KSUDruid
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Posted - 2005.04.14 22:50:00 -
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I actually pioneered a method to deal with situations like this, and I've always been hesitant to share it with the community. But it seems like my close friend CEO Pyrex needs the ultimate weapon to deal with this crazy phenomenon. Are ya ready? All you have to do is..
L I E
yup, that's right. LIE. Tell her stories, misdirect her, do whatever necassary to throw her off the trail. I think it's obvious that's she's gonna be a problem, everyone can see that. So it's the classic case of get you want even though you know it'll eventually have to end.
So here's what ya do.
Step 1. Don't let her anywhere near you expect for just a few hours to get the "job" done. For example, she calls you at your place.
"Hello"
"Hey babe, what ya doing"
"Oh damn darlin, just working on the biochemical assembly formula for the antiboties to combat the AIDS retrovirus. The Lab thinks we're really really close to having a breakthrough, but I'm going to have to stay up all night long to get it finished. I really wish you could come over tonight, but you how important this is, you understand don't ya?"
"Uhhh.. ya, I guess so"
"Hey thats great, you know thats why I wub you so much, and I promise I'll try and get a few free hours saturday night for you to come over and spend some quality time together, ok pumpkin? kisses for my girl.. muhwa muhwa muhwa muhwa"
"click"
Resume playing EVE.
Step 2. Always be ready for her surprise. They will try and sneak up on you and have mastered the art of the cloaking device. ALWAYS have a backup plan. This backup plan may involve unfortunately leaving the computer for a few hours to throw her off the trial. For Example:
You're sitting at home zoning out with the gang. She comes into the house and walks into the office. Always make sure you have some excel spreadsheet with a whole bunch of random numbers that look exceedingly important up on the screen in the background. ALT F4 IS YOUR FRIEND. That's one of the reasons I don't get so ****ed about the loggers, they're just trying to hide EVE from their girlfriends. EVE gets closed and you can immediately begin punching in numbers on your spreadsheet making it look like you're finishing your taxes, or writing a thesis or anything like that.
I highly suggest you add winamp for an extra effect bonus, it really helps cover up the Teamspeak noise emminating from headset, and for god sakes, ALWAYS use a headset so she can't actually here all your friends on TS asking if you dropped all in unison.
Make small talk with her for a few minutes then look at the clock and exclaim,
"Oh you have a great sense of timing, I was so engrossed in those stock option numbers that I almost forgot my 3:49PM Appointment at the Homeless shelter! If you hadn't have stopped by when you did all those poor people down on 32nd Avenue would have only had 5 lines to stand in instead of 6! You are the greatest thing ever to happen to me sweetie pie, gotta go do my part for civilization" Proceed to head to the bar, grab a beer, watch the game for a few hours, then come back home and resume playing EVE. It might cost your corp a few battles, and every now and then you'll lose a clone, but at least you're still playing EVE.
Step 3. Get her to feel sorry for you. Playing EVE is stressful, all the politics and shooting things, really takes a toll on a guy. Chicks can not figure out whether your tired because you just ran the Boston Marathon, or you stared for 9 hours at your screen blowing up a POS. When during your few hours a week nookie time frame, you act all beat and spent and just want to spend some quality lovin' time, she'll ask you what you've been up to. Refer to above examples for great starting places in how you've saved the world selflessly yet again this week, and how glad you are that she's there. After you get the job done, immediately pass out or claim there is sometihng you have to do afterwards to get her off the scent again, then return to EVE.
Step 4. Maintain the Masquerade. You know what to do, now it's just a matter of doing it. Through careful planning you can continue to get sweet lovin' for at least a few good months, while still keeping your character trainin' skill points. The only downside to my tried and true method is that eventually it will end. You can keep it up for as long as you want too, or are as skilled to do, but she WILL find out. If you're expecting it, then it'll make it a whole lot easier too.
The Best part about it though, is with the Lie MethodÖ is you have the ultimate get out of jail free card too, and it's called the truth. If at any time with my method, you're not completely satisfied you can just tell her the truth, and you will INSTANTLY be rid of her. Kind of like the ultimate smart bomb that goes in the 9th high slot, You will always have that secret weapon, and it's a guarenteed win.
(PS, use at your own risk)
-Druid "Civis Ascendant"
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