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Rainus Max
Fusion Enterprises Ltd Nulli Secunda
30
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Posted - 2013.07.11 08:05:00 -
[61] - Quote
Why are pirates so cool?
They just arrrrr |
Samoth Egnoled
T.R.I.A.D
21063
|
Posted - 2013.07.11 08:13:00 -
[62] - Quote
I would post this here, but its far too long so i will link the site its on. its a great read.
Better Nate than Lever I've got a really bad disease, It's got me begging On my hands and knees. So take me to emergency, 'Cause something seems to be missing. Somebody take the pain away, It's like an ulcer bleeding in my brain. So send me to the pharmacy, So I can lose my memory. |
Random McNally
Red Federation RvB - RED Federation
20541
|
Posted - 2013.07.11 16:30:00 -
[63] - Quote
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was assaulted. Peanut.
(Dives for cover) Red Fed Grunt.-á Co-Host of the High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/ UNBAN SAEDE!-á ALICE SAKI FOR OOPE MODERATOR!-á Make it so! |
Zimmy Zeta
Dreddit Test Alliance Please Ignore
24884
|
Posted - 2013.07.11 16:37:00 -
[64] - Quote
Random McNally wrote:Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was assaulted. Peanut.
(Dives for cover)
Heeey...that was the original German WWII V- Joke
Just think of how bad an average post by me is, and then realize half of them are even worse |
Random McNally
Red Federation RvB - RED Federation
20555
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Posted - 2013.07.11 16:54:00 -
[65] - Quote
Zimmy Zeta wrote:Random McNally wrote:Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was assaulted. Peanut.
(Dives for cover) Heeey...that was the original German WWII V- Joke
Red Fed Grunt.-á Co-Host of the High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/ UNBAN SAEDE!-á ALICE SAKI FOR OOPE MODERATOR!-á Make it so! |
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
1327
|
Posted - 2013.07.11 18:24:00 -
[66] - Quote
Rainus Max wrote:Once upon a time, there was an inflatable boy. The inflatable boy lived in an inflatable house, with an inflatable family. He went to an inflatable school with an inflatable teacher and even an inflatable principle.
One day, the inflatable boy took a pin to his inflatable school. The inflatable teacher let out a gasp and sent him to the principle's office.
The inflatable principle said, "I'm very disappointed in you son. You've let yourself down, you've let me down and you've let the whole school down!" Somehow that joke there made me laugh. No idea why.... |
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1315
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Posted - 2013.07.11 19:59:00 -
[67] - Quote
Samoth Egnoled wrote:I would post this here, but its far too long so i will link the site its on. its a great read. Better Nate than Lever
Didn't read, the diminutive short lines were driving me nuts. CCP Unifex: -á"lurking single players (...)-áare the majority of characters on Tranquility"
...And so now we know why CCP hasn't done anything for soloers since Apochrypha. |
Samoth Egnoled
T.R.I.A.D
21398
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Posted - 2013.07.12 07:35:00 -
[68] - Quote
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:Samoth Egnoled wrote:I would post this here, but its far too long so i will link the site its on. its a great read. Better Nate than Lever Didn't read, the diminutive short lines were driving me nuts.
If you scroll down to the bottom, it explains its also a personality test :)
But yes i agree, the short lines are annoying. I've got a really bad disease, It's got me begging On my hands and knees. So take me to emergency, 'Cause something seems to be missing. Somebody take the pain away, It's like an ulcer bleeding in my brain. So send me to the pharmacy, So I can lose my memory. |
Ila Gant
Hedion University Amarr Empire
319
|
Posted - 2013.07.13 17:28:00 -
[69] - Quote
Samoth Egnoled wrote:Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:Samoth Egnoled wrote:I would post this here, but its far too long so i will link the site its on. its a great read. Better Nate than Lever Didn't read, the diminutive short lines were driving me nuts. If you scroll down to the bottom, it explains its also a personality test :) But yes i agree, the short lines are annoying. I read the whole thing. I considered copying and pasting the text from the HTML into Textpad, but just went ahead and read it anyway. Then got to the personally overview. LOL. Yup.
I also get Completionist badges in Borderlands 2... |
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1333
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Posted - 2013.07.13 19:59:00 -
[70] - Quote
Samoth Egnoled wrote:Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:Samoth Egnoled wrote:I would post this here, but its far too long so i will link the site its on. its a great read. Better Nate than Lever Didn't read, the diminutive short lines were driving me nuts. If you scroll down to the bottom, it explains its also a personality test :) But yes i agree, the short lines are annoying.
And I am the kidn fo epson that turn personality tests into jokes.
The fact that it takes me less than a second to read each line and jumping lines more than 80 times per minute is uncomfortable doesn't says anything on my personality, but likely tells on my background as a dedicated reader.
(But then, I scrolled down and found the personality test thing, albeit the lines still were uncofortably short and didn't read it ) CCP Unifex: -á"lurking single players (...)-áare the majority of characters on Tranquility"
...And so now we know why CCP hasn't done anything for soloers since Apochrypha. |
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Jayem See
Biohazard.
512
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Posted - 2013.07.13 21:54:00 -
[71] - Quote
Cross post - no eyed deer what happened there. Aaaaaaand relax. |
Alpha Eri
Pator Tech School Minmatar Republic
24
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Posted - 2013.07.14 01:07:00 -
[72] - Quote
A pirate with a steering wheel on his crotch walks into a bar.
A patron asks, "what is that steering wheel doing on your crotch?"
The pirate answers, "It's drivin' me' nuts!" |
Something Random
The Barrow Boys
391
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Posted - 2013.07.14 06:51:00 -
[73] - Quote
I almost got together with a genuinely clairvoyant girlfriend once but she left me before we met.
"caught on fire a little bit, just a little." "Delinquents, check, weirdos, check, hippies, check, pillheads, check, freaks, check, potheads, check .....gangsn++ all here!" |
Jayem See
Biohazard.
529
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Posted - 2013.07.14 06:55:00 -
[74] - Quote
Something Random wrote:I almost got together with a genuinely clairvoyant girlfriend once but she left me before we met.
Tried not to laugh but failed. Excellent. Aaaaaaand relax. |
Akita T
Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force
1774
|
Posted - 2013.07.14 13:08:00 -
[75] - Quote
Defense lawyer: Know knock. Potential juror: Who's there? Defense lawyer: This defendant right here. Potential juror: Who's that ? ... Defense lawyer: Ok, you're on the jury.
:evil grin: (took me a while to get it at first, the delivery was lousy) http://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/User:Akita_T Build your own EVE PC http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=1559734 |
Gaellia Bonaventure
Royal Amarr Institute Amarr Empire
1321
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Posted - 2013.07.14 23:16:00 -
[76] - Quote
Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A: Its mother was in a jam. Bring your possibles. |
Gaellia Bonaventure
Royal Amarr Institute Amarr Empire
1322
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Posted - 2013.07.14 23:46:00 -
[77] - Quote
Cations are plussy cats. Bring your possibles. |
Akita T
Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force
1774
|
Posted - 2013.07.16 17:50:00 -
[78] - Quote
- Nationality? - Russian. - Occupation? - No, no. Just visiting... http://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/User:Akita_T Build your own EVE PC http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=1559734 |
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1360
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Posted - 2013.07.16 20:39:00 -
[79] - Quote
- I want to rent Batman Forever. - Sorry, we only rent for a week maximum. CCP Unifex: -á"lurking single players (...)-áare the majority of characters on Tranquility"
...And so now we know why CCP hasn't done anything for soloers since Apochrypha. |
Rainus Max
Fusion Enterprises Ltd Nulli Secunda
30
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Posted - 2013.07.16 21:14:00 -
[80] - Quote
A Hydrogen and Oxygen atom walk into a bar Hydrogen turns to the Oxygen and says "crap I've lost my electron" Oxygen asks "Are you sure?" "yeah I'm positive" |
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Jo Derp
Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation
32
|
Posted - 2013.07.16 21:43:00 -
[81] - Quote
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: GÇ£Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.GÇ¥ Watson replied: GÇ£I see millions and millions of stars.GÇ¥ Holmes said: GÇ£And what do you deduce from that?GÇ¥ Watson replied: GÇ£Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, itGÇÖs quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.GÇ¥ And Holmes said: GÇ£Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.GÇ¥ Right on. Things are gonna happen for me! I'm Jo Derp! |
Takaheshi Y
Perkone Caldari State
2
|
Posted - 2013.07.17 05:46:00 -
[82] - Quote
Marriage is like a deck of cards, it starts out with 2 hearts and a diamond and ends looking for a club and a spade. |
Job Valador
Super Moose Defence Force
108
|
Posted - 2013.07.17 06:11:00 -
[83] - Quote
A golfer, priest, and soldier were in a plane. The plane was losing altitude and each had too throw one item off. The golfer threw out a bag of clubs. The priest Threw out an over sized cross. The soldier threw out a box of grenades.
The plane landed safely and the 3 men parted ways. In the city the golfer saw a boy crying and asked what was wrong. "My father wished he had better golf clubs and A bag of clubs fell from the sky and killed him"
The priest came across a young girl crying and asked what was wrong. "God was angry at mom and killed killed her with a cross from the sky"
The soldier came across a boy who was laughing uncontrollably in the streets as a building nearby was on fire and half blown away. He asked the boy what was so funny. "I farted and that building behind me blew up"
*Takes bow* "The stone exhibited a profound lack of movement." |
Jo Derp
Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation
40
|
Posted - 2013.07.17 08:30:00 -
[84] - Quote
This one needs you to make sound effects, so it's best told by this YouTube clip. There's actually two jokes here...
The Whale Jokes Right on. Things are gonna happen for me! I'm Jo Derp! |
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
1358
|
Posted - 2013.07.18 20:28:00 -
[85] - Quote
If Queen Elizabeth buys alcohol with cash, does she have to show ID?
My wife and I lived happily for 20 years. Then we met each other. -Rodney Dangerfield |
Sebastor Cane
The Outlet
31
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Posted - 2013.07.18 22:51:00 -
[86] - Quote
A horse walks into a bar and the batender says "why the long face"
and the horse replies "because i have cancer"
its a very hot day and a blind man walks past a fish shop and stops for a second before saying "hello ladies" |
Something Random
The Barrow Boys
395
|
Posted - 2013.07.18 23:09:00 -
[87] - Quote
Rod Stewart quote that still cracks me up...
"Instead of getting married again, im going to find a woman i dont like and give her a house"
as you will. "caught on fire a little bit, just a little." "Delinquents, check, weirdos, check, hippies, check, pillheads, check, freaks, check, potheads, check .....gangsn++ all here!" |
Ckra Trald
Stellar Essence STELLAR CONSTELLATION
212
|
Posted - 2013.07.20 02:52:00 -
[88] - Quote
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You barium
A man walks into a bar asking for some H2O
His friend also walks in. "I want some H20 too!"
his friend dies ^^ poorly made blunt forum post above ^^ |
Jayem See
Biohazard.
640
|
Posted - 2013.07.20 10:37:00 -
[89] - Quote
Two sheep enter a pub. They look around menacingly.
Then they walk up to the baaaaaaa. Aaaaaaand relax. |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
526
|
Posted - 2013.07.22 01:00:00 -
[90] - Quote
A pig farmer wanted to win the Blue Ribbon at the fair, so he asked the previous year's winner how he did it. "You have to fatten up your best pig, get it REALLY fat," he said.
"How do I do that?" asked the farmer.
"Easy. You take a cork and plug up the pig's rear. That way it'll gain weight, and you'll have the fattest pig. Then you'll win the Blue Ribbon."
Well, it seemed simple enough, so the farmer tried it, and sure enough, his pig won the Blue Ribbon at the county fair that year.
The farmer took the pig home, and then he started thinking, "Now how will I get the cork out? There's a lot of pressure on that cork!" So he called up the last year's winner again and asked him.
"Easy," he replied. "You go to the pet store, get a monkey, then drill a hole in a piece of plywood and put the cork in it. Then teach the monkey to pull the cork out."
That sounds easy enough, thought the farmer. So he went to the pet store, bought a monkey, drilled a hole in a piece of plywood, and put the cork in it. Then he trained the monkey to take the cork out of the plywood.
The time came to put the monkey's training to use. The farmer thought, "I don't want to be too close to the action when the monkey pulls that cork out - after all, there's a lot of pressure behind that cork!" So he asked his brother-in-law to stand right behind the monkey and the pig. He asked his other brother-in-law to stand 50 yards back. Then, just to be sure, he asked a drinking buddy to stand 100 yards away from the action. Then he took a stroll and walked back another 50 yards, thinking 150 yards ought to be plenty of distance. Then he yelled at the monkey, "PULL THE PLUG!"
Well, the monkey pulled the plug, and even though he was 150 yards away, there was so much pressure on that cork that the farmer got his face and hands all coated with pig poop. Disgusted, he wiped his hands on the grass and walked up to his drinking buddy. Even 100 yards away, his drinking buddy had been splattered even worse than he had, and he was cussing up a storm until the farmer promised to buy his next couple of drinks.
He kept walking to his brother-in-law 50 yards away, and he was covered, and cussing like a sailor. He had to promise him a six-pack before he cooled down. Then he walked on up to where his first brother-in-law was standing next to the pig. He was literally covered head to toe, and globs were dripping off of him. But to the farmer's astonishment, that brother-in-law was laughing so hard he was doubled up and clutching his stomach. Stunned, the farmer asked him, "Why are you laughing? You're covered with crap!"
The brother-in-law could barely get the words out, but gasping, he finally managed to say:
"You should have seen that monkey trying to put the cork back in!" |
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