Herzog Wolfhammer
Gallente
Sigma Special Tactics Group
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Posted - 2011.09.05 16:40:00 -
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Edited by: Herzog Wolfhammer on 05/09/2011 16:44:05
Looks like a basic case of boredom and burnout and it can happen to you even if you like the work. Love of a job does not stave off the physical factors.
As for getting psychiatric help - if you feel there is a condition developing then see a psychiatrist first because they have a medical background and if your mood is being affected by health issues they are more closer to finding it than would a psychologist or therapist. The latter will only end up referring you to a psychiatrist, who will then refer you to a neurologist for good measure.
Beyond that, don't put way to much trust in the mental health field. They have a medicate first, ask questions later. That approach was only used in the past for chronic depression cases - the sort where the patient is not even capable of getting out of bed - but now they will want you popping pills right away, and these will make you into a zombie.
In the meantime, there could be, from a Jungian approach, something else going on. My theory for you is this: you have a good job and the commute is not so long that it's sucking your life and soul out. Basically, you have achieved food, shelter, and to some extent security. If you were struggling to survive or the job royally sucked, you would actually be better off, because having solved the other issues, there could now be some mode of "self actualization" (a term that is often overused by people who can't just say "I'm doing XYZ because I feel like it") is coming out, and that is grating against your actual self or what you perceive it to be. This is the basis for the old saying "no matter where you go, there you are", and it means that if you go move to another city, find another job, and all that, in due time, what has happened to you lately will happen again.
So deal with the possibility that something is "wrong" with you and I put quotes around wrong because what is wrong might really be right (how relativist! but it's your head so nobody else is going to get hurt). You might really hate your life, but have so long ago put away the reasons why, forgotten that you hate it - but still the after-effects take a toll on health. I have seen this more often with bad relationships than work relationships (you and co-workers or you and the company). No matter what you hide in yourself or what of yourself you hide from, the bitterness might come out, or you might be strong enough to suppress that too, and then the health problems come out. For all you know, you might be bored to death and just don't know it.
Many people would rather have a "fear of success" and sabotage themselves, than reach the point where they have to actually address who they are.
The only dumb thing you might have done was quit. There is no sweating or bleeding over this situation. I have seen people work for decades in jobs they absolutely despised, so bad they would have to get drunk on Friday to get over the idea of having to come back on Monday, and spend the entire weekend dreading Monday. Eventually a heart attack or cancer got to them. To be aware of such things early on, you could have addressed these issues with a paycheck coming in still, and made more calculated decisions. You probably feel more free now, but whatever you have going on inside is going to be left unattended while you have to struggle again - and if you gain success once more, will you remember the past enough not to repeat it?
I see in your later posts that you are addressing some of the things wrong with the work you do. I know what that's like personally. Sometimes I think I deserve hell for the "progress" I made for others. You are getting to the bottom of it.
What do you really want to do?
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