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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
123
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Posted - 2015.02.27 16:35:41 -
[1] - Quote
Foley walks on camera wearing a full combat suit and a headset
"Hi! Foley Jones here!"
"When Huogikku Corporation is manufacturing weapons to kill people or trying to communicate with a Race that is 20 times more advance than us...We are developing cutting edge devices for Household Warfare"
Today we are proud to show you - The Nova Knife BlenderGäó
"Regular blenders don't ever get the job done, they usually have cheap blades, poor motors to spin those blades and are very poorly constructed and don't last that long.."
As he says this he Shows you a black and white video of a very frustrated Brutor man trying to blend a entire turkey..he gives up as the blender jams and shrugs at the camera
"The Nova Knife BlenderGäó Is not your Regular Blender however - This blender's blades are actual NOVA KNIFES used by Dusters around the universe to cut though those thick armor suits"
Shows a small montage of Dusters stabbing, cutting, slicing other dusters with ease
"Imagine that cutting power when faced with a **** load of fruits...like a pineapple"
Shows a video of someone dropping a pineapple into a Nova Knife BlenderGäó - it turns into mush in a total of 2.32 Seconds
"How about that ****?"
"The Nova Knife BlenderGäó is not just for smoothies!
Its good for..
-Smoothies -Milkshakes -Destroying Evidence -Blending -Making mush for babies or Old people -Cooking -Much Much more
"Did i say cooking? Thats right, the Nova Knife BlenderGäó is capable of cooking! Using the optional heated blades option, the Nova Knife BlenderGäó is capable of cooking almost anything you put into it, make meals within seconds!..its nuts!"
"Also The motor used in our blenders are top of the line - we used the same motor that can found in Heavy machine guns"
Shows a small video of a Heavy machine gun ( basically a minigun) being fired off
"Thats right, our blenders are made with Weapons...we are a arms manufacturer..what did you expect?
Heres a word from a satisfied customer.."
Shows a young Gallentean man with a deadpan expression "I love it"
"Know would that man that we could had totally paid off to lie about our product lie to YOU? No of course not, so you better damn well believe this blender is next level - for only 300.00 ISK! You can own your very own Nova Knife BlenderGäó
"Now i am being told we are running out of time..but before i go i am gonna tell you about this epic offer we have for you if you call right now!
If you call within the next 20 minutes you will get a free set of Anti-flith GrenadesGäó along with the blender
But wait! there's more!
IF you call in the next 10 minutes you can get a free Nova Knife BlenderGäó Poster!
BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE!
IF you call within the next 5 minutes! You can get a second blender FREE, thats right FREE, i don't know how im even making a ******* profit anymore!
You following me still here? Good because there's even more!
If you call within the next Par second - YOU can have a chance to win the limited edition Platinum Nova Knife BlenderGäó"
" Just call 4232334515-1235156567886-2334599024519" l Did you get that? its 4232334515-1235156567886-2334599024519 again thats 4232334515-1235156567886-2334599024519, Operators are standing by for your call"
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Soldarius
Kosher Nostra The 99 Percent
1144
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Posted - 2015.02.27 16:53:58 -
[2] - Quote
WTB, plz take my isk.
http://youtu.be/YVkUvmDQ3HY
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Anslo
Scope Works Overload Everything
30912
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Posted - 2015.02.27 17:17:47 -
[3] - Quote
As a CEO and FC, I rarely have time for a nutritious meal. Takes too long to prep, eat, and go! I have work to do! But thanks to the Nova Knife Blender, I'm able to make a delicious and nutritious smoothie meal supplement to keep my body going and my mind sharp. Thanks Huogikku Corporation!
[center]-_For the Proveldtariat_/-[/center]
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Utari Onzo
13. Enigma Project
146
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Posted - 2015.02.27 20:23:24 -
[4] - Quote
I'll take 7
New York, Paris, Peckham, Jita
13. is recruiting
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Aerinbiorn Haubogi
Burning Equilibrium Bloodline.
2
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Posted - 2015.02.28 00:27:45 -
[5] - Quote
I wouldn't expect a Duster company to know that a parsec (Par second, in the commercial) to be a measurement of distance rather than time.
Doctor Aerinbiorn Haubogi, MA in Tribal Studies, PhD Archaeology - Pator Tech
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Tyrel Toov
Sebiestor Tribe Minmatar Republic
219
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Posted - 2015.02.28 00:49:39 -
[6] - Quote
Aerinbiorn Haubogi wrote:I wouldn't expect a Duster company to know that a parsec (Par second, in the commercial) to be a measurement of distance rather than time. Maybe he ment a Planck time.
I want to paint my ship Periwinkle.
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Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
133
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Posted - 2015.02.28 01:17:06 -
[7] - Quote
Aerinbiorn Haubogi wrote:I wouldn't expect a Duster company to know that a parsec (Par second, in the commercial) to be a measurement of distance rather than time.
You do know i meant that you need to be a parsec close to were that commercial was made right? |
Albizu Zateki
Cult of the Lash
30
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Posted - 2015.03.02 03:05:45 -
[8] - Quote
Well...
This lends itself to some very interesting recipies I've been meaning to try...
"Bloody Omir's coming back.
Monsters from the endless black.
Wading through a crimson flood,
Omir's come to drink your blood."
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Jian-Mai Ling
Wayward Chickens Half Massed
5
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Posted - 2015.03.02 10:09:51 -
[9] - Quote
They say that in space no one can hear you blend. Thanks to Nova Knife Blender all of my friends now know every time I have a fruit juice.
Every...single...time.
And to think; all this time I've been cutting up my fruit with a crayon? Thanks Nova Knife Blender.
Life keeps giving me lemonade.
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Elmund Egivand
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
333
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Posted - 2015.03.02 12:50:16 -
[10] - Quote
I am discussing with my engineers and technicians on the usage of the Nova Knife Blender as an emergency concrete mixer. Please kindly send to us the technical sheet for us to ascertain if it is truly suited for the task.
- Would very much love to cobble anyone who insinuates that I am a loyalist in the head with a 125mm calibre Fusion round.
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Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
137
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Posted - 2015.03.02 16:06:07 -
[11] - Quote
Elmund Egivand wrote:I am discussing with my engineers and technicians on the usage of the Nova Knife Blender as an emergency concrete mixer. Please kindly send to us the technical sheet for us to ascertain if it is truly suited for the task.
"MUH SECRETS....we can however send a tech demo of us blending a Vexor..."
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Katrina Oniseki
Revenent Defence Corperation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
3435
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Posted - 2015.03.02 16:07:57 -
[12] - Quote
...
I'll allow it.
Ch+½j+ì Katrina Oniseki
~ (RDC) Chief Operations Officer
~ [I-RED] Director of Internal Affairs
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Evi Polevhia
Pyre Falcon Defence and Security
808
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Posted - 2015.03.02 17:54:27 -
[13] - Quote
Hypothetically, what setting is best for biomass? If one were to have three blenders and have much work to be done. Hypothetically. |
Rinai Vero
Moira. Villore Accords
455
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Posted - 2015.03.02 17:57:18 -
[14] - Quote
When I tried to make a delicious frozen cocktail using the Nova Knife blender the lid came loose making a huge mess all over my galley. Thanks Roden... |
Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
139
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Posted - 2015.03.02 20:03:18 -
[15] - Quote
Evi Polevhia wrote:Hypothetically, what setting is best for biomass? If one were to have three blenders and have much work to be done. Hypothetically.
The "Biomass" setting of course
Its right next to the junp setting
...which is right next to the bridge setting... |
Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
140
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Posted - 2015.03.02 20:08:09 -
[16] - Quote
Rinai Vero wrote:When I tried to make a delicious frozen cocktail using the Nova Knife blender the lid came loose making a huge mess all over my galley. Thanks Roden...
What!? Impossible!
The lid has a magnetic seal! Must be a defected model. ..
I encourage you to call our support hotline at "471648185871646272-3817373-Fixmyshitnow-23 |
Blue spy
Eclipse Navy Brave Collective
31
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Posted - 2015.03.02 22:33:12 -
[17] - Quote
As a professional involved in the 'catering' industry; I can personally attest to the robustness of the Nova Knife Blender. Many a time I have been caught out without the proper equipment required to make a 'smoothie' or 'soup'. Those moments of fumbling to reduce my 'ingredients' to unidentifiable, innocuous, and void-as-evidence smoothies, have almost costed me my freedom; as Caldari and Federal police kick down my front door to discover the fantastic secrets of my 'home cooking'.
However those times are now over. Thanks to the Nova Knife Blender; I shall never again have to waste another moment attempting to destroy incriminating ingredients using conventional bladed blenders. I look forward to rewarding the Huogikku Corporation with my continued custom and support for when they unveil their next line of home and office appliances.
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Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
145
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Posted - 2015.03.03 01:11:01 -
[18] - Quote
Blue spy wrote:As a professional involved in the 'catering' industry; I can personally attest to the robustness of the Nova Knife Blender. Many a time I have been caught out without the proper equipment required to make a 'smoothie' or 'soup'. Those moments of fumbling to reduce my 'ingredients' to unidentifiable, innocuous, and void-as-evidence smoothies, have almost costed me my freedom; as Caldari and Federal police kick down my front door to discover the fantastic secrets of my 'home cooking'.
However those times are now over. Thanks to the Nova Knife Blender; I shall never again have to waste another moment attempting to destroy incriminating ingredients using conventional bladed blenders. I look forward to rewarding the Huogikku Corporation with my continued custom and support for when they unveil their next line of home and office appliances.
Drugs
Just ******* say Drugs |
Elmund Egivand
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
336
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Posted - 2015.03.03 01:26:10 -
[19] - Quote
Foley Aberas Jones wrote:Elmund Egivand wrote:I am discussing with my engineers and technicians on the usage of the Nova Knife Blender as an emergency concrete mixer. Please kindly send to us the technical sheet for us to ascertain if it is truly suited for the task. "MUH SECRETS....we can however send a tech demo of us blending a Vexor..."
You do realise that we are going to start replicating Nova Knife Blenders within a month of purchase right?
Still, we saw the video and ran some analysis and determined that the article is genuine. Watching pieces of Vexors reduced into a sludge of construction material, all that shrieking and twisting and screeching and...
...Well, it's compelling.
- Would very much love to cobble anyone who insinuates that I am a loyalist in the head with a 125mm calibre Fusion round.
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Anslo
Scope Works Overload Everything
31122
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Posted - 2015.03.03 02:17:19 -
[20] - Quote
And replication of the Nova Knife Blender must be done with express permission of its copyright holder or risk dealing with copyright enforcement agents representing the copyright holder.
[center]-_For the Proveldtariat_/-[/center]
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Elmund Egivand
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
342
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Posted - 2015.03.03 02:35:51 -
[21] - Quote
Anslo wrote:And replication of the Nova Knife Blender must be done with express permission of its copyright holder or risk dealing with copyright enforcement agents representing the copyright holder.
I believe improvising a bunch of Nova Knives, a tungsten sheet molded into a container and high powered motors and capacitors and what have you to blend fernite carbide plates and tritanium bars into construction mulch to fix hull breaches after combat to stop atmosphere leakage and preserve hull integrity until we can get back to a station with dry dock facilities wouldn't put us in court.
One can never be sure there are enough Nova Knife Blenders already at hand or in stock in the emergency cache for expedited emergency repairs and damage control. And yes, I do make Nova Knives standard issue equipment for my crew, considering the advantage those have over ceramics or steel.
- Would very much love to cobble anyone who insinuates that I am a loyalist in the head with a 125mm calibre Fusion round.
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Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
152
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Posted - 2015.03.04 16:04:03 -
[22] - Quote
i would like to announce a new attachment to the Nova Knife BlenderGäó
This brand new attachment allows you to plug in your neocomm and listen toy our jams while blending! |
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