| Pages: [1] 2 :: one page |
|
|
| Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 0 post(s) |
ReaperOfSly
Gallente
Lyrus Associates
The Star Fraction
    |
Posted - 2008.08.24 15:24:00 -
[1]
I'm bored. So I'm making a thread for people to post really bad/lame/un-PC jokes in. I'll go first.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's a trick question. Feminists can't change anything.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
What's the dictionary definition of recursion?
Recursion: Noun, see "Recursion".
__________________________
Quote:
...bored, skint, no charter, and a ship that looks like an explosion in a girder factory...
|
Slade Trillgon
Siorai Iontach
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 15:30:00 -
[2]
A drunk walks out of a bar...
Slade
DesuSigs |
Rawrior
Gallente
Neo Spartans
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 15:31:00 -
[3]
Edited by: Rawrior on 24/08/2008 15:32:00
Originally by: ReaperOfSly
I'm bored. So I'm making a thread for people to post really bad/lame/un-PC jokes in. I'll go first.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Feminists can't change anything.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
What's the dictionary definition of recursion?
Recursion: Noun, see "Recursion".
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's a trick question. none, they'de just make a darkness support group. fix'd
and..
what do you call a cow without any legs? Ground Beef.. ha ha ha a real knee slapper i know..
_____
TEH FORUM POLICE!!1!11!@2! |
YourMain
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 15:50:00 -
[4]
Edited by: YourMain on 24/08/2008 15:50:35
How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem?
He worked it out with a pencil
Why did the tachyon cross the road?
because it was on the other side
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
------------------------------------
---------------------------------
Post With Your Main |
Elliot Reid
Digital Fury Corporation
Digital Renegades
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 15:53:00 -
[5]
This is an old one that is cheesy but always made me smile.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A fish.
_______________________________________
|
Drakolus
Amarr
Dopehead Industries
FOUNDATI0N
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 16:04:00 -
[6]
Two guys are walking in a desert. One guy turns to the other and says:
"Man, I'm hungry."
The other guy is about to agree when he spots a tree in the distance.
"Oh my god, look, it's a bacon tree!" he says.
The first guy, not believing him says:
"There is no such thing as a bacon tree."
Even more excitedly the second guy responds:
"LOOK, there it is, it's a bacon tree."
The first guy looks and sure enough, there is a bacon tree in the distance. Thinking quick, the first guy takes off running at top speed for the tree. He's going to get all the bacon since he's so hungry. The second guy not to be outdone speeds off after him trying to overtake him.
The first guy gets within about 15ft of the bacon tree and gunfire erupts. There's machine guns and rifles going off, hand grenades exploding and even an rpg flying through the ruckus.
The second guy stops well back from the fray and thinks for a moment.
"Oh, my mistake. It's not a bacon tree, it's a hambush."
_____________________________________________
|
Nebulous
Minmatar
Thukker Insurgents
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 16:26:00 -
[7]
*An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big smile on his face*
Bartender > Why are you looking so happy?
Ugly man > Well I live near a railway track, when I was walking back home yesterday I noticed a woman tied to the tracks, so I cut her loose.
Bartender > What happened after that?
Ugly man > Well this is the best part, we had wild passionate sex all night.
Bartender > wow you are lucky, did she suck you off!?
Ugly man > No... I never found her head.
-----------------------
|
kor anon
Amarr
Ministry of War
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 16:31:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Nebulous
*An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big smile on his face*
Bartender > Why are you looking so happy?
Ugly man > Well I live near a railway track, when I was walking back home yesterday I noticed a woman tied to the tracks, so I cut her loose.
Bartender > What happened after that?
Ugly man > Well this is the best part, we had wild passionate sex all night.
Bartender > wow you are lucky, did she suck you off!?
Ugly man > No... I never found her head.
-----------------------
Holy shit........
|
The TX
Gallente
Pulsar Combat Supplies
Alternative Realities
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 17:14:00 -
[9]
As my RL friends would tell you, this is a thread built for me. But actually, atm, I'm lost for words. I can't think of any shite jokes.
--------------------
[Signature]
[/Signature]
|
Micheal Dietrich
Caldari
Terradyne Networks
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 17:48:00 -
[10]
A man walks into a bar and orders 5 shots of tequila.
The bartender asks him what he is celebrating.
"I just had my first blowjob!"
"Well in that case I'll give you another shot of tequila on the house!"
"That's ok, if five doesn't get the taste out I don't know what will"
|
|
Spaztick
Canadian Imperial Armaments
EVESpace
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 17:51:00 -
[11]
So a baby seal walks into a club. He sits down, orders a drink, but poachers come and kill him and take his skin to sell on the black market.
But seriously, more people should have some type of spacer in their sigs to show it's not part of the post.
|
ReaperOfSly
Gallente
Lyrus Associates
The Star Fraction
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 18:52:00 -
[12]
Why did the actor fail his audition for Romeo and Juliet?
There was a misunderstanding over "enter Juliet from behind".
__________________________
Quote:
...bored, skint, no charter, and a ship that looks like an explosion in a girder factory...
|
Blane Xero
Amarr
The Firestorm Cartel
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 22:16:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Spaztick
So a baby seal walks into a club. He sits down, orders a drink, but poachers come and kill him and take his skin to sell on the black market.
Its actually " A baby seal walks into a club" and thats it, the whole joke being Club =/= Club 
|
Xen Gin
Universal Mining Inc
Forged Dominion
|
Posted - 2008.08.24 22:20:00 -
[14]
What's the best way to Milk a Cash cow!?
With straight to DVD movies!
*I'm looking at you MGM!*
|
Saint Lazarus
Spiorad ag fanaiocht
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 01:34:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Blane Xero
Edited by: Blane Xero on 24/08/2008 22:30:28
Originally by: Spaztick
So a baby seal walks into a club. He sits down, orders a drink, but poachers come and kill him and take his skin to sell on the black market.
Its actually " A baby seal walks into a club" and thats it, the whole joke being Club =/= Club
 That whole thing just went right over you
Whats brown and sticky?
.
.
.
.
A stick
Whats blue and smells like red paint?
.
.
.
.
blue paint
You head about the magic tractor? it went down the road and turned into a field
What do you call a boomerang that dosent come back?
.
.
.
.
A stick
Theres some pretty awful jokes 
-----------------
|
Chiriboga
Gallente
The Scope
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 03:17:00 -
[16]
When the titanic was sailing across the ocean to New York, it was carrying lots of mayonnaise to drop off in Mexico as well. Back then in the early 20th century Mayonnaise had just been introduced to Mexicans and they were addicted to it. They bought millions of jars of mayonnaise; in fact an entire supply of mayonnaise estimated to last them forever. Unfortunately all their Mayonnaise sank to the bottom of the ocean with the titanic and there would be no mayonnaise ever again. They created a national day of mourning: the cinco of mayo.
|
Tarek Tarazul
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 07:01:00 -
[17]
My uncle died in his sleep, unlike his co-driver, who died screaming.
|
Kaeten
Hybrid Syndicate
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 08:10:00 -
[18]
1. knock knock
2. whos there?
1. boo
2. boo who?
1. boohoo quit crying
________________________
I'M POOR
|
KHAELAN
Caldari
Caldari Provisions
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 08:20:00 -
[19]
*NEWSFLASH*
Gary Glitter has attempted suicide by jumping in the sea. He's safe though...coast guards found him bobbing up and down on a buoy :)
Check |
Tarek Tarazul
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 09:43:00 -
[20]
Edited by: Tarek Tarazul on 25/08/2008 09:45:13
ah that reminds me
1. knock knock
2. whos there?
1. Kosh
2. Kosh who?
1. Gesundheit
and:
How many Minbari does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They always surrender right before finishing the job, and they never tell you why.
|
|
Rubra
J. S. Bach In memoriam
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 17:51:00 -
[21]
A blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there
for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're
blind, that you should know five things:
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously Mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
........................
'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
|
kor anon
Amarr
Ministry of War
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 19:37:00 -
[22]
Q: whats the best thing about shagging twenty four year olds?
A:There is twenty of them
Q: whats the best thing about shagging a 5 year old girl?
A: you can flip her over and pretend shes a four year olds boy
>cringeworthy indeed 
|
Fink Angel
Caldari
The Merry Men
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 19:38:00 -
[23]
Say 'em out loud ...
Q: What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head?
A: Doug
Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff
Q: What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?
A: Warren
Q: What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?
A: Russel
Q: What do you call a woman on top of a house?
A: Ruth
Q: What would you call Bambi with two forks stuck into his peepers?
A: No-eye-deer.
|
Dheorl
Surge.
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 20:39:00 -
[24]
A biologist, a mathmatician and a physicist are watching a house.
2 People walk into the house and a few minutes later 3 people walk out.
The biologist says they have reproduced, the mathmetician says if one more person walks into the house no-one will be in the house and the physicist says it is a measurement error.
|
Alz Shado
Ever Flow
HUZZAH FEDERATION
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 20:54:00 -
[25]
Edited by: Alz Shado on 25/08/2008 21:02:38
Why do Comp Sci students always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Oct[31] = Dec[25]
How many Comp Sci students does it take to change a lightbulb?
10 = 1 to hold the ladder, and 1 to change the bulb!
What do you do with dead chemists?
Barium!
A wine aficionado walks into a bar and wagers a hundred dollars that he can name any vintage just from one single taste. The bartender, skeptical, takes him up on his offer. Shortly, he presents four glasses to the man. For each of the first three the wine taster triumphantly exclaims the maker's vineyard, but upon tasting the fourth his eyes grow wide, and spits the drink out. "This is ****!" he exclaims. "Ah-ha," replies the bartender "...but WHOSE?!"
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Elephino.
////
---------===
[]=
---------===
\\\\ Rifter(RedBad)
"Kill a man one is a murderer; kill a million, a conqueror; kill them all, a God." -- Jean Rostand |
ReaperOfSly
Gallente
Lyrus Associates
The Star Fraction
|
Posted - 2008.08.25 21:01:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Dheorl
A biologist, a mathmatician and a physicist are watching a house.
2 People walk into the house and a few minutes later 3 people walk out.
The biologist says they have reproduced, the mathmetician says if one more person walks into the house no-one will be in the house and the physicist says it is a measurement error.
Is the glass half full or half empty? The pessimist says half empty. The optimist says half full. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
__________________________
Quote:
...bored, skint, no charter, and a ship that looks like an explosion in a girder factory...
|
Akita T
Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force
|
Posted - 2008.08.26 03:55:00 -
[27]
Edited by: Akita T on 26/08/2008 04:06:15
Q : What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito ?
A : You can't cross a scalar with a vector.
You need to speak it out loud
Q : What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra?
A : Elephant zebra sin theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two as determined by the right hand rule.
Q : Why was Heisenberg's wife unsatisfied?
A : When he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says, "For you, no charge."
Following the Great Flood, Noah lets the animals out of the ark and gives them the command, "Go forth and multiply!".
Some time later, he goes about checking on them and is pleased to see that they have followed his command - chicks, foals, cubs, pups and other baby animals abound. Except for the snakes - no offspring to be found
Noah inquires why they haven't multiplied? To which the snakes reply, "We can't. We're adders.".
Noah is bothered by this, and takes compassion on the snakes. What can he give them? Finally he saws some sections of logs and makes some furniture for them.
More time passes, and Noah again visits the snakes. Baby snakes everywhere!
Noah is pleased, but confused. "I thought you said you couldn't do this?", he remarks. The snakes smile and reply, "Oh, it's much better since you gave us those log tables!".
Q: What's the contour integral of Western Europe?
A: Zero. The poles are in Eastern Europe.
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the question as to whether it is better to have a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer explained, "With a divorce as costly as it is, it is far better to have a mistress.". The doctor responded,
"No, to avoid possible exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, it is necessary to enter into a monogamous relationship with one woman, your wife.".
The mathematician reflected on those answers for a moment, then cleared his throat and commented, "No. Both of you are wrong. It is best to have both a wife and a mistress. That way, when your wife thinks you are with your mistress, and your mistress thinks you are with your wife, you can go to the office and do mathematics!".
Q : Why is simplifying a fraction like powdering your nose?
A : It improves the appearance without changing the value.
Q : Why is math a violent subject?
A : Because it has mean values, cross products and warring fractions.
Q : How do you tell that you are in the hands of the Mathematical Mafia?
A : They make you an offer that you can't understand.
Q : If only you and dead people can read hexadecimal, how many people can read hexadecimal?
A : 51006 hex(DEAD)=dec(51005)
Q : What did Pythagoras say when he was confronted by the square root of 2?
A : There has to be a rational explanation for this...
_
SHOPS || Mission rewards revamp || better nanofix
|
EnslaverOfMinmatar
Yarsk Hunters
DeaDSpace Coalition
|
Posted - 2008.08.26 08:22:00 -
[28]
Sometimes, during their lives, women possess smart DNA inside of them... but some of them spit it out.
---------
A scotsman drives through a desert and feels an urge to go to the restroom. Then he sees a gas station with a sign "$50 for using the restroom". Resisting the urge, he keeps driving. He sees another gas station, and there's a sign "$75 for using the restroom". He's trying to resist the urge and drives on. There's another gas station, and the sign says "$100 for using the restroom". He can't keep it any longer, rushes in, pays $100 and goes to the restroom...... An hour later the owner goes into the restroom and sees the dude who hanged himself and wrote on the piece of paper "it was only gas".
|
Rawrior
Gallente
Neo Spartans
|
Posted - 2008.08.26 09:49:00 -
[29]
Originally by: EnslaverOfMinmatar
Sometimes, during their lives, women possess smart DNA inside of them... but some of them spit it out.
---------
A scotsman drives through a desert and feels an urge to go to the restroom. Then he sees a gas station with a sign "$50 for using the restroom". Resisting the urge, he keeps driving. He sees another gas station, and there's a sign "$75 for using the restroom". He's trying to resist the urge and drives on. There's another gas station, and the sign says "$100 for using the restroom". He can't keep it any longer, rushes in, pays $100 and goes to the restroom...... An hour later the owner goes into the restroom and sees the dude who hanged himself and wrote on the piece of paper "it was only gas".
ahahahaha
_____
TEH FORUM POLICE!!1!11!@2! |
Volarius
D00M.
Triumvirate.
|
Posted - 2008.08.26 11:01:00 -
[30]
What do women and hurricanes have in common?
When they come it's wet and heavy and when they leave they take your house and your car.
|
|
|
|
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 :: one page |
| First page | Previous page | Next page | Last page |