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Iris Gollatchi
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Posted - 2011.07.21 14:26:00 -
[1]
I lost over 84lbs on the æTiggles Dietary PlanÆ!
Now featured within the Shastal Observers æTop Tips for a Healthy New YouÆ, the Tiggles Dietary Plan combines the very best ingredients from Caldari and Gallentean mass-producing industries, fusing a strict high protein edible diet, with a metabolic rate enhancing, thirst quenching drink!
Simply eat a small portion of SukuuvestaaÆs delicious æProtein DelicaciesÆ every three hours, washed down with a half pint of Quafe Ultra, and within six months youÆll have a æbeach bodyÆ that so many other capsuleers will envy!
Worried that this revolutionary new diet wonÆt fill you up? Well, fear not! With the æTiggles Dietary PlanÆ you can eat as much bread as you wish û providing itÆs made from only the purist Amarrian Wheat! CanÆt find Amarrian Wheat? Well donÆt worry! Take on a subscription to the FAT-BUSTING æTiggles Dietary PlanÆ and weÆll ship you two free packets free of charge!
Still not convinced? Read these glowing testamonials from our other satisfied customers:
ôWhat in the name of hell are you following me for?ö û Tigerfish Torpedo.
ôStop stalking me you moron!ö û Matthaios Panthera.
So what are you waiting for? Join the æTiggles Dietary PlanÆ today and be the envy of your friends, families, corporations and alliances!*
*Weight loss is not guaranteed and the above diet should only be used in conjunction with a healthy exercise regime!
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Chevalleis
The Legendary Conquest
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Posted - 2011.07.21 14:40:00 -
[2]
It's good that I can always get myself killed if I want a brand new, slim clone.
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Nick Bete
Gallente The Scope
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Posted - 2011.07.21 16:22:00 -
[3]
Protein delicacies and Quafe Ultra? Seriously? Consuming raw sewage would be healthier.
Oh wait... |
TheCrazyCabbage
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Posted - 2011.07.21 22:20:00 -
[4]
I can sincerely vouch for this diet!
After becoming a fat and lazy slob after loosing my job at the Quafe foundry, i recieved a mail about the absolutly fabulous Tiggles Dietry Plan.
Moments after having my first portion of 'Protein Delicacies', i literally FELT the weight drop out of me!
My housekeeper was also impressed by the amount of bodily fluids that now adorn my quarters - a vast improvement i might add!
By the third day something amazing happened. I had the 'Protein Delicacies' as normal when BANG! i acsended into a higher plan of being, and was rewarded with a brand new body, fresh out of the clone bay!
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Iris Gollatchi
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Posted - 2011.07.22 12:17:00 -
[5]
Originally by: TheCrazyCabbage BANG! I ascended into a higher plain of being and was rewarded with a brand new body, fresh out of the clone bay!
Granted, some possible side effects of the 'Tiggles Dietary Plan' do include a rather severe case of, well, erm, death. But we thought that was only generic to lab-rats!
Mr Cabbage, may we use your testimonial in further press releases?
I.Gollatchi, Customer Service Supervisor, Jita 4-4 Morticians - "Seriously smokin' for over 4 years!"
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