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Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.29 12:40:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Evil Sulu on 29/09/2006 12:52:10 We scoured around for hours, but it was just one of those long, slow ass days in Khanid when absolutely jack **** is happening in lowsec. After 6 hrs of actively hunting and only a few kills, me and Lan weÆre both pretty bored and annoyed. We resorted to camping in Perbhe hoping to maybe score a gank on a hauler or a complex runner coming from highsec while entertaining ourselves with some tomfoolery in corp/alliance chat. Then I notice a G-Brother guy enter system, and he starts talking to us in local and it went something like this:
(Dramatic recreation, names changed to preserve anonymity)
Turgy: pirate scum (long pause) Turgy: Ah, you guys arenÆt really that bad, at least you get to have funà.. Turgy: Actually, IÆm surprised you arenÆt in a battleship yet Lan Turgy: You must be training directly to Hacs, am I right..? (Lan was afk at the moment) Evil Sulu: Lan is mute. He communicates in sign language. Meet him at the dedspace complex so you can sign to him. Turgy: No way, you guys arenÆt going to get to gank me again. I tried to join Sanguine Legion but you guys killed me while I was in the process of applying. ((Probably guilty on that charge, Dana Barrett was on a rampage there for awhile)) Lan: Naa, IÆm training directly for a titan. Evil Sulu: Applying doesnÆt make you safe from usà Turgy: IÆm quitting my current corp, and thinking about going pirate Turgy: Pirates get to do whatever they want. Turgy: Do you think I could still apply to Sanguine? Lan: Why you quitting G? Turgy: I was the pos director, but now the ceo decided to hire someone new to take over my position without talking to me about it. I resigned my roles a few hours ago and will be out of the corp in 24 hrs. Lan: You resigned your roles? ThatÆs too badà Evil Sulu: Hey, do you still have access to those poses? Any good stuff there? Turgy: Yeah, I can still get into the poses, and theyÆve got some ships and stuff there. Evil Sulu: Wanna go steal some stuff? Like a pirate would doà. Turgy: Maybe. If I help you guys steal some ships and stuff will I get into Sanguine? Lan: I like this guy, he sounds like my type of pirateà Evil Sulu: Yeah Lan, I like his attitude. IÆll talk to Mi Lai about it, but I can almost guarantee youÆll get in if you help us steal some shipsà
At this point, weÆre on TS discussing this turn of events û we both agree that this is way too convenient and thereÆs like a 99% probability that is a trap. But despite thinking that we are most likely running headlong into an ambush, something in my guts kept telling me that this guy is for real. So we gang up with Turgy, and me and Lan grab some shuttles and start making our way down to G-Brotherville.
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Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.29 12:40:00 -
[2]
A Bloodless Revenge A True Story by Evil Sulu
HereÆs a tale that dates back to our last few days in Khanid, a place that I still regard with mixed feelings of both mild distaste and begrudged fondness. It was a land of billionaire LV4 mission *****s, T2 component builders, POS silo jockeys, jittery ice miners, flagrant Amarr RPers, tuff talking Bob vassal corps, and all the usual type of riff-raff that calls lowsec its home. The hunting in the region was slower than we were accustomed to, but the quality of the kills made up for the time spent looking for them. As we usually do, we made a lot of friends and tore the bloody place apartà
There was this one corp in particular that we really abused to no end û IÆll call them the G-Brothers for the purposes of this story û they were a quirky bunch of POS-*****s that smacked off a variety of insulting comments about our mothers in local with Yoda-like grammaticism. Their operations were constantly under barrage by our bored troops, who often had nothing better to do than to occasionally pop in from time to time, insta directly to the top of the ice belt, and tag a few covetors greedily mining away at dark glitter or some other silly name CCP has dreamt up for a big chunk of space ice.
Like any over-hunted prey, they became as nervous as Chihuahuas in a Korean restaurant û pre warp aligning at the ice belts and scurrying off to the safety of a POS forcefield the instant anyone entered local. A few times when in critical need of POS fuel, they grew some stones and tried to protect their barges with battleship escorts. Multiple BS kills later, I guess they tabulated their losses and figured that hauling fuel in wasnÆt really THAT expensive afterall. On one occasion we stole a Domi from them when its pilot ejected trying to save his expensive implants û he was pretty angry that we locked down and squished his pod anyways. Eventually, after a series of nasty losses, they simply refused to come out of their POSÆes to play with us at all.
One Saturday morning, me and my partner in crime Lan TouHe were out early making the usual tour of our hunting grounds. We noticed that the G-Bros had an alt scout in a shuttle sitting 200km off the gate to their system, so we popped in to say hello. As usual, there were a few of them who had already warped to safe by the time we hit the icefield; their CEO æZapÆ (name changed to protect the guilty) greeted us in local with a few nasty insults about our mothersÆ being the village bicycles, our small genital sizes, and our general inability to have intercourse with members of the opposite sex. It was quite amusing. Then he said something I laughed at, and it stuck in my head: ôYou guys are lousy crap pirates!ö After rearranging my headset from laughing so hard, we popped his ice cans and called in an allied recon to kill his alt scout then we headed out to find someone else to fight.
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Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.29 12:41:00 -
[3]
Edited by: Evil Sulu on 29/09/2006 12:53:10 Gate after gate, I keep expecting my overview to blow up with hostiles, but the ambush never comes. We jump into G-BrotherÆs home system and it is quiet as a cemetery, not a soul but us three. No way this can be for real. This has gotta be a log-on trap or something. We make a safe-spot, and to my surprise Turgy ejects from his blackbird then his pod zips off towards a moon.
He says over gang chat: ôOk, what ships go you want me to start stealing first?ö
(pause)
"NO F***ING WAY!"
Lan and I are going crazy over TS û how does **** like this keep happening to us? We send out orders over corp chat to bring anyone and everyone that can fly a ship cause weÆre going to clean these guys out for every ship not tied down. Our gang swells to a dozen pilots in under a minute and they quickly rally to our position. I give Turgy our TS address so that he can listen to commands on the op even though he is without a mic. We watch the scene unfold in quiet astonishment as Turgy chauffeurs in ship after ship after ship to our gangà. After weÆve got bunch of mining barges, various cruisers, and a ****load of haulers in our possession, he tells us that there are only an Apoc and Scorp left but he doesnÆt have the skills to fly the Scorp. Our corpmate Jay Rocket comes up with the idea to bang the Scorp out of the forcefield using one of the haulers then have one of our pilots grab it. Turgy mentions that the POS guns are currently deactivated - this plan could work. So like the retarded kid on the bumper cars who keeps slamming his car into the wall over and over û I tell Turgy to get busy ramming that scorpion.
After fifteen minutes of steady bumping which has moved the battleship is about halfway out, Turgy starts to whine and wants to take a break from all the bumping. Somehow we encourage him to keep at it, afterall, wonÆt your old corpmates be surprised! Thirty more minutes go by, and the Scorp still isnÆt out yet. Every minute seems like an hour. What the heck is taking so long? Suddenly, Zap the CEO of G-Bros logs into the system, mostly likely at the POS. My heart sinks in my chest û we figure the gig has got to be up now. Turgy informs us that he is convoing his former CEO to stall him and he continues to bump the Scorp. Ten minutes go by, everyone is on pins and needles û Zap has got to realize that something is going on by now. A few more G-Brothers enter the system; we send a frigate scout to the POS to check on Turgy, someone spots our scout and activates the POS weapons. Boom! One ship down, and the POS weapons are definitely now activated if they werenÆt before. If the Scorp has a halfway decent shield tank it might survive the warp out despite the POS guns.
Turgy says in gang chat: ôOk, I think its out. Hurry up I think theyÆve caught on. IÆll go get the Apoc.
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Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.29 12:41:00 -
[4]
Edited by: Evil Sulu on 29/09/2006 12:54:27 The tension is palatable as our Scorp pilot Jay Rocket warps his pod to the POS to pick up the Scorpion. Someone is shooting at his pod. The Scorp is so close, almost there! Jay boards the derelict battleship and immediately tries to warpàà POS defenses are firing! Shields are melting! Then, BOOM! The Scorpion explodes in a ball of fire, and JayÆs pod zips off to safety!
Everyone in our gang letÆs out a sigh of disappointment, but Jay cheers us up by informing us that his wallet just blinked 28M richer due to the insurance payout on the downed battleship. Realizing its time to go, our gang regroups and makes a hasty retreat from the system with stolen ships in tow and wallet 28M fatter. After dragging the stolen assets to a safe location, our group disbands û myself and Lan badly need to sleep. Jay told me the following day that he stayed online afterwards and helped Turgy ærelocateÆ some of his personal faction ships and modules from the G-Brothers corp hanger in highsec to a secure location in lowsec (JayÆs hanger) in preparation of him becoming an outlaw pirate.
Here is the real crFme of this whole story: the actual chatlog from the following day in which Zap (CEO of G-Brothers) starts a conversation with Jay Rocket to gloat about killing the Scorpion. This is the real deal, edited only for format and to protect real names.
(Chatlog)
Zap > lo Zap > Hey Jay thanks for the cloaking device i will ad it to my billions Jay Rocket> from a scorp ? Zap > yes Jay Rocket > u do relise that the scorp was stol from your pos ? Jay Rocket > along with 4 retrivers an apoc and a lot o other ships Zap > no way Zap > how so Jay Rocket > one of your guys was banging ships out of your pos Zap > that's crazy Jay Rocket > we got a apoc out to Zap > no one would do that Jay Rocket > his name is Zap > yeah right Jay Rocket > Turgy Zap > whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat Zap > how do you know this Jay Rocket > because he was helping us Zap >ic Zap > dam our ship Jay Rocket > if it makes u feel any better i just stole a bunch of **** off the Turgy guy too Zap > well that does Zap > cant believe he would do that Zap > i spent over a billion on him Zap > cant believe it Zap > this game sucks Jay Rocket > was a shame we didsnt get the scorp out Zap > well the people aspect that is Zap > well good for you Jay Rocket > but we got 28 mill inusrance from it Zap > good play Jay Rocket > anywayz just though u shuld know what happened Zap > and here i'm shooting my mouth off...........ouch Zap > yeah thanks for the good news Jay Rocket > later man
And this was how F1END extracted a bloodless revenge upon its enemy.
-FIN
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AuthorÆs Note: While it wasnÆt a huge multi-billion ISK heist, for me this quote is what makes it really priceless: ôZap > cant believe it. this game sucks.ö I suppose thereÆs a few different morals to this story û 1) when you are at your most bored moment, do not despair because this is the time when the most crazy and absurd things will happen to you, 2) The friendship of good corpmates is the only really meaningful wealth in EVE, 3) Be careful should you ever find yourself uttering the words ôYou guys are lousy crap pirates!ö
In retrospect, I always wonder what could have happened had Lan and I run into Turgy an hour earlier before he dropped roles. It would have made it a fairly substantial score ISK-wise, but thb I doubt it would have made the heist any more memorable for us as the real prize for us was ruining this smack talker's day.
Thanks for reading, and check out our [url=öhttp://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=401355ö]recruitment thread[/url]. WeÆre looking for 5 new lunatics. -------------
Public channel #KhanidBlood |
Destiny Calling
Amarr The Watchers' Council
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Posted - 2006.09.29 12:52:00 -
[5]
Really enjoyed that story :)
I gave up |
Samirol
Ore Mongers
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Posted - 2006.09.29 13:15:00 -
[6]
awesome
Ore Mongers is recruiting |
Xendie
Forsaken Empire
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Posted - 2006.09.29 13:48:00 -
[7]
hahaha funny ****
Quote: Nertzius > having fun being incompetitent?
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Lan TouHe
Sanguine Legion Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.30 17:02:00 -
[8]
Man, I was so freakin wasted that day.
So if you want to kill me, attack on a sunday. Around 5 ish.
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Midori Quin
Amarr Solidline Enterprise
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Posted - 2006.09.30 23:27:00 -
[9]
lol thats funny :)
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Lucifer Fellblade
Caldari Ore Mongers Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.09.30 23:51:00 -
[10]
Pirates strike again.
Good story, well written and all that jazz. ------
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Militis Kolosok
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.10.01 00:53:00 -
[11]
Nice story! Can't wait to get my ass out to 0.0 :)
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Gonada
Gallente Cross Roads
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Posted - 2006.10.01 00:59:00 -
[12]
what happened to turgy?
-I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.-
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Filthy Pierre
Gallente Blueprint Haus
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Posted - 2006.10.01 06:15:00 -
[13]
Actually, though, Sulu - reading that chat with Zap - you gotta hand it to him at that point.
There he was, well schmacked with that tidbit of news, probably had just soiled his pantaloons and he did more or less give you the equivalent of a 'GF' instead of smacktalk, eh?
Good story. I haven't yet figured out whether the fact this game is so much like RL is a good thing or a bad thing...
FP
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Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.10.02 20:01:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Gonada what happened to turgy?
We moved out of Khanid shortly afterwards, and I never heard from him again.
Originally by: Filthy Pierre Actually, though, Sulu - reading that chat with Zap - you gotta hand it to him at that point.
Yeah, he ate a slice of humble pie there in the end. He was probably right back to his normal classy self in no time at all though. Some people just never seem to learn. -------------
Public channel #KhanidBlood |
Varelse Wiggin
Minmatar Sector 7
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Posted - 2006.10.04 16:30:00 -
[15]
Edited by: Varelse Wiggin on 04/10/2006 16:32:06
Originally by: Evil Sulu
Originally by: Gonada what happened to turgy?
We moved out of Khanid shortly afterwards, and I never heard from him again.
Originally by: Filthy Pierre Actually, though, Sulu - reading that chat with Zap - you gotta hand it to him at that point.
Yeah, he ate a slice of humble pie there in the end. He was probably right back to his normal classy self in no time at all though. Some people just never seem to learn.
So, you ripped off the guy that helped you exact your revenge?
That's low.
Actually, helped is an understatement. You ripped off the only guy who made revenge of this scale in any way possible for you.
That's really low.
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Natas Dog
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Posted - 2006.10.04 17:36:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Varelse Wiggin So, you ripped off the guy that helped you exact your revenge?
That's low.
Actually, helped is an understatement. You ripped off the only guy who made revenge of this scale in any way possible for you.
That's really low.
You know, I thought the same thing when I first read through it. But then I got to thinking.... would I really want to invite a guy who so willingly sold out his previous corporation over what amounts to a petty disagreement in my eyes? Regardless of whether he helped me out in the short term, in the long term you're always going to have that 'how long until he has a temper tantrum over some new corp policy and decides to rip us off?' hanging in the back of your head.
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Varelse Wiggin
Minmatar Sector 7
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Posted - 2006.10.04 17:38:00 -
[17]
Originally by: Natas Dog
Originally by: Varelse Wiggin So, you ripped off the guy that helped you exact your revenge?
That's low.
Actually, helped is an understatement. You ripped off the only guy who made revenge of this scale in any way possible for you.
That's really low.
You know, I thought the same thing when I first read through it. But then I got to thinking.... would I really want to invite a guy who so willingly sold out his previous corporation over what amounts to a petty disagreement in my eyes? Regardless of whether he helped me out in the short term, in the long term you're always going to have that 'how long until he has a temper tantrum over some new corp policy and decides to rip us off?' hanging in the back of your head.
That's not even what I was really referring to. They didn't have to invite him to their corp, but did they have to steal from him? That's what gets me. Not inviting him to the corp wasn't gipping the guy at all, but stealing from him right after he threw away any chance of ever being part of his old corp again was messed up.
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Kumq uat
Gallente Suffoco Noctis Atrocitas
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Posted - 2006.10.04 17:40:00 -
[18]
Drunk Sulu is gold
www.eve-pirate.com author and goat molestor.
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Natas Dog
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Posted - 2006.10.04 17:46:00 -
[19]
Yeah, I guess that part is pretty cold. I'd have lost all faith in humanity after letting myself get ripped off that bad.
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DarknessInc
Minmatar Drunk In Public
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Posted - 2006.10.04 17:49:00 -
[20]
Omg Var. Just leave Sulu alone. <3 Sulu.
and plus :) dont worry about me getting fired from D.I.P.
Im hoping that I get to fly along Sulu and then you can really hate me Var ^_^ ___________________ I love you -Cortes I love him more -Suvetar I love him the most -Oveur Back off he's mine. All Mine --Eris
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T'Renn
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Posted - 2006.10.04 17:54:00 -
[21]
Epic win. Thanks for posting it - great read. -- Eh... 24k? I can't make a sig that doesn't suck and keep it under 24k. Oh well.
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Varelse Wiggin
Minmatar Sector 7
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Posted - 2006.10.04 17:56:00 -
[22]
Haha Darkness, that's right, I still need to talk to **** and Hljuk and get them to throw you out for being an evil little *****.
MARK MY WORDS! Just because you're my neighbor doesn't mean I have to love you!
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Crellion
Art of War Cult of War
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Posted - 2006.10.04 19:11:00 -
[23]
Good job on getting the POS stuff.
Good job on stealing from the shameless traitor, but you could have asked him for the rest of the stuff in the corp hangar.
Good show from Zap who showed real class in the conv.
Use pods and not frigs when scouting enemy POS.
You might* have saved the Scorp if you had warped all your gang in shuttles to the enmy POS just before he boarded ship (14 shuttles = 120k isk 1 alive scorp 25 odd more mill for you).
The guy who helped you is 4tl
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Kaaii
Caldari Equilibrium LLC United Confederation of Corporations
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Posted - 2006.10.04 19:53:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Evil Sulu
A Bloodless Revenge A True Story by Evil Sulu
Like any over-hunted prey, they became as nervous as Chihuahuas in a Korean restaurant û
Normally I wouldn't even bother reading something like this, but for some reason I did. This line made it worth it...
"..Red Alliance aren't better pilots...just better exploiters..."
Trading 101 |
Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.10.04 20:08:00 -
[25]
Originally by: Varelse Wiggin That's not even what I was really referring to. They didn't have to invite him to their corp, but did they have to steal from him? That's what gets me. Not inviting him to the corp wasn't gipping the guy at all, but stealing from him right after he threw away any chance of ever being part of his old corp again was messed up.
We have no such sympathies for traitors. HereÆs how we roll: we break into traitorsÆ houses, pee on their carpet, molest their pets, steal their limited edition Saved by the Bell boxed DVD collection, e-mail obscene haikus to their closest friends and family members, put naked pictures of Rosie OÆDonnell as their desktop wallpaper, superglue all the chairs to the ceiling, squirt ketchup and mustard all over the kitchen walls, put the tea kettle in the microwave, eat all of their Cheerios, clog their toilets with several rolls of toilet paper, hang from the ceiling fans set to full speed, try on all their underwear while jumping on their bed, and then we top it all off by taking their mother out for a romantic dinner and NEVER CALLING HER AGAIN.
How do you feel about that?! -------------
Public channel #KhanidBlood |
Murukan
Minmatar The Priory
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Posted - 2006.10.04 20:49:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Evil Sulu
Originally by: Varelse Wiggin That's not even what I was really referring to. They didn't have to invite him to their corp, but did they have to steal from him? That's what gets me. Not inviting him to the corp wasn't gipping the guy at all, but stealing from him right after he threw away any chance of ever being part of his old corp again was messed up.
We have no such sympathies for traitors. HereÆs how we roll: we break into traitorsÆ houses, pee on their carpet, molest their pets, steal their limited edition Saved by the Bell boxed DVD collection, e-mail obscene haikus to their closest friends and family members, put naked pictures of Rosie OÆDonnell as their desktop wallpaper, superglue all the chairs to the ceiling, squirt ketchup and mustard all over the kitchen walls, put the tea kettle in the microwave, eat all of their Cheerios, clog their toilets with several rolls of toilet paper, hang from the ceiling fans set to full speed, try on all their underwear while jumping on their bed, and then we top it all off by taking their mother out for a romantic dinner and NEVER CALLING HER AGAIN.
How do you feel about that?!
That rug really tied the room together
In rust we trust!!! |
DarknessInc
Minmatar Drunk In Public
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Posted - 2006.10.04 20:59:00 -
[27]
Originally by: Varelse Wiggin Haha Darkness, that's right, I still need to talk to **** and Hljuk and get them to throw you out for being an evil little *****.
MARK MY WORDS! Just because you're my neighbor doesn't mean I have to love you!
:) good for you. Im going to be in DIP for a short while unless my app to SL legion is accepted. Then your free to hunt me down. Because well. Anyway this forum dribble is worthless. Words are words. And ships are desroyable :)
<3 Sulu. Your paragraph made me shiver in delight. I want a haiku!! Even tho I dont know what they are beside poetry from Asia ___________________ I love you -Cortes I love him more -Suvetar I love him the most -Oveur Back off he's mine. All Mine --Eris
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Lorin Sky
Skycore
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Posted - 2006.10.04 21:12:00 -
[28]
Originally by: Evil Sulu
Originally by: Varelse Wiggin That's not even what I was really referring to. They didn't have to invite him to their corp, but did they have to steal from him? That's what gets me. Not inviting him to the corp wasn't gipping the guy at all, but stealing from him right after he threw away any chance of ever being part of his old corp again was messed up.
We have no such sympathies for traitors. HereÆs how we roll: we break into traitorsÆ houses, pee on their carpet, molest their pets, steal their limited edition Saved by the Bell boxed DVD collection, e-mail obscene haikus to their closest friends and family members, put naked pictures of Rosie OÆDonnell as their desktop wallpaper, superglue all the chairs to the ceiling, squirt ketchup and mustard all over the kitchen walls, put the tea kettle in the microwave, eat all of their Cheerios, clog their toilets with several rolls of toilet paper, hang from the ceiling fans set to full speed, try on all their underwear while jumping on their bed, and then we top it all off by taking their mother out for a romantic dinner and NEVER CALLING HER AGAIN.
How do you feel about that?!
Harsh, but fair.
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Mi Lai
Sanguine Legion Pirate Coalition
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Posted - 2006.10.04 22:22:00 -
[29]
As Sulu said more eloquently then I can at this point: though we might be pirates, scumbags and general misfits, why would we trust someone who so easily sold out his former corpmates into our corp?
We might be bastards to others, but I trust my mates with my last ISK if needed.
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KIATolon
Black Omega Security The OSS
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Posted - 2006.10.05 08:26:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Evil Sulu
We have no such sympathies for traitors. HereÆs how we roll: we break into traitorsÆ houses, pee on their carpet, molest their pets, steal their limited edition Saved by the Bell boxed DVD collection, e-mail obscene haikus to their closest friends and family members, put naked pictures of Rosie OÆDonnell as their desktop wallpaper, superglue all the chairs to the ceiling, squirt ketchup and mustard all over the kitchen walls, put the tea kettle in the microwave, eat all of their Cheerios, clog their toilets with several rolls of toilet paper, hang from the ceiling fans set to full speed, try on all their underwear while jumping on their bed, and then we top it all off by taking their mother out for a romantic dinner and NEVER CALLING HER AGAIN.
How do you feel about that?!
You have naked picture of Rosie OÆDonnell.
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