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milinkoee
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:03:00 -
[1]
I have often been asked what it is like to live the free-wheeling carefree life of a pirate. As I am the CEO of Bastage Inc, they seem to think that my days are filled with fun and mayhem without a care in the galaxy. Living off the land, ganking whenever/where ever I please, ordering others to do the dirty work so that I can stay high on blue egg while lounging around in my pod with a couple of exotic dancers. Well I got news for them, it couldn't be further from the truth, why I tell you this job gives me ulcers, hemorrhoids, a burst blood vessel in my forehead which only highlights that I am losing what little hair I have left. Heck why do you thing I wear this hood anyway. You wouldn't know it now but back in my carebear days of leisure I was quite the dandy, but I digress.
Why am I telling you this, you ask? Out of the kindness of my heart? Hmpht!!! No I am doing this as part of the Concord 's "Scared Straight" program, as I have been sentenced to over 15,000 hours of community service, due to some accounting irregularities involving Bastage Inc recent government contract to collect tolls in low sec. It seems that my CFO, one MrMann, has been diverting these revenues toward unsanctioned (OK, I admit that it was my signature but I swear I don't recall signing any of that) corp hangar rentals. To top it off when I tried to break the leases I was told that not only was I going to lose the security deposits, but that I was also being billed for cleaning and hazardous materials disposal, as it seems someone (I suspect MrMann) has been using these hangars for some sort of bizarre sexual practices involving T2 loot, high-end minerals and rolling around in the buff. Thinking I might turn a bad situation to my favor I mistakenly inquired as to the disposition of the aforementioned loot, unfortunately this was all the station manager needed to confirm my culpability for the hazardous materials disposal. Geez, I had forgot how prude Amarr could be.
OK, so in the interest of community betterment, but most importantly to reduce my 15,000 hours of corpse scooping and shuttle wreck salvaging to 14,999 hours, what follows is a couple of excerpts from last week as heard on the Bastage Inc voice comms.
Day 1:
<milinkoee signing on>
...
milinkoee: Hey guys what's going on? Kill any fat haulers today?
Bloodangle: <grumble> Frickin stabs, frickin nanos, frickin Ender keeps shooting me!
Ender: <snort> Does Halod's alt count?
Halod: Oh, oh, oh....mil where you been all day...I just figured out the best way to solve all our fast warping hauler problems...
milinkoee: <suspiciously> Ugh, how much is this going to cost me?
Halod: isk, isk, isk...is that all you ever think about? Why this is the most full proof plan ever for stopping nano'ed and stabed haulers. A sure fire isk printing scheme.
MrMann: <chuckling>
Halod: Ok, Ok...all it requires is a supply of Merlins..cheap t1 fitted Merlins.
milinkoee: hmmm, I'm listening...
Halod: Ok, what we do is fit them for fast lock and scram, all I got to do is hold them until one of you gets a lock, then I warp off. If the guns get me no biggie..they're Merlins for crying out loud.
milinkoee: Well I have to admit, sounds like a damn fine plan, and pretty cheap...OK go for it.
Halod: Corp will pay for it, right? <hands PO to milinkoee for signature>
milinkoee: Ahhh, what the hell, can lose on this one. Well got to run boys, let me know how that turns out.
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milinkoee
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:05:00 -
[2]
Day 2:
<milinkoee signing on>
...
milinkoee: Howdy hey party people, how goes the great Merlin experiment?
Ender: I can kill a Merlin in 1 volley 98.99456% of the time.
milinkoee: Errr....I don't recall that being part of the plan.
MrMann: mil I need to get your signatures on these invoices.
milinkoee: HOLY MOLY!!! How many friggin Merlins did you buy Halod?
Halod: Geez cool your jets, only a couple dozen....it was the modules that caused the cost over runs.
milinkoee: I thought you said all t1!!!!
Halod: Well those Targeting Subsystem rigs aren't cheap even though they are t1...and at 2 per Merlin..and a burn rate of 3 Merlins per hour, plus the crash testing.
milinkoee: YOU PUT RIGS ON A FRIGGIN MERLIN!!!!
Halod: Geez, calm down there big guy. These are just startup cost, soon we will be rolling in iskies. Besides the Merlin can't lock nearly as fast as a ceptor, so I had to use the rigs to compensate.
milinkoee: So you put 60 million in rigs on a Merlin to make it lock as fast as a 5 million isk Slasher?
Ender: Slasher is t2 boss, only an idiot would use a t2 uninsurable ship in such an irresponsible manner. Besides it takes me 2 volleys to pop one.
Halod: Yeah, figured that out after the first few hours...already bought a stack of Slashers...don't worry though I used corp cash. Hell we will be rolling in it once we get this tactic refined.
milinkoee: Ugh, ok so how many haulers you bag with the Merlins so far.
MrMann: Well I got 2 with the Proph, and Ender got 1 with the Drake, only lost about 13 Merlins. Turns out Merlins warp faster than BCs from safe, and don't last long when aggressed.
milinkoee: Ugh...ok well 3 haulers not to bad...what did we get out of them.
MrMann: 8 WCS and 5,648 units of fertilizer. Organic.
...
There you have it Kids. You want to gank some poor innocent carebear...well don't! It ain't worth it. Keep your noses clean and fly straight.
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Darcy Killar
Gallente Darkness Inc.
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:14:00 -
[3]
As the CEO of a start up pirate corpà I am nowàscarred.
Fortunately my guys arenÆtàquiteàas nuts as yours!
Great read!!!!
About me! My kills! |
Chode Rizoum
Minmatar Temptation inc. Eternal Rapture
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:15:00 -
[4]
always keep one eye on your members.. pirates steal and plunder.. when ever they get the chance
TEMPTATION INC. Killboard |
Hamatitio
Caldari Fate.
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:20:00 -
[5]
life as a privateer CEO:
Day 1: Rule2k: Oh wow thanks for telling us we joined privateers Razorjaxx: WTF
Day 2: Razorjaxx: Ok its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, lets go have some fun \o/
Day 3: Phonix: WTF YOU JOINED PRIVATEERS? *logs off*
Random locals : Lol you sucks! Random locals die.
50% of my posts get ISDokkened :( |
Jr Grae
Gallente House 0f Shadows
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:22:00 -
[6]
Ha.
I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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Stealthman06
LoneStar Industries Curse Alliance
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:36:00 -
[7]
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Northbridge
Minmatar Darkness Inc.
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:58:00 -
[8]
Hey Darcy don't be too sure about nutty... I'm keeping a low profile for the first few days After that.. who knows
Yarr
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Aerykah Malegant
Camelot Innovations
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Posted - 2007.03.06 21:58:00 -
[9]
That's what you get for making a lawyer your CFO, eh?
Fun read, boys...keep on keepin' on...
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kessah
Caldari Veto. Veto Corp
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Posted - 2007.03.06 22:58:00 -
[10]
Originally by: Hamatitio life as a privateer CEO:
Day 1: Rule2k: Oh wow thanks for telling us we joined privateers Razorjaxx: WTF
Day 2: Razorjaxx: Ok its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, lets go have some fun \o/
Day 3: Phonix: WTF YOU JOINED PRIVATEERS? *logs off*
Random locals : Lol you sucks! Random locals die.
lol.
good story milinkoee --------------------------------------------------------
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.06 23:09:00 -
[11]
Edited by: MrMann on 06/03/2007 23:12:32
Meanwhile . . .
In a dark, dank, spooky low sec area of the known universe Mr. Mann sits in his office at Bastage, Inc. HQ talking on the Comms Net . . . .
Mr. Mann: Hello, Hallmark?
Service Agent: Yes sir! Know someone thatÆs just been podded? Send flowers. One batch for the funeral, one batch for the clone birth.
Mr. Mann: Erm . . . two sets for one event?
Service Agent: AinÆt it wonderful? ItÆs better than our whole ancient ValentineÆs Day scheme.
Mr. Mann: <stares blankly at speaker> Yeah . . . whatever. Okay I need to send a bribe.
Service Agent: Bribe? We do flowers and we do chocolates.
Mr. Mann: Yeah yeah. Flowers make it flowers.
Service Agent: Okies. Who to.
Mr. Mann: Vice Admiral Deckard of Xelas.
Service Agent: Sorry sir, thatÆs flagged as a delivery problem. We canÆt seem to get into their base in PNQY. They dock and wonÆt answer the door when our delivery frigate enters system.
Mr. Mann: Yeah I know the feeling. <looks out porthole style window to see a Vindicator slowly drift by with "MC" painted all over the hull.>
Service Agent: I dunno what to do about it.
Mr Mann: Hmmm. Try painting ôUncle BoBö on the side of it.
Service Agent: Whose paying for that!!
Mr. Mann: I will. No problemo. WeÆre rich.
Service Agent: Oooooo rich. We like rich. ShouldnÆt be a problem there. Would you like to send a card.
Mr. Mann: Why yes I would. Please have it read as follows: ôDear Vice Admiral Deckard. I truly hope you donÆt hold little old me responsible for the actions of a certain Mr. Crane recently. Please accept these flowers as our apology. Oh, and also, please note that heÆs expected to be in Jan tonight. Alone. If you get my drift.ö
Service Agent: Got it. How are you paying for this sir?
Mr. Mann: Why with our corporate Pirate Express Card of course. DonÆt Plunder, Pillage or Gank without it!
Service Agent: Excellent. Thank you for your business sir.
Mr. Mann: No no. thank you. _______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
milinkoee
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.06 23:44:00 -
[12]
FLOWERS!?!?!?! FOR YOUR XELAS TARTS?!?!?!?!
I am sooooo auditing your expense reports from now on.
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Halod Crane
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.06 23:55:00 -
[13]
<burns his expense reports> <throws the bag of ashes into the back of his brand new officer fitted smartbomberrokh>
Locking targets is overrated.
Uh... anyone want to buy some merlins? Cheap!
--------- Beware the Signature --------- Bastage Inc. We do it for the hate mail.
Feel free to convo me ingame. I'm likely bored. --------- Beware the Signature ---------
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Pax Althaleen
Amarr
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Posted - 2007.03.07 00:48:00 -
[14]
I have to say that everytime I see a topic You guys have posted, I just have to read it.
Simply put, Bastage INC. stories are hilarious and I mean that in a good way. Please don't change...
As someone else has said...
"Keep on keeping on" - o/
Respectfully,
Pax Althaleen Holder - House Althaleen |
Wilhelm Beck
Tritanium Workers Union
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Posted - 2007.03.07 03:00:00 -
[15]
That merlin thing sounds promising. maybe if you put a sheild recharge rig on there too....
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T'Renn
Crimson Squall
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Posted - 2007.03.07 03:32:00 -
[16]
This corp officially gets the Renn Seal of Approval. These threads are great. --
Wanna be a low-sec scumbag? |
Sakura Nihil
Tabula Rasa Systems The Star Fraction
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Posted - 2007.03.07 12:17:00 -
[17]
This thread wins .
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Nero Ya'ng
Caldari YaFa Empires
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Posted - 2007.03.07 12:56:00 -
[18]
thats really a great story :)
want more
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DarkElf
Caldari Veto.
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Posted - 2007.03.07 16:23:00 -
[19]
DE
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Phoenus
Caldari Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.07 16:38:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Pax Althaleen I have to say that everytime I see a topic You guys have posted, I just have to read it.
Simply put, Bastage INC. stories are hilarious and I mean that in a good way. Please don't change...
As someone else has said...
"Keep on keeping on" - o/
Respectfully,
SmartbomberRokh?
OH OH OH I GOTSA SEE!
[ 2006.08.16 20:49:06 ] (combat) Your Electron Blaster Cannon II barely scratches Dominix [NTEMS]<HELLH>(Dominix), causing |
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Phoenus
Caldari Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.07 16:53:00 -
[21]
Edited by: Phoenus on 07/03/2007 16:52:25 12 Hours had passed, and the magnificent beauty of 'Shrike', Vindicator Class Battleship, still took her Captains' breath away every time he saw it. The magnificent ship dropped out of warp in a system to the North, in the desolate reaches of The Forge. Dropping into orbit around one of the many planets, preparations were made for the ensuing battle.
Captain Font'a, High Ranking Official and Intelligence Officer within the Mercenary Coalition, had spent the past several hours gathering Intelligence on the nefarious Bastage Incorporated, and the movements of their members.
"Status Report" Phoenus enquired.
"The hostiles are very close, old friend, make sure you are ready, and..."
Comms fell silent mid-sentence for several moments
"REPORT!" Phoenus demanded
Silence...
"REPORT!" Phoenus again demanded, this time more out of urgency.
"I have made contact, backup needed, now!" The Communication link *****led.
Without a second thought, the large Engines of the Vindicator swung the ship into Warp, sending it hurtling towards the depths of low-sec. As the large beast approached the Stargate at speeds nearing insanity, Scanners detected a Drake-class Battlecruiser, piloted by the nefarious criminal 'Halod Crane', warp from the gate.
"GOD DAMMIT!" Phoenus sounded exhasperated. He hated it when the cat was let loose from the bag early.
"Apologies, brother. They appeared so quickly, and I missed them." Ka'lorn Font'a sounded over comms, this time audibly.
"No worries. Their time will come, and the chase makes the kill more pleasing" Came the response.
[ 2006.08.16 20:49:06 ] (combat) Your Electron Blaster Cannon II barely scratches Dominix [NTEMS]<HELLH>(Dominix), causing |
Halod Crane
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.07 18:15:00 -
[22]
Edited by: Halod Crane on 07/03/2007 18:13:19 Halod grimaced. He knew that damn locater agent couldn't be trusted to give Phoenus a false reading. Distant scouts kept him appraised of the approaching danger, and it wouldn't be long before the monstrous black Vindicator would be on him... again.
Often the hunter, Halod did not like the feeling of being the hunted. In this case however, he has no choice but to give way before the incoming pilot.
"Phoenus in system sir." his scout reported. "He appears to be in a shuttle"
"Shuttle? Roger. Going to the gate to grab this hauler then we'll quiet down and see what he does for the time being." Halod replied.
Things were progressing nicely, and just as the explosive decompression threw harsh light on the gate Halod saw the telltale shadow of what could only be an incoming Vindicator.
"I thought you said he was in a goddamn shuttle?!" He screamed. "Sucker" replied his scout. "I... WILL.... DESTROYYOU!!!!!ONEONE." Halod spat into the comm channel, frantically attempting to warp out before the (thankfully) slow locking Vindicator could exit warp and shut him down.
Safely docked after a close escape, pondering the loot that kindhearted Phoenus is now likely returning to the hauler pilot, Halod plotted. Not for the death of Phoenus, but for the death of that goddamn scout.
(Sorry for the jumpclone last night Phoenus, we were getting a TON of resistance from locals before you showed up. We'll give you an honest fight soon enough. Great reply btw, fun read.)
--------- Beware the Signature --------- Bastage Inc. We do it for the hate mail.
Feel free to convo me ingame. I'm likely bored. --------- Beware the Signature ---------
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.07 18:19:00 -
[23]
Originally by: Halod Crane Edited by: Halod Crane on 07/03/2007 18:12:42 We'll give you an honest fight soon enough.
<sputter>
HON <acck> Hones <cough> onest <gasp>. Ugh, I can't even say the word. It's too nasty. Really Crane, there is no need for foul language on these forums.
Personally, I plan on cheating.
_______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
Halod Crane
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.07 18:44:00 -
[24]
You know I was lying right MrMann? And you ruined it! Jeez.
Worst pirate ever.
--------- Beware the Signature --------- Bastage Inc. We do it for the hate mail.
Feel free to convo me ingame. I'm likely bored. --------- Beware the Signature ---------
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Aariss
Amarr Infinitus Odium
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Posted - 2007.03.08 05:24:00 -
[25]
Ow my toes.. i'm laughing so hard my toes hurt.. i didn't even think it was possible.. ok i need some air.. *thumps to teh floor*
Love bastage inc posts.. keep it up you crazy guys/girl/insert mildly humourous animals here
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Endaer
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Posted - 2007.03.08 06:49:00 -
[26]
Nice reading there guys, it's nice to see some creative interaction.
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Yoroba Yeehan
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Posted - 2007.03.08 10:39:00 -
[27]
Hehe great read! Can't wait for more barstadious readage
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Jex Jast
Go for the booty
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Posted - 2007.03.08 10:50:00 -
[28]
Love you guys ============= Gate Camp: Originally by: Marcus TheMartin Think of it like fishing with a machine gun while in a tent full of people that won't shut up on ts
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DeckardIRL
Bravehearts Xelas Alliance
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Posted - 2007.03.08 16:53:00 -
[29]
Edited by: DeckardIRL on 08/03/2007 16:52:50 "Buzzip, Buzzip", "Feck! Gotta get that comm alarm sorted when I dock" he thought. Vice Admiral Deck taking a break siting invisible in a quiet system getting a little shut-eye, sits up and hits the button to answer the call.
He has been away on Operations for over a month and has only been in a station once in that time. One evening recently he enjoyed too much IAC smuggled spiced wine that he kept in his hold... He hated getting out of those freezing Clone VATs, so very very sadly he jetted the rest of the wine from his personal stores...
"Yeah waddaya want?" he said iritated... he hates being wakened
"Sir, you have received a delivery of flowers from a MrMann of Bastige Inc"
"WTF"
"Sir? There is a note about apologies for the actions of some guy- Halod Crane and that he will be alone in system Jan tonight. But Sir that was 2 days ago"
"lololol" Deck roared with laughter. MrMann and Halod Crane were doing a spot of pirating when they decided to pop an Alliance MkIV Iteron in Tasti. That Iteron was carrying vital supplies for Deckards Unit. The unexpected loss of that hauler caused considerable hardship and has left the Unit really really p1ssed off.
"Yeah they are a corp of funny b4stards, all of them, and MrMann was on the killmail!"
"Would you like to send a reply Sir?"
"Yes, Yes, tell him:-"
"Thanks for the flowers, I am sure they are just beautiful" "I hope sending them cost you a ****load. When we get the chance we would like to visit and thank you personally for your nice gesture. We are a little busy at the minute but hope to visit soon... Kind Regards Deckard blah blah..."
"Got it Sir"
Deck lay back in his seat and closed his eyes. Yeah they are funny b4stards and smiled as he thought of some of their posts that he had laughed just as hard to. They do make great reading on GalNet forums. But then he frowned.... Crane still has to get it up the ass!!
Deck
_____________________________________________ Xelas Fleet Vice Admiral
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Benzmann
OctoberSnow Corp
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Posted - 2007.03.08 21:09:00 -
[30]
corp full of noobs ?
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