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Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 3 post(s) |
Mizhir
Euphoria Released Triumvirate.
60463
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Posted - 2014.04.07 13:08:00 -
[61] - Quote
Have you considered hiring this guy? One Man Crew - Collective solo pvp |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
11920
|
Posted - 2014.04.07 22:04:00 -
[62] - Quote
Sometimes there are unintended victims of wrath. This is unavoidable. Wrath isn't a precision weapon, its like a shotgun. In this case...a shotgun full of goats. For this, Larry the office supply guy..has earned my apologies..and a free coffee gift card. Congrats Larry, you've earned it. Now get your ass back in there and refill that printer! I will not let Mrs F. Rumosa Gwaze's doctoral thesis on Communal Production Systems of Goats Raised by Resource-Farmers in the Eastern Cape Province of South Africa be stopped at page 57 of 217! Wrath hath no supply shortages! Yes, this will be the third time you've refilled it..get in there soldier! Mr IT Manager refuses to refill it anymore..were counting on you!
The IT office's printers have been going all day. I don't know what those printer cartridges are made of...but whoever made them..bravo! There are pages all over the floor. partly due to the IT manager getting fed up and throwing them before going on a long break, partly because some wrathful **** took all the page trays off the printers..so the pages just spill out onto the floor. Im really glad that IT sprung for those six thousand dollar printers. They hold so much paper! Youd think that it would be easy to clear a printer queue on one of those.. you would be wrong, dead wrong. Did you know that the printer queue memory persists after you unplug and plug the machine back in? I didn't..and apparently neither did Mr IT Manager. You are just awful at your job..I said it. Muwahahahaaaaa! A surrender offer has been emailed... Lets see if Mr IT manager can admit his mistake, and provide me with a subway giftcard for exactly $5.44 so that tomorrow I may feast in victory upon a Spicy Italian Sandwich and a large Iced Tea! Your move IT guy... Mr Michael J Muffin awaits your response...
So now, Mr Michael J Muffin slowly vibrates around the table...as if pacing back and forth. Partly because hes impatient..partly because of the small battery powered vibrating kids toys I found in the parking lot that now resides in his hollowed out innerds. It just seemed fitting that Michael J Muffin be made out of bran..because not many people are finding the joke tasteful...and we all know there isn't anything more tasteless than a bran muffin.
Larry will be providing me with an invoice for the paper im using. No one will say that im wasting company supplies this time, for they are mine..all mine... as is revenge.. Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Tollen Gallen
Glory of Reprisal Enterprise
7435
|
Posted - 2014.04.07 23:03:00 -
[63] - Quote
o7 Zimmy Zeta - I f*cking love martinis. the original ones, with gin, not that vodka martini crap. Your old Friends can use me for 7 days, free!!! |
Graygor
1kB Realty 1kB Galactic
112610
|
Posted - 2014.04.08 04:55:00 -
[64] - Quote
You sir are a God. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara
"I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
11973
|
Posted - 2014.04.08 17:56:00 -
[65] - Quote
From: ******,** [**@**********.com] <----- IT Guy Sent: Monday, April 7, 2014 4:34 PM To: *****,**** [****@**********.com] Subject: Re: Surrender now before it gets baaaa-aaaad!
Fine. Just please stop. Ill get you your damn card. Bring back my damn page trays and fix whatever you did to my printers. Hope youGÇÖre happy now.
** ****** IT Manager
From: *****,**** [****@**********.com] Sent: Monday, April 7, 2014 4:46 PM To: ******,** [**@**********.com] <----- IT Guy Subject: Re: Re: Surrender now before it gets baaaa-aaaad!
Mr Michael J Muffin accepts your surrender. A wise move on your part. Hostilities will cease immeadiately. Your hostage trays will be returned. Rest assured they have been well treated. As for my happiness, yes, I AM happy now. Your frustration made me smile quite a bit today. You know what helps with a frustrating day? Goat Simulator. Too baaaaaaad someone had it banned from company hardware huh? I will expect your surrender payment in the morning.
But I have one more thing. Tell me that you lied about your qualifications! Anyone who is a qualified IT professional could have stopped this. I promise that I wont share it with anyone, and as ive shownGǪI keep my promises.
Yes I have altered the deal..pray I do not alter it any furtherGǪ
**** ***** Supervisor, Section 2
Mr IT Supervisor made good on the deal. This morning I was presented with a Subway gift card, and it was verified to contain $5.44 exactly. His precious trays have been returned unharmed as promised. The rest of section 2 was present to verify the exchange. Goatageddon has ended officially. It turns out that Mr IT manager doesn't know everything about these printers yet, and the software compatibility blah blah blah stuff and things servers blah blah still figuring it all out blah blah lip service. It cant be that hard if I used a windows wizard to setup my computer with them. I will investigate his qualifications later on.... because im seriously starting to doubt his ability.
The bill from Larry on my wrath stands at $34.22. With just under 4800 pages printed, I can only assume that's a whole box of paper. So...34.22 in paper..minus the gift card.... pretty sure im in the red on my wrath. But the giggles were priceless.... so Im just going to call it a wash.
Now, off to lunch, to feast in victory!
Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Tollen Gallen
Glory of Reprisal Enterprise
7464
|
Posted - 2014.04.08 20:14:00 -
[66] - Quote
+1 for the outcome.
+10 for the Darth Vader quote!
I like Alice Saki. Zimmy Zeta - I f*cking love martinis. the original ones, with gin, not that vodka martini crap. Your old Friends can use me for 7 days, free!!! |
Samoth Egnoled
42535
|
Posted - 2014.04.09 06:24:00 -
[67] - Quote
+1 for sticking with it till the end.
Mucho amusement. Ego Sum Mortem Incarnatum - I Am Death Incarnate |
Random McNally
Rifterlings Point Blank Alliance
58575
|
Posted - 2014.04.09 11:09:00 -
[68] - Quote
*scribbles furiously*
Yea, I'm taking notes on this... Co-Host of the High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/ Check out the space music at http://minddivided.com In Game Channel HighDragChat |
Trii Seo
Sabotage Incorporated Executive Outcomes
564
|
Posted - 2014.04.09 12:23:00 -
[69] - Quote
Where employees collide, muffins fall first. Is it Hotdrop O'Clock yet?
Covert pilots unite! Safer working conditions, less accidental limb loss due to unfortunate Cyno accidents! https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=258986 |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
12010
|
Posted - 2014.04.10 19:37:00 -
[70] - Quote
I got 2 new people for my section yesterday. Turns out it wasn't a promotion I was getting...as much as a slight pay raise and 2 freshies for Section 2. So much training. Theyre like cute little puppies. Ive taken to whacking them with a rolled up magazine when they mess up. My other section 2 minions are laughing constantly at me... because THEY don't have to do any training. Douchebags.
Today, we sent the nooblets into the Doughnut Thunderdome. Hey bud...doughnuts in the break room..better get em while theyre still there! Off they go..like a couple of timid baby deer...into the maelstrom. Like Spartan children they emerged...with doughnuts. Well done my nooblets... you are strong indeed, and have proven yourself worthy of my teachings.
There is so much they still need to learn. Part of yesterdays training was making sure they knew all the nicknames like Becky Resident Militant Vegan ***** and Rhonda the Hutt, made sure they stayed away from the HR lady and her ravenous appetites, made sure they knew the breakroom feeding schedules and related pitfalls associated with it (yes I left Doughnut Thunderdome out...I wanted them to learn the hard way..),and informed them of the intricacies of wrath. I will mold these nooblets into office terrors..
Its arts and crafts time now. Inspired by a post on damnlol.com, Im having the nooblets make me Mario brothers characters out of post-it notes to adourn our cubicles. My boss should have never told them to listen and do whatever I tell them to do.... he knew better, and Im sure he will regret ever having said those words... im sure he knew as soon as he said them.
Congrats bossman... you've now made Section 2 the largest on this floor.. our pranks and asshattery will blot out the sun. Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
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Samoth Egnoled
42931
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Posted - 2014.04.11 06:14:00 -
[71] - Quote
Do they have pet names yet? They should have pet names... Ego Sum Mortem Incarnatum - I Am Death Incarnate |
Graygor
1kB Realty 1kB Galactic
113145
|
Posted - 2014.04.11 07:42:00 -
[72] - Quote
I suggest Rookie A and Rookie 1 "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara
"I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate |
Random McNally
Rifterlings Point Blank Alliance
58811
|
Posted - 2014.04.11 11:04:00 -
[73] - Quote
Thing 1 and Thing 2? Co-Host of the High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/ Check out the space music at http://minddivided.com In Game Channel HighDragChat |
Noxisia Arkana
Deadspace Knights
309
|
Posted - 2014.04.11 14:14:00 -
[74] - Quote
Twiddle Dee, Twiddle Dum. |
Debora Tsung
The Investment Bankers Guild
966
|
Posted - 2014.04.11 14:33:00 -
[75] - Quote
Desivo Delta Visseroff wrote:
Same here, Bob (I just call him that, I can't remember his name for teh life of it) from the other desk just checked if I'm ok, he said I sound like I am choking. Stupidity should be a bannable offense.
Also This --> https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=216699 Please stop making "afk cloak" threads, thanks in advance. |
Debora Tsung
The Investment Bankers Guild
966
|
Posted - 2014.04.11 14:38:00 -
[76] - Quote
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote:Ill just leave this here.
From: Human Resources , **** [****@**********.com] Sent: Monday, March 24, 2014 8:43 AM To: *****,**** [****@**********.com] Cc: *******,Rebecca [****@**********.com] Subject: HR Complaint - Action Meeting Required
****, This mail is to inform you of a HR complaint against you arising from Friday 3/21. It has been brought to the attention of the HR dept that you have been insensitive towards the lifestyle of another employee. Due to this being your 4th HR violation in 5 months, we are required to have an action meeting as per HR guidelines between yourself and the other party. This meeting is scheduled for 3/25 @ 10:15am, and will be mandatory. The results will be posted in your file for review by management. Thank you.
**** ******** Director of Human Resources
Am I a bad person for wanting to encourage to continue your current course of action?
This is hilarious!
Afterthought: I just noticed I could've put all my posts into one post and saved valuable forum space... Stupidity should be a bannable offense.
Also This --> https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=216699 Please stop making "afk cloak" threads, thanks in advance. |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
12040
|
Posted - 2014.04.11 17:05:00 -
[77] - Quote
Can a man not sit in the privacy of his own cubicle with 4 other people and make loud moaning orgasm sounds whilst eating the best sweet potato pie hes ever tasted!?!??! I don't care if youre on a business call with a client Rhonda the Hutt.. This pie is ******* delicious. YOU HEAR THAT??!!? ******* delicious! Low carb diet be damned! Im going to savor this...and If I wants to moan in pure tasty pleasure while doing it... then im going to, and there aint nothing you can do to stop me. In fact Rhonda the Hutt... I dare you to try. I doubt you've heard any of those sounds in quite a while... probably since you ate your husband..actually..probably quite a while before then too. But knowing Rhonda the Hutt... shes mad because she cant have any of this delicious pie... its all mine.. and its not helping the situation that im letting her know that constantly... standing up and staring at her while slowly eating bite after bite... NNOOOOMMMMMMMMMM.....
One of my nooblets brought me in one of their grandmother's sweet potato pies this morning. Im talkin the best sweet potato pie Ive ever tasted hands down. I feel like Golem because I have the pie on my desk...and I keep calling it "My Precious" in my Sm+¬agol voice. Girl Nooblet... you are now my favorite. Boy Nooblet... take notes because THIS is how you suck up to the boss! I approve of bribing me for my love..with pie. If I had a points system... which maybe I should implement... Girl Nooblet would have just got 100 points.
I came in early this morning to have a meeting with the bossman. He wanted to know how the first two days went with the Nooblets went. Its the first time ive been in the training role. We ended up chatting for about a half hour or so. Good times. Bossman has one of those Keurig coffee brewers in his office..so I got to drink the good stuff...not the burnt printers ink swill the drones drink from the decanter in the break room but fresh brewed real coffee. I must have one of those brewers for my area.. I don't know what this "Doughnut Shop Blend" is..but wow...
First awesome coffee....then Nooblet brownnose pie (sounds wrong..but accurate)... Im super spoiled today.
Anyways, I thought id leave this off with a little excerpt from the Bossman... "Im still not sure about giving you new people to train. For some reason it feels like I've just fed Darth Sidious two new apprentices.." Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Tollen Gallen
Glory of Reprisal Enterprise
7487
|
Posted - 2014.04.11 18:12:00 -
[78] - Quote
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote: "Im still not sure about giving you new people to train. For some reason it feels like I've just fed Darth Sidious two new apprentices.."
LOL
I like Ravens. Zimmy Zeta - I f*cking love martinis. the original ones, with gin, not that vodka martini crap. Your old Friends can use me for 7 days, free!!! |
PotatoOverdose
Handsome Millionaire Playboys
1366
|
Posted - 2014.04.12 00:22:00 -
[79] - Quote
This thread is amazing. |
KnowUsByTheDead
Krypteia Operations CODE.
1276
|
Posted - 2014.04.12 00:28:00 -
[80] - Quote
1. First off...
2. I don't normally visit OOPE, but due to your shameless plug in GD, I have subbed to thread. Great job man.
And....
3. Begin work immediately on infiltration. Retribution is needed. Section 3 needs to pay for war crimes by Rhonda The Hutt against one of your own. The beloved Mr. T. Muffin must be properly avenged.
Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the comedian is the only thing that makes sense. -á-á-á-á-á-á-á |
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Tollen Gallen
Glory of Reprisal Enterprise
7599
|
Posted - 2014.04.13 11:40:00 -
[81] - Quote
No shame in plugging this thread.....
I like Cheese. Zimmy Zeta - I f*cking love martinis. the original ones, with gin, not that vodka martini crap. Your old Friends can use me for 7 days, free!!! |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
12140
|
Posted - 2014.04.15 15:42:00 -
[82] - Quote
Well, Im not sure if Randy the Pornstar is going to work out. Yes, I gave Boy Nooblet a name. Randy the Pornstar. its the moustache. Seriously straight out of a 70's adult film solo 'stache. That and he may had uttered a few lines like "ive got a special delivery for you" while taking things to other co-workers. Is it his work ethic? Nope. Is it that he gets a little irritated when I call him Randy the Pornstar instead of Randall? Nope. Is it the fact that he realizes why I call Girl Nooblet "Number 1"? Nope. "Then why?" I hear you ask. Randy the Pornstar nibbled on Mr Muffin. HE ******* NIBBLED ON MR ******* MUFFIN. MR MUFFIN IS NOT A SNACK RANDY THE PORNSTAR! MR MUFFIN IS YOUR DIRECT SUPERVISOR ON MONDAYS! YOU CANNOT EAT YOUR SUPERVISOR! Can you imagine you people were allowed to eat their supervisors??!?!?!? Anarchy! Randy the Pornstar has violated one of the most sacred unwritten rules of Section 2..and must be punished. Right now he is wearing a post-it note with the words I ATE MY SUPERVISOR on it..which is drawing some very interesting looks. Mostly because not everyone who interacts with Randy the Pornstar knows about Mr Muffin, and they assume that the supervisor in the message is me. The best part is listening to Randy the Pornstar explain to some of these people that a muffin was in charge. He dares not remove that post-it..under penalty of wrath.. I had Randy the Pornstar talk to IT guy about wrath, so he is well educated on consequences. Number 1 doesn't have any of these issues Randy the Pornstar.. get your **** together..AND STOP EATING YOUR SUPERVISOR! It was probably because Randy the Pornstar didn't like Mr Muffin's choice of songs which included a fantastic rendition of "My Milkshake" and didn't like his Pulp Fiction scene re-enactments. Mr Muffin WILL strike down upon you with furious vengeance Randy the Pornstar... so keep that in mind. So far, Randy the Pornstar hasn't nibbled on anyone today.. possibly because none of us are lemon poppyseed flavored, but I like to think that the Post-it note is working. Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Tollen Gallen
Glory of Reprisal Enterprise
7600
|
Posted - 2014.04.15 18:51:00 -
[83] - Quote
@Randythepornstar. YOU DONT TOUCH MR MUFFIN, YOU DONT LOOK AT MR MUFFIN, YOU DO NOT EXIST UNTILL MR MUFFIN WILLS IT!!!
P.S: KEEP YOUR ******* FACEHOLE AWAY FROM MR MUFFIN!
LOL@Postit note
Pandytheroidstar has displeased me. Zimmy Zeta - I f*cking love martinis. the original ones, with gin, not that vodka martini crap. Your old Friends can use me for 7 days, free!!! |
Noxisia Arkana
Deadspace Knights
316
|
Posted - 2014.04.16 17:18:00 -
[84] - Quote
Do what any repectable parent would do when faced with an issue. Make him eat a whole tray of muffins (like smoking a whole pack of cigarrettes). Bring him a gallon of milk to go with it.
He'll never want to touch a muffin again. |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
12437
|
Posted - 2014.04.18 04:07:00 -
[85] - Quote
Rhonda the Hutt has taken a shine to Number 1.
Its because the other women in Section 3 are catty. They don't like Rhonda the Hutt much. I don't blame them, shes not the charismatic powerhouse of authority that I am. Most people like me, until they don't. Its probably why ive lasted here for so long despite my antics. Anyways, Rhonda the Hutt is always trying to talk to Number 1 about random things. Trying to get to know her and engage her on a personal level. Im not sure how I feel about that. On one hand I despise Rhonda the Hutt, on the other, I REALLY want a plant in her midst...to feed her misinformation.. and assist with wrathful things. Is wrathful a word? Its gotta be.. the spell check isn't underlining it. Man I hate spell check. Where was I.. oh yeah.. Number 1 has started to be less shy around the rest of us, and I do believe there might be that hint of sarcastic humor I appreciate so much within her. Randy the Pornstar is a lost cause.. I may trade Randy the Pornstar for Jenny from Section 3. Jenny is one of Rhonda the Hutt's henchmen, but she appreciates the finer things in life like talking muffins and being a spectator during Doughnut Thunderdome. Jenny would be a great trade. Ill have to look into that. Maybe ill tease Rhonda the Hutt by saying im willing to trade her for one of my nooblets..and then disappoint her when its Randy the Pornstar and not Number 1. Rhonda the Hutt doesn't like Randy the Pornstar much. She says its because Randy the Pornstar looks like her ex-husband. I don't see the resemblance.. he doesn't look much like a spiral sliced ham. Speaking of ham, my wife came in and brought me lunch yesterday, and got to meet the nooblets. She got all girl-talky with Number 1.. which im sure will bode well for me. She also doesn't like Randy the Pornstar.. maybe its a girl thing. No..cant be a girl thing... HR lady likes Randy the Pornstar.. but then again, she likes most men.. except me. She hates me. Not sure why, im so likable! My wife HATES the HR lady..HATES her. Something to do with a office Christmas party and some thing the HR lady said when she was drunk. Of course, we were ALL drunk during that party... and several people in the office have a picture of me shirtless wearing a tie to prove it. I hate that picture. They didn't take it from my good side. Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Graygor
1kB Realty 1kB Galactic
113317
|
Posted - 2014.04.18 04:50:00 -
[86] - Quote
Bind these up and make a book.
Seriously, do it.
You have a talent. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara
"I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
12467
|
Posted - 2014.04.18 20:38:00 -
[87] - Quote
Ok.. somebody listened. There was top crusted apple pie in the break room.... unmolested. It called to me.. taunting me with its delicious aroma... eat me... eat me it said. I grabbed the pie spatula thingy.. and slowly cut out my piece. Oooooooh...sooooo good to be the first one in... such a tantric moment. Then... the tasting... those sweet apples... that cinnamon.. that tender flaky crust.... im going to need a moment... Then Randy the Pornstar went a ruined it by asking the same question hes asked 9000000 times. **** you Randy the Pornstar, you ruined my piegasm.. RUINED IT. I demand a re-do! There better be top-crusted apple pie next Friday Randy the Pornstar... there better be. Yeah.. im going to transfer his ***. If hes not getting what Ive explained..and what Number 1 and my other minions have explained over and over and over and over again by now..he can be Rhonda the Hutt's problem.
This has really surprised me. I really thought it was going to be Number 1 who wasn't going to hack it. She had that timid baby deer trying to walk for the first time thing going on when she first got here. Now, this girl has the potential to be a supervisor. Randy the Pornstar seems like mailroom material to me. I shudder to think of how many times he would say "ive got a package for you" each day..especially with that moustache.
I floated Jenny the idea of transferring to Section 2. I totally expected to be laughed at, instead she asked only 1 question...
"Is Mr Muffin seeing anyone? Because I kinda want to make him a girlfriend." Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
KnowUsByTheDead
Sunlight...Through The Blight.
1590
|
Posted - 2014.04.18 20:45:00 -
[88] - Quote
Hmmmm.....
Jenny seems like an obvious choice.
Her love for muffin people is heartwarming.
And....
Plus side....
Mr. Muffin gets some action.
Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the comedian is the only thing that makes sense. -á-á-á-á-á-á-á |
Jonah Gravenstein
Machiavellian Space Bastards
18020
|
Posted - 2014.04.20 14:44:00 -
[89] - Quote
Poasting in an epic thread.
More pastry related shenanigans are required, Rhonda the Hutt needs to be sacrificed to the Snack Food Gods, Randy the Pornstar needs to cable tied to his chair and his lip caterpillar removed, by Mr Muffin armed with tweezers.
Never go full Ripard |
Debora Tsung
The Investment Bankers Guild
974
|
Posted - 2014.04.22 08:54:00 -
[90] - Quote
I wonder if Rhonda the Hutt gave Number 1 a name.
Might not be the best idea, after all you shouldn't name things you might have to eat but still... Stupidity should be a bannable offense.
Also This --> https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=216699 Please stop making "afk cloak" threads, thanks in advance. |
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