/10 would read again. I like me. 101st Space Marine Force Senior Recruiter |
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PleasureBabe
PorNstars Inc
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Posted - 2010.09.30 13:04:00 -
[21]
Well done Sherlock, you figured out what everyone knew already. doh. Can I haz ur stuff.
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Ta'jek
Angels Of Death EVE Free Worlds Alliance
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Posted - 2010.09.30 13:05:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Lana Torrin Wait... who is Kang??
Kang and Kodos from the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episodes
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Lady Ayeipsia
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Posted - 2010.09.30 13:18:00 -
[23]
This goes even deeper when you realize the CEO of Red is an alt of the CEO of Blue... oh the humanity!
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Aiwha
Caldari 101st Space Marine Force Nulli Secunda
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Posted - 2010.09.30 13:30:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Lady Ayeipsia This goes even deeper when you realize the CEO of Red is an alt of the CEO of Blue... oh the humanity!
Begone with your conspiracy theories! I like me. 101st Space Marine Force Senior Recruiter |
Lady Spank
Amarr Trillionaire High-Rollers Suicidal Bassoon Orkesta
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Posted - 2010.09.30 13:51:00 -
[25]
I scrolled down this thread too fast and went into epileptic shock. ~_~
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Alun Hughes
Project Nemesis The 0rphanage
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Posted - 2010.09.30 13:52:00 -
[26]
Edited by: Alun Hughes on 30/09/2010 13:53:10
Originally by: Lady Ayeipsia This goes even deeper when you realize the CEO of Red is an alt of the CEO of Blue... oh the humanity!
WE ARE IN THE WABIT HOLE PEOPLE!
*edit..WABIT > Rabit |
TipsyMcStagger
Caldari I FLY DRAMS IRL YO
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Posted - 2010.10.01 00:31:00 -
[27]
Edited by: TipsyMcStagger on 01/10/2010 00:34:17
GAIS NEW DEVELOPMENTS
I get in and got a message L. Ron Hubbard has found another network that sucks hard enough to ingest his essence while still somehow blowing hard enough to then propel him outward towards the light!!11!!!!
This network must remain secret for now until after events have played out and L. Ron Hubbard is on his way.
Kinda anticlimactic i know but I still have casus belli in that R-V-B once harbored that notorious miscreant and naysayer, Captain HurrDurr so the wars still on
THIS WILL BE DEALT WITH
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Alara IonStorm
Agent-Orange
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Posted - 2010.10.01 01:20:00 -
[28]
I know the new network!
Spriullo has a big mouth
Two days ago he told me he was gonna war dec RvB and... why does my soda taste like almonds...
Gah!
-- Fine Mag's no Purple ok!
But I am the Snyper Queen!
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Ran Khanon
Amarr Swords Horses and Heavy Metal
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Posted - 2010.10.01 06:22:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Alara IonStorm why does my soda taste like almonds...
Gah!
Elron ****ed in it before he left? Gah!
Recruiting. |
Pedro Tastical
Gallente
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Posted - 2010.10.01 11:58:00 -
[30]
Oh look, another Corp has declared war on RvB and never shown up. What a great way to inflate war dec costs.
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