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The Secret to the Northern Coalition's Success . . . Revealed.

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J'inn Shiva	Posted - 2008.05.16 23:48:00 - [1] Edited by: J''inn on 16/05/2008 23:50:13 How the North Was Won A true story. Honest. While spending hours sitting in front of my computer waiting for the lag clear I got to thinking. How the heck are we winning? Trust me. I have been on Northern/Razor/MM/IRON/Everyone-and-their-Mother-TS and the conversations usually involve things that really turn women on. Sci-Fi Movie debates, Pron, in depth arguements over which hybrid ammo to use in certain situations, Vuk latest forum spamming of nude pictures . . . of himself <SHUDDER> . . . etc. Military geniuses . . . erm . . . no. So I figured something must be behind our success. Something . . . sinister. Now this is not meant to be a slam of NC FCs. But come on!! Let's be honest. Last night's discussion about video cards . . . which got ugly I might add . . . really has to be a hint here. So there I was thinking . . . and drinking beer . . . and smoking these clove cigarettes that I got as a present and which I am now totally addicted too . . . well then there was the two day old sushi . .. And at some point while in deep thought . . . Right around when Kai Lea said "You all are idiots Nvidia's &^#(&^#73653567573 chip blah blah" . . . I passed out. Only to be awoken by an oddly squeaky voice. Satan: J'inn wake up! J'inn: But I don't want to go to school. Satan: J'inn I AM YOUR FATHER. J'inn: WHAT THE #(&#_(&#(_#&)#&^)#*&# Satan: <snicker> Just joking. But it woke you up. J'inn: Ummm your not . . . . Satan: Yes it's me, the Dark Prince, Lucifier. J'inn: Oh thank goodness . . . I though it was Danny Bonaduchi. Satan: Acckk! J'inn: Sorry. Satan: Anyway . . . I have decided to let you in on our secret. For you see J'inn . . . for a price . . . it was I that won the Northern War for the Coalition. J'inn: GASP I knew it!!! Wait you said "our" <a puff of smoke> Vuk: Hiya J'inn. J'inn: PUT SOME PANTS ON!!! I swear I have seen your arse more than I have seen my girlfriend's! Wait. . . . actually that's not a very high bar there but . . . PUT SOME PANTS ON!!! Vuk: Calm down. Look I won't be around as much so I need you to tell Fluf to take over some of the work. J'inn: Wha? Vuk: Well I sold my soul to you know who <gestures> in return for a win. J'inn: Why the heck would you do that? Vuk: Hey I offered Ernest's but Satan said that he didn't want that <blank> <blank> <blank> within a hundred miles of him. J'inn: Yeah well I can see that. I mean he is . . . Wait wait . . . You sold your soul for a stupid game! Vuk: No!!! I got my hot wife also. I'm not an idiot. J'inn: Okay okay now that makes sense. But still I don't see how you actually affected a game. Satan: Well for that J'inn we need to go to hell. <a puff of smoke (which smelled oddly of cloves)> J'inn: This can't be hell. There's no fire. There's no smoke . . . Wait a frikkin second this is just a huge room full of servers. Satan: Exactly. J'inn: Ummm. Satan: You see J'inn, my purpose is to make people give up all hope. So sure, we have other areas. There's the famine development area. The natural disaster area. And of course the American Idol area. And then you have this . . . . The Eve Server Room!! J'inn: The . . . Eve . . . Servers . . . are a part of hell . . . . <sputter> Satan: Exactomundo J'innypoo. Giga upon Giga byte of pure life sucking power. Here allow me to adjust the "lag" button you'll see . . . <suddenly the distant sound of thousands of screams could be heard> Satan: The influx of new souls is down so next week we will be issuing a new Eve patch. That should pick up things nicely. Well that and the Manilow sings the 80s release. J'inn: But But . . . I though Eve ran out of Iceland. Satan: Nope. Right here. Well except for the Delve Servers. They get special treatment. J'inn: I KNEW IT!!
J'inn Shiva	Posted - 2008.05.16 23:48:00 - [2] Edited by: J''inn on 16/05/2008 23:50:13 How the North Was Won A true story. Honest. While spending hours sitting in front of my computer waiting for the lag clear I got to thinking. How the heck are we winning? Trust me. I have been on Northern/Razor/MM/IRON/Everyone-and-their-Mother-TS and the conversations usually involve things that really turn women on. Sci-Fi Movie debates, Pron, in depth arguements over which hybrid ammo to use in certain situations, Vuk latest forum spamming of nude pictures . . . of himself <SHUDDER> . . . etc. Military geniuses . . . erm . . . no. So I figured something must be behind our success. Something . . . sinister. Now this is not meant to be a slam of NC FCs. But come on!! Let's be honest. Last night's discussion about video cards . . . which got ugly I might add . . . really has to be a hint here. So there I was thinking . . . and drinking beer . . . and smoking these clove cigarettes that I got as a present and which I am now totally addicted too . . . well then there was the two day old sushi . .. And at some point while in deep thought . . . Right around when Kai Lea said "You all are idiots Nvidia's &^#(&^#73653567573 chip blah blah" . . . I passed out. Only to be awoken by an oddly squeaky voice. Satan: J'inn wake up! J'inn: But I don't want to go to school. Satan: J'inn I AM YOUR FATHER. J'inn: WHAT THE #(&#_(&#(_#&)#&^)#*&# Satan: <snicker> Just joking. But it woke you up. J'inn: Ummm your not . . . . Satan: Yes it's me, the Dark Prince, Lucifier. J'inn: Oh thank goodness . . . I though it was Danny Bonaduchi. Satan: Acckk! J'inn: Sorry. Satan: Anyway . . . I have decided to let you in on our secret. For you see J'inn . . . for a price . . . it was I that won the Northern War for the Coalition. J'inn: GASP I knew it!!! Wait you said "our" <a puff of smoke> Vuk: Hiya J'inn. J'inn: PUT SOME PANTS ON!!! I swear I have seen your arse more than I have seen my girlfriend's! Wait. . . . actually that's not a very high bar there but . . . PUT SOME PANTS ON!!! Vuk: Calm down. Look I won't be around as much so I need you to tell Fluf to take over some of the work. J'inn: Wha? Vuk: Well I sold my soul to you know who <gestures> in return for a win. J'inn: Why the heck would you do that? Vuk: Hey I offered Ernest's but Satan said that he didn't want that <blank> <blank> <blank> within a hundred miles of him. J'inn: Yeah well I can see that. I mean he is . . . Wait wait . . . You sold your soul for a stupid game! Vuk: No!!! I got my hot wife also. I'm not an idiot. J'inn: Okay okay now that makes sense. But still I don't see how you actually affected a game. Satan: Well for that J'inn we need to go to hell. <a puff of smoke (which smelled oddly of cloves)> J'inn: This can't be hell. There's no fire. There's no smoke . . . Wait a frikkin second this is just a huge room full of servers. Satan: Exactly. J'inn: Ummm. Satan: You see J'inn, my purpose is to make people give up all hope. So sure, we have other areas. There's the famine development area. The natural disaster area. And of course the American Idol area. And then you have this . . . . The Eve Server Room!! J'inn: The . . . Eve . . . Servers . . . are a part of hell . . . . <sputter> Satan: Exactomundo J'innypoo. Giga upon Giga byte of pure life sucking power. Here allow me to adjust the "lag" button you'll see . . . <suddenly the distant sound of thousands of screams could be heard> Satan: The influx of new souls is down so next week we will be issuing a new Eve patch. That should pick up things nicely. Well that and the Manilow sings the 80s release. J'inn: But But . . . I though Eve ran out of Iceland. Satan: Nope. Right here. Well except for the Delve Servers. They get special treatment. J'inn: I KNEW IT!!
J'inn Shiva	Posted - 2008.05.16 23:51:00 - [3] Satan: Oh it's not what you think. It's in a lower pit and linked to . . . well we don't talk about it to be honest. J'inn: So you mean when the enemy Titan Doomdayed it's own fleet . . . Satan: Moi. J'inn: And all those enemy capital ship losses. Satan: Moi. J'inn: And Paula Abdul!! Satan: Guilty. J'inn: And all those hours I spent on TS listening to the butch prisonesqe *** banter. Satan: Not me. Vuk: <cough> J'inn: Well now what? Satan: Well Bill and I have to get to work on Vista 2010 there's so much to do and . . . J'inn: I MEAN FOR EVE!! Stan: Oh yes, Eve. Well Oveur and I are working on the Factional Warfare thingy. Oohhh that should be fun fun fun. And there is the whole Jovian thing. And well the tech guys are perfecting the dynamic lag device and . . . J'inn: The Northern Coalition to be specific. Satan: Oh yes Vuk's guys. Well let's see. You have about 44978983 POSes to take down. Give or take a few. Oh just think of the hours of fun TS chat there. J'inn: <acck> Satan: And then of course you will need to cover all the moons with your own POSes. J'inn: <sputter> Satan: And then fuel the towers. J'inn: <twitch> Satan: And then there is Molle. J'inn: <faints> Satan: SOUL CLEAN UP IN AISLE 666. <snicker> And then I was sitting at my computer chair . . . shivering . . . sweaty . . . glassy eyed . . . . Maybe it was just a dream . . . . But then over TS I heard . . . Fluf: How much are large towers going for in Branch?
J'inn Shiva	Posted - 2008.05.16 23:51:00 - [4] Satan: Oh it's not what you think. It's in a lower pit and linked to . . . well we don't talk about it to be honest. J'inn: So you mean when the enemy Titan Doomdayed it's own fleet . . . Satan: Moi. J'inn: And all those enemy capital ship losses. Satan: Moi. J'inn: And Paula Abdul!! Satan: Guilty. J'inn: And all those hours I spent on TS listening to the butch prisonesqe *** banter. Satan: Not me. Vuk: <cough> J'inn: Well now what? Satan: Well Bill and I have to get to work on Vista 2010 there's so much to do and . . . J'inn: I MEAN FOR EVE!! Stan: Oh yes, Eve. Well Oveur and I are working on the Factional Warfare thingy. Oohhh that should be fun fun fun. And there is the whole Jovian thing. And well the tech guys are perfecting the dynamic lag device and . . . J'inn: The Northern Coalition to be specific. Satan: Oh yes Vuk's guys. Well let's see. You have about 44978983 POSes to take down. Give or take a few. Oh just think of the hours of fun TS chat there. J'inn: <acck> Satan: And then of course you will need to cover all the moons with your own POSes. J'inn: <sputter> Satan: And then fuel the towers. J'inn: <twitch> Satan: And then there is Molle. J'inn: <faints> Satan: SOUL CLEAN UP IN AISLE 666. <snicker> And then I was sitting at my computer chair . . . shivering . . . sweaty . . . glassy eyed . . . . Maybe it was just a dream . . . . But then over TS I heard . . . Fluf: How much are large towers going for in Branch?
Graalum Foundation R0ADKILL	Posted - 2008.05.16 23:53:00 - [5] cliffs?
Von Zarovick The Collective Against ALL Authorities	Posted - 2008.05.16 23:53:00 - [6] thanks for sharing.
Graalum Foundation R0ADKILL	Posted - 2008.05.16 23:53:00 - [7] cliffs?
Von Zarovick The Collective Against ALL Authorities	Posted - 2008.05.16 23:53:00 - [8] thanks for sharing.
Iva Soreass Personal Vendetta Vendetta Alliance.	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:01:00 - [9] tl;dr
Iva Soreass Personal Vendetta Vendetta Alliance.	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:01:00 - [10] tl;dr
rValdez5987 Amarr Asylum Logistics	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:15:00 - [11] that was fun to read.... lol My views and opinions are my own.
Newsflash Gallente NorthUnited	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:21:00 - [12] quite nice and entertaining write but does it have something for message? if no i just thank you for nice write up.
TheAdj Cutting Edge Incorporated RAZOR Alliance	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:27:00 - [13] Now you see why the war took so long, had to listen to these clowns all day. ----------------
Rechal Active Measures	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:35:00 - [14] Funny through about 2/3 of the first post, then fell asleep.
Puncher hirr Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:36:00 - [15] Originally by: TheAdj Now you see why the war took so long, had to listen to these clowns all day. You know you love it Adj! Those late night bonding sessions... hirr Morsus Mihi
Lipix Amarr Shiva Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:43:00 - [16] It's me, I am the Satan in the op.
Lou Cypher The X-Trading Company Mostly Harmless	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:48:00 - [17] MUHAHA aka OOK! Shrike > Good Morning Northen Monekys, this is God speaking.
Xthril Ranger hirr Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2008.05.17 00:51:00 - [18] Originally by: J'inn Maybe it was just a dream . . . . But then over TS I heard . . . Fluf: How much are large towers going for in Branch? . you'll never jump alone
Faekurias Cash Money Brothers R0ADKILL	Posted - 2008.05.17 01:08:00 - [19] TL;DR Sneak PR for BE/SATAN I gather? Sig locked, abuse of use - for more information mail [email protected]
Goberth Ludwig eXceed Inc. eXceed.	Posted - 2008.05.17 01:18:00 - [20] Ahaha nice read - Gob
The Hooch Privateer Alliance	Posted - 2008.05.17 01:19:00 - [21] Well, at least you buried somebody else this time with a devil and not me. Like always J'inn, master of the funny post. Hooch Concord punishes people, it does not protect them
Aegis Osiris Gallente Demonic Retribution Un-Natural Selection	Posted - 2008.05.17 02:24:00 - [22] Classic I do miss J'inn posts lol. ps. Hooch, hows the Command Hot Tub? ________________________________________________ I went to CAOD and all I got was this lousy brain tumor...
Batolemaeus Caldari Batolemaeus Corp	Posted - 2008.05.17 05:09:00 - [23] I all makes sense now
Agmar Game-Over Insurgency	Posted - 2008.05.17 05:12:00 - [24] crtl + f "agmar" yielded no results.... so it can't be accurate Recruiting.
Phrixus Zephyr Prospero Incorperated	Posted - 2008.05.17 06:15:00 - [25] Is the answer "Standings"?
Dashboard Hard Rock Cafe	Posted - 2008.05.17 06:45:00 - [26] All the ADD-suffering chumps who said "tl;dr" missed out on quite a funny post :V
Terminal Flatulence The TF Society	Posted - 2008.05.17 06:57:00 - [27] Originally by: Dashboard All the ADD-suffering chumps who said "tl;dr" missed out on quite a funny post :V Agreed. Tri had an Angel in it too, so I think the OP might be on to something here. Just sayin'.
Ace Frehley Minmatar Black Water.	Posted - 2008.05.17 07:43:00 - [28] But where is the Raven set-up, I cant find it in the convo. So it has to be fake
Ernest Graefenberg Minmatar Cutting Edge Incorporated RAZOR Alliance	Posted - 2008.05.17 07:51:00 - [29] Originally by: Terminal Flatulence Tri had an Angel in it too, so I think the OP might be on to something here. Just sayin'. That is an entirely ironic moniker.
Nemtar Nataal Demonic Retribution Un-Natural Selection	Posted - 2008.05.17 08:37:00 - [30] stop smoking so much weed.... hehe...anyway....good write up Lets hope mister L never perfects the dynamic lag device. ...ohh yes any hints on how that "hot wife" part of it all works...i might want to try it out

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