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Kelduum Revaan
Caldari Eve University Ivy League
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Posted - 2010.04.01 00:00:00 -
[1]
Many of you know Eve University as the training corporation, with thousands of members and alumni as well as over six years of teaching new players in all aspects of Eve, and helping them on their way in New Eden to become successful pilots. That, however, is about to change.
Official Eve University Press Statement - For Immediate Release
Eve University Now Open for Mercenary Contracts
With some recent adjustments to our structure now completed, I am free to announce that Eve University, is moving from being a solely empire-based teaching corporation to an Eve-wide mercenary outfit. The reasons behind this are surprisingly numerous, and we see this as a natural transition for an entity our size and experience.
First of all, since we formed our alliance, we have been the targets of various groups, most of who simply did not do their research. Many of these appeared initially formidable, but soon were crushed against the might of Eve University, often collapsing soon after from "The E-UNI Curse".
Secondly, we have well over 1,400 active members, and while many of them are inexperienced, they more than make up for this with tenacity. Put simply, they have nothing to lose, and as E-UNI supplies fully fitted replacement ships the only thing they need pay for are their clones - the vast majority of which are supplied free of charge.
Thirdly and finally, while the number of defeated foes continues to rise, we have noticed that wars simply have become more frequent. This was once disruptive for our scheduled lessons, meaning we needed to continually re-schedule classes due to war operations, however the new leadership understands that peace really is a lie, and as such we have made changes to negate any impact.
This brings many more opportunities for combat, but barring a few notable exceptions, the recent wars have been uneventful failures from small corporations where we outnumber them 100:1 or more. Many claim they "just want some fun" but become strangely quiet after they lose their ships in the first engagement to a fleet 10 times the size of their whole corporation.
So, in search of combat, and looking for more of a challenge without having to bother ourselves with taking space, we are changing our stance.
(continued...) |
Ren Dac
Amarr Adhocracy Incorporated
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Posted - 2010.04.01 00:05:00 -
[2]
/me runs for the hills. |
Kelduum Revaan
Caldari Eve University Ivy League
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Posted - 2010.04.01 00:05:00 -
[3]
(... continued from OP)
Some of the Services offered:
- Patented UniBlob(TM) and UniLag(TM) technologies, which instil fear and panic in your enemies as local suddenly increases by more than 200 pilots.
- Well coordinated fleets, made up of effectively worthless ships, so your enemies can never get a positive ISK ratio on their killboard.
- Permanent damage to your chosen targets DNA, through excessive use of electronic warfare.
- 23/7 station camping of your targets - our pilots really have nothing better to do.
- Hordes of fearless noobs with nothing to lose, who get their ships replaced by the corp as well as free jumpclones to save those +1 implants.
- Non-combat asset denial. By opening an Eve University office in your target system, all asteroid belts and production slots within five jumps will be instantly used up.
- Pirate harassment. Opening an office near your target losec system will lead to fleets harassing pirates in the area 23/7, including destruction of capital ships by frigates.
- Rapid improvement of development indices for your territory in nullsec, or harassment of your foes who are trying to increase thiers.
- On the launch of Incarna, a new 'UniCrowd' option, populating your targets in-station hangouts with over two hundred noobs.
- Optional exemption from hostilities, via regular small donation and standings.
To employ our services, the arrangements are relatively simple, however you have two options:
1. Speak to Silentbrick, our Director of War, and provide your target and list of services required. Costs start at 50 million ISK for the basic wardec, and scale up depending on the services required. Donations are of course welcomed to assist us in rapid replacement of any losses.
2. A little more complex, but more popular recently, is infiltrating the target corporation, and convincing them to declare war on Eve University. This option has no cost, however donations are of course welcome.
While the first option is substantially more straightforward and much quicker, the second option is more satisfying as you watch them pay for their own demise.
Already, negotiations are in progress for our first contract which is expected to go live within the next 24 hours, so keep a close eye on this thread.
We are the new m0o. We are the new Burn Eden. We are the new Mercenary Coalition. We are the new Cruel Intentions. We are the new Privateers. We are Eve University. Hire us or fear us. Your choice.
-- Kelduum Revaan Chief Executive Officer Eve University <IVY> _____
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Berneh
Gallente Freelance Economics Astrological resources Tactical Narcotics Team
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Posted - 2010.04.01 00:18:00 -
[4]
Excellant !
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Arconite
Amarr The Executives IT Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 00:21:00 -
[5]
Nice try at an April Fool joke :)
Regards,
Arc |
bnogo
Caldari The Executives IT Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 00:22:00 -
[6]
what he said ^^^
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AdmiralJohn
Gallente The Unknown Bar and Pub Elysium Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 00:28:00 -
[7]
Edited by: AdmiralJohn on 01/04/2010 00:28:04 Oh. My. God.
You do realize that you have unleashed a monster, right? This is the end of Eve as we know it.
How do you feel now that you've put Noir. in second place?
You should do it, for real this time.
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Mediastinum
Caldari Evolution IT Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 00:57:00 -
[8]
April Fools! You hit the timing perfectly, once again. |
Kuseka Adama
Gallente Angels Of Death EVE Free Worlds Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 01:00:00 -
[9]
Is it april fools though?
I've seen crazier things actually happen in our life time...and they DO have the firepower.
Taking names and kicking ass. All in the search for Bubblegum. |
pc dude
Minmatar Ghosts of Ragnarok
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Posted - 2010.04.01 01:02:00 -
[10]
Edited by: pc dude on 01/04/2010 01:02:49
Originally by: AdmiralJohn Edited by: AdmiralJohn on 01/04/2010 00:28:04 Oh. My. God.
You do realize that you have unleashed a monster, right? This is the end of Eve as we know it.
How do you feel now that you've put Noir. in second place?
You should do it, for real this time.
noir is like a sharp knife wielded by a ninja, who shank the target in a dark alley (or wherever you want them shanked); these guys are like a plastic bag and a baseball bat wielded by a hoard of cracked out midgets(from what i can tell). they might not kill the target so quickly or efficiently, but they're cheap, and even if he doesnt die, but his pride, his head and his balls are sure gonna hurt.
so it does not seem to me so much that they dethroned noir, they just perform a different (but similar) sort of service in a similar sort of way to achieve a goal of a different sort. sometimes you just wanna see your enemy get beat up by a hoard of midgets vOv
p.s. noir. your still my favorite =p
edit: too bad, you got me. april fools. dammit you got me lol
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Kalanar
Caldari Wrecking Shots Hostile Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 01:05:00 -
[11]
Bravo good sir, regardless of whether or not this is April Fools.
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Gingawa
Caldari Ginnungagaps Rymdfarargille Blade.
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Posted - 2010.04.01 01:42:00 -
[12]
So.. You're like Goonswarm in Empire? Now ain't that just great.
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P3ROXIDE
Caldari Adhocracy Incorporated
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Posted - 2010.04.01 01:52:00 -
[13]
Highly recommended service. Hired them to shut down the aldrat system a year or two ago. They did it with ease.
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Kriekon
Gallente BURN EDEN
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Posted - 2010.04.01 02:34:00 -
[14]
Edited by: Kriekon on 01/04/2010 02:36:41 Confirming they are the new Burn Eden.
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rantuket
Caldari SPORADIC MOVEMENT Cult of War
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Posted - 2010.04.01 02:47:00 -
[15]
This is the most exciting thing to happen within EVE since... since... HELL THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING!
Hiring you guys tomorrow.
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mjed mazga
Caldari Reliables Inc Majesta Empire
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Posted - 2010.04.01 03:21:00 -
[16]
This is, by far, one of those most win posts I've ever seen on the E-O forums.
Good job, sir, I approve of this message with my laughter and mirth. April Fool's joke or not, I wish you the best.
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Qui Binder
Gallente Dead Pilots Society
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Posted - 2010.04.01 03:47:00 -
[17]
Recommended: I hired Eve Uni to camp my co-worker, and he doesn't even play Eve.
They got him to sign up, join E-Uni and then forced him to say docked up in station during wartimes.
Would hire them again. --- Dead Pilots Society, Director of Diplomacy. |
Cyrus Doul
Caldari Cosmic Vacum Cleaners Enforcers of Serenity
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Posted - 2010.04.01 04:11:00 -
[18]
page one!
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Fugusha Kisai
Gallente Nagrom Security Syndicate Enforcers of Serenity
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Posted - 2010.04.01 04:16:00 -
[19]
Beware the mobs of frigates...
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FerociousAndAdorable
Caldari Di-Tron Heavy Industries Atlas Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 04:28:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Kelduum Revaan (... continued from OP)
destruction of capital ships by frigates.
GoonSwarm wanna-bees?
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The PitBoss
Caldari Interstellar Brotherhood of Gravediggers Privateer Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 05:07:00 -
[21]
Edited by: The PitBoss on 01/04/2010 05:10:34
Originally by: Kelduum Revaan We are the new m0o. We are the new Burn Eden. We are the new Mercenary Coalition. We are the new Cruel Intentions. We are the new Privateers.
^^ Not even close
1) Best April Fools Joke in-game EVER ...
2) Wrong Forum for banging your merc chest ...
3) You had your 'niche' in-game ... you just ruined it
4) Teaching noobs how to blob isn't teaching them at all ...
5) Good luck
Thank-You,
The Pitboss (Space between The & Pitboss)
Signatures by: Kalen Vox |
Aluin Chaput
Caldari Metanoia. Consortium.
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Posted - 2010.04.01 06:17:00 -
[22]
This would be awesome if it where not an April fools joke.
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Minigin
Caldari Trinity Corp WE FORM VOLTRON
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Posted - 2010.04.01 06:18:00 -
[23]
LOL FRIKING GOOD ONE! . MINIGIN! The original colour poster - now surrounding you in limegreen.
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Trade Boss
Caldari Dark-Rising IT Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.01 06:29:00 -
[24]
10 for Originality . Great way to wake up, reading this :)
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RifterDrifter
Minmatar They Found Oil On Your Anus
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Posted - 2010.04.01 07:04:00 -
[25]
Well played OP, well played. _______________________________________________
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Vardemis
Caldari Jericho Fraction The Star Fraction
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Posted - 2010.04.01 07:09:00 -
[26]
Nice once.
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Hiro Apropos
Caldari M. Corp Daisho Syndicate
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Posted - 2010.04.01 08:24:00 -
[27]
I bow before the power of my Alma Mater , well played sirs, well played. The NEW M.Corp Data Hub - Check it out! |
Omber Zombie
Gallente Frontier Technologies
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Posted - 2010.04.01 08:49:00 -
[28]
*opens his wallet*
----------------------
My Blog |
Vernn Miller
Caldari Volition Cult The Volition Cult
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Posted - 2010.04.01 09:16:00 -
[29]
Bah nearly bought it till I looked at the post date and realized its April 1st .
Quote: null
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Fossil Wolf
Caldari omen.
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Posted - 2010.04.01 09:33:00 -
[30]
SeeD
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