Raktar Medovski
Omen Incorporated
Brutally Clever Empire
    |
Posted - 2008.03.20 10:21:00 -
[1]
*A broadcast appears on the screen*
Hello everyone, I am Raktar Medovski, and this is the first episode of The ImTruthful News Network, we will will tell you the news in our own special manner. And remember, when you realize the truth, it's like waking up after overdosing on boosters and waking up next to a dead hooker.
Our first story of the night, is as you all know by now, that Midna Lyre is a follower of the Sani Sabik faith. The controversy in this faith is that members are known to have blood rituals, and a pirate faction, the Blood Raiders, likes to round up innocents and take their blood. Midna Lyre denies being a member of the Blood Raiders, and condemns their actions.
With us on the matter is Obscure Religions Expert Bob Thurtwick. Bob, thanks for joining us.
Bob: Thank you, Raktar.
Now Bob, what can you tell us about the Sani Sabik faith?
Bob: Well Raktar, to put it quite frankly, the followers of the Sani Sabik faith are all vampires, which is why in these troubled times I constantly carry a bag of garlic and a stake.
Isn't that a bit superstitious, Bob?
Bob: No, Raktar, I hear it is standard Amarr procedure. Many of my "Amarr friends" at least have garlic and a stake in their room at night. In fact, Raktar, I'd like to make a suggestion to my fellow Amarrians.
What's that, Bob?
Bob: Do what I do, and rub your entire body in garlic every morning, and if any of your slaves are members of the Sani Sabik faith, as I was horrified to find that some of mine were, give them a good beating. In fact, Raktar, I implore you to do the same.
Um...thanks Bob, I don't have slaves, but I -might- consider the garlic think. Well, thanks for your time, Bob.
Bob: It's been a pleasure.
Next up, does Ushra'khan eat babies? With us is Ushra'khan Specialist Joe Straussberg. Joe, thanks for joining the show.
Joe: No problem, Raktar, in fact, I can attest to Ushma'klun's eating of babies, as I am a card carrying member of Ushma'klun. Babies can make you live longer.
Uh Joe, that's Ushra'khan, not Ushma'klun.
Joe: Well, forget everything I just said. I have no idea what Ushra'khan does, other than piracy I suppose.
Uh...Thanks Joe.
Well, this is it for ImTruthful News. I'm Raktar Medovski, good night, and good luck.
|