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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.02 22:08:00 -
[1]
BASTAGE-O-GRAM
To: All Travelers in Low-Security Space
From: Bastage Taxation Department
We have been contracted by Concord to collect jump gate usage taxes in Low Security Space. Yes we realize the irony of going yet another step down the evolutionary chain from pirate to tax collector, but hey, when you are that close to the bottom whatÆs another step? Some of us are even considering going into politics at this point . . . . but I digress . . . .
From this point forth we will be collecting jump gate tax payments from all travelers in Low Security Space. All proceeds will be forwarded to Concord. Honest.
There are some exclusions from this tax. Namely:
1) Those pilots or groups of pilots that scare us;
2) Those pilots who we cannot catch long enough to enforce collection, and;
3) Did I mention those that scare the heck out of me?
To the remaining .00000000000001% of travelers: Please pay up promptly. Also, in order to speed up the transactions allow me to provide our Form Responses to some common statements:
You guys are pathetic!
Yes we know. We are trying to reach pathetic and sad. Or perhaps pathetic and despicable. I really like despicable. But please, pay your taxes. ItÆs the right thing to do.
You guys just sit at a gate all day. DonÆt you have a life?
Well no, frankly, we donÆt. If we did IÆd be out with some hot babe right now lighting cigars with large bills and licking champaign off of her . . . . erm . . . . where was I ??
Oh yes, lifeless. I can tell you that we are doing other things. Halod, for example is likely watching a movie instead of listening to me scream on voice comms that his ship is getting probed out. Duckk on the other hand may be lingering at a safe spot while drinking lord knows what and due to his state of inebriation completely ignoring our pleas to leave before he gets probed out. <he needs a new ship btw so pay up>
So yes, we are actually doing more than just sitting here. WeÆre just sitting here while not paying attention.
The old standyby . . . FU!!!!
Please send photos and we will consider your request.
HAH!! You noobs couldnÆt catch my fully nanoÆd interceptor!! What losers!!
Oh come now. Lets be serious. A rattlesnake loaded with 5 cups of espresso couldnÆt catch that thing. On the other hand we often miss bloated freighters with broken engines and drunk pilots. So please, cut us some slack here. Noobs, yes. But for missing you, no.
Why did you shoot me???
Because we were so happy that we actually caught something that we got carried away. Sorry, it happens. Erm . . . will you still pay the tax now? Please? <whimper>
You shot a noob. You must feel like a real man right now!
Your ship does not have a big sign on it that says ôRookie Pilot Insideö. I suppose it would be helpful. But it doesnÆt. We assume that if you are in low security space that you are willing to assume the risks that are involved with low security space. Such as . . . Getting shot . . . podded . . . laughed at . . . and generally abused. On the plus side you get to send really cool missives to us entitled ôYOU JERKS!!ö
But please, step into our shoes. There we are. For hours. Sitting there listening to Ender drone on and on about the exact formula used by Eve to calculate radial velocity and itÆs relation to turret tracking . . . when along you come. We are excited. We are thrilled. And frankly, Milinkoee is visibly aroused. <shudder>
And then it happens . . . after all the expectation all we get is your stupid Civilian Gun Thingy and a blasted copy of the recent letter from your Mother asking you to fly safe in space. Imagine the let down we go though. The stress. The . . . . <sniff> . . . .sadness. So please, be more understanding.
Well, I hope this has been helpful. And please, Concord needs your ISK to keep Eve clean. Please pay your taxes.
Sincerely,
Department of Taxation and Exotic Dancer Inspection Services Bastage, Inc. _______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
tiller
OctoberSnow Corp
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Posted - 2007.03.02 22:13:00 -
[2]
you been smoking too much veldspar
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Redglare's Demise
Shih Yang Tong
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Posted - 2007.03.02 22:15:00 -
[3]
This game is awesome!
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/happyhearts.html
I got 23!
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Samirol
Queens of the Stone Age Anarchy Empire
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Posted - 2007.03.02 22:23:00 -
[4]
Originally by: Redglare's Demise This game is awesome!
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/happyhearts.html
I got 23!
25
http://www.iknowderek.com/
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Lady Kinla
World Order The Imperial Order
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Posted - 2007.03.02 23:05:00 -
[5]
27 ---------------------------
"Did i ask for anyone to copy this into their sig? No ****heads this is my text not yours!" Already disobeyed... W00t! I am no longer a !. |
Snodgey2004
Mega Modal M0nkeys
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Posted - 2007.03.02 23:20:00 -
[6]
LoL , I actually played til' I beat both you noObs - 28 ( OMG HOW SAD IS THAT )
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Sebastian Draconis
Caldari Storm Industries
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Posted - 2007.03.02 23:29:00 -
[7]
Ha 32 on the first try! my carebear skillz rule you n00bs
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Portios Smith
Infinitus Odium Curse Alliance
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Posted - 2007.03.03 00:53:00 -
[8]
LMAO Good sruff MrMann. now I want to drink champagne
I want the truth
You can't handle the truth - Ductoris |
Khlaatu Nikto
Karma Niyama
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Posted - 2007.03.03 01:07:00 -
[9]
Very amusing read
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Vladimir Norkoff
The Black Rabbits Fatal Persuasion
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Posted - 2007.03.03 01:38:00 -
[10]
I aggressed Funshine Bear and got Concorded.. That game sucks..
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SN3263827
The Black Rabbits Fatal Persuasion
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Posted - 2007.03.03 02:35:00 -
[11]
23.
But the droprates are screwed. Fix please. _____________________________________________
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Surfin's PlunderBunny
Minmatar
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Posted - 2007.03.03 03:36:00 -
[12]
I approve this topic I have the YARRR button!
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pwnedgato
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Posted - 2007.03.03 03:40:00 -
[13]
Edited by: pwnedgato on 03/03/2007 03:36:50 I am really good at this game 34... does this mean I should try piracy again?
----- Is this a sig?
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.03 05:50:00 -
[14]
Edited by: MrMann on 03/03/2007 05:48:18
/me Staggers out of his battle scorched pod. Stumbles over to his blackboard. Gets out a piece of chalk and adds to list of things that scare the heck out of me . . .
"MC Pilot in a Vindicator"
<grumble>
Now I gotta buy another Apoc. Last time I try to tax a Vindicator. They get really really crabby about it. Sheesh!!!
_______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
Sun Win
Mutually Assured Distraction
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Posted - 2007.03.03 07:33:00 -
[15]
I got 25. I was Love-a-lot Bear Bear!
New to Eve? Learn to Fly - join channel: "Eve University" or read here |
T'Renn
Crimson Squall
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Posted - 2007.03.03 08:20:00 -
[16]
I only got 13 with Funshine Bear. In my defense it's late and I was laughing pretty hard at my playing of my game in the first place (and the music) while trying to move that bear's fat tookus around to scoop the loot.
Also, nice work OP. --
Wanna be a low-sec scumbag? |
Jak Silverheart
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Posted - 2007.03.03 09:04:00 -
[17]
I got me 36 carebears, first try too.
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Hettar
Caldari Huff Technologies
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Posted - 2007.03.03 10:47:00 -
[18]
if you plan to fight back against the tax try to not outnumbered them, bastoge tends to run for hills if you do, even from other pirate corps.
Your signature is too big, 400 x 120 and less then 24kb - Kreul Intentions ([email protected]) |
Nero Ya'ng
Caldari YaFa Empires
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Posted - 2007.03.03 10:54:00 -
[19]
WTS HotBabes for Lifeless Pirates convo me
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DarkElf
Caldari Veto. Academy
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Posted - 2007.03.03 11:55:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Samirol
Originally by: Redglare's Demise This game is awesome!
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/happyhearts.html
I got 23!
25
I <3 you with 26
DE
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Dionisius
Gallente Vagabundos THE H0RDE
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Posted - 2007.03.03 12:36:00 -
[21]
Can i get some of the same stuff you're smoking? : / _______________________
What we have here is total lack of respect for the law...
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maCH'EttE
Kentucky Fried Corpse
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Posted - 2007.03.03 13:31:00 -
[22]
Edited by: maCH''EttE on 03/03/2007 13:27:50
Way to go!You helped Friend BearÖ cheer up 32 broken hearts♥
PWNAGE!
Originally by: Devil Hanzo (ISD) I got pwned [by maCH]!
Sigeh? |
Ishquar Teh'Sainte
Faaip De Oiad
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Posted - 2007.03.03 16:30:00 -
[23]
i like it ...
@ the carebear-game .. i got 39 .. how sad is this? ___________________
-Skellibjalla- Life is a garden of perceptions. Pick your fruit.
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.03 17:42:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Hettar if you plan to fight back against the tax try to not outnumbered them, bastoge tends to run for hills if you do, even from other pirate corps.
DAMMIT!!! I knew I forgot something. Allow me to fix this right now . . . .
You guys run away when out numbered and/or insta-dock. YOU LOSERS!!!
We agree 100% with this statement. Yes if faced with the sure destruction of our ships we either:
1) Dock 2) Dock like little girls 3) Wee wee our panties and then dock . . . or . . . 4) Get caught and blasted to hell because we are too busy goofing off.
Usually #4.
This brings up some interesting points . . . .
1) Being that we don't give a darn about territoty and only making money, avoiding superior forces seems logical. But hey, that's just wacky me.
2) While camped it gives us time to log on our alts and hunt/rat/trade our in Bloodangle's case . . . Mine Veldspar.... somewhere else. So we appreciate the diversion from time to time.
3) Is there a dignified way for us to lift our skirts and run? I've tried and my slip keeps showing. I wonder if there is a rig for this?? Oh Oveur??? can I have a Girly Dignified Insta-Dock Rig please?
4) It's too much of a pain in the butt to shelp around and buy a new ship. So I try to avoid going boom.
Can I have what you are smoking?
NO!! Grow your own! <mumble> lazy weasels <mumble>
_______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
Dagrin RDM
Caldari The Knights of the New Republic Forces of Freedom
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Posted - 2007.03.03 18:01:00 -
[25]
This thread is full of win.
and, BTW...26 >.>
A winning strategy! Are we going for a NBSI post policy, now? Because I seriously though CCP were better than that. |
Deran Ta'ekk
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Posted - 2007.03.04 01:13:00 -
[26]
Edited by: Deran Ta''ekk on 04/03/2007 01:11:10 36 first go. Now I need to go and lie down in a dark room for a couple of days before trying again.
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Zandramus
Murder-Death-Kill
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Posted - 2007.03.04 01:39:00 -
[27]
i got 28
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zwerg
Caldari OctoberSnow Corp
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Posted - 2007.03.04 09:25:00 -
[28]
Originally by: tiller you been smoking too much veldspar
QFT
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Phoenus
Caldari Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.04 13:23:00 -
[29]
Does this mean that I am indeed spared from paying these so-called Concord Taxes?
[ 2006.08.16 20:49:06 ] (combat) Your Electron Blaster Cannon II barely scratches Dominix [NTEMS]<HELLH>(Dominix), causing 1908.4 damage. |
Crna Udovica
Amarr Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.04 16:37:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Phoenus Does this mean that I am indeed spared from paying these so-called Concord Taxes?
/me looks at Kill bord umm yes.
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