Pages: [1] 2 :: one page |
|
Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 0 post(s) |
Brujo Loco
Brujeria Teologica
436
|
Posted - 2012.11.29 20:55:00 -
[1] - Quote
Woa, talk about a brutal and demolishing honesty attack
I read the letter entirely, and I am at the age stage of my life (nearing 40) where I truly wish I had listened to my parents or taken more advantage of their offers for foreign education for instance, or listening to them regarding career choices.
But like most things in life such things come with experience, experience that comes usually too late after it is worth anything at all in your life, and all you can do is pass it to someone else.
In a sense I can totally understand the angry man writing that letter. I have felt the same seeing the train wreck some relatives and close friends embarked upon when I was seeing the choices they were making. Even to this day I still see some friends struggling with horrendous life choices they took, and if they had taken a bit of advice, they would be different, or perhaps, just happier.
Like a former friend of mine once told me "its like watching a beautiful cruise ship, slowly sink, and you, on the shore, far away unable to do anything, anything at all, Im sorry, but I cant stand this".
Life choices, partner choices, job choices ... we taking choices all the time, and most of them not the best ones, based on whim. Choice is such an important topic for me, I have even given lectures for free regarding it to young teens in school close to graduation.
Choice.
I see no fault in the father. He just spoke bluntly and directly from the heart, and honesty is in my book a precious commodity I see more and more scarce around me as I grow older and live 8 hours a day , 5 days a week in the working world, detached from the world placed head on into a strange place, where people cant be honest about anything.
Anyway, wished to share this. Life decisions, a topic so vast and convoluted, yet interesting.
Have a Happy Day!
Cheers! Inner Sayings of BrujoLoco: http://eve-files.com/sig/brujoloco |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
546
|
Posted - 2012.11.29 22:54:00 -
[2] - Quote
That letter was harsh, and from what I can gather, deservingly so. There comes a time when even the most calm and collected person needs to vent, and that man did it spectacularly and oh look...without rage fueled capslocked keyboard pounding! Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Borascus
Red Core Paradigm Shift Alliance
124
|
Posted - 2012.11.29 23:23:00 -
[3] - Quote
It's easier to join the funtime crowd when young, this alone is the biggest risk to career progression, other than the guy that stands shoulder-to-shoulder with you until an opportunity to make you look bad makes him/her look good.
|
Lina Alar
Royal Amarr Institute Amarr Empire
2099
|
Posted - 2012.11.29 23:33:00 -
[4] - Quote
Dear Kids,
HTFU.
Love, Dad An explanation of Eve socialization: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTbgvYPVdXE |
Holy One
304
|
Posted - 2012.11.29 23:52:00 -
[5] - Quote
He sounds like a typical overbearing, unsympathetic parent who typically blame their kids for not turning out amazing because they were either a) working all the time or b) unsupportive/unloving. As a parent myself, with less than stellar parents of my own, I'm pretty damn sure the buck stops with me if my kids turn out to be scrublords. |
Bane Necran
Appono Astos
832
|
Posted - 2012.11.29 23:56:00 -
[6] - Quote
Quote:GÇÿIt is obvious that none of you has the faintest notion of the bitter disappointment each of you has in your own way dished out to us.GÇÖ
Bemoaning his childrenGÇÖs broken marriages
Sounds like selfish egoism to me.
If he only had kids to be some kind of accessory to himself he could show off, then he had kids for the wrong reason. "It's no use crying over spilt milk, because all the forces of the universe were bent on spilling it." ~William Maugham |
Surfin's PlunderBunny
The Python Cartel.
3785
|
Posted - 2012.11.29 23:57:00 -
[7] - Quote
Guess he should've just hit them harder "Little ginger moron" ~David Hasselhoff-á |
Sturmwolke
299
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 07:21:00 -
[8] - Quote
Read that one days back. I can certainly understand and sympathize the disappointment he displayed ... but I cannot help but wonder if he (plus wife) had any hand in shaping what was to follow. Certainly, not all the blame lies with the children and that letter barely acknowledge self examination of parental faults (with just a single word, "misguidedly").
Shaming (by publishing in daily news) and creating bad blood with his children won't make things better, regardless of what they had become and that negativity will most likely infect the entire family down the line. It looks like he's abandoned all hope and is burning bridges out of frustration, not an intelligent response to the situation by far. He should've handled this more tactfully and lead through by setting examples without directly antagonizing/patronizing the people he wanted to fix - though this depends on how malleable they are. It all boils down to early parental shaping.
I have a (40+yr old) friend who works 24/7, someone that I would consider a workaholic. This guy is a typical intelligent go-getter with a must win mindset, married and have a few small kids. Recently, he mentioned that he was "retiring", I was a bit surprised and taken aback. Turns out, "retiring" in his dictionary means less hours and spending more time with the kids. I guess he finally realizes what's the most important thing in life Good for him! |
Opera Noir
Inglorious-Basterds The Bloody Ronin Syndicate
9
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 08:23:00 -
[9] - Quote
People actually admire a self serving, silly letter like that? If this is an example of his parenting skills it's no wonder his children turned out to be disappointing to him. Writing a letter to a public forum, a letter that shows no regard to any of his children as individuals and that makes no actual points except to say that they are failures, is not honest, or moving, or helpful in the the slightest. The man's a jackass.
If you had children and they did something bad in school, would your response be to wait until an assembly, run up on stage and then proceed to embarrass the child relentlessly? Yeah that's love right there, I mean, if you're a narcissist. |
Rana Ash
Gradient Electus Matari
81
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 14:27:00 -
[10] - Quote
I can understand him, if all the calls his wife gets are the kids whining about their life. I can totally understand why he finally explodes.. |
|
Tul Breetai
Impromptu Asset Requisition Insurance Fraud.
38
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 15:34:00 -
[11] - Quote
Why... in the ****... is THIS news... There's nothing worse than an EVE player, generally considered to be top of the food chain in the MMO world, that cannot smacktalk with wit and coherency. |
Bane Necran
Appono Astos
850
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 21:03:00 -
[12] - Quote
Rana Ash wrote:I can understand him, if all the calls his wife gets are the kids whining about their life.
Just because they mention unfortunate things that are going on in their lives doesn't mean they're whining. The alternative is to keep it all a secret, which would probably make them madder.
If the parents aren't interested in hearing any of it, they should just stop calling them. Which is probably exactly what is going to happen now. If he thought hearing bad news from his kids was bad, how about never hearing from his kids again? "It's no use crying over spilt milk, because all the forces of the universe were bent on spilling it." ~William Maugham |
Lina Alar
Royal Amarr Institute Amarr Empire
2115
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 21:27:00 -
[13] - Quote
Bane Necran wrote:Rana Ash wrote:I can understand him, if all the calls his wife gets are the kids whining about their life. Just because they mention unfortunate things that are going on in their lives doesn't mean they're whining. The alternative is to keep it all a secret, which would probably make them madder. If the parents aren't interested in hearing any of it, they should just stop calling them. Which is probably exactly what is going to happen now. If he thought hearing bad news from his kids was bad, how about never hearing from his kids again? If they're doing it everyday, only complaining, only bemoaning the injustice and personal failure every phone call, then they are literally injuring their mother. Who's supposed to look out for the feelings and mental health of that mother? Her husband.
The kids are grown up, they're in their forties for goodness' sake. The job of protecting and aiding their children to mature may have been poor, but it is over. As grandparents, their job is to help balance out the raising of their grandchildren. Kids should get discipline, love, encouragement, and candy. The candy is where the grandparents come in. (Yes that's a metaphor.)
Was Dad right to do what he did? Yes. Did he have to do it as a result of his own failures as parent? Probably. It was still the right thing to do, to protect his wife. An explanation of Eve socialization: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTbgvYPVdXE |
Bane Necran
Appono Astos
850
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 22:52:00 -
[14] - Quote
Lina Alar wrote:It was still the right thing to do, to protect his wife.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
One of the first signs of the mental decline of my own aging parents was their victim complexes. "It's no use crying over spilt milk, because all the forces of the universe were bent on spilling it." ~William Maugham |
Surfin's PlunderBunny
The Python Cartel.
3787
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 23:15:00 -
[15] - Quote
Bane Necran wrote:Lina Alar wrote:It was still the right thing to do, to protect his wife. I wouldn't be so sure about that. One of the first signs of the mental decline of my own aging parents was their victim complexes. Everyone from the mayor to the neighbors on all sides is supposedly directly responsible for their unhappiness, and every innocuous little thing they do i hear about in great length.
Maybe they were "Little ginger moron" ~David Hasselhoff-á |
Bane Necran
Appono Astos
854
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 23:20:00 -
[16] - Quote
Surfin's PlunderBunny wrote:Maybe they were
Yeah, i was on their side starting out, but it wears thin after awhile. Now i just humor them because not agreeing makes them mad.
"yes. that guy putting a rusty trailer on the edge of his property was clearly done just to upset you" "It's no use crying over spilt milk, because all the forces of the universe were bent on spilling it." ~William Maugham |
Surfin's PlunderBunny
The Python Cartel.
3790
|
Posted - 2012.11.30 23:47:00 -
[17] - Quote
Bane Necran wrote:Surfin's PlunderBunny wrote:Maybe they were Yeah, i was on their side starting out, but it wears thin after awhile. Now i just humor them because not agreeing makes them mad. "yes. that guy putting a rusty utility trailer on the edge of his property next to his barn was clearly done just to upset you" There's never been any feuds or anything between them. They just inexplicably want to believe these things.
Can't wait till I go senile, it'll be great (for everyone that can remember later) "Little ginger moron" ~David Hasselhoff-á |
Blue Binary
Polychoron
29
|
Posted - 2012.12.01 01:05:00 -
[18] - Quote
After reading the article and the letter I can sympathise with his position, but he is making himself unhappy with...
- Bitterness that he has made sacrifices in his life (e.g. trapped in his career) to put his kids through a good education.
- Guilt from his hands off approach to his children's upbringing. He did the opposite of his parents style of upbringing.
- Anxious and worried for his grandchildren's future and his wife's mental state.
- Perceived humiliation from the social pressures of his relatives/neighbours children succeeding.
- Frustrated that his kids are not living up to his expectations.
If his anger and frustration were kept inside he would likely descend into a spiral of depression. He needed a release of his anger and frustration. It's good that he wrote out and clarified his thoughts, but it may have been unwise to send it to his kids.
But can you imagine what it would be like for them knowing what their father thinks of them when they are in his presence. He has passed on to his children the negative feelings that have been burdening him. |
Bane Necran
Appono Astos
857
|
Posted - 2012.12.01 07:10:00 -
[19] - Quote
Blue Binary wrote:If his anger and frustration were kept inside he would likely descend into a spiral of depression. He needed a release of his anger and frustration. It's good that he wrote out and clarified his thoughts, but it may have been unwise to send it to his kids.
But can you imagine what it would be like for them knowing what their father thinks of them when they are in his presence. He has passed on to his children the negative feelings that have been burdening him.
I think depression has already been in play for awhile, and he's only made things worse by doing this.
Also have a strong suspicion alcohol played a role in it being written, and if that's the case, i'm sure he regrets it now instead of feeling relieved. If they're lucky the entire thing will serve as a catalyst to bring them closer together, but more likely the family is just shattered beyond hope. "It's no use crying over spilt milk, because all the forces of the universe were bent on spilling it." ~William Maugham |
Shalia Ripper
219
|
Posted - 2012.12.01 13:21:00 -
[20] - Quote
Tul Breetai wrote:Why... in the ****... is THIS news...
No kidding. A self respecting family would deal with this amongst themselves. They would not blab it to the media in hope of getting attention.
Why can't I just delete my signature CCP? WHYYYYYYY?
Signatures have consequences - Malcanis
|
|
Opera Noir
Inglorious-Basterds The Bloody Ronin Syndicate
12
|
Posted - 2012.12.02 00:38:00 -
[21] - Quote
Oh man. You guy's make me sad. It is clear to me that this is mostly a personal problem of his own. What is he expecting to happen when he had a 'hand's' off approach to raising his children'? If you've never helped guide them through life or tell them what you think they ought to do, do you really expect them to appreciate that you may have advice and knowledge to offer them later on in life? If' he has spent their formative years being a career oriented ***** for their 'benefit' instead of actually establishing a relationship with the people who should arguably be the mot important relationships in his life,if he's relegated his wife to a mere accoutrement with which to decorate himself instead of considering her opinions on the matter, if instead of having the balls to actually talk to his children instead of broadsiding them in the local rag, then what possible justice exist on this mans side?
Does he honestly think his children are destroying their life merely to spite him, does he think they are happy? I don't imagine they are getting married and having children in hopes of failure. Quite likely they are failing to establish a good life that they've had no example for establishing largely due to this captains failure to establish it with his own wife and children. At least they are trying. Indeed their optimism in the face of this mans own failure and condemnation is pretty robust and heartening. I'd say their perseverance in pursing and establishing a meaning full life in-spite of this mans example and in spite of his crotchety 'ole cursing, regardless of their failures is commendable. At least they have the guts to try, maybe he managed to pass something to his children after all, more likely they had to develop their courage on their own though. |
Rakael Kateloda
Open University of Celestial Hardship Art of War Alliance
117
|
Posted - 2012.12.02 12:57:00 -
[22] - Quote
Having read that 'letter', I'm just glad to know that I have understanding parents who love me NO MATTER WHAT and go with me through ups and downs. While we're living thousands of miles and several countries away from each other, we're always there for each other. If I have a problem - who else to turn to if not to my parents? They also call me first if there is something that is going on over there. We listen, we are compassionate to each other, we sometimes get mad and then make peace...that's just life. We're simply working with the cards we're dealt with. Putting such high bars for his kids and being so thoroughly disappointed if they can't jump above it...I'm so happy HE's not my father. I'm sorry for the kids. They say that only parents and dogs love kids unconditionally. In this case it seems it's only dogs. |
Harvister
Immortalis Silens Intrepid Crossing
1
|
Posted - 2012.12.02 23:07:00 -
[23] - Quote
what ever opinion i have it wont matter because this story is very common everywhere. and there is allot of ways to approach this and give your opinion to this . but one thing i agree is that the grandchildren that may get affected by there parent's life. |
Surfin's PlunderBunny
The Python Cartel.
3850
|
Posted - 2012.12.03 01:52:00 -
[24] - Quote
so who's that guy in the pink dress in the article? "Little ginger moron" ~David Hasselhoff-á |
Bane Necran
Appono Astos
877
|
Posted - 2012.12.03 03:23:00 -
[25] - Quote
Surfin's PlunderBunny wrote:so who's that guy in the pink dress in the article?
Watch out. She might blame you for her unhappiness. "It's no use crying over spilt milk, because all the forces of the universe were bent on spilling it." ~William Maugham |
Surfin's PlunderBunny
The Python Cartel.
3853
|
Posted - 2012.12.03 03:26:00 -
[26] - Quote
Bane Necran wrote:Surfin's PlunderBunny wrote:so who's that guy in the pink dress in the article? Watch out. She might blame you for her unhappiness.
Oh noes, then I'd have to listen to the whining and nagging
Though if she gets this pissy after an email she should be in here so I can make her HTFU "Little ginger moron" ~David Hasselhoff-á |
Onyx Nyx
Euphoria Released Verge of Collapse
117
|
Posted - 2012.12.03 10:26:00 -
[27] - Quote
Surfin's PlunderBunny wrote:so I can make her HTFU
Says the guy, upset over the waiting period for a gun. I kill kittens, and puppies and bunnies. I maim toddlers and teens and then more. |
Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
1899
|
Posted - 2012.12.03 19:54:00 -
[28] - Quote
An ex girlfriend once sent a letter like that.
When I get letters like that I let the sender know I didn't bother to read it. That's the truth too, because such a missive on a piece of paper is pointless. Unless you have a weapon or control the purse strings of any situation (personal, government, societal - anything) you are not going to change a damned thing. Hence there are two benefits: you won't get bothered by such letters, and you would never end up wasting your own time writing one.
Never heard from her again. The price of the postage stamp was the best investment I ever made.
This is why my life is actually easier than it looks.
|
Surfin's PlunderBunny
The Python Cartel.
3918
|
Posted - 2012.12.03 21:07:00 -
[29] - Quote
Onyx Nyx wrote:Surfin's PlunderBunny wrote:so I can make her HTFU Says the guy, upset over the waiting period for a gun.
The waiting period doesn't make me a disappointment to my family "Little ginger moron" ~David Hasselhoff-á |
Zack Korth
The Deneveh Collective High Rollers
15
|
Posted - 2012.12.05 03:23:00 -
[30] - Quote
Would have been better to say, seeing it in writing, I would tell my dad to go **** himself, but hearing the things I needed to hear directly from him was much more effective I feel, and is probably the way I will raise my own kids. I know if he wrote some long shitpost about me being a failure, I would just be quick to point out his deficiencies and use them as a base for not listening to any good advice he might have had, and would probably top it off with a "**** you", but my dads not an idiot like this Crews asshat, so i'm not a disappointment.. in fact dude is probably just happy I don't ask him for money, they didn't have high expectations, I made it abundantly clear that I wouldn't be the gold standard for achievement unless someone wanted to pay me for playing my guitar. I stand by that still, motivation is a huge problem, real life jobs are just too boring. 8 hours a day? lol cmon thats like a 1/3 of your entire life, they knew I'd never abide. |
|
|
|
|
Pages: [1] 2 :: one page |
First page | Previous page | Next page | Last page |