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J'inn
Caldari Shiva Morsus Mihi
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Posted - 2010.04.05 20:28:00 -
[1]
Weekend Review.
The Invasion Lags Forward!
I know what each and everyone one of you is wondering. How can I make ISK off of this? No wait, thatÆs just me.
YouÆre wondering, whatÆs really going on. Sure, there have been plenty of chest beating posts. Lots of the NC is winning. The SC is winning. You fail. No you fail! My dad can beat up your dad! Etc. So whatÆs the truth? Well I am glad you asked because we here at the Ministry of Information specialize in the truth.
We got your truth, right here:
1. Over the weekend enough ISK was destroyed to make even Chribba stand up and take notice. Almost 100% of said ISK in the form of Fleet Battleships and support. In fact so many ships needed to be replaced that the GNP of China ticked up 1% over the weekend. (IÆm going to get a note from CCP on that one).
How many ships destroyed. Oh go check the NC and the IT killboards yourself! Suffice it to say . . . Lots.
2. IT continues to be based out of X-70 in Pure Blind and the vast majority of fights have taken place in that system. So far they have not made any inroads beyond that except to kill off 7 or so POSes in various nearby systems. Northern Coalition POS refuellers have filed a formal complaint with Molle asking him to hurry it up already.
3. So what about the Southern Coalition? I mean the term ôCoalitionö kinda infers other wacky people helping your wacky people, right? Well . . . AAA and CoW have gotten a little frisky. They are based out of Obe, which at least lets them run missions while things are slow. Their forces have made several forays into P3en-E (those crazy CCP guys and their coy system naming). A SBU unit was dropped. Lots of fighting took place . . . blah blah blah.
Yeah so thatÆs about it really . . .
So whose winning? ItÆs too frikkin early to tell!! At the rate the SC is going this war will last well into 2012.
It does not really make sense if you think about it. During MAX 1 the Southern Guys took over multiple regions in the Northern very quickly. Tribute was under siege constantly, and at times things appeared grim for the NC. This time, there have been a lot of fleet battles and some POS pew pew (the NC has killed off 3 - 5 Invasion POSes and Super Carrier) but not much else of note. So what the hell . . .
So I, JÆinn the Wonderful, took on an independent investigation and have uncovered a truly evil scheme. I could go on and on . . . but I think this chat log that one of my spies at CCP turned over to me answers the questions . . .
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Northern Coalition Ministry of Information Truth & Love
The NC: Best Friends Forever! |
J'inn
Caldari Shiva Morsus Mihi
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Posted - 2010.04.05 20:35:00 -
[2]
(and part 2)
Date January 4, 2010 . . . . .
-------------START TRANSCRIPT--------------
Unidentified CCP Developer: Okay I suppose you two are wondering why I pulled you into this chat.
Molle: Well yes. ItÆs not like I have a lot of free time here. My girlfriend demands a lot of my time. Want to see a picture?
CCP: Sure!
Vuk Lau: Want to see a picture of my nekked arse?
CCP: NO!!
Vuk Lau: Oh.
CCP: Look we need your help guys. We at CCP have come up with a new feature and it needs testing.
Vuk Lau: Cool. But whatÆs wrong with Sisi.
CCP: Well this feature only goes into effect under high server stress. And frankly, despite our efforts, we canÆt get enough people to log onto Sisi to properly test it.
Molle: YOU FIXED LAG!!!
CCP: Erm, well yes. Yes we did.
Vuk Lau: OMG!! What do you need us to do?
CCP: We need you guys to fight each other. All out, to the death.
Molle: Ugh. I donÆt have time for that.
Vuk Lau: Will this take away from my running plexes?
CCP: Look guys, weÆll pay you, just keep it quiet.
Molle: Interesting. So, whatÆs the feature.
CCP: Oh itÆs really cool!! We here call it CSR. ThatÆs our extra cool acronym for Combat Stress Reduction.
Vuk Lau: wtf?
CCP: Well we at CCP realize that large fleet engagement can be really stressful. With all that shooting, and damage, and explosions . . . ItÆs just too much for anyone to take in at once. So we realized that we need to slow down the action.
Vuk Lau: I repeat . . . wtf?
CCP: Hold on. So, with this new feature anytime there is a large fleet battle the servers will start up the CSR subroutines and immediately slow down the action to a safer, calmer speed. Just imagine, now you will have a full 5 minutes or more to activate weapons, select targets, etc. And hey, if you die you wonÆt even see it happen!! You just relog, and wake up in a nice comfy station. What could be more peaceful? Boy, we here at CCP sure care about you guys!
Molle: You are talking about )&*^(*&^#&*# lag!!
CCP: No no no no. We killed lag. There is no lag. WeÆre just talking about a new feature for our next expansion.
Molle: Next . . .?
CCP: Yes! Eve Online: The Calming
Vuk Lau: I canÆt believe this.
CCP: Look guys we need to test this throughly, and we have to keep this private.
Molle: I wonÆt be a part of this.
CCP: 200 Euros for every fleet battle.
Vuk Lau: 200!! Screw that. IÆm not going to betray my BFFs in the North for 200 Euros. Besides I make over 1000 Euros every day E-Baying the NC Titan fund ISK.
Molle: <gasp>
CCP: IÆm going to pretend I didnÆt ôhearö that. Okay, look, the CSM elections; we at CCP can adjust the vote results. No one will know. How to you like the title CSM Chairman for Life?
Vuk Lau: Ooooooooo!
Molle: Hey!! What about me.
CCP: Well I do think any Titans you lose could be due to a server error. WeÆd have to reimburse them in that case wouldnÆt we.
Molle: I dunno. ItÆs tempting.
CCP: How about we throw in a Pink Hat signed by CCP Gandolf for your annual BBQs?
Molle: Really!!!
CCP: Yes sir!!
Molle: IÆm in!
Vuk: You guys want to see a picture of . . .
CCP & Molle: NO!!!
----------END TRANSCRIPT-----------
Well I guess that explains everything.
LetÆs see . . . thereÆs something I forgot . . . oh yes . . .
Titan Losses To Date:
Molle: 0 Imperian: 0 Rest of NC: 0 Rest of SC: 0
YAWN!
Stay tuned!
-----------------
Northern Coalition Ministry of Information Truth & Love
The NC: Best Friends Forever! |
riverini
Gallente Reliables Inc Majesta Empire
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Posted - 2010.04.05 20:35:00 -
[3]
FIRST!
Also adding the much needed *german giggles* to an otherwise good thread
German Love, riverini
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LooseLips
Minmatar Luck Yourself Into Isk
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Posted - 2010.04.05 20:45:00 -
[4]
Actually seems fairly decent, of course you have a bit of the NC spin to it.
Both sides have lost countless ships, NC has held its space as of yet, and killed a Mothership. But it has also cost them about 3 Tech moons, probably more by the end of the day. If this turns into a long war as your post mentioned 2012 those tech moons and isk will become important.
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Holick
Caldari Solar Nexus. OWN Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.05 20:45:00 -
[5]
by far my favorite Coad thread of all time...... I want more
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Arrador
Caldari Serenity Ascension On the Rocks
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Posted - 2010.04.05 20:48:00 -
[6]
This Thread Delivers!
"Its not a bug, its a feature!"
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Kesper North
Caldari Epiphyte Mining and Exploration Majesta Empire
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Posted - 2010.04.05 20:52:00 -
[7]
Folks over on the Site that Shall Not Be Named seem to think that 'Kitchen Sink Coalition' is a good term for the SC, or at least a more fun one.
I think some of them don't even have NC affiliation, either. -- Killed me? Read about it in my blog! Northern Lights: Solo PVP in EVE Online
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Zendoren
Gallente Aktaeon Industries United Star Federation
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Posted - 2010.04.05 20:53:00 -
[8]
This is so full of WIN that I demand a Sticky!
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fatherted1989
Caldari Red Horizon Inc R.A.G.E
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Posted - 2010.04.05 21:05:00 -
[9]
:D
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KIAEddZ
Caldari KIA Corporation RAZOR Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.05 21:19:00 -
[10]
Lol
Grade A Posting, pure white.
KIA EVE Home
KIA in game Public Channel "KIA"
KIA are Currently recruiting active PvP minded players. Contact SentryRaven |
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LooseLips
Minmatar Luck Yourself Into Isk
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Posted - 2010.04.05 21:26:00 -
[11]
Edited by: LooseLips on 05/04/2010 21:26:47
Originally by: KIAEddZ Lol
Grade A Posting, pure white.
--- KIA in game Public Channel "KIA"
KIA are Currently recruiting active PvP minded players. Contact SentryRaven
Hope your paying good after scamming so much isk from Ebank and destroying your last alliance.
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Zoctrine
Caldari Tsuna Tide
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Posted - 2010.04.05 21:28:00 -
[12]
Very enjoyable thread, would read again... Extremely entertaining and well presented.
9/10
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Julia Ginzinger
Caldari Tax Free Corporation
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Posted - 2010.04.05 21:34:00 -
[13]
Originally by: LooseLips Edited by: LooseLips on 05/04/2010 21:26:47
Originally by: KIAEddZ Lol
Grade A Posting, pure white.
--- KIA in game Public Channel "KIA"
KIA are Currently recruiting active PvP minded players. Contact SentryRaven
Hope your paying good after scamming so much isk from Ebank and destroying your last alliance.
Yes i'm pretty sure edz killed his own alliance
u mad?
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Naomi Wildfire
Amarr Stardust Heavy Industries Majesta Empire
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Posted - 2010.04.05 23:08:00 -
[14]
definetly a win, i loughed so hard :D
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AdmiralJohn
Gallente The Unknown Bar and Pub Elysium Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.05 23:21:00 -
[15]
Confirming neutral* propaganda, best propaganda.
*I have a skewed view of neutral
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Richstall10
Caldari Divine Retribution Atlas Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.05 23:40:00 -
[16]
"Its not a bug, its a feature!" would read again
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LooseLips
Minmatar Luck Yourself Into Isk
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Posted - 2010.04.06 01:25:00 -
[17]
Originally by: Julia Ginzinger
Originally by: LooseLips Edited by: LooseLips on 05/04/2010 21:26:47
Originally by: KIAEddZ Lol
Grade A Posting, pure white.
--- KIA in game Public Channel "KIA"
KIA are Currently recruiting active PvP minded players. Contact SentryRaven
Hope your paying good after scamming so much isk from Ebank and destroying your last alliance.
Yes i'm pretty sure edz killed his own alliance
u mad?
The leaders in an alliance make it or break it. In his case he not only broke it, he took a Freighter and crushed it into a station about 3000 times.
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Nitor1013Z
Caldari Red Horizon Inc R.A.G.E
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Posted - 2010.04.06 02:38:00 -
[18]
:D
have to say i was moved by your post.
Operation BFF FTW!!!!!
keep it coming, its hard to pwn IT in x-70 and Atlas in obe(shame we lost that lowsec system D:) at the same time
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Aegis Stormborn
Amarr Unknown-Entity Black Star Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.06 04:59:00 -
[19]
So J'inn = Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf?
NC Ministry of Information
:D
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WarSears
Minmatar Shiva Morsus Mihi
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Posted - 2010.04.06 05:41:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Aegis Stormborn So J'inn = Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf?
NC Ministry of Information
:D
I think its more like http://www.maggiore.net/greenacres/images/wallpaper_MrHaney.jpg
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Deva Blackfire
Amarr Shut Up And Play WE FORM VOLTRON
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Posted - 2010.04.06 08:01:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Aegis Stormborn So J'inn = Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf?
NC Ministry of Information
Why did you link Fred0?
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Ace Frehley
Minmatar Big Shadows Atlas Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.06 08:27:00 -
[22]
Convo is good, I bet it is real to
Rest is mehh, cheastbeating your own stuff and "dident want it anyway" when you lost something.......
But I guess that is part of the warmachinery anyways
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Tiger's Spirit
Caldari 24th Imperial Guard
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Posted - 2010.04.06 09:05:00 -
[23]
Originally by: J'inn (and part 2)
Date January 4, 2010 . . . . .
-------------START TRANSCRIPT--------------
Unidentified CCP Developer: Okay I suppose you two are wondering why I pulled you into this chat.
Molle: Well yes. ItÆs not like I have a lot of free time here. My girlfriend demands a lot of my time. Want to see a picture?
CCP: Sure!
Vuk Lau: Want to see a picture of my nekked arse?
CCP: NO!!
Vuk Lau: Oh.
CCP: Look we need your help guys. We at CCP have come up with a new feature and it needs testing.
Vuk Lau: Cool. But whatÆs wrong with Sisi.
CCP: Well this feature only goes into effect under high server stress. And frankly, despite our efforts, we canÆt get enough people to log onto Sisi to properly test it.
Molle: YOU FIXED LAG!!!
CCP: Erm, well yes. Yes we did.
Vuk Lau: OMG!! What do you need us to do?
CCP: We need you guys to fight each other. All out, to the death.
Molle: Ugh. I donÆt have time for that.
Vuk Lau: Will this take away from my running plexes?
CCP: Look guys, weÆll pay you, just keep it quiet.
Molle: Interesting. So, whatÆs the feature.
CCP: Oh itÆs really cool!! We here call it CSR. ThatÆs our extra cool acronym for Combat Stress Reduction.
Vuk Lau: wtf?
CCP: Well we at CCP realize that large fleet engagement can be really stressful. With all that shooting, and damage, and explosions . . . ItÆs just too much for anyone to take in at once. So we realized that we need to slow down the action.
Vuk Lau: I repeat . . . wtf?
CCP: Hold on. So, with this new feature anytime there is a large fleet battle the servers will start up the CSR subroutines and immediately slow down the action to a safer, calmer speed. Just imagine, now you will have a full 5 minutes or more to activate weapons, select targets, etc. And hey, if you die you wonÆt even see it happen!! You just relog, and wake up in a nice comfy station. What could be more peaceful? Boy, we here at CCP sure care about you guys!
Molle: You are talking about )&*^(*&^#&*# lag!!
CCP: No no no no. We killed lag. There is no lag. WeÆre just talking about a new feature for our next expansion.
Molle: Next . . .?
CCP: Yes! Eve Online: The Calming
Vuk Lau: I canÆt believe this.
CCP: Look guys we need to test this throughly, and we have to keep this private.
Molle: I wonÆt be a part of this.
CCP: 200 Euros for every fleet battle.
Vuk Lau: 200!! Screw that. IÆm not going to betray my BFFs in the North for 200 Euros. Besides I make over 1000 Euros every day E-Baying the NC Titan fund ISK.
Molle: <gasp>
CCP: IÆm going to pretend I didnÆt ôhearö that. Okay, look, the CSM elections; we at CCP can adjust the vote results. No one will know. How to you like the title CSM Chairman for Life?
Vuk Lau: Ooooooooo!
Molle: Hey!! What about me.
CCP: Well I do think any Titans you lose could be due to a server error. WeÆd have to reimburse them in that case wouldnÆt we.
Molle: I dunno. ItÆs tempting.
CCP: How about we throw in a Pink Hat signed by CCP Gandolf for your annual BBQs?
Molle: Really!!!
CCP: Yes sir!!
Molle: IÆm in!
Vuk: You guys want to see a picture of . . .
CCP & Molle: NO!!!
----------END TRANSCRIPT-----------
Well I guess that explains everything.
LetÆs see . . . thereÆs something I forgot . . . oh yes . . .
Titan Losses To Date:
Molle: 0 Imperian: 0 Rest of NC: 0 Rest of SC: 0
YAWN!
Stay tuned!
I put here a simple word. Lawl :D Nice post realy with good humor.
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Hinkledolph
Minmatar North Eastern Swat Pandemic Legion
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Posted - 2010.04.06 09:59:00 -
[24]
Best post in last year, 10/10.
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foksieloy
Minmatar Universal Army Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2010.04.06 10:21:00 -
[25]
This is actually very entertaining.
Are you sure you did not miss the forum? You did post this to CAOD... _______________________ We come for our people! |
Artemis Rose
Caldari Sileo In Pacis THE SPACE P0LICE
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Posted - 2010.04.06 11:56:00 -
[26]
Ground Floor yo! *** Currently Playing: Trolls from Outer Space Current Equipment: VISAcard chain mail, +2 Amulet of Epic Whine, Self Banstick +2 WTB: +666 E-peen killboard stats |
Avernus
Gallente Imperium Technologies Sodalitas XX
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Posted - 2010.04.06 15:44:00 -
[27]
Made me think of The Daily FIX from years ago. Good posting. The Daily FIX
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Nostradamous
Caldari Di-Tron Heavy Industries Atlas Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.06 16:02:00 -
[28]
Originally by: Avernus Made me think of The Daily FIX from years ago. Good posting. The Daily FIX
Oh God Yes!!!
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Orree
Gallente Dynaverse Corporation Sodalitas XX
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Posted - 2010.04.06 16:55:00 -
[29]
EVE: The Calming
CSRÖ
Good stuff...
---------- "How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." ---Benjamin Disraeli |
Mahyard Lymm
Gallente Dawn of a new Empire The Initiative.
|
Posted - 2010.04.06 21:40:00 -
[30]
I'm not a fan of the format, but I can see myself reading some crap in the near future expecting it to be funny. Started laughing after the Eve Online: The Calming. |
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