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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
Tolarus
Gallente
Keepers of Darkness
Namtz'aar k'in
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Posted - 2006.10.04 04:26:00 -
[61]
Edited by: Tolarus on 04/10/2006 05:16:40
Picked this one up while drinking with a bunch miners. For the record thats 'miners' not 'minors'. I mean yeah Im Gallente, but I do have some standards, geez 
***
A very posh member of amarrian 'royalty' (aren't they all?) asks his father when he will get to meet his future wife through an arranged marriage. A week later the prince returns from visiting with his future bride and runs excitedly into his fathers private prayer chapel, his mascara running down his cheeks from tears of joy.
ôMy son what is the matter?ö asks his father. ôOh daddy, I'm so happy, I have great news.ö The father stands to hug his son. ôTell me then my son, what great news has god given us this day?ö His son takes a deep breath, ôShes a virgin!!!ö he gushes, his thin pale hands holding his cheeks.
ôWHAT?!ö yells his father, becoming enraged at hearing this, "This is an outrage!"
ôOh daddy, why are you angry? I though you'd be happy to hear this.ö
ôSon, its simple amarrian tradition, if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours.ö
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Rex
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Posted - 2006.10.04 05:56:00 -
[62]
 Originally by: Tolarus
Edited by: Tolarus on 04/10/2006 05:16:40
Picked this one up while drinking with a bunch miners. For the record thats 'miners' not 'minors'. I mean yeah Im Gallente, but I do have some standards, geez
***
A very posh member of amarrian 'royalty' (aren't they all?) asks his father when he will get to meet his future wife through an arranged marriage. A week later the prince returns from visiting with his future bride and runs excitedly into his fathers private prayer chapel, his mascara running down his cheeks from tears of joy.
ôMy son what is the matter?ö asks his father. ôOh daddy, I'm so happy, I have great news.ö The father stands to hug his son. ôTell me then my son, what great news has god given us this day?ö His son takes a deep breath, ôShes a virgin!!!ö he gushes, his thin pale hands holding his cheeks.
ôWHAT?!ö yells his father, becoming enraged at hearing this, "This is an outrage!"
ôOh daddy, why are you angry? I though you'd be happy to hear this.ö
ôSon, its simple amarrian tradition, if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours.ö
Ouch. That's a really good one.. No Khanid jokes though? I havent seen a single one. Had my hopes up and everything.
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Eno Matterre
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Posted - 2006.10.04 10:53:00 -
[63]
Originally by: Tolarus
...I mean yeah Im Gallente, but I do have some standards...
I seriously doubt it. 
---
Why do Gallente policemen always patrol the streets in pairs?
One can read, the other can write.
---
Why do Minmatar policemen patrol in groups of three?
The third one guards the scientists.
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Kehmor
Caldari
PAK
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Posted - 2006.10.04 15:21:00 -
[64]
Originally by: Rex
Ouch. That's a really good one.. No Khanid jokes though? I havent seen a single one. Had my hopes up and everything.
that khanid are a joke
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Beringe
Raptus Regaliter
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Posted - 2006.10.05 00:24:00 -
[65]
This is actually an Amarrian joke I overheard:
Q: What's the difference between the Day of Darkness and a Caldari comedian?
A: Only the first one could make you smile.
-------------------------------------------
"Never underestimate the power of language."
--Daitan Beringe, honorary director in charge of bottles-- |
Ottom Ephesianos
Amarr
Freelance Unincorporated
Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2006.10.08 16:27:00 -
[66]
Edited by: Ottom Ephesianos on 08/10/2006 16:27:20
Q: A Matari and an Amarrian walk into a bar. Who leaves first?
A: The Amarrian, through a window, along with the stool he was sitting in.
Q: What do Caldari dream of but never get?
A: Full rights to anything.
"Trust me, I've done this before."
Elite R. Ephesianos |
Kehmor
Caldari
PAK
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Posted - 2006.10.08 22:36:00 -
[67]
How do you get four gallente guys to sit on a barstool?
Turn it upside down
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General Apocalypse
Amarr
Amarr Task Force
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Posted - 2006.10.09 09:30:00 -
[68]
Originally by: Ottom Ephesianos
Edited by: Ottom Ephesianos on 08/10/2006 19:06:57
Q: A Matari and an Amarrian walk into a bar. Who leaves first?
A: The Amarrian, through a window, along with the stool he was sitting on.
Orbital bombardment incoming 
-----------------------
Amarr Invictus |
MarKand
FinFleet
Lotka Volterra
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Posted - 2006.10.09 20:57:00 -
[69]
The young Amarrian man comes home wey late one evening, he¦s father have been waiting and is not happy when he sneekes in to the house.
-Where have you been ? the father yealls.
-Father, I am now a man, I hade my first sexual meeting tonight ! sais the young man.
-Oh.. In that case my son, hehehe, the father smiles, and puts hes arm aroung hes son, -Welcome to the mensclub. - If there is anything you wanna ask about it, please come and see me, hehe I was kinda a "hottie" in my youth...
They a go to bed, and next morning the son seeks up he¦s father.
-Father, can we talk about you know what ?
-Sure my son, what is it you wanna know ?
- Well, hmm well, when will it stop hurt in my but ? ?
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Katrina Kirellii
Caldari
Escorts of Eve
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Posted - 2006.10.09 21:39:00 -
[70]
With everything in life there comes a price:
Stavros drinking a spoiled Quafe - 10 Million Isk
60 Seconds of fame on Eve Radio - 120 Million Isk
The new ASCN Titan - 180 Billion Isk
Ifni and Silent BoB scrunched together on a couch watching the tourney - Priceless.
When life's unexpected costs comes your way - be prepared to pay up front those cloning costs or meet the Goddess Eve. If you need cash fast - remember the "Caldari State Credit Stick" - we know science, business, and our collection agents are Civire.
Katrina Kirellii
Captain of the Silken Mistress
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Ottom Ephesianos
Amarr
Freelance Unincorporated
Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2006.10.10 03:09:00 -
[71]
Q: What do you get after your first clone?
A: Endless constipation.
---------------------------------
"Trust me I've done this before."
Elite R. Ephesianos
---------------------------------
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Ottom Ephesianos
Amarr
Freelance Unincorporated
Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2006.10.10 06:13:00 -
[72]
Q:What do you get after your second clone?
A:A birthday card every year from nameless ISS security agents..
---------------------------------
"Trust me I've done this before."
Elite R. Ephesianos
---------------------------------
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Eno Matterre
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Posted - 2006.10.10 10:20:00 -
[73]
An Amarrian dignitary walked through the halls of his estate one day when he spotted a young Matari slave in front of an aquarium. Instead of polishing it as he should the slave kept dragging his finger across the glass and the fish, bunched up in a bloby formation, followed his every gesture. The Amarrian, enraged that his slave is wasting time on foolishness, demanded an explaination.
"You see, your highness" replied the slave "this is the typical example of how a higher inteligence can exert it's will on lesser creatures." then he proceeded to demonstrate the way fish followed the movement of his finger.
"What a waste of time!" exclaimed the Amarrian, visibly annoyed by the slave's claims of higher inteligence "Go back to your duties at once!"
Later that day the same slave entered the chamber where the aquarium was on display only to find his master mindlessly staring at the fish, his mouth locked in an endless cycle of   ....
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Protea Star
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Posted - 2006.10.10 13:51:00 -
[74]
3 Gallente walk into a bar....... you would`ve thought 1 of them would`ve noticed.
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Amani Resep
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Posted - 2006.10.10 15:53:00 -
[75]
A minmatar walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender asks, "Hey where'd you get that?!"
The parrot replies, "In Metropolis, they're all over the place there"
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Durente Galaica
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Posted - 2006.10.10 15:54:00 -
[76]
Amani... speak when spoken too (alts sheesh) |
Mebrithiel Ju'wien
Minmatar
Blood Inquisition
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Posted - 2006.10.10 16:23:00 -
[77]
Edited by: Mebrithiel Ju''wien on 10/10/2006 16:25:42
Three professors, each from different universities, discuss the origin of the nob on the end of the male genitalia. They all decide to conduct experimental surveying and to publish their findings and conclussions:
The Republic University invested 200,000 Isk into research and surveyed 50,000 students from various demographics and came to the conclusion:
"The nob on the end of the male genitalia is obviously for the pleasure of the male"
Hulm Medical Journal, Issue 25
The University of Caille invested 500,000 Isk into research and surveyed 100,000 students from various demographics and came to the conclusion:
"The protuberance (nob) on the end of the male organ is wonderously crafted for the pleasure of the female"
Journale de Bourynes Boitique, Issue4 yr107
The Science and Trade Institute spend 20.99 Isk on **** and booze, spent the rest of the 50 Isk down at the station bar, and surveyed 5 drunks at the bar. Their Conclusion?
"The nob on Mr Winky is to make sure your hand doesn't fall off the end."
Amsen Science Today, Issue 3
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Brutus King
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Posted - 2006.10.11 16:30:00 -
[78]
Caldari, Minmatar and a Gallente on a shuttle full of kids. The shuttle gets in trouble and they all need to evacuate.
Caldari says "Save the children!"
Minmatar says "**** the children!"
Gallente says "Have we got time?"
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draken shugar
Malicious Intentions
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Posted - 2006.10.12 17:06:00 -
[79]
What noise does a gallente make in a microwave?
neither do I, was to busy laughing 
I put things in dead people. |
Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Luna Rossa Corporation
The Guardian Coalition
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Posted - 2006.10.12 19:05:00 -
[80]
Two Amarrians get in a fight. Who wins?
The eight Minmatar slaves who were able to slip away while they were doing it.
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Ashturi Nagano
LeM Enterprises
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Posted - 2006.10.13 19:24:00 -
[81]
Q: How many Minmatar does it take to top off the fluids on an Omen?
A: 3. But you have to make sure they're properly pureed.
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DiNoer
DFCK Inc.
Chimaera Pact
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Posted - 2006.10.15 00:19:00 -
[82]
Modern prosicutors dilemma:
Is the charge incest, necrophilia or absolute narcissism?
If cought 'charing' the same vat with your own clone.
La prospTritT de l'Gme libre
La prospTritT de la fTdTration
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Bad Harlequin
Minmatar
Masuat'aa Matari
Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2006.10.15 04:44:00 -
[83]
An Amarrian enters a bar,
Pursued hotly by three Minmatar!
Says he first, "Can't we think
And sit down for a drink?"
Thrice reply: "That's what your skull's for!"
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Garreck
Amarr Border Defense Consortium
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
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Posted - 2006.10.15 04:49:00 -
[84]
Originally by: Bad Harlequin
An Amarrian enters a bar,
Pursued hotly by three Minmatar!
Says he first, "Can't we think
And sit down for a drink?"
Thrice reply: "That's what your skull's for!"
Wittiest slave-kin ever, to be honest. I have missed your poetry, Harlequin.
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Jude Kopenhagen
Caldari
The Society of the Black Bell
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Posted - 2006.10.15 23:20:00 -
[85]
Two Amarrians carry a Minmater into a bar on their shoulders, the barman asks "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Sebastian Zig
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Posted - 2006.10.16 02:39:00 -
[86]
A Gallente, a Minmatar, and an Amarrian are all on a shuttle in the middle of nowhere. The ship's life support systems suddenly fail and there's only two escape pods. One passenger will have to die alone.
After talking over the grim issue, the Gallente says, "Fellows, I have lived a good life helping others, and I would rather give my life than end another. I will stay."
The Minmatar shakes his head. "That would not be right. I am a warrior, and I will fight the cold vaccuum of space or die with honor! I will stay."
The Amarrian smiles. "You suckers can talk about it- I'm taking MY escape pod!" He dashes to the nearby airlock and is off the ship before the others can react.
"Ungreatful scum! What will we do now?", roars the Minmatar.
The Gallente shrugs. "Take our escape pods. He used the jettison tube."
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Joel Djinn
KarWal Corporation
Sylph Alliance
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Posted - 2006.10.16 22:43:00 -
[87]
Two Gallente and a Matari were taken captive by an Amarr warlord and sentenced to death by firing squad.
As the first Gallente is brought to the wall he looks past the firing squad and cries out, "SANDSTORM!!!!" In the ensuring confusion he makes his escape.
The second Gallente enjoys the success of his friend and decides to try the same thing. And as he is brought to the wall he looks over the firing squad and shouts "TIDAL WAVE!!!" In the ensuring confusion he too makes his escape.
The Matari is amazed by the escapes and wants to try the same thing, except as he is brought to the wall he looks past the squad and shouts "FIRE!!!"
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Parish Kasrkin
Caldari
The Black Morias
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Posted - 2006.10.16 23:20:00 -
[88]
Q: How do you count the population of Metropolis?
A: Take 100ISK, throw it down the street, and see how many Matari come out to get it.
Q: How do you find the richest man in Metropolis?
A: Make sure you grab the Matari that ends up with your ISK.
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Lygos
ISS Navy Task Force
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Posted - 2006.10.17 01:00:00 -
[89]
Q: How many Fractionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to start bulb in its "revolution," two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of state oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should otherthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators.
Q: How many ISS does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to launch a diplomatic mission, and almost all of the rest to launch a decoy freighter fleet through allied space.
Q: How do Caldari Nationalists change a lightbulb?
A: From the top down.
Q: How do the Minmatar emigre unions in Gallente space change a lightbulb?
A: They don't. They're too busy selling newspapers.
Q: How many serious icelandic Bj÷rk fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Bathtub full of powercords with sprinkles.
---
Private Investment should preceed Public Investment |
Bad Harlequin
Minmatar
Masuat'aa Matari
Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2006.10.17 14:08:00 -
[90]
Thanks Garr. It's good to be back.
Originally by: Lygos
Q: How many Fractionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to start bulb in its "revolution," two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of state oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should otherthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators.
And i think i'm in love.
all i can say to the above is
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