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Jack Airron
Gallente
Universal Mining Inc
Forged Dominion
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Posted - 2008.08.13 13:26:00 -
[1]
Jack Airron was always a heavy sleeper, but today he had been awake all night with a mix of fear and anxiety.
This was the launch date of the federations newest battle ship The Daedalus, a name taken from a old earth tv show that was only recently turned into a holoreel.
Jack's alarm started buzzing in the back ground telling him it was time to get up, this was unneeded however because he was already dressed in his navy uniform,
with his BP suit on. The BP or brain pattern suit was a new form of control for pilots they no longer needed to be stuck in a pod to be able to control the ship, this technology was developed after the jovans went silent 10 years back, no one knows what happened to them.
Jack had no idea what he was going to say to the crew of over 6900 who's life now depended on him his data pad witch was so posed to contain his speech, was empty as
Jack entered the hanger he had found that all of his crew was there already they where in a crescent with his new battle ship hovering in the back ground.
it was a amazing ship a marvel of Gallente technical prowess it had been a hundred years since the Megathron had proven its self during the great war, and many changes to the warp drive and the armor have been made, making it a even more frighting ship to behold.
The Daedalus main mission was deep space exploration and waypoint marking for new stargates. To combat the need for food and supplies a matter converter had been installed into the ship as well as a new form of warp drive who's speed surpassed 400AU/s.
Jack cleared his throat and began his speech to his crew, witch consisted of "hello i will be your caption i guess this is the time i'm so posed to say something inspiring....but i cant think of any thing so lets get one our way then" there where quite a few chuckles going about in the crew formation. Jack was thinkfull for this he needed a mood lightener.
as jack entered his ship he made his way to a elevator and was taken directly to the bridge. it was a sight to behold a room 70 by 70 ft long with a huge holodisplay in the center there where two path ways leading from the holodisplay the curved inward slightly.
jack looked over the railing to see with was down there and relised that it was the captions chair, the navigations officer chair and the ordnance's officer's chair. Jack took his seat flanked by his nav and ordnance officers.
Jack: "take her out Mr.barley"
Mr.barley: "aye caption".
blarg |
Kimochi Rendar
Ghost Festival
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Posted - 2008.08.13 15:53:00 -
[2]
Kimochi raises an eyebrow quizzically, unsure of what to say. She thinks for a moment before opening a reply window.
Umm... That's an interesting piece, Pilot, although it could use a little work in the grammar and spelling departments.
Also you might want to post it here instead.
Good luck.
She closes the channel, still bemused.
Ghost Festival is now recruiting! |
Jack Airron
Gallente
Universal Mining Inc
Forged Dominion
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Posted - 2008.08.13 16:22:00 -
[3]
Edited by: Jack Airron on 13/08/2008 16:22:39
 Originally by: Kimochi Rendar
Kimochi raises an eyebrow quizzically, unsure of what to say. She thinks for a moment before opening a reply window.
Umm... That's an interesting piece, Pilot, although it could use a little work in the grammar and spelling departments.
Also you might want to post it here instead.
Good luck.
She closes the channel, still bemused.
yeah this is my first piece of fan fiction iv ever done for any mmo im still working out the plot kinks and the grammar stuff. dyslexia ftl
blarg |
Natalia Duraldi
Gallente
Pillowsoft
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Posted - 2008.08.13 21:44:00 -
[4]
Good start overall, but you may want to consider a few points:
A) Earth is a myth that some people wonder about but it isn't known so you cannot really reference it in IC stories
B) I think (and I may definitely be wrong) that the megathron was not introduced until after the last Gallente/Caldari conflict
C) You also have to be careful about stating things that cannot be backed up in-game such as having a warp drive that can take you 400AU/s (although that would be nice.) You could say that your corp is involved in research to develop a new warp drive technology though.
Otherwise keep up the works, I am always interested in reading eve-stories :)
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Stitcher
Caldari
Duty.
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Posted - 2008.08.15 21:53:00 -
[5]
Edited by: Stitcher on 15/08/2008 21:53:15
OOC Post: While I admire your enthusiasm, there's a limit to just how much it's wise to play around with and "reinvent" the EVE setting to suit your own sense of cool. Basically, like it or lump it, you're in a pod, the fastest ships in the game do 14AU/s, Earth is known of as fact but it'd be immensely unlikely for any pieces of pop culture to have survived the intervening eighteen thousand years intact.
Basically, it's worth sitting around and watching other people for a while to figure out how things are done around here before jumping in with your stuff first. Understatement, that's the key.
Finally, if you want to post fan-fiction, the place to do it is the EVE Library board. the Intergalactic summit is for in-character discussion.
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Lt. Verin "Stitcher" Tarn-Hakatain. |
ShadowDraqon
Awesome Industries Group
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Posted - 2008.08.17 21:21:00 -
[6]
Aside from a few *ahemm* spelling error and grammar mixups, an ok story overall. still the 400 AU seems implausible, how about having it fitted with an experimental jump drive that locks onto planets in other systems instead of cynos?
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