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Sendai O'Shaserra
Amarr
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Posted - 2008.09.17 06:55:00 -
[1]
11 September 2008
GENEVA, Switzerland û Concerns that the Large Hadron Collider might destroy the Earth proved unfounded on Wednesday, but scientists warned that they may instead have accidentally destroyed God shortly after powering up the machine.
Detectors in the $1000000 billion machine recorded a massive outburst of Higgs bosons, nicknamed the "God particle" about 3 seconds into the first experiment. Scientists speculate that God may have accidentally strayed into the high-powered opposing beams of protons the collider generates, and been disintegrated.
"We detected so many Higgs bosons in such a short space of time, there's little chance God could have survived," said Dr Tara Sheers, a particle physicist from the University of Manchester.
Despite the unexpected results from the collider's first day of operations, the public should not be concerned over the safety of the machine, said Professor Jim Vordee, a particle physicist at Imperial College London.
Moreover, today's accident should not greatly impact the world's major religions, he said.
"From the results of today's experiment, we can conclude that while God probably did exist, He probably doesn't now.
"Theologically speaking, this is much the same position we were in on Tuesday. It's ironic that at the very instant that we had scientific evidence of the existence of God, He most probably ceased to exist."
Officials at the organization that operates the collider - the European Organization for Nuclear Research, better known by its old acronym CERN û have yet to make a statement on God's probable destruction.
However, Steve Myars, head of the accelerator and beam department at CERN, said some sort of letter of apology and condolences to the leaders of the world's major religions might be in order.
"We really didn't mean to 'do a Nietzsche' as it were, and kill God, but then again, God's been dead for over three hours now, and things still seem to be going on pretty much as usual in the universe.
"God may have been destroyed, but it's not the end of the world."
God's next-of-kin Jesus could not be reached for comment.
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Arvald
Caldari
Ninjas N Pirates
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Posted - 2008.09.17 07:02:00 -
[2]
  
if a hell exists
im going there
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Jacob Mei
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Posted - 2008.09.17 07:06:00 -
[3]
Meanwhile belzebulb was contacted to get his opinion on the subject, all the reporters were able to get was manical laughter and the words "its mine, all mine."
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To borrow a phrase:
Players who post are like stars, there are bright ones and those who are dim.
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Arvald
Caldari
Ninjas N Pirates
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Posted - 2008.09.17 07:11:00 -
[4]
 Originally by: Jacob Mei
Meanwhile belzebulb was contacted to get his opinion on the subject, all the reporters were able to get was manical laughter and the words "its mine, all mine."
hahaha
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Rawr Cristina
Caldari
Omerta Syndicate
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Posted - 2008.09.17 07:12:00 -
[5]
haha, almost thought that was real for a sec. 
- Infectious - |
Myrhial Arkenath
Ghost Festival
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Posted - 2008.09.17 07:44:00 -
[6]
Time to find a new religion 
Diary of a pod pilot |
Shadowsword
COLSUP
Tau Ceti Federation
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Posted - 2008.09.17 08:06:00 -
[7]
A joke thread like htat would have had more effect in a week, since the LHC hasn't collisonned anything yet. :p
The CERN just tested it's ability to direct proton beams so far, hte first collision is planned for the end of the week.
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Ogul
Caldari
ZiTek Deepspace Explorations
United Front Alliance
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Posted - 2008.09.17 08:45:00 -
[8]
Which god?
I admit, the monotheistic religions would be screwed, but what if it happened to be one of the thousands of hinduistic gods?
I just hope it wasn't the greek/roman god of wine...
---
Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes. |
Louis deGuerre
Gallente
Federation Zone Operations Command
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Posted - 2008.09.17 09:27:00 -
[9]
'do a Nietzsche'
this 
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If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles - Sun Tzu |
KingsGambit
Caldari Knights
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Posted - 2008.09.17 10:05:00 -
[10]
Brilliant 
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Slade Trillgon
Siorai Iontach
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Posted - 2008.09.17 10:10:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Shadowsword
The first collision is planned for the end of the week.
'
Well obviously, the first collision has happened...with GOD 
Slade
Originally by: Crumplecorn
NerfBat is now known as the WaveMachine.
≡v≡ |
FOl2TY8
Revolutionary United Front
Silex Union
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Posted - 2008.09.17 17:12:00 -
[12]
he won't be missed
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The six paths and the four lives.... |
Avaan Eclipse
Gallente
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Posted - 2008.09.17 20:03:00 -
[13]
Might as well have been the under-god of a distant relative to a minor Hindu god as far aw we know.
But we can always hope...
Oh! and
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StrykerVenom
Caldari
DPT Entertainment
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Posted - 2008.09.17 20:23:00 -
[14]
iLol'ed
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Evanade
Rionnag Alba
Triumvirate.
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Posted - 2008.09.17 21:18:00 -
[15]
Too late, Douglas Adams already destroyed god:
The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
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sok alt - main got banzored |
Atomos Darksun
Infortunatus Eventus
Obsidian Empire
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Posted - 2008.09.17 21:40:00 -
[16]
I lol'd.
Originally by: Amoxin
My vent is talking to me in a devil voice...
Atomos' Guide to Forum Flaming |
Lucian Alucard
Caldari
Black Vice Industries
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Posted - 2008.09.17 23:12:00 -
[17]
Well that makes two bad moves, stepping infornt of a particle accelerator and creating the universe.
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The TX
Gallente
Pulsar Combat Supplies
Alternative Realities
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Posted - 2008.09.17 23:33:00 -
[18]
Can I have God's stuff?
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[Signature]
[/Signature]
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jason hill
Caldari
Clan Shadow Wolf
Sylph Alliance
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Posted - 2008.09.18 00:05:00 -
[19]
too late i already have his stuff .. next wek im working on getting dubbyas oil
destroy everything you touch |
Taedrin
Gallente
24th Imperial Crusade
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Posted - 2008.09.18 04:26:00 -
[20]
Don't worry, there's still a 1 in 50 million chance that the LHC will create a true vacuum bubble and destroy the entire universe.
From the wiki article:
"The possibility that we are living in a false vacuum has never been a cheering one to contemplate. Vacuum decay is the ultimate ecological catastrophe; in the new vacuum there are new constants of nature; after vacuum decay, not only is life as we know it impossible, so is chemistry as we know it. However, one could always draw stoic comfort from the possibility that perhaps in the course of time the new vacuum would sustain, if not life as we know it, at least some structures capable of knowing joy. This possibility has now been eliminated."
Enjoy your last moments of existence while you still can.
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Kazuma Saruwatari
Caldari
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Posted - 2008.09.18 04:50:00 -
[21]
-
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Karma
Eve University
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Posted - 2008.09.18 11:29:00 -
[22]
Originally by: FOl2TY8
he won't be missed
indeed. they seem to have hit him quite squarely in the face.
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Deviana Sevidon
Gallente
Panta-Rhei
United Front Alliance
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Posted - 2008.09.18 12:21:00 -
[23]
God is dead
... and I for one, welcome our Nietzschian Overlords.
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Jim McGregor
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Posted - 2008.09.18 19:36:00 -
[24]
Edited by: Jim McGregor on 18/09/2008 19:36:22
This was actually pretty good. Kind of the same style as Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. If you havent read it kids, do it.
There is also a movie for the ones too lazy to open the books.
---
Originally by: Roguehalo
Can you nano Titans?
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Buff Plankchest
Minmatar
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Posted - 2008.09.18 21:51:00 -
[25]
Originally by: Jim McGregor
Edited by: Jim McGregor on 18/09/2008 19:36:22
This was actually pretty good. Kind of the same style as Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. If you havent read it kids, do it.
There is also a movie for the ones too lazy to open the books.
I liked that movie
Bye, and thx for the fish!
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