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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 3 post(s) |
Scrammer
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Posted - 2005.11.15 08:02:00 -
[1]
- The following fiction in no way represents CCP and it's staff, views, opinions, policies, rules, regulations, preferred choice of condiments, favorite tissue brand, or fleet of server hampsters.
Oveur presides over an internal CCP meeting to discuss recent changes and upcoming company decisions.
Oveur: "Okay folks. Let's get this meeting off to a good start. Before we begin though, I'd like to...for god sakes Papa Smurf would you please put that pinup of Smurfette away? That's the fifth time I've had to ask you this week."
Papa Smurf: "But...but...she's just so blue, and beauti---"
Oveur: "NOW!"
Silently the picture is folded and tucked away.
Valar: "Oveur I do have a question I wanted to ask that myself and the rest of the staff believes to be a priority. Uh...the current health of Sniffy, the oldest hampster...well I'm not sure how long he's going to be with us."
Oveur: "This isn't anything new."
Valar: "Yes, but...he's currently running the three major nodes for the northern hemisphere. He has to run three times faster than any of the other hampsters just to keep things operational."
Oveur: "Look, we've gone over this. The deal we got from PetSmart was for eighteen hampsters only. I tried to get those extra two but the coupon I got from the newspaper didn't cover them."
kieron: "So what happens when the wheel finally flings him across the room?"
Oveur: "Use the new ones we just got in last week."
Eris: "But they aren't properly trained yet!"
Oveur: "Look, I don't care what you have to do. Rubberband a stick with an acorn on the end of it to those things if you have to. Just keep those nodes running. Alright...first agenda, our magazine."
Zapatero: "We met our goal for the initial release, but I'm having some problems with the publisher."
Oveur: "What problems?"
Zapatero: "He wants us to start paying him in hampsters. They just got their new website up and they don't want to rent out server space, so they need hampsters to get their own server running."
Oveur bangs his head on the table repeatedly.
Oveur: "I don't want to hear one more word about hampsters! Next agenda...the patch we have coming up next month. Gnauton, did we get those changes finalized for the test server?"
Gnauton: "Yes, but players don't seem to like the new font we put in."
duckling: "Well maybe you shouldn't have let your daughter pick a random font out of the blue."
Gnauton throws a copy of "Ugly Duckling" across the room at duckling.
Gnauton: "There, go put that in your pipe and smoke it."
duckling: "I'll put you in a pipe you outdated Windows 3.1 nerd!"
Gnauton is thrown backwards over his chair as duckling crashes into him. With a grunt Gnauton tosses his opponent through the plaster wall into the next office and jumps through. Faint scrabbling noises can be heard nextdoor. While everyone is distracted, Papa Smurf pulls out the pinup of Smurfette and unfolds it under the table.
Nebulai.: "Uh, shouldn't we..."
Oveur: "No, they do this all the time. Let's move on. How's the server stability issue?"
kieron: "Despite our, um...power source problems, the recent hardware upgrade we completed has fixed a lot of previous issues we were trying to get a handle on. However, we're losing bandwidth late at night because someone keeps downloading Sailer Moon clips using our server lines."
Oveur: "People, this isn't a playground! It's a place of business! Our server lines are for the server only!"
Eris: "But last week you told me about those Star Trek clips you--"
Oveur: "Eris, not now. Okay, does anyone have any questions?"
Everyone looks around the room with silent faces, just as duckling and Gnauton fly through the doorway and through the drywall into the other office nextdoor.
Oveur: "No? Alright then. Our next meeting will be next week. Let's get back to work."
________________
(no hampsters were hurt in the making of this story)
_____________________________________________________________
- We have evolved just enough to discover how small and insignificant we are |
SengH
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Posted - 2005.11.15 08:10:00 -
[2]
LMAO
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Archangel Deck
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Posted - 2005.11.15 08:14:00 -
[3]
LOL nice
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Core Bash
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Posted - 2005.11.15 08:21:00 -
[4]
In-before-the-author-loads-EVE-and-all-his-ships-are-pink. (IBTALEAAHSAP.)
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Discorporation
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Posted - 2005.11.15 08:22:00 -
[5]
Winner.
[23]
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Nyphur
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Posted - 2005.11.15 08:31:00 -
[6]
oh my .. what the hell is this? Hahahaa
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Rhaegar
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Posted - 2005.11.15 09:14:00 -
[7]
Rhaegar
Captain, ISD STAR
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Rodj Blake
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Posted - 2005.11.15 09:27:00 -
[8]
Dolce et decorum est pro imperator mori |
Tzin
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Posted - 2005.11.15 09:48:00 -
[9]
dam dude, u just made my entire day
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Charnel
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Posted - 2005.11.15 10:02:00 -
[10]
Hampster?
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Omber Zombie
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Posted - 2005.11.15 10:11:00 -
[11]
lol
----------------------
Originally by: Seleene
OZ IS EVIL! HE WILL CRUSH YOUR WILL TO LIVE WITHIN HIS IRON GRASP
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Aquiesse Erus
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Posted - 2005.11.15 10:16:00 -
[12]
Best post iv read in a long long time.
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Mangold
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Posted - 2005.11.15 12:20:00 -
[13]
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Stratego
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Posted - 2005.11.15 12:26:00 -
[14]
Golden. :D
----
BOB are BOB 5 are BOB and together we make BOOBIE5. |
Kantar
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Posted - 2005.11.15 12:29:00 -
[15]
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sonofollo
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Posted - 2005.11.15 12:34:00 -
[16]
LMAO good post
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Truls Titan
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Posted - 2005.11.15 12:35:00 -
[17]
Nice one.
This should be sticky.
We like to see more.
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CB Cyrix
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Posted - 2005.11.15 12:41:00 -
[18]
woot!! its like being there at CCP hq!
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Pagefault
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Posted - 2005.11.15 12:44:00 -
[19]
You must not disclose such information. Greenpeace will hear from that. The servers will be down for weeks, until Ouveur agrees with an 8-hours days for rodents, organic fodder and 10m2 cages.
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Eris Discordia
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Posted - 2005.11.15 12:48:00 -
[20]
I assure you that no hamsters are hurt, we take good care of them and we have enough replacements.
I heart all, some more then others though. |
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CB Cyrix
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Posted - 2005.11.15 13:29:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Eris Discordia
I assure you that no hamsters are hurt, we take good care of them and we have enough replacements.
make this a sticky or ill tell what you did at the evefest with that cuecumber!
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Scrammer
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Posted - 2005.11.15 19:46:00 -
[22]
Tune in next week for Part 2, when the night watch team has a server crisis!
_______________________
- Perception is everything. |
Corvus Dove
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Posted - 2005.11.15 20:58:00 -
[23]
Originally by: CB Cyrix
Originally by: Eris Discordia
I assure you that no hamsters are hurt, we take good care of them and we have enough replacements.
make this a sticky or ill tell what you did at the evefest with that cuecumber!
"Random Cucumber wrecks Eris's..." I'd better stop talking now, before my ships are all pink....
The more CCP uses modules to resolve balance issues instead of systemwide rules, the more control CCP will have over how EVE works. CCP, please keep this in mind before swinging the nerfbat. |
Vixa Ambrodel
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Posted - 2005.11.15 21:21:00 -
[24]
This reminds me of the good old stories about Concord meetings, what Agents talk about when not seeing clients and what all those dirty Sansha pirates are doing in the belts...
Anyone remember those? Perhaps with a link or something? 
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Verone
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Posted - 2005.11.15 21:22:00 -
[25]
Originally by: CB Cyrix
Originally by: Eris Discordia
I assure you that no hamsters are hurt, we take good care of them and we have enough replacements.
make this a sticky or ill tell what you did at the evefest with that cuecumber!
"Your Cucumber II strikes TomB's forehead perfectly, Wrecking for concussive damage."
Eris 4tw
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Darius Shakor
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Posted - 2005.11.15 21:56:00 -
[26]
Now this needs a temp sticky to lighten everyone up here.
------
Shakor Clan Information Portal
Every man has a devil. You can never rest until you find it. |
Gaelron
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Posted - 2005.11.15 22:27:00 -
[27]
HAHAHAHA....this needs to be emailed to the Dev team.
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Blind Man
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Posted - 2005.11.15 22:32:00 -
[28]
LOL
etc
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Silver Night
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Posted - 2005.11.15 22:49:00 -
[29]
Hehe, outstanding. Just funny, funny stuff.
------------------
Silver Night
Director -Production and Science
Help the State, Make tens of millions!
The Summit |
Lanu
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Posted - 2005.11.15 22:59:00 -
[30]
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