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Gaufres
Old Timers Guild Inc.
48
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Posted - 2013.04.23 02:21:00 -
[1] - Quote
Since I last attempted to find a way to contact a Jovian Ambassador, I have attempted to go through the various Jovian Corp scattered around the various Empires. None of the Station Managers will provide any assistance. They are very secretive about how they actually get paid and who they work for.
I have flown, at some personal risk, to the site of the Amarrian - Jovian Conflict to see if any means of contact could be discovered. Nothing useful was found.
Concord still refuses to provide any assistance in the matter.
For the moment, I am at a loss as to how I should proceed. I am open to any suggestions that may have a chance, no matter how small, of working. |
Fredfredbug4
Eve Defence Force Tribal Band
740
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Posted - 2013.04.23 02:31:00 -
[2] - Quote
I'm sure you can find some old records of what a Jovian woman looks like, make a mask and get some body paint (if necessary) and hire a dancer from the Federation or Republic to wear that stuff for a price.
You're highly unlikely to contact any Jovians at all, let alone find a female Jove that isn't crippled by disease and thus unable to dance. Watch Fred Fred Frederation and stop cryptozoologist! Fight against the brutal genocide of fictional creatures across New Eden! Is that a metaphor? Probably not, but the fru-fru- people will sure love it! |
Natalcya Katla
Naqam Shaktipat Revelators
113
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Posted - 2013.04.23 03:01:00 -
[3] - Quote
What next? |
Aplier Shivra
1
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Posted - 2013.04.23 03:18:00 -
[4] - Quote
I would suggest trying to find some entity that you may incite into declaring war on the Jovians. If by some small chance you actually succeed in starting a war, there is a small chance that a Jove ship or two will be dispatched to deal with said entity. There is then a small chance you can figure out where the battle will take place. I would suggest trying to stay near the fringes of it in a very fast ship (a nanofiber'd interceptor with a microwarpdrive comes to mind, if by some small chance you are able to fly such a ship). If by some small chance your ship doesn't get blown up in the crossfire, there is a small chance that a Jove ship will be destroyed. If this happens, there is a small chance that some Jovians will make it out in an escape pod. Now you swoop in, and have a small chance at scooping one of the escape pods to your cargo bay during the one second it is within range to do so. If by some small chance you make it back to safety, you can check the contents of your cargo. There is a small chance that inhabitant of the escape pod will be alive, and a small chance (actually maybe the most probable single event) that said inhabitant will be female. Then there is a small chance of her being of able physical condition to dance for you, and a small chance of her being attractive enough to do so "exotically".
Should you be successful by some small chance (through this method or otherwise), I would greatly enjoy watching a holoreel of how you succeeded. |
Liz Todako
Native Freshfood Minmatar Republic
0
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Posted - 2013.04.23 03:19:00 -
[5] - Quote
I'm not sure you want to be with a body whose equivalent is that of a raisin. |
Halete
Alexylva Paradox
768
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Posted - 2013.04.23 14:11:00 -
[6] - Quote
Liz Todako wrote:I'm not sure you want to be with a body whose equivalent is that of a raisin.
An uncertainty that would seem to be unfounded given the high incidence of Amarrian men who are in relationships. Trading chains for shackles, I am free. |
Gaufres
Old Timers Guild Inc.
48
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Posted - 2013.04.23 20:28:00 -
[7] - Quote
All we know about the Jovians is what they want us to know about them. I seriously doubt that they are all as unattractive to humans as everyone seems to think they are. Their science is so far above the Empires that whatever people have seen as "Jovian", may not really be anything but a manufactured clone for us to see. They could have made them look like Lizards or anything else they wished.
Aplier Shivra had an interesting thought on how to get one, even if it is not very practical. It has given me something to think about, how are the Sansha able to get back and forth to their captured station in Jovian Space? |
Aplier Shivra
1
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Posted - 2013.04.23 22:03:00 -
[8] - Quote
Gaufres wrote: Aplier Shivra had an interesting thought on how to get one, even if it is not very practical. It has given me something to think about, how are the Sansha able to get back and forth to their captured station in Jovian Space?
I can come up with far more ideas that are far less practical (and possibly less sarcastic as well), if you would care to make a donation for my time.
As for the Sansha, I would imagine that they utilize the same wormhole technology that they use to create incursions. No one in known space knows exactly how it works, but it allows them to create wormholes to wherever they want.
Another idea free of charge: create your own Jovian! Start with just a bunch of eggs and sperms (sperms, spermii, sperm?). Genetically modify once or twice. Then modify them some more. Unmodify a bit. Modify a few more times. Then put the eggs together with the spermii. Periodically run some electricity through them while they're growing, just for good measure. Should any survive, you now have yourself a living, breathing (or possibly photosynthesizing) Jovian! |
Alizabeth Vea
Amok. Goonswarm Federation
268
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Posted - 2013.04.28 08:18:00 -
[9] - Quote
NEVER STOP TRYING THIS. Seriously. Keep at this. And when you find one, get another and send her my way. Editor: TheMittani.com -á If you are going anywhere else to get your Eve News, you are wrong.
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Sakura Nihil
Stimulus Rote Kapelle
191
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Posted - 2013.04.29 05:26:00 -
[10] - Quote
This is a terrible idea. |
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