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Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
Fangedterror
Caldari Alarius Elementum EvE Consortium
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Posted - 2009.01.20 02:18:00 -
[1]
Im in the mood to laugh tonight. So please post your eve jokes. I started you guys off with some of the corniest jokes i could think of.
---------yo mama jokes------------
Yo mamas is so fat it took me 1 second to target her.
Yo mamas so fat she needs to be cynoed to the store
Yo mamas so fat when she jumped through the gate she crashed the node
Yo mamas so fat you can anchor a pos next to her
-------------Eve pick up line--------------------
Hey baby is you dad an Ore Theif? Because he must have stolen all the Arkanor out of the belts and put them in your eyes.
--------jokes----------
Q. How many BoB pilots Does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Depends on how long it takes for CCP to arrive
Q. How many CVA pilots does it take to defend their space? A. Who knows its never been done
----------------------------------------
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Khemul Zula
Amarr Keisen Trade League
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Posted - 2009.01.20 02:19:00 -
[2]
CAOD
------ I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. |
Dirk Magnum
Royal Hiigaran Navy
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Posted - 2009.01.20 02:20:00 -
[3]
Rocket bonus.
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Qordel
Caldari School of Applied Knowledge
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Posted - 2009.01.20 02:35:00 -
[4]
Edited by: Qordel on 20/01/2009 02:36:36
My EVE: Share your EVE videos, guides, resources, songs, jokes and more!
--
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Muhammed Jafar
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Posted - 2009.01.20 02:56:00 -
[5]
How many terrible poasts does it take win EVE?
I don't know, but I'm well on my way! |
BiggestT
Caldari Resurrection Skunk-Works
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Posted - 2009.01.20 02:58:00 -
[6]
Yo mamma so fat, when she docks, the station cries "Be Gentle.."
Yo mamma so fat, she has to jump twice
Yo mamma so fat, her gravity pulls ships out of warp
Yo mamma so fat, she ate Jita
Yo mamma so fat, she has her own sov.
I can continue if the need arises :) |
Armoured C
Gallente Federation of Freedom Fighters Executive Outcomes
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Posted - 2009.01.20 03:04:00 -
[7]
caldari
almiright? |
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CCP Mitnal
C C P CCP
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Posted - 2009.01.20 03:18:00 -
[8]
Moved to MY EVE. |
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Barak Tor
Legion of Black Mesa United Freemen Alliance
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Posted - 2009.01.20 05:00:00 -
[9]
Originally by: Armoured C caldari
almiright?
^^This |
Mithfindel
Gallente Zenko Group
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Posted - 2009.01.20 07:50:00 -
[10]
Two True Amarr and a Brutor arrive to a bar. The Amarr are carrying the Brutor in a chair. The bartender asks: "Is this some kind of a joke?"
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MOFO 450
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Posted - 2009.01.20 15:56:00 -
[11]
A firbolg goes to the RnD agent, looking ill, and says "I really don't feel well, i am tired all the time, i dont know what to do"
So the RnD agent says "Well, let me take a bit of your hull and i will send it off for tests"
Next week the firbolg returns, still complaining of the same symptoms, and the agent has some bad news: "There is no easy way to say this... but you are HIV positive"
The firbolg is shocked. "HIV!! I am a fighter! Not a lover! How can that possibly be?!"
The RnD agent solemnly replies "I am sorry... but one of your parents must have been a carrier"
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Arouu
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Posted - 2009.01.20 23:03:00 -
[12]
Originally by: MOFO 450 A firbolg goes to the RnD agent, looking ill, and says "I really don't feel well, i am tired all the time, i dont know what to do"
So the RnD agent says "Well, let me take a bit of your hull and i will send it off for tests"
Next week the firbolg returns, still complaining of the same symptoms, and the agent has some bad news: "There is no easy way to say this... but you are HIV positive"
The firbolg is shocked. "HIV!! I am a fighter! Not a lover! How can that possibly be?!"
The RnD agent solemnly replies "I am sorry... but one of your parents must have been a carrier"
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d3vo
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Posted - 2009.01.21 16:40:00 -
[13]
lawlz, keep them coming __________ \(^.^)/ |
Sarkiss
Imperial Academy
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Posted - 2009.01.21 19:12:00 -
[14]
Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love.
The first woman said, "My husband is a marriage counselor, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that."
The second woman proclaimed, "My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, I like that."
The third woman replied, "Well my husband works for CCP and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it's going to be when I get it.
A classic.
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Beardponderer
You're Doing It Wrong
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Posted - 2009.01.21 21:12:00 -
[15]
Devo is a woman!
----------------------------------------------
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Caveat Emptor1
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Posted - 2009.01.22 09:28:00 -
[16]
Edited by: Caveat Emptor1 on 22/01/2009 09:28:11 What is pirates favorite breakfast?
Scrambled egg
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Lexa Hellfury
Incura
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Posted - 2009.01.22 09:48:00 -
[17]
q. How many CCP does it take to change a light bulb?
a. 1 team to implement the change, one to make a forum post informing the players of the change, one to make a post on the login screen, one to lock the thread about the change after it reaches 50 pages, one to make a new thread about the change, and one to ninja edit the "features" page. |
News R3porter
THE INTERNET.
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Posted - 2009.01.22 11:48:00 -
[18]
pick up line
hey baby im like a celestis, i can make u damp from accross the room Providing eve with unbiased news |
Catturday
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Posted - 2009.01.22 20:08:00 -
[19]
y0 m0mma's so fat BOB took her for a region and then abandoned her.
(Ok, scretch the abandoned part.)
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Wired
Caldari Provisions
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Posted - 2009.01.22 20:49:00 -
[20]
Edited by: Wired on 22/01/2009 20:54:28 A couple more 'yo mamma' lines...
Yo mama is so fat she takes up 2 contracts Yo mama is so fat it's not possible to calculate the effects of target painting. Yo mama is so fat her pod is a titan Yo mama is so fat I've petitioned her for exploiting
Why did the Dev cross the road? I'm sorry the logs show nothing
I'll probably be back with more crappy jokes later (you have been warned) |
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BuIIseye
Amarr Pax Amarria Corp
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Posted - 2009.01.23 03:36:00 -
[21]
Q. How many Goon pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. 109
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wickedpheonix
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Posted - 2009.01.23 04:38:00 -
[22]
-How many carebears does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Three - one to screw it in, one to screw it back in after it falls out, and one to complain about this magical fantastic ghost called "gravity" that keeps disrupting the carebears' mining.
How many people does it take to lag Jita up? One - your momma.
How many CCP does it take to get Ambulation done? Three - one to brag about how it's almost done on the forums, one to get the final touches done, and one to ninja delete it every night so that it can keep on being delayed.
How does a pirate put the fear of God into a carebear? Just shows up.
A Gallente and a Caldari walk into a bar. Caldari orders a water, Gallente orders a beer. Gallente asks Caldari why he's not having a drink, Caldari answers - "Oh I am having a drink - I'm drinking that beer on the table soon as I short-circuit your drones with this here water!"
Sorry if I've made you take a drill to the temple... :P
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Halsoy
Gallente Shade. Penumbra Alliance
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Posted - 2009.01.23 12:58:00 -
[23]
Ok, I don't have anything fancy stuff, so I'll just take this one.
If You're Happy And You Know It - Pod Amarr If you cannot find Caldari, Pod Amarr If the Minnie are frisky, Gallente is looking shifty, Jovians are too risky, Pod Amarr.
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Phantom Slave
JUDGE DREAD Inc.
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Posted - 2009.01.23 18:36:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Halsoy Ok, I don't have anything fancy stuff, so I'll just take this one.
If You're Happy And You Know It - Pod Amarr If you cannot find Caldari, Pod Amarr If the Minnie are frisky, Gallente is looking shifty, Jovians are too risky, Pod Amarr.
Very clever! No wait, don't pod m...*wakes up in station* ah son of a *****!
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Betray
Caldari The Substitutes
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Posted - 2009.01.24 02:18:00 -
[25]
caldari pvp solo success
now pick 3 |
LTD THOR
Liga Freier Terraner G00DFELLAS
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Posted - 2009.01.24 03:25:00 -
[26]
Edited by: LTD THOR on 24/01/2009 03:25:40 Yo mamas so fat that she will get an own region name next patch.
:S
Originally by: Bob Marley "..weŚre jammin, i hope you like jammin, too"
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Hsuan Tsang
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Posted - 2009.02.02 16:24:00 -
[27]
Scotty walks into a hangar and see's a pod pilot with a stack of scaffold poles and duct tape, and asks "Whatcha doing with all that in my hangar?" "Building me a ship" "You can't build a ship with just duct tape and scaffold tubes" "Why not," replies the pilot"The Minmatar have been doing it for years"
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Rordan D'Kherr
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Posted - 2009.02.02 16:34:00 -
[28]
Once I met a trustworthy BoB member ...
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Mang0o
Caldari coracao ardente
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Posted - 2009.02.02 18:33:00 -
[29]
CCP
I love you Mang0o, take a guess why -Eris |
Hondri
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Posted - 2009.02.03 15:51:00 -
[30]
Atlas alliance
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the willyb
Digital Fury Corporation
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Posted - 2009.02.03 16:45:00 -
[31]
Originally by: Hondri Atlas alliance
HAHAHAHA! That made me laugh so hard I started crying!
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gigawatt
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Posted - 2009.04.13 02:09:00 -
[32]
m0ar!
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Rock urSocksoff
Provehito In Altum
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Posted - 2009.04.13 03:37:00 -
[33]
nice necro
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Quantar Raalsken
Gallente
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Posted - 2009.04.13 04:36:00 -
[34]
-- Pick up line -- Baby, i got a dense veldspar in my pants for ya...wanna strip mine it?
===== Homeworld Hamachi Network - Keep the Classic Alive! |
Che Biko
Polytechnique Gallenteenne
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Posted - 2009.04.13 13:46:00 -
[35]
How to humiliate Amarr? Minma-tar and feathers.
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AD Adams
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Posted - 2009.04.13 18:39:00 -
[36]
You know youve played to much eve when you:
- ask the guy in the porsche if he's nanoed it - in a barfight try to orbit your opponent - flee from a car accident because youre afraid of getting concorded
Why are there so few of these in here.
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Quantar Raalsken
Gallente
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Posted - 2009.04.13 22:20:00 -
[37]
yo manna's so fat that she collapsed all the wormholes in the system just by showing up ===== Homeworld Hamachi Network - Keep the Classic Alive! |
Che Biko
Polytechnique Gallenteenne
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Posted - 2009.04.14 10:40:00 -
[38]
Originally by: AD Adams You know youve played to much eve when you:
...refuse to leave the house because you can't find your pod. ...google what the price for oxygen is in Alpha Centauri. ...your wife joins the enemy side. ...you 'push-to-talk' to someone in your vicinity. ...you leave restaurants because they don't serve Long-limbs and Quafe Ultra.
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Simen123
Caldari modro Sc0rched Earth
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Posted - 2009.04.14 12:35:00 -
[39]
you know youve played too much eve when:
..you see your wife and tell her she's a dense veldspar roid ..your cant get into your own yard because the gate is camped ..run away from bubbles trying to get to optimal ..when you sit on your roof shooting and people passing by, then going down to loot and salvage ..when you scream POINT AND WEB IT when your dog runs away
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Vekenega
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Posted - 2009.04.14 16:31:00 -
[40]
Your momma`s so fat that your daddy needs to drop a cyno for her to go shopping
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Kannteir
Amarr Black Aces Dead Mans Hand
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Posted - 2009.04.15 06:26:00 -
[41]
Originally by: AD Adams You know youve played to much eve when you:
...start referencing your automobile as your starship. ...more than half of your programs involve analyzing ship fittings or virtual markets. ...spend the time to create macros for every channel with more than 100 people in it. ...refer to eve as another job to friends or family so you don't have to answer questions.
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Dannerkongen
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Posted - 2009.04.15 10:14:00 -
[42]
Edited by: Dannerkongen on 15/04/2009 10:15:19
Originally by: AD Adams You know youve played to much eve when you:
Walk up to a girl in the bar and yell POINT!
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Orm Tosteson
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Posted - 2009.04.15 19:07:00 -
[43]
Sitting around mining will get you 'roids. One way or the other...
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Revoluti0nx
Invicta. Advocated Destruction
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Posted - 2009.04.16 06:21:00 -
[44]
Originally by: AD Adams You know youve played to much eve when you:
...are getting ready to get out of the car and you say to your friend alright lets undock.
sad things is, i actually said this :(
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Grand Sausage
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Posted - 2009.04.17 04:44:00 -
[45]
so if the amarr and matari all fight to the death who wins... Society!
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Dracoknight
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Posted - 2009.04.17 09:28:00 -
[46]
Pick-up line: "Now its only you, me and a lots of veldspar" - one liner: "Chribba stole my veldspar" - The first leaders of the EVE races:
Amaar: Paul Johannes the 2nd Caldari: Bill Gates Gallente: Some random french guy Minmatar: McGyver
Rawr! |
Vince Shepherd
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Posted - 2009.06.29 03:52:00 -
[47]
Two matari in a ship, who's driving? Concord
Why don't you shoot a minmatar in a Raven? It's probably your Raven
How did the Caldari gain their independence? They blew up the Gallente white-flag factory, effectivly crippling their military.
If your wife asks you to reroute the capacitor so she can make dinner, you're minmatar
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Denny Haze
Amarr Knights of Destiny
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Posted - 2009.06.29 15:22:00 -
[48]
Edited by: Denny Haze on 29/06/2009 15:22:06 Once a WoW player in EvE... Well, now you're too curious not to click me |
Grek Forto
Destry's Lounge
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Posted - 2009.07.04 05:47:00 -
[49]
How many EVE players does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change it, and 300,000 to whine and moan on the forums on how it's unbalanced and that the last one was better.
Btw, stolen. almost Grek Forto Yarring Blog |
Allahs Warrior
Gallente Brotherhood of Suicidal Priests
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Posted - 2009.07.04 12:42:00 -
[50]
Edited by: Allahs Warrior on 04/07/2009 12:43:13
Originally by: Dirk Magnum Rocket bonus.
best yet imo.
Also
...you get into a bar fight and start calling primaries to your friends.
"Hairy Man in Grateful Dead shirt is primary, Ugly Dude in wifebeater secondary. Spread your tackles!"
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Davis Emran
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Posted - 2009.07.19 07:03:00 -
[51]
Edited by: Davis Emran on 19/07/2009 07:05:19 Q:Why do Stations go into emergency lock-downs every time an Avatar Titan shows up? A: People are afraid it will plug the hangar entrance.
You know you've played too much Eve when...... 1. ... you call a RL friend by his in-game name, and he answers. 2. ... you look in your real wallet and panic when you don't find any ISK. 3. ... you have a bumper sticker that reads, "My other vehicle is a Raven!" 4. ... you look at your boss and wonder how much DPS you could inflict before being fired. 5. ... .you drive past a police road block and say out loud gate camp 6. ... you wake up in the middle of the night just to change training and find yourself playing till down time. 7. ... you panic every time you see a flashing red light while driving your car. 8. ... you ask your employer for an "upgrade" instead of a "raise". 9. ... you casually ask your doctor during a physical exam if he has any implants he would recommend. 10. .... you look at a rock in your driveway, and wonder how much ISK it will bring you. (This joke is brought to you by meepes, he just didn't post this on this page :P)
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Vasili vonHolst
Minmatar Gargamel's Lair
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Posted - 2009.07.20 05:05:00 -
[52]
Ok here is one!
Why did CCP change the name for this section to "My EVE" Huh huh huh?
...So people like you could post weak threads like this in a section where there is 90% of the content is videos!
LOLOLOLROFL
--->Movie: + Trillion damage to CareBear community |
URDEAD2ME
Black.Wind
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Posted - 2009.07.20 06:50:00 -
[53]
Originally by: Vasili vonHolst Ok here is one!
Why did CCP change the name for this section to "My EVE" Huh huh huh?
...So people like you could post weak threads like this in a section where there is 90% of the content is videos!
LOLOLOLROFL
oh was this ment to be a funny ? erm ha ha ha h...a .... its my eve people can post things abouy eve here like , jokes , art , films , songs ... so let them be .... and if you dont like the thread dont read ... |
Mazca Lopez
The Patriot Society Aegis Militia
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Posted - 2009.07.20 09:03:00 -
[54]
Onto the stage comes a sick puppie:
Whats the difference between an EVE-player and a dead baby?
There are more people who wants to have sex with a dead baby
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Firenze Nightingale
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Posted - 2009.07.20 22:08:00 -
[55]
I saw this in someone's bio once ...
A carrier pilot named Guy Thought he was too smart to die He went out alone With an outdated clone Now he's training Frig 5 in Yulai
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CptConorado
Amarr The Collective Order
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Posted - 2009.07.21 01:14:00 -
[56]
The Gallente pray for peace. The Caldari pray for profit. The Amarr Pray for conquest. The Minmatar pray their ships hold together.
FACT:95% of all facts and statistics are made up on the spot. (not related to eve but its kinda funny anyway) THE INVASION HAS BEGUN!!!!!!!! |
RoCkEt X
Caldari Hostile.
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Posted - 2009.07.21 11:25:00 -
[57]
Edited by: RoCkEt X on 21/07/2009 11:26:08
'using the wrong ammunition is like slitting your wrists with a blunt knife'
'some people think sleep-secks is weird, but offline POS's get shot everyday.'
'i'll let you go if you order me a pizza - the number is 0800 *** ***'
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Lukriss
Lone Star Academy Lone Star Partners
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Posted - 2009.07.21 13:05:00 -
[58]
Originally by: CptConorado FACT:95% of all facts and statistics are made up on the spot. (not related to eve but its kinda funny anyway)
Fact: 32.7329524905209423% of all statistics shows an amount of decimals which leads gives a misleading impression of accuracy.
Originally by: Redloc I want to gank hulks in high sec! I have a dedicated miner account so I have the funds to throw away.
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Hegg Master
Globaltech Industries
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Posted - 2009.07.22 11:12:00 -
[59]
lol [url=http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/combat_record.php?type=player&name=Hegg%20Master][ |
Hexentanz
Amarr The Eden Trading International Corporation Hansa Teutonica
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Posted - 2009.07.23 06:51:00 -
[60]
Originally by: Vekenega Your momma`s so fat that your daddy needs to drop a cyno for her to go shopping
damn, insane sir, u made my day ------ TETIC The Eden Trading International Corporation www.tetic.ch / German Trading Corporation |
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battlebot1077
Off-Axis Response Rising Phoenix Alliance
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Posted - 2009.07.23 18:56:00 -
[61]
Edited by: battlebot1077 on 23/07/2009 18:56:52 you know you play too much eve when your girlfriend gets naked, asks you to follow her into the bedroom and you tell her to wait a minute while you dock your ship because theres war targets in system.
that was a cold night -----------------------------------------
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Therran Promitz
Caldari
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Posted - 2009.07.24 17:51:00 -
[62]
Originally by: battlebot1077 Edited by: battlebot1077 on 23/07/2009 18:56:52 you know you play too much eve when your girlfriend gets naked, asks you to follow her into the bedroom and you tell her to wait a minute while you dock your ship because theres war targets in system.
that was a cold night
That's a perfectly good excuse to play more EVE, er, I mean to wait one moment >.> ___________________ Show me how it ends |
EvE Templar
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Posted - 2009.07.25 19:32:00 -
[63]
You know what JITA stands for?
Jesus Is The Answer.
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Bestofworst Worstofbest
Caldari Science and Trade Institute
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Posted - 2009.07.25 20:06:00 -
[64]
Originally by: EvE Templar You know what JITA stands for?
Jesus Is The Answer.
Just Instantly Trade All imo
[idiot] YOUR MOMMA SO FAT WE HAD TO ADD CELESTIALS JUST TO SEE HER ON OUR OVERVIEW [/idiot] ________________________________________________
Am I an alt, main, or both? You decide! |
Clearshot6245
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Posted - 2009.08.12 21:26:00 -
[65]
You play eve to much when:
Your girl friend says 'Lets have some fun' and you say 'Sorry there's still some Arkonor to mine, maybe tomorow'
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Assassin126
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Posted - 2009.08.12 21:28:00 -
[66]
Originally by: battlebot1077 Edited by: battlebot1077 on 23/07/2009 18:56:52 you know you play too much eve when your girlfriend gets naked, asks you to follow her into the bedroom and you tell her to wait a minute while you dock your ship because theres war targets in system.
that was a cold night
you play to much when she accepts that as a good reason to wait
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Mr mOnKeYbAlZ
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Posted - 2009.08.14 11:59:00 -
[67]
Edited by: Mr mOnKeYbAlZ on 14/08/2009 12:01:49 You know you play to much eve when: your computer desk has half filled bottles of pi5s on it cos you were too busy/lazy to go the toilet during the op.
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Shosoru
Gallente
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Posted - 2009.08.14 23:58:00 -
[68]
Ok its a bit standard but what the hell:
Q: what happens when an EVE player quits EVE to play World Of Warcraft A: the Average Player IQ of both Games goes Up
-and some things that i found in local
LMFAOWTFBBQ Vertin > afk back between 7 and 7:30 trying not to agro wife<br>hydraSlav > jam her<br>Vertin > she is a mothership ew does not work
TehJackal > I actually need to log, my wife has informed me, if I dont start cleaning my basement, I will lose docking rights
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Gadrion
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Posted - 2009.09.12 22:33:00 -
[69]
What do you call a minmatar slave after the amarr has freed him/her? well if your a slaver hound you call it dinner
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Reverend Locke
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Posted - 2009.09.13 08:52:00 -
[70]
Q: How do you clear out a bar full of Minmatar? A: Run in and shout "CRUSADE! CRUSADE!"
Q: How many Eve Online players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 50,001. One to actually screw it in, and 50,000 to whine about how they nerfed lightbulbs with the new expansion.
Q: How many Titans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: No one knows, Shrike can't keep a Titan alive long enough to find out.
Q: How many members of CCP does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Ten. One to post on the forums about the new lightbulb, one to write a dev blog about how the new lightbulb is awesome, seven to frantically build the lightbulb, and one to stand there shouting "IT'LL BE OUT SOON (tm)"
----------------------- Two Minmatar walk into a bar. Then it exploded because it was held together by duct tape.
An Amarrian walks into a bar full of Minmatar. Ten minutes later, he owns them all
And now, the dumbest joke I can think of... A Matari man is standing next to an Amarrian. "What brings you to this area?" aks the Amarrian. "I'm here to buy some ammo for my ship" says the Matari. "I see" replies the Amarrian. "What about you?" the Matari asks. "Me? Oh...I'm here...to FIRE MY LAZOR!! BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!! And then the station exploded. THE END.
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Piper Halliwell
Minmatar Phantom Squad Atlas Alliance
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Posted - 2009.09.14 14:39:00 -
[71]
Edited by: Piper Halliwell on 14/09/2009 14:40:01 You know you play too much Eve when....
You refer to the second edition Hummer as a Tech 2 Hummer
*********** I no **** actually did that. Was driving down the road with my buddy and we got passed by an H2 and the words, "I never really like the tech 2 hummer as much as the tech 1" came out of my mouth. --------------------
You've got a gun, I've got a gun, Let's write a tragic ending.
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Kayak Attack
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Posted - 2009.09.14 19:09:00 -
[72]
Originally by: Allahs Warrior Edited by: Allahs Warrior on 04/07/2009 12:43:13
Originally by: Dirk Magnum Rocket bonus.
best yet imo.
Also
...you get into a bar fight and start calling primaries to your friends.
"Hairy Man in Grateful Dead shirt is primary, Ugly Dude in wifebeater secondary. Spread your tackles!"
I'm still laughing about this one.
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Sotora
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Posted - 2009.11.27 06:09:00 -
[73]
You know when you've played too much EVE when:
You start getting angry that you cant find the "show info" option in your windows drop down menu
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NAFnist
Dark Knights of Deneb Against ALL Authorities
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Posted - 2009.11.27 23:27:00 -
[74]
A pirate enters a minmatar bar in lowsec. The Bartender looks strangely at him, and says; 'Hey matey, you know you have a shipswheel down yer pants??' The Pirate replies 'Yarr, its drivin' me nuts!'
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RoCkEt X
Hostile.
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Posted - 2009.11.28 16:52:00 -
[75]
Q: what do you call something that blows and sucks at the same time? A: Dominion.
**[.-H-.] Hostile.**
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Druadan
BLAM Industries
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Posted - 2009.12.01 00:54:00 -
[76]
A caldari guy, a gallente guy, and an ammarrian girl are on a planetary shuttle when the pilot announces that they're about to go through some electrical storms. The lights go out suddenly, and then flicker back on it. A minute later, it happens again. There's a loud kissing noise, a smack, and the when the lights come back on the caldari is rubbing his cheek while the gallente fella and the ammarian lady are sat there as if nothing happened.
The caldari thinks "That gallente fella must have gone and kissed the ammarrian girl in the dark, and she's hit me instead of him!"
The amarrian thinks "That caldari fella must have tried to kiss me, kissed the gallente guy instead, and he's whacked him for it!"
The gallente is thinking "This is brilliant! The next time the lights go out I'll make another loud kissing noise and smack that Caldari son of a ***** again!"
Sig removed, inappropriate content. If you would like further details please mail [email protected] ~Saint |
Jerreye
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Posted - 2010.02.06 05:12:00 -
[77]
So a bunch of cruisers and battlecruisers are roaming low-sec, they find a Dramiel at a gate. It jumps and the pack decides to send a scout through to check it out. Two minutes later, no word from the scout. They send four more in, and again, two minutes later they've heard nothing. Annoyed and anxious, ten more are sent through. A minute later a battlecruiser returns, halfway into structure. The gang asks what happened. The BC pilot responds: It's a trap. There are two Dramiels.
Badum.
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URDEAD2ME
Caldari Insidious Existence RAZOR Alliance
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Posted - 2010.02.12 05:26:00 -
[78]
Originally by: Mr mOnKeYbAlZ Edited by: Mr mOnKeYbAlZ on 14/08/2009 12:01:49 You know you play to much eve when: your computer desk has half filled bottles of pi5s on it cos you were too busy/lazy to go the toilet during the op.
/me looks at bottles on my desk ....
least im not the only one to do it lol ....
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Ak'athra J'ador
Amarr Blue Republic
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Posted - 2010.02.12 16:31:00 -
[79]
the science officer comes to the captain on a minmatar ship and says:"sir we aren't sure if the debris is from the ship that blew up, or us going around in circles"
yo mama so ugly, veto paid her ransom to get out of local.
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Lord Meltdown
Caldari New Eden Company
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Posted - 2010.02.22 05:42:00 -
[80]
Sorry, our logs do not show anything.
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Sikander 2
Caldari Evebowl
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Posted - 2010.02.22 18:23:00 -
[81]
Whats the similarity between a rokh and a toyota? You can't stop either of them Sikander 2 - as useless as the duck-billed platypus |
Zetheral
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Posted - 2010.02.22 22:10:00 -
[82]
You know you play eve to much when..... you check to make sure you med clone is up-to-date before you go out side. When you try to add your math book to your training queue.
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sajuukkhar69
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Posted - 2010.02.23 11:10:00 -
[83]
Originally by: Reverend Locke Q: How do you clear out a bar full of Minmatar? A: Run in and shout "CRUSADE! CRUSADE!"
Q: How many Eve Online players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 50,001. One to actually screw it in, and 50,000 to whine about how they nerfed lightbulbs with the new expansion.
Q: How many Titans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: No one knows, Shrike can't keep a Titan alive long enough to find out.
Q: How many members of CCP does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Ten. One to post on the forums about the new lightbulb, one to write a dev blog about how the new lightbulb is awesome, seven to frantically build the lightbulb, and one to stand there shouting "IT'LL BE OUT SOON (tm)"
Amazing dude :D
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Clean Harry
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Posted - 2010.02.23 14:18:00 -
[84]
Disclaimer: I am truly sorry about this and will go back to my basement to punish myself after hitting "Post reply".
What are eve players called IRL? Nerfds.
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Agent 42
Gallente Forged Raptor TECH
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Posted - 2010.02.25 08:57:00 -
[85]
Three men, an Amarr politician, Gallente Pilot, a Caldari merchant and a Minmatar girl are on a small plane. The plane is 10,000 feet above ground level when the engine dies. The pilot announces to the three passengers that the plane is going to crash and that they must use parachutes to jump to safety. After opening the emergency cabinet the Gallente pilot was mortified when he realized the plane only carried three chutes. The Caldari merchant was cursing the Gallente Federation for allowing such incompetence. Flustered, the pilot suggested that the girl be given the first parachute and that the men draw straws in order to decide who does not receive a chute. The other two men agreed.
The girl was given the straws for the men to pick from. The Caldari merchant let out a sigh of relief as he pulled one of the long pieces. The girl points her fist of straws towards the Gallente pilot. He closes his eyes and pulls his piece. As he opens them he tries to conceal his joy as he learns that he also pulled a long straw. Everyone looks towards the Amarrian politician knowing he will be left behind.
The Amarrian stands up and reaches for something in his coat pocket. He pulls out a gun. He yells: "Screw this! If you think I'm going to let sum Mini B**** take my parachute, you're dreaming. Amarr are God's people! He points the gun towards the girl and tells her to hand it over. She gives it to him without hesitation. He straps it on and jumps off the plane.
The pilot and girl start to laugh hysterically. The merchant who was the most agitated looks over to the pilot and demands to know what is so funny. "You do realize this means we need to draw straws again?"
"No" the pilot replied. "The chutes are still in the cabinet, God's grace jumped off the plane wearing the girls schoolbag."
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Atreides Horza
Caldari Beyond Divinity Inc
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Posted - 2010.02.25 11:50:00 -
[86]
What does Monica Lewinsky and Goonswarm have in common?
They both got f*cked by the bill... To plunder, to slaughter, to steal, these things they misname empire; and where they make a wilderness, they call it peace. - Tacitus |
Padeln
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Posted - 2010.02.25 12:13:00 -
[87]
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
I can't jelly your ladar with my ECM.
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Tobias Delgado
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Posted - 2010.02.25 23:13:00 -
[88]
<insert "In America...; In Soviet Russia..." joke here and replace 'America' with 'Gallente Federation', and replace 'Soviet Russia' with 'Amarr Empire'>
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Adam Renelt
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Posted - 2010.03.03 22:34:00 -
[89]
You know you play too much EVE when you figure out that you can write a paper for college by using the Notepad utility and copy/pasting it into Microsoft Word.
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vitaminK
Caldari United Kings Intelligence Division
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Posted - 2010.03.04 10:23:00 -
[90]
Originally by: MOFO 450 A firbolg goes to the RnD agent, looking ill, and says "I really don't feel well, i am tired all the time, i dont know what to do"
So the RnD agent says "Well, let me take a bit of your hull and i will send it off for tests"
Next week the firbolg returns, still complaining of the same symptoms, and the agent has some bad news: "There is no easy way to say this... but you are HIV positive"
The firbolg is shocked. "HIV!! I am a fighter! Not a lover! How can that possibly be?!"
The RnD agent solemnly replies "I am sorry... but one of your parents must have been a carrier"
Bahahaha, knee slapper. _____________ LATEST VIDEO: CONCORD Concert |
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Mousserande
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Posted - 2010.03.04 18:01:00 -
[91]
Q: How many CCP does it take to change a broken lightbulb? A: None, it works as intended.
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Mack Brain
Gallente
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Posted - 2010.03.07 03:06:00 -
[92]
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General Volk
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Posted - 2010.03.07 04:24:00 -
[93]
How do you get 50 Jove's into a 50 gallon barrel? Blender...
How do you get them out? Doritos.
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Kaimar Redcloud
Gallente Beagle Industries F A I L
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Posted - 2010.03.12 23:47:00 -
[94]
A Caldari freighter pilot is layed over in a Minmatar station waiting for his next load so he heads down to the bar and orders a beer. While he's waiting for the bartender to bring it, he see's a bucket of isk hanging over the bar. He asks the bartender what it's for. "Oh that's a little contest the regulars have going. It costs you 15 ISK to enter and you have to complete 3 challenges. The first challenge is to drink 15 beers in 15 minutes. The second challenge is I have a slaver hound out back with a bad tooth. You have to pull his tooth. You see that little old Amar lady back there? She's never had an orgasm. That's the third challenge. The Caldari thinks about it a minute and says "I'll try it" and hands the bartender the money. Bartender sets the 15 beers in front of the Caldari and he slams them down in 12 minutes flat. He stands up a little wobbly and the bartender points him to the door to the slaver hound. Everybody in the bar hears howling,screaming,barking and snarling. Suddenly the door flies open, and the pilot comes in covered in blood,his pants ripped, his shirt torn and hollers out "I did it!! Now where's that old lady with the bad tooth?" Drunken lowsec pilot extraordinaire |
Hardogay
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Posted - 2010.03.13 23:24:00 -
[95]
I'm not racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for Minmatars
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Red Arzender
Caldari
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Posted - 2010.03.15 13:29:00 -
[96]
Here's some I came up with, when I was very, very tired.
Once upon a time the CCP held a spiritual competiton.
Q: Why had the Minmatar navy halt their ship production? A: They ran out of cardboard and duct-tape
A Gallente, a Minmatar, a Caldari and an Amarr were flying 8,000 feet above ground when its engines died. The pilot announced that one passenger had jump in order to save the rest. The Gallente stood up, jumped off the plane and yelled "Long live the Gallente Federation!"
But the plane was still going to crash and the captain announced, that one more had to jump. Then the Minmatar stood up, jumped off the plane and yelled "Long live the Minmatar Republic!"
But still one person had to jump. Then the Caldari stood up, walked up to the Amarr and kicked her out of the plane, yelling "Long live the Racial Cooperation!"
Q: What's the difference between an Amarrian diplomat and a pirate? A: You can negotiate with the pirate.
The Caldari never fall back. They merely turn 180 degrees and advance forward.
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