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Anslo
Scope Works
6647
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Posted - 2014.08.14 20:22:00 -
[1] - Quote
The title alone is irony when looking at the **** normally discussed around here, but meh, need something that's a break from ~drama~.
We got baseliner comedians, how about egger comedians? You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO.
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Odelya d'Hanguest
ZERO HEAVY INDUSTRIES 24eme Legion Etrangere
401
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Posted - 2014.08.14 20:25:00 -
[2] - Quote
Anslo wrote:The title alone is irony when looking at the **** normally discussed around here, but meh, need something that's a break from ~drama~.
We got baseliner comedians, how about egger comedians? You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO. And what is this ridiculous post then? Act One?
Book of Prayers GÇö GalNet Profile GÇö Viva la Legion! GÇö Laudetur Khanid! |
Anslo
Scope Works
6647
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Posted - 2014.08.14 20:26:00 -
[3] - Quote
Odelya d'Hanguest wrote:Anslo wrote:The title alone is irony when looking at the **** normally discussed around here, but meh, need something that's a break from ~drama~.
We got baseliner comedians, how about egger comedians? You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO. And what is this ridiculous post then? Act One?
Con-*******-firmed. Come on, you got a good joke I'm sure right?
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Lunarisse Aspenstar
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
122
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Posted - 2014.08.14 20:40:00 -
[4] - Quote
Hmmph. Fine. Here's a peculiarly Amarr one.
A friend was in front of me coming out of the Amarr Legio Basilica one day, and the clergyman was standing at the door as to bid farewell to the Faithful. He accosted my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Clergyman said to him, "While all are not called to join the 24th Imperial Crusade, even you must join the 'Army of the God'!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the 'Army of the God', Sir."
The Clergyman questioned, "How come I don't see you except at the High Holy Days?"
My friend whispered back, "I'm in the secret service." |
Stitcher
Alexylva Paradox Low-Class
3945
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Posted - 2014.08.14 21:00:00 -
[5] - Quote
Two newbies autopilot through Rancer: boom boom. An in-character blog and a video: http://verinsjournal.blogspot.com http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu1mbsgo738
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Jandice Ymladris
Aurora Arcology
786
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Posted - 2014.08.14 21:10:00 -
[6] - Quote
Q: How many Gallente you need to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 2 , they'll replace the lightbulb after they're done screwing in the dark. -áThe Empire Titans, when big isn't big enough!-á -á-áUshra'Khan liberates slaves in Amarr! |
Zenariae
Caldari Provisions
141
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Posted - 2014.08.14 21:34:00 -
[7] - Quote
Um... Two Fedos are talking ...
"My Gallentean owner has no nose."
"That's terrible! How does he smell?"
"Awful."
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Mizhir
Mind Games. Suddenly Spaceships.
66584
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Posted - 2014.08.14 21:41:00 -
[8] - Quote
The Drill Sergeant said to the recruit:
"I didn't see you at the covops training today"
To which he replied:
"Thank you sir"
One Man Crew - Collective solo pvp |
Ibrahim Tash-Murkon
Inter Vivos Trust Service
74
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Posted - 2014.08.14 21:45:00 -
[9] - Quote
Perhaps slightly blasphemous, but for a laugh all things become permissible. Also, might as well shame the bad holders.
A shuttle carrying a Caldari, a Gallente, a Minmatar, and an Amarr has just entered the atmosphere of the destination planet. As the final sonic boom echoes away the onboard AI alerts the passengers to a fault in the craft that will result in a crash unless a significant amount of weight is jettisoned.
The Caldari passenger resolutely opens the side door and, yelling "For the State!", leaps out of the ship lightening the load. This is not sufficient to save the ship. The Gallente passenger proclaims, "For the Federation!" and follows the Caldari out of the ship. The AI registers that not enough weight has been shed. The Amarr and Minmatar look at one another and then, in a feat of strength, the Amarr lifts the Minmatar above his head and throws the unfortunate man out shouting, "For the Empire!" "I give you the destiny of Faith, and you will bring its message to every planet of every star in the heavens: Go forth, conquer in my Name, and reclaim that which I have given."-á- Book of Reclaiming 22:13 |
Claudia Osyn
Mythic Security Service
873
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Posted - 2014.08.14 21:50:00 -
[10] - Quote
Knock, knock The lack of money is the root of all evil. |
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Elmund Egivand
Sebiestor Tribe Minmatar Republic
54
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Posted - 2014.08.15 01:20:00 -
[11] - Quote
And they say the Amarr are humourless!
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Yang Aurilen
The Mjolnir Bloc The Bloc
316
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Posted - 2014.08.15 03:00:00 -
[12] - Quote
What do miners read while mining? Oretica weekly. |
Ophelia Kiselouvre
Both Hands on the Keyboard at All Times
6
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Posted - 2014.08.15 04:43:00 -
[13] - Quote
Anslo wrote:You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO.
Obligatory. |
Arista Shahni
Wildly Inappropriate Goonswarm Federation
132
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Posted - 2014.08.15 04:49:00 -
[14] - Quote
Some have heard this one already:
A Kingdom woman applied for a job with the Theology Council of the Empire.
During the interview, she was asked by the Inquisitor, "What do you feel is your greatest weakness?"
"I would say my greatest weakness is honesty", she replied.
"Honesty?", the Inquisitor asked, "I don't think that's a weakness at all - I think that is a strength."
To which she replied, "I don't give a **** what you think."
"I say that even as the holy and the righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you - so the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also. -áAnd as a single leaf turns not yellow but with the silent knowledge of the whole tree, so the wrong-doer cannot do wrong without the hidden will of you all." |
Synthetic Cultist
Church of The Crimson Saviour
372
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Posted - 2014.08.15 04:58:00 -
[15] - Quote
N human People appear in a Social Venue. N-1 of them behave in a Manner Stereotypical of their Ethnicity in a Neutral fashion. The Nth Human person behaves in a Manner Stereotypical of their Ethnicity in a Humorous Manner !
An Amarr Person and a Gallente Person are Discussing: The Gallente Person Questions: "How can you put a Value on a human Life ?" The Amarr Person Answers: "Simple. You Ask the slave Valuer !"
Why are Amarr Traffic Police officers Strict in their Enforcement of Traffic Laws ? Because It is Written: "There will be neither compassion nor mercy; Nor peace, nor solace, For those who bear witness to these Signs, And still do not believe." - The Scriptures, Book of Reclaiming 25:10
It is the Way that I Tell Them. |
Diana Kim
State Protectorate Caldari State
1219
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Posted - 2014.08.15 08:05:00 -
[16] - Quote
Anslo wrote: You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO. Anslo. |
Kohiko Sun
Stormcrows
35
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Posted - 2014.08.15 08:45:00 -
[17] - Quote
Four monks were in their monastery on Achura when a flag on the roof started flapping.
The youngest monk said, "Flag is flapping."
The second monk, who was clever, said, "Wind is flapping."
The third monk, who was thoughtful, said, "Mind is flapping."
The fourth monk, who was the eldest, said, "Mouths are flapping!" |
Nicoletta Mithra
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
368
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Posted - 2014.08.15 10:26:00 -
[18] - Quote
For even God is fond of a good joke, here's a Sarumite one:
A mendicant monk took all his savings and went to buy a shirt. All eyes and ears he entered a tailor's shop, was measured and told: "Will you be back in a week? God willing - your shirt will be finished." The week was an exercise in patience, which duly passed and our hero returned to the tailor: "Unfortunately, there's been a delay. But - God willing - your shirt will be ready tomorrow." The mendicant returned the next day. "I am sorry" he was greeted "just a few more stiches, a few more...Pray be back tomorrow and - God willing - it will be ready." "And..." was the vexed mendicant's response "how long will it take, if we leave God out of it?" |
Shiori Shaishi
Terpalen Trading Corporation
87
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Posted - 2014.08.15 13:10:00 -
[19] - Quote
Kohiko Sun wrote:Four monks were in their monastery on Achura when a flag on the roof started flapping.
The youngest monk said, "Flag is flapping."
The second monk, who was clever, said, "Wind is flapping."
The third monk, who was thoughtful, said, "Mind is flapping."
The fourth monk, who was the eldest, said, "Mouths are flapping!"
And then the head of the monastery slapped him with his fan. |
Pieter Tuulinen
In Exile. Imperial Outlaws.
3959
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Posted - 2014.08.15 15:08:00 -
[20] - Quote
Why do Provists always travel around in threes?
One who can read, one who can type and one to keep the two intellectuals out of trouble. "You let one of them go, but that's nothing new is it? Every now and then a little victim is allowed to escape; because she smiled, because he's got freckles, because they begged. And that's how you live with yourself. That's how you slaughter millions." "Only a killer would know that..." |
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Jinari Otsito
Otsito Mining and Manufacture
719
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Posted - 2014.08.15 16:02:00 -
[21] - Quote
So I went to Jita the other day. There was THE JOKE NETWORK IS CURRENTLY OVER CAPACITY. FIND DIFFERENT JOKE ACCESS. Prime Node. Ask me about augmentation.
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Nicoletta Mithra
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
375
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Posted - 2014.08.15 16:27:00 -
[22] - Quote
Another one:
While on a trip to another village, the mendicant lost his favorite copy of the mystical book. Several weeks later, a goat walked up to him, carrying the book in its mouth. The mendicant couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the goat's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the goat. "Your name is written inside the cover." |
Synthetic Cultist
Church of The Crimson Saviour
376
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Posted - 2014.08.15 16:30:00 -
[23] - Quote
Nicoletta Mithra wrote:Another one:
While on a trip to another village, the mendicant lost his favorite copy of the mystical book. Several weeks later, a goat walked up to him, carrying the book in its mouth. The mendicant couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the goat's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the goat. "Your name is written inside the cover."
It is Funny, because few Goats have sufficient Education or visual Resolution to be able to Read Handwriting ! |
Stitcher
Alexylva Paradox Low-Class
3965
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Posted - 2014.08.15 16:37:00 -
[24] - Quote
Nor, usually, are they noted for their loquacity. An in-character blog and a video: http://verinsjournal.blogspot.com http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu1mbsgo738
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Anslo
Scope Works
6922
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Posted - 2014.08.15 16:39:00 -
[25] - Quote
Stitcher wrote:Nor, usually, are they noted for their loquacity.
I have no idea why but this little added comment just made me lose my **** laughing.
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Jinari Otsito
Otsito Mining and Manufacture
719
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Posted - 2014.08.15 16:39:00 -
[26] - Quote
You're not using enough drugs. I can tell. Prime Node. Ask me about augmentation.
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Synthetic Cultist
Church of The Crimson Saviour
377
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Posted - 2014.08.15 16:46:00 -
[27] - Quote
Stitcher wrote:Nor, usually, are they noted for their loquacity.
This is Normally True, however, I am Informed that Leopold Caine has a Goat, named Henry, who is apparently a Senior Figure in the Angel Cartel.
I am however, unsure whether or not Henry the Goat has any skin tattoos, similar to Other Angel Cartel Goats who have been Observed in the past. |
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
594
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Posted - 2014.08.16 07:38:00 -
[28] - Quote
Why did the Ardishapur man frown at his Kador colleague ?
The Kador man asked him to "lend a hand" |
Fredfredbug4
Eve Defence Force Cult of War
2378
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Posted - 2014.08.16 12:24:00 -
[29] - Quote
So what's the deal with station food? Watch Fred Fred Frederation and stop cryptozoologist! Fight against the brutal genocide of fictional creatures across New Eden! Is that a metaphor? Probably not, but the fru-fru- people will sure love it! |
Che Biko
Humanitarian Communists
638
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Posted - 2014.08.16 14:46:00 -
[30] - Quote
A Gallentean, an Amarrian and a Caldari are exploring a jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.
The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Gallentean says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Gallentean says, "Long live the Federation." and drinks it down.
The Amarrian says, "A gun for me, please." The chief gives him a gun; the Amarrian points it at his head, says, "God save the Empress!" and blows his brains out.
The Caldari says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The Caldari takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.
The chief screams, "What are you doing?"
The Caldari looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, a**hole!" Coordination Channel for Consolidated Space Rescue Cooperation Open Letter to the Aidonis Foundation Directorate |
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