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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
80
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Posted - 2012.01.26 21:31:00 -
[1] - Quote
Amazing news reached Gutter Press about a riot in Caille as an image of the Empress appeared in a heated bread product in one of the ethnically mixed neighbourhoods.
Incredible!
An eyewitness to the events in the area occasionally called "Little Dam-Torsad" due to the number of ethnic Amarrians who make up a sizeable proportion of the residents gave the following account:
"I was on my way to the bakery for my morning rolls, as you just cant beat freshly baked bread, whereupon the baker exclaimed that the bread product he had just taken out of the oven had an image of the Empress on it. I was astounded!"
Sensational!
The bread product was put on display at the bakery, but not all local residents were pleased, and later in the day some of them protested outside the bakery!
"We don't like this Amarrian triumphalist shenanigans" said another local resident, an ethnic Minmatar.
As the day progressed, the situation deteriorated until the early evening, when someone fired the first shots.
"It was terrifying" said one woman. "the angry youths had previously just been throwing stones, then someone brought a laser pistol out"
Federal police then moved in to round up troublemakers, arresting dozens.
Amazing!
"What has it come to, when you can't even have a miracle without people complaining about it ?" said one man.
"Bread likenesses of the Empress? That sounds actually quite yummy" said another.
Gutter Press examined the bread product and it did indeed have an image that resembled the Empress. Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours! |
Tarryn Nightstorm
Hellstar Towing and Recovery
208
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Posted - 2012.01.26 22:20:00 -
[2] - Quote
Muck Raker wrote:
[...]
"Bread likenesses of the Empress? That sounds actually quite yummy" said another.
[...]
^^^
(Well, Sarum isn't that good-looking, but I suppose there's no arguing taste.)
I are kyute kitten! I are in ur mishun! Redoosin' teh lag by ninja'ing ur wrekz! (CCP: Make wrecks probable, and after 30min., tractorable.) |
EnslaverOfMinmatar
Viziam Amarr Empire
3
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Posted - 2012.01.26 22:39:00 -
[3] - Quote
Don't buy that bread, it can implode into a black hole anytime. Every EVE player must read this http://www.eveonline.com/background/potw/default.asp?cid=29-01-07 or uninstall and DIAF |
Rek Jaiga
Teraa Matar
202
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Posted - 2012.01.26 22:56:00 -
[4] - Quote
You know there's some poor Ni-Kunni teen in that neighborhood who has been dared by his friends to "Taste the Empress". Poor kid, he'll be blushing brighter than a star! |
Kyoko Sakoda
Veto. Veto Corp
60
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Posted - 2012.01.26 23:05:00 -
[5] - Quote
I saw Heth in a muffin I had the other day, but I ate him. |
Silas Vitalia
Khanid Provincial Vanguard
164
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Posted - 2012.01.26 23:40:00 -
[6] - Quote
I found Roden in my dinner once, but I realized upon further inspection it was merely a wet, limp noodle.
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Graelyn
Amarrian Retribution
210
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Posted - 2012.01.27 00:32:00 -
[7] - Quote
Silas Vitalia wrote:I found Roden in my dinner once, but I realized upon further inspection it was merely a wet, limp noodle.
HaHA!
+ Cardinal Graelyn + Owner/Operator, "The Summit" YR113 Amarr Loyalist of the Year
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Akrasjel Lanate
Naquatech Conglomerate
543
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Posted - 2012.01.27 14:48:00 -
[8] - Quote
More bullshit from Gutter Press. |
Vetr Saken
Via Silvestris
2
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Posted - 2012.01.27 15:21:00 -
[9] - Quote
Akrasjel Lanate wrote:More bullshit from Gutter Press. More Quafe from the Quafe factories. More interceptors from Duvolle. More posturing from politicians.
Or, to put it another way, is there something unexpected about bullshit from something called 'Gutter Press'?
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Rakk Andedare
Gallows Humor Reckless Ambition
12
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Posted - 2012.01.27 16:03:00 -
[10] - Quote
Mukk, your tabloid stories bring a ray of sunshine to what would otherwise be a dull day. I would think that the baker could now capitalize on this extraordinary event and bake a new kind of roll in honor of the empress and call them GÇ£Jamyl honey bunsGÇ¥ (made with REAL honey). Amarrians would love GÇÿem, and the Matari would love to stomp on them. Either way, sales would go up. |
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Gistatis Tribunus
The Unknown Bar and Pub
15
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Posted - 2012.01.27 17:46:00 -
[11] - Quote
I bet I'd look better on bread than the Empress. |
FeralShadow
Mom 'n' Pop Ammo Shoppe R.E.P.O.
47
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Posted - 2012.01.27 19:59:00 -
[12] - Quote
Ha! Clever puns all around! |
Caellach Marellus
Nephtys Ventures inc
413
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Posted - 2012.01.28 03:51:00 -
[13] - Quote
I take it with such publicity and people clamouring to see it, this Sarum bread managed to rise to the occasion?
That said maybe they should take it to the Empress herself, I'm sure she's heard of it already and thus it kneads no introduction.
Ok I'm leaven now before I run out of good puns, all the bad ones are rather seedy and that's when the act gets stale. Sadly, that sort of humour doesn't settle well with the upper crust of society, they get quite sour and think I'm just loafing around.
Boy, all these bread puns, I'm on a roll.
Edit: Ok I can't resist, if it's a bread with an image of Sarum in it, did it come with some nice buns?
Now I must go before someone takes offence. If they hit me with an Amarrian pulse laser well..... I'm toast. |
FeralShadow
Mom 'n' Pop Ammo Shoppe R.E.P.O.
47
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Posted - 2012.01.28 05:50:00 -
[14] - Quote
Ha! Even better! |
Tarryn Nightstorm
Hellstar Towing and Recovery
208
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Posted - 2012.01.28 07:58:00 -
[15] - Quote
Akrasjel Lanate wrote:More bullshit from Gutter Press.
Oh, my word:
Someone really needs to get a sense of humour...
I are kyute kitten! I are in ur mishun! Redoosin' teh lag by ninja'ing ur wrekz! (CCP: Make wrecks probable, and after 30min., tractorable.) |
Clyde ElectraGlide
Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation
33
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Posted - 2012.01.28 08:41:00 -
[16] - Quote
Oh sure, first we get the Empress' face on billboards and holoreels, and now in our bread? Where will she show up next? My hat? Fix incursions today! https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=60460 |
Akrasjel Lanate
Naquatech Conglomerate
552
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Posted - 2012.01.28 08:51:00 -
[17] - Quote
Vetr Saken wrote:Akrasjel Lanate wrote:More bullshit from Gutter Press. More Quafe from the Quafe factories. More interceptors from Duvolle. More posturing from politicians. Or, to put it another way, is there something unexpected about bullshit from something called 'Gutter Press'? You got me there. |
Creutzfelt
School of Applied Knowledge Caldari State
0
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Posted - 2012.01.28 17:44:00 -
[18] - Quote
I was passing a Gallente Filming Location and managed to hear a clip from a movie:
"Let us break bread together"
After reading this I cannot help but wonder..... |
EnslaverOfMinmatar
BRAPELILLE MACRO BOT MINERS
7
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Posted - 2012.01.28 21:36:00 -
[19] - Quote
Clyde ElectraGlide wrote:Oh sure, first we get the Empress' face on billboards and holoreels, and now in our bread? Where will she show up next? My hat? Tattooed on minmatar slaves' bodies. They'll see the Empress' reflection when drinking water from the trough and think "me batar no eats lot. me too fat. me werk fastar must loose wait". Their resell value will increase considerably. Who wouldn't want to buy slaves that work more and eat less?
Every EVE player must read this http://www.eveonline.com/background/potw/default.asp?cid=29-01-07 or uninstall and DIAF |
Manwe Todako
Disciples of Ston
186
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Posted - 2012.01.28 22:20:00 -
[20] - Quote
EnslaverOfMinmatar wrote: Tattooed on minmatar slaves' bodies. ?
Let me state a fact. Enslaverofminmatar, you are evil. SANKOFA |
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