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Bio's Of EvE
Republic University Minmatar Republic
0
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:26:00 -
[1] - Quote
Fellow Pilots of Eve,
I started playing this game almost ten years ago (just a few months till my birthday) and instantly fell in love with what has become, quite the serious business of internet spaceships.
Even back in the day, when on Sunday evenings, seven thousand pilots from all over the globe logged in together to try and wtf bbq each other the sense of community generated by the game was amazing. I was instantly hooked.
Fast forward six months (having joined my first pvp corp) and while being camped in Yuali (the old center of eve way before Jita took its hold on the markets), I started casually looking through our adversaries bio's.I have to say, we have a lot of very amusing guys playing this game.
Anyway to the point.
Over the past ten years, I have been collecting some of the amusing quotes found across your collective bio's and recorded them for posterity. I was going to self publish a book but decided you guys shouldn't have to pay to enjoy the collective humor of the game. I have often worried I would be beaten to the idea as you are a very inspired bunch at times.
If you enjoyed this, the first installment, please give me a like, lots more to follow if you guys enjoy the content. If we get a decent response I'll set up a web page dedicated to the subject. Small isk donations would be appreciated :)
So without further ado, I give you.......
The Bio's of EvE (Names have been removed to protect the not so innocent) And in no particular order....
How's my Ganking ? Call 1-800OHNOES
"Sir, they have us surrounded!" "Excellent! Then we can attack in any direction!"
Some people say the glass is half empty Some people say the glass is half full I say "That's not my glass! Mine was full........and it was BIGGER!"
"I believe in EvE karma, which means that whenever I do something shi**y to others, they somehow deserved it"
I can picture a world of peace, a world of brotherly love, a world of harmony. And I can picture attacking that world, cause they'd never f***in expect it!
Its always funny until someone gets blown up and then its just hilarious.
'I want to go to heaven for the weather, but hell for the company.'
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other human invention in history... ...with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.
Lays is comming out with a new flavor of chip....semen flavored... being labled as a diet chip cause 98 % of women will spit them out...
Ur lame you only can win when u no how many ships there are, no real tactics. 4 of ur guys feed u intel of ships types and the numbers then u find more pilots and use the right ships not very hard
incidentally, who is fc? ***** was until he got popped, then we ran around like headless chickens :-)
One cannot conceive anything so strange and so implausible that it has not already been said by one moron or another. So, just shutup.
If you expect me to care, you are going to need kneepads
Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics; even if you win, you're still ********.
Stress - The confusion created when ones mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the life out of some fu**wit who desperately deserves it!
moms can jump though cynos? "uh sir, we got a fleet of milfs incoming"
I only have so much niceness in me... if I spread it any thinner it'll disappear
It is better to keep your mouth shut and have ppl think your an idiot than to open it and remove all doubt.
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
"You're the kind of people who would complain about the power of the queen if you played chess."
It's the person who can cheerfully accept the madness of this world that is truly insane.
"Common sense is not so common."
Dear Technical Support, 18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playb*y 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my
Father was a shark and mother was a prostitute. Raised on fish and coke.
"You're living at a time of extremism, a time of revolution, a time where there's got to be a change. People in power have misused it, and now there has to be a change, and a better world has to be built, and the only way it's going to be built is with extreme methods and I for one will join with anyone, don't care what color you are as long as you want to change this miserable condition that exists on this earth." ~~Malcolm X~~
E=MCSTFU
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Bio's Of EvE
Republic University Minmatar Republic
0
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:26:00 -
[2] - Quote
Reserved |
Ramona McCandless
The McCandless Clan Turing Tested
983
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:28:00 -
[3] - Quote
Bio's Of EvE wrote:Reserved IB4L High Priestess Designate, Heir to The Vestibule of The Temple of the Holy Amarr Suicide Cult of Haimeh |
Mra Rednu
Black Watch Guard
432
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:32:00 -
[4] - Quote
Reserved. |
Erotica 1
Krypteia Operations CODE.
1727
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:35:00 -
[5] - Quote
CCP quotes are often the funniest. Can we get a post of those please. See Bio for isk doubling rules. -áIf you didn't read bio, chances are you helped fund those who did. |
ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors Late Night Alliance
3501
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:42:00 -
[6] - Quote
I like the Girlfriend 1.0 quote. :D Change isn't bad, but it isn't always good. Sometimes, the oldest and most simple of things can be the most elegant and effective. |
Hra Neuvosto
FinFleet Northern Coalition.
152
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:44:00 -
[7] - Quote
This post for sale, please contact via evemail. |
Tippia
Sunshine and Lollipops
17121
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:47:00 -
[8] - Quote
Your title (and name) makes no sense.
The bio is of EvE what?! GÇ£If you're not willing to fight for what you have in GëívGëí you don't deserve it, and you will lose it.GÇ¥
Get a good start: newbie skill plan 2.0. |
Ramona McCandless
The McCandless Clan Turing Tested
986
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Posted - 2013.10.25 16:48:00 -
[9] - Quote
Tippia wrote:Your title (and name) makes no sense. The bio is of EvE what?!
Bio's
as in the "of EvE" is owned by Bio
or
Bio is of EvE
AGAGAGAGAHHHHHAHAHHH
*splurt* High Priestess Designate, Heir to The Vestibule of The Temple of the Holy Amarr Suicide Cult of Haimeh |
Azami Nevinyrall
Carbon Circle Tactical Narcotics Team
1331
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Posted - 2013.10.25 17:02:00 -
[10] - Quote
Let me quote my own bio...
"God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time..." Support my (possibly dumb) Ideas!! Worm Rebalance!!! |
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Solstice Project
I'm So Meta Even This Acronym
4177
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Posted - 2013.10.25 17:04:00 -
[11] - Quote
Awesome! Thanks! :D |
Spurty
V0LTA Triumvirate.
998
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Posted - 2013.10.25 17:24:00 -
[12] - Quote
Someone call? GûÇGûêGûÇ GûêGûÇGûê GûÇGûêGûÇ-á-á-á-á-á GûêGûÇGûê GûêGûÇGûê GûêGûÇGûêGûÇGûê GûêGûæGûê GûæGûêGûæ GûêGûÇGûä GûæGûêGûæ-á-á-á-á-á GûêGûÇGûê GûêGûÇGûä GûêGûæGûêGûæGûê GûÇGûêGûÇ GûæGûÇGûæ GûÇGûæGûÇ GûÇGûÇGûÇGûæGûÇ GûÇGûæGûÇ GûÇGûæGûÇ GûÇGûæGûÇGûæGûÇ GûæGûÇGûæ |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
6611
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Posted - 2013.10.25 17:26:00 -
[13] - Quote
I think one of my favorites had to be:
Im going to take you out to dinner show you a good time before I pod you on the undock. Im putting the sensual back in non-consensual PvP.
Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Bischopt
Arbitrary Repossession
300
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Posted - 2013.10.25 18:36:00 -
[14] - Quote
I cannot find the person whose bio this was in, so this isn't a word-to-word quote:
"Eve is best described by entering a dark room where a man kicks you in the groin as hard as he can, feeling no remorse nor joy from doing so."
It's just the best bio I've ever seen. |
destiny2
Perkone Caldari State
199
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Posted - 2013.10.25 18:51:00 -
[15] - Quote
Minmatar shpis don't die, they just split into smaller minmatar ships when they take enough damage!
"Day 33 the vindicators still dont realize I'm a navy megathron"
"Long point on a Rapier who the f*ck uses a long point on a Rapier?"
14:44:16 Notify Your cloaking systems are unable to activate due to your ship being within 2000 meters of the nearby Cruise Missile. Crap...
"Flying a minmatar ship is like rolling down a flight of stairs in a wheelchair while firing two uzis and screaming."
of all things remember BEER solves all evils and makes ugly women available
BEER is the answer,I just don't remember the question |
Galen Darksmith
Sky Fighters
57
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Posted - 2013.10.25 18:54:00 -
[16] - Quote
I can't wait to read more of these, had me chuckling all the way through. |
Zimmy Zeta
Dreddit Test Alliance Please Ignore
34954
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Posted - 2013.10.25 19:08:00 -
[17] - Quote
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote:I think one of my favorites had to be:
Im going to take you out to dinner show you a good time before I pod you on the undock. Im putting the sensual back in non-consensual PvP.
If I remember correctly that was Klapen, or at least I think he used to have a sig like this.
Just think of how bad an average post by me is, and then realize half of them are even worse |
Lugia3
Emerald Inc.
613
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Posted - 2013.10.25 21:48:00 -
[18] - Quote
Erotica 1 wrote:CCP quotes are often the funniest. Can we get a post of those please.
"QQ threads are only allowed in the Out of Pod Experience forum." - ISD Cura Ursus "QQ threads are only allowed in the Out of Pod Experience forum." - ISD Cura Ursus |
Groovy McGroover
University of Caille Gallente Federation
0
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Posted - 2013.10.26 01:51:00 -
[19] - Quote
Very amusing +1 |
Ila Dace
Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation
297
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Posted - 2013.10.26 02:31:00 -
[20] - Quote
From my bio:
There once was a miner from Azer Who had not the grid for a laser His drones pulled the Veld While his shields barely held And Goons took him out with a razor
Capsuleer's Blessing:
May the solar winds be ever at your thrusters. May your foes never see through your blusters. May all your turret fire and missiles land true. May the greatest threats in Eve to you be blue.
May the rogue drones be gentle, May your victims go mental, Let all your fleets be grand, And your kills number as sand.
And when you fly, let it be not safe, But may it always be boosted by Quafe.
- Ila Dace If House played Eve: http://i.imgur.com/y7ShT.jpg |
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NightCrawler 85
Phoibe Enterprises
1069
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Posted - 2013.10.26 03:27:00 -
[21] - Quote
Am I reading this correctly? You claim you have a bug that undresses female avatars??? -CCP Wrangler Phoibe Enterprises official recruitment thread The Eve Reader - -áAudio Recordings of Eve Chronicles
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Bloody Slave
Republic Military School Minmatar Republic
37
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Posted - 2013.10.26 09:17:00 -
[22] - Quote
I'm still laughing with that: "There was a flash of light and my ship turned into what looks like an egg, Did I level up?"
Thanks OP for bringing this up, there are lots of funny bios in EVE, that for sure.
Keep it coming, please. If your balls are hurt and bleeding don't sit in a pool full of piranhas (note to myself: don't complain in GD) |
Starbuck05
Shockwave Unlimited SteRoid.
26
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Posted - 2013.10.26 11:17:00 -
[23] - Quote
Plus one! Awesome thread |
KuroVolt
The Legion of Spoon Curatores Veritatis Alliance
919
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Posted - 2013.10.26 13:28:00 -
[24] - Quote
I thought this topic would be about bio breaks in fleet.
Then I remembered what I do during bio breaks and became hesitant to click on this topic. BoBwins Law: As a discussion/war between two large nullsec entities grows longer, the probability of one comparing the other to BoB aproaches near certainty. |
Alice Saki
Mind Games. Suddenly Spaceships.
95493
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Posted - 2013.10.26 14:19:00 -
[25] - Quote
Best one I have seen is
"Cyno me closer, I wanna hit them with my Sword" - Some goons guy
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David Kir
Statement of Intent
299
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Posted - 2013.10.26 19:15:00 -
[26] - Quote
Best I've seen:
You are the universe experiencing itself. You ******* wanker. |
Kim Patient
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
0
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Posted - 2013.10.27 14:36:00 -
[27] - Quote
Looking forward to the next installment :) +1 |
Logan Joriksa
Shockwave Unlimited SteRoid.
16
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Posted - 2013.11.30 17:51:00 -
[28] - Quote
09:11:25 Hint The fitting you are trying to save has corrupted data. Cattle is not a ship. Part of the Ship, Part of the Crew. |
CETA Elitist
The Prometheus Society
17
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Posted - 2013.11.30 19:09:00 -
[29] - Quote
Bischopt wrote:I cannot find the person whose bio this was in, so this isn't a word-to-word quote:
"Eve is best described by entering a dark room where a man kicks you in the groin as hard as he can, feeling no remorse nor joy from doing so."
It's just the best bio I've ever seen. Lol |
Orravan
Beautiful Losers
9
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Posted - 2013.11.30 19:23:00 -
[30] - Quote
Bio's Of EvE wrote:A firbolg goes to the RnD agent, looking ill, and says "I really don't feel well, i am tired all the time, i dont know what to do? So the RnD agent says "Well, let me take a bit of your hull and i will send it off for tests" Next week the firbolg returns, still complaining of the same symptoms, and the agent has some bad news: "There is no easy way to say this... but you are HIV positive"The firbolg is shocked. "HIV!! I am a fighter! Not a lover! How can that possibly be?!" The RnD agent solemnly replies "I am sorry... but one of your parents must have been a carrier" We need more Eve-specific jokes. Finicky diplomat. Suicidal explorer. Faithful ally. |
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