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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
656
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Posted - 2016.01.19 20:33:24 -
[1] - Quote
At this time of year, with many people having celebrated the New Year with rich food and now feeling the consequences, exercise and fitness topics gain more coverage in the news, with coverage of new trends and products higher than at any other month.
Overindulgence !
While many in the modern age use mods and implants to maintain their figures, other people use traditional exercise methods, such as the celebrity Simo Reshar and his assistants.
One traditional style group has recently appeared and is gaining a lot of members, causing concern as they originated with the Sani Sabik religion, which is most well known for the Blood Raider terror group !
The Cult of the Lift, has opened branches across several star systems in the Federation, and their slogan "Pain is Unrighteousness Leaving the Body" has struck a chord with many, or so it would seem.
Pain !
Gutter Press sent an agent, to find out.
"Since joining Cult of the Lift, I have become swole, hyurrr!", said one Intaki man, flexing. "Totes sick gains, bro", said his Jin-Mei training buddy.
"My bf was all like 'gurl, you shredded' after like 3 months", said one Gallente woman.
"Pain is just the Deceiver telling you you can't be this ripped", said an Amarr male staff member. "Reject the Deceiver's lies, and get stacked"
"God gave me muscles, and I intend to show them off", said a female Amarr member. "Vanity is not a sin."
Flex !
The Cult of the Lift rejects mods, implants, and drugs, in their quest for physical improvement, which sets it apart from more conventional exercise styles, and this has led to some criticism from others, as well as the criticism from ethnic Amarr citizens in the Federation, who are concerned about the Sani Sabik origin of the cult.
Controversial !
"I was demonstrating the superiority of exercise drones to those cultists, and one of them said 'Dost thou even Lyft?' in a mocking tone at me! I was outraged !", said a fitness drone salesman.
"How anyone can stand to exercise for hours a day, several days a week, instead of simple modifications is beyond me.", said a bodymod enthusiast.
"Sure, exercise today, and next thing you know, they're busting heads and breaking furniture tomorrow", said an ethnic Amarr bartender.
With no slowing in their growth rate, It seems the Cult of the Lift is set to make massive gains !
Gutter Press. News.
Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
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Yarosara Ruil
Caldari State
96
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Posted - 2016.01.19 20:43:40 -
[2] - Quote
It's like a rollercoaster of bad journalism and the ride never ends. |
ValentinaDLM
Khushakor Clan Of Questionable Repute
866
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Posted - 2016.01.19 21:55:06 -
[3] - Quote
I am impressed please bring us more investigative journalism on the subject. |
Kador Ouryon
Praetoriani Classiarii Templares Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris
89
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Posted - 2016.01.19 22:01:34 -
[4] - Quote
Gutter Press never fails to make my day. |
Deitra Vess
Scope Works Psychotic Tendencies.
879
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Posted - 2016.01.19 23:19:52 -
[5] - Quote
Welp...... Doesn't surprise me honestly.... |
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
1876
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Posted - 2016.01.20 00:42:52 -
[6] - Quote
I've been trying to think of a way Nauplius could run off with this one, and I'm relieved to say I can't think of one. That he doesn't do already, anyway. Or that wouldn't....
... nf. Nfbl. Geahahahahahahahahaha! Steal this one, Nauplius! Oh, please do!
Ah.... Maybe I shouldn't be able to laugh about him, considering, but gods it feels good. |
Anyanka Funk
Sanguis Inceptum Of Questionable Repute
646
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Posted - 2016.01.20 04:25:27 -
[7] - Quote
Aria Jenneth wrote:I've been trying to think of a way Nauplius could run off with this one, and I'm relieved to say I can't think of one. That he doesn't do already, anyway. Or that wouldn't....
... nf. Nfbl. Geahahahahahahahahaha! Steal this one, Nauplius! Oh, please do!
Ah.... Maybe I shouldn't be able to laugh about him, considering, but gods it feels good. Even though I hate your guts, I have to say, you have the cutest little laugh. |
Anyanka Funk
Sanguis Inceptum Of Questionable Repute
646
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Posted - 2016.01.20 04:30:18 -
[8] - Quote
Dost thou even Lyft, brah?
This sounds awesome, I'm going to check them out! |
Pieter Tuulinen
Pyre Falcon Defence and Security Multicultural F1 Brigade
5864
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Posted - 2016.01.20 21:29:52 -
[9] - Quote
Anyanka Funk wrote:Dost thou even Lyft, brah?
Yes.
"Caldari Prime burns, those left behind are choking on the dust and ash that fills the air, and you demand our surrender? Is this a joke? You have only hardened our resolve. Every drop of blood you have taken from us will be repaid -- with interest."
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Ibrahim Tash-Murkon
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
352
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Posted - 2016.01.20 21:45:18 -
[10] - Quote
It's a good way to quickly lose five pounds. Or pints.
"I give you the destiny of Faith, and you will bring its message to every planet of every star in the heavens: Go forth, conquer in my Name, and reclaim that which I have given." - Book of Reclaiming 22:13
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Elmund Egivand
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
997
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Posted - 2016.01.22 02:12:08 -
[11] - Quote
Aria Jenneth wrote:I've been trying to think of a way Nauplius could run off with this one, and I'm relieved to say I can't think of one. That he doesn't do already, anyway. Or that wouldn't....
... nf. Nfbl. Geahahahahahahahahaha! Steal this one, Nauplius! Oh, please do!
Ah.... Maybe I shouldn't be able to laugh about him, considering, but gods it feels good.
Fitness Tower. All slaves are required to LIFT! LIFT FOR THE RED GOD! LIFT!
MINMATAR SLAVES ARE GIVEN TO FLEX! FLEX YOU SUBHUMANS! FLEX THOSE BICEPS!
Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ EVERGREEN ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~Evergreen ~ Family
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Deitra Vess
Scope Works Psychotic Tendencies.
883
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Posted - 2016.01.22 03:15:52 -
[12] - Quote
Elmund Egivand wrote:Aria Jenneth wrote:I've been trying to think of a way Nauplius could run off with this one, and I'm relieved to say I can't think of one. That he doesn't do already, anyway. Or that wouldn't....
... nf. Nfbl. Geahahahahahahahahaha! Steal this one, Nauplius! Oh, please do!
Ah.... Maybe I shouldn't be able to laugh about him, considering, but gods it feels good. Fitness Tower. All slaves are required to LIFT! LIFT FOR THE RED GOD! LIFT! MINMATAR SLAVES ARE GIVEN TO FLEX! FLEX YOU SUBHUMANS! FLEX THOSE BICEPS! "Blood of the brutor gives you strength." |
Utari Onzo
Pentag Blade Curatores Veritatis Alliance
885
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Posted - 2016.01.22 10:09:45 -
[13] - Quote
Literally. Facepalming.
"Face the enemy as a solid wall
For faith is your armor
And through it, the enemy will find no breach
Wrap your arms around the enemy
For faith is your fire
And with it, burn away his evil"
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