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Samoth Egnoled
Infinitech
24294
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Posted - 2013.09.05 06:40:00 -
[1] - Quote
John Cleese has it about right:
"The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "I...rritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person |
Snagletooth Johnson
Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation
7
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Posted - 2013.09.05 09:22:00 -
[2] - Quote
Funny as hell, though it does ring more of Eric Idle doing one of the news bits then John Cleese. |
Shalua Rui
Rui Freelance Mining
19448
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Posted - 2013.09.05 09:37:00 -
[3] - Quote
Very funny... I like that old bugger. "ginger forum goddess, space gypsy and stone nibbler extraordinaire!"
Shalua Rui - CEO and founder of Rui Freelance Mining (RFLM) |
Mizhir
Red Federation RvB - RED Federation
33183
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Posted - 2013.09.05 09:42:00 -
[4] - Quote
Lol, what was epic.
Abit dissapointed that Denmark was left out :( We will never forget you Saede!
I bet you dont see things like this so often in EVE |
Alpheias
Euphoria Released Verge of Collapse
2486
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Posted - 2013.09.05 09:51:00 -
[5] - Quote
Mizhir wrote:Lol, what was epic.
Abit dissapointed that Denmark was left out :(
Would be interesting to see what he has to say about Denmark and Sweden. The two countries that just love to hate each other. ;) Allow me to be frank. You will not like me. You will not like me now, and you will not like men++ a good deal less as we go on. |
Mizhir
Red Federation RvB - RED Federation
33183
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Posted - 2013.09.05 09:51:00 -
[6] - Quote
Alpheias wrote:Mizhir wrote:Lol, what was epic.
Abit dissapointed that Denmark was left out :( Would be interesting to see what he has to say about Denmark and Sweden. The two countries that just love to hate each other. ;)
<3 We will never forget you Saede!
I bet you dont see things like this so often in EVE |
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1727
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Posted - 2013.09.05 10:27:00 -
[7] - Quote
Doh, when I started reading about Spanish submarines, my heart accelerated...
...but no, it was not a reference to the overweight issue with the S-80 prototype.
Or, how a submarine with a buoyancy margin of 300 tons, has got a dry overweigt of 75 to 100 tons... The Greater Fool Bar is now open for business, 24/7. Come and have drinks and fun somewhere between RL and New Eden! |
Buhhdust Princess
Mind Games. Suddenly Spaceships.
7057
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Posted - 2013.09.05 11:17:00 -
[8] - Quote
Yeah, well, England got dis'
You can take our lives, but ye' can never take our TEAdom! |
Emiko P'eng
51
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Posted - 2013.09.07 13:51:00 -
[9] - Quote
Mizhir wrote:Lol, what was epic.
Abit dissapointed that Denmark was left out :( Hehe! Just to cheer you up bit then A Norwegian friend described Denmark as the scrapings left over from making Norway & Sweden (i.e. The gravel banks left after the Ice Age retreated)
While a Swedish friend described the Danes as the only Scandinavians who have to learn English as they cannot understand each other speak (i.e. In most Scandinavian languages all the meaning & context is in the last few letters of the words, the Danes clip the end of their words. The result in English would be a bit like this 'Hell hu ar yo toda ' or 'Hello how are you today'
|
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1741
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Posted - 2013.09.07 14:03:00 -
[10] - Quote
Emiko P'eng wrote:Mizhir wrote:Lol, what was epic.
Abit dissapointed that Denmark was left out :( Hehe! Just to cheer you up bit then A Norwegian friend described Denmark as the scrapings left over from making Norway & Sweden (i.e. The gravel banks left after the Ice Age retreated) While a Swedish friend described the Danes as the only Scandinavians who have to learn English as they cannot understand each other speak (i.e. In most Scandinavian languages all the meaning & context is in the last few letters of the words, the Danes clip the end of their words. The result in English would be a bit like this 'Hell hu ar yo toda ' or 'Hello how are you today'
Danish must be one of the ugliest spoken languages; for some reason it sounds absolutely horrible. The Greater Fool Bar is now open for business, 24/7. Come and have drinks and fun somewhere between RL and New Eden! |
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Graygor
1kB Realty 1kB Galactic
56875
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Posted - 2013.09.08 07:58:00 -
[11] - Quote
Samoth Egnoled wrote:-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
Thats going to be one hell of an epitaph. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara
"I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate |
Ohishi
Apocalypse Reign
65
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Posted - 2013.09.08 09:31:00 -
[12] - Quote
Except he didn't write that. Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought. |
Bischopt
Arbitrary Repossession
162
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Posted - 2013.09.08 11:40:00 -
[13] - Quote
John Cleese is pretty tall. |
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
1597
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Posted - 2013.09.08 17:56:00 -
[14] - Quote
The U.S. is considering bombing John Cleese for conspicuously forgetting to put us in that essay. The round-the-clock coverage on CNN and Fox has already started. |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
595
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Posted - 2013.09.08 20:46:00 -
[15] - Quote
Ohishi wrote:Except he didn't write that. Aye, but who did write that? |
Bronto Scorpio
69
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Posted - 2013.09.09 01:28:00 -
[16] - Quote
OP was it you who poasted this? or is it a coincidence that it appeared 4 hours earlier here? |
Abyss Azizora
The Nation of VeldSparta
69
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Posted - 2013.09.09 01:45:00 -
[17] - Quote
Samoth Egnoled wrote: The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
And that's my dose of daily laughter. Thanks. |
Samoth Egnoled
Infinitech
24315
|
Posted - 2013.09.09 06:12:00 -
[18] - Quote
No that wasnt me, My partner found it on stumble upon. It tickled me so i thought i'd share. |
Jarrod Hamu
Imperial Shipment Amarr Empire
8
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Posted - 2013.09.09 12:39:00 -
[19] - Quote
I work for the military and passed it around the break room.
Alot of laugher over lunch. |
Suzu Fujibayashi
Happy Dudes Heroes and Villains.
23
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Posted - 2013.09.10 07:39:00 -
[20] - Quote
Why are most of the stereotypes from WW2 era or earlier? Aren't there new ones out yet? |
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Krixtal Icefluxor
INLAND EMPIRE Galactic
43938
|
Posted - 2013.09.10 15:23:00 -
[21] - Quote
Sorry guys.
It's a hoax.
John Cleese Syria Hoax: And Now For Something Completely Fake
Also : " Last week this space presented a bit of badinage about various nations and their threat levels, alleging that said work was by John Cleese. It wasn't. In fact, it's an Internet hoax from 2005.
I should have checked Snopes, the website designed to separate truth from fiction in the world of the Internet. It was a mistake not to. I apologize for that mistake; I didn't do my due diligence. I apologize for passing on a bit of truthiness from the Internet.
The hoax, according to Snopes, didn't start out to be one. Some anonymous scribe penned a little satire about threat levels and national characteristics. It was funny; it remains funny. He wrote for the amusement of others, who sent it around. The original author's name became detached from the piece.
Then, in the way of these things, Cleese's name got pushed up against the prose. All iterations of it contained his name. And so it has gone, year after year, inbox to inbox, with changes to update its timeliness. The version I got mentions Syria in the opening paragraph. It evolves, in other words. It is an organism. "
SF Chronicle article
In short, it's practically a variant of the testicle eating fish story from earlier. |
Samoth Egnoled
Infinitech
24318
|
Posted - 2013.09.11 06:08:00 -
[22] - Quote
Interesting read Krix , even if it isnt by Cleese its still amusing :) |
Krixtal Icefluxor
INLAND EMPIRE Galactic
43956
|
Posted - 2013.09.11 12:04:00 -
[23] - Quote
Samoth Egnoled wrote:Interesting read Krix , even if it isnt by Cleese its still amusing :)
Oh, indeed.
There's just been a slew of stories lately, and all are hoaxes. Even the stupid "Fail Twerk" was planned by Jimmy Kimmell months ago, apparently. |
Gneeznow
L'Avant Garde
109
|
Posted - 2013.09.12 19:34:00 -
[24] - Quote
Doesn't sound like John Cleese at all |
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