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Istvaan Shogaatsu
Caldari Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.05 13:51:00 -
[1]
Good day. I'd like to announce that I'm running for CSM this term. I'd also like to announce something else.
I hate the vast majority of you.
My platform for this election will be primarily geared toward serving the interests of griefers, pirates, spies and thieves in Eve Online. It will also be geared toward serving my own interests, just because. If elected, I will strive to implement measures to make the lives of carebears in Eve Online a living, screaming hell.
Some of my campaign ideas include:
- Proposing an in-game ransom mechanic for pirates. Something like, when target is down to 25% or 50% hull, you get the option to send them a window requesting a ransom determined by the pirate. No more carebears trying to be clever by sending 10 million when the ransom was 100. If it's paid through the window, your lock breaks and the victim is given a small window of escape.
- Giving pilots the ability to jettison their modules. This way, a pilot who is hopelessly scrambled can bargain with any faction gear he's got fitted, as ransom - now pirates don't have to worry about that Gist X-type XL shield booster blowing up when they murder a filthy mission-running Navy Raven.
- Introducing corrupt CONCORD officials, who can be bribed to fix your security status. The lower it is, the more you pay.
- Introducing events where the security level of certain populated star systems is randomly reduced to 0.4 for a day, due to "CONCORD logistical problems" preventing the deployment of law enforcement to the system.
- Asteroids will now scream in pain when mined, as well as beg for mercy. This will cause a horrible moral dilemma in the minds of carebears throughout Eve, causing many to contemplate suicide.
- The implementation of badass pirate modules and gear, obtainable only via pirate factions. Carebears get mining lasers and cargo expanders, it's time we got something cool for pirates. Ideas include exotic gear restricted to players with a -2/-5 or lower corp sec rating; items such as ECM burst missiles, minefields (not mines, I know they caused lag, I'm thinking of something new - think warp bubble, except it hurts) and ship-to-ship tractor beams for dragging fleeing prey back into bubbles and such. Really fun stuff.
- Addressing the blaster imbalance. I've always considered these to be piratey weapons. Under my cruel lordship, the CSM will see to it that blasters become the most terrifying short-range weapon in Eve. What I want to do, is boost the tracking to a point where missing becomes highly unlikely at any range, even against targets one class smaller. If you're getting that close, there better be serious benefits to the risk involved.
- Destroyed ships will eject more corpses. These corpses will become a valuable resource in my proposed generation of booster drugs, as pilots are encouraged to harvest thousands of vacuum-blasted dead, and rend them down into exciting new narcotics and boosters in bizarre chemical vats. The carebears got their salvaging profession, it's time pirates got something similar for a little extra payout.
- Better ship destruction effects. I'm getting sick of the current deal, where all we get is a blue flash and some particle effects. I want to see whole decks blowing out, I want to see explosions rocking the length of the ship before it blows up. The Empyrean Age video of Jamyl blowing up the Minmatar fleet is exactly what I want to see when a ship dies.
Of course, I have no idea how many of these are feasible, but you should consider these suggestions as an idea of my mindset, rather than concrete plans I want to see implemented. My supreme goal is to hurt as many carebears as possible, and I am a rather creative individual - if elected, you can be sure I will find a way.
Vote Shogaatsu in 09! |
Skoot
Gallente Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.05 13:52:00 -
[2]
I endorse this. |
Sergio Ling
Veto.
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Posted - 2009.04.05 14:00:00 -
[3]
This guy is an ass. He thinks very highly of himself, and won't blink at stealing, double-crossing, or selling his grandmother. He's also likely out of touch with game mechanics, and will only drive for the things he cares about - things he may lose interest in a week afterwards, as a new shiny thing turns up. This man is a murdering bastard and a magpie.
That said, if you want someone who can write long sentences and is at home with polysyllabic construction, he's definitely your man. A verbose criminal, if you will. |
Xiaodown
Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.05 14:09:00 -
[4]
Hear hear!
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Verone
Gallente Veto Corp
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Posted - 2009.04.05 14:10:00 -
[5]
Got my votes tbh.
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LaVista Vista
Conservative Shenanigans Party
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Posted - 2009.04.05 14:13:00 -
[6]
Interesting candidate.
I'm looking forward to seeing how this will turn out |
Vanillilililliilliliilin
The Dancing Cow
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Posted - 2009.04.05 14:46:00 -
[7]
I've heard enough.
I'm voting.
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Kumq uat
Gallente Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.05 15:05:00 -
[8]
Vote for Istvaan! Or else!
www.eve-pirate.com original author |
Tyrrax Thorrk
Amarr Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.05 17:02:00 -
[9]
I'm voting for Istvaan because he'll make the CSM less terrible and boring, also he's famous <3
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Treelox
Amarr Seppuku Warriors
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Posted - 2009.04.05 17:31:00 -
[10]
intresting!!!!
Istvaan, are you really prepared to release you "real life" name to the eve public as a whole? I suspect a fair few of your past "victims", would use such information as your RL name and location to return a favor or two....
Not speaking for myself, since I have never been knowingly directly affected by you or your corps activites, I just wonder if you had considered the ramifications of going public with your RL credentials.
--
BTW as a self confessed carebear myself, I would enjoy seeing many of the ideas you put forth in your intial post, introduced to the game. --
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Ankhesentapemkah
Gallente State Protectorate
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Posted - 2009.04.05 18:10:00 -
[11]
You still owe me money, Istvaan. |
Xiaodown
Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.05 18:45:00 -
[12]
Edited by: Xiaodown on 05/04/2009 18:47:41
Originally by: Treelox intresting!!!!
Istvaan, are you really prepared to release you "real life" name to the eve public as a whole? I suspect a fair few of your past "victims", would use such information as your RL name and location to return a favor or two....
Not speaking for myself, since I have never been knowingly directly affected by you or your corps activites, I just wonder if you had considered the ramifications of going public with your RL credentials.
--
BTW as a self confessed carebear myself, I would enjoy seeing many of the ideas you put forth in your intial post, introduced to the game.
http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=72209
ITT: people who don't know that Istvaan is invincible.
Edit: those links are now dead, but Istvaan's catalog of fiction writing set in the eve universe can be found here: http://eve.klaki.net/fiction/. --
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Tyrrax Thorrk
Amarr Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.05 18:47:00 -
[13]
Edited by: Tyrrax Thorrk on 05/04/2009 18:48:30
His name's also in most EON issues, and the credits section in the manual people got when they bought the original box set ;O Plus he goes to eve meets in Toronto, and has been to fanfest in the past..
GH-SC isn't really about keeping a low profile
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Asestorian
Neckbeards International
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Posted - 2009.04.05 19:52:00 -
[14]
You totally have my vote.
---
Originally by: CCP Atropos Destiny Balls
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Efdi
Buttered On The Wrong Side
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Posted - 2009.04.05 20:38:00 -
[15]
:picardmakeitso.jpg:
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Istvaan Shogaatsu
Caldari Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.05 22:35:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Treelox Istvaan, are you really prepared to release you "real life" name to the eve public as a whole? I suspect a fair few of your past "victims", would use such information as your RL name and location to return a favor or two....
Not speaking for myself, since I have never been knowingly directly affected by you or your corps activites, I just wonder if you had considered the ramifications of going public with your RL credentials.
I've had death threats before. Didn't stop me from going to fanfest, didn't stop me from meeting local players on many occasions. I still hope and pine for the day when I am finally murdered by an enraged nerd. Can you imagine the headstone?
Actually, promise me this: if I am murdered soon, make sure my headstone message is in the form of a killmail.
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JordanParey
Minmatar Suddenly Ninjas
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Posted - 2009.04.06 11:06:00 -
[17]
Edited by: JordanParey on 06/04/2009 11:11:05
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu
Actually, promise me this: if I am murdered soon, make sure my headstone message is in the form of a killmail.
this tbh, I promise.
Victim: Istvaan Shogaatsu Corp: Guiding Hand Social Club Alliance: None Faction: None Destroyed: Body System: Sol Security: (apparently 0.0) Damage Taken: 100
Involved Parties: Name: Random Nerd Security: (apparently -10.0) Corp: Nerds, Inc. Alliance: Greater Eve Online Community Faction: NONE Ship: Body Weapon: .45 1911A Pistol I Damage Done: 100
Destroyed Items: Brain I
Dropped Items: Wallet Cell Phone Car Keys
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Maximillian Franek
Caldari Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.06 11:23:00 -
[18]
Man has my vote. Mostly due to my curiosity about where he'd take the CSM... ----------------------------------------
We are the universe trying to understand itself. |
Amarr Holymight
Ultrapolite Socialites GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2009.04.06 13:05:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu
- Proposing an in-game ransom mechanic for pirates. Something like, when target is down to 25% or 50% hull, you get the option to send them a window requesting a ransom determined by the pirate. No more carebears trying to be clever by sending 10 million when the ransom was 100. If it's paid through the window, your lock breaks and the victim is given a small window of escape.
Stealth carebear buff right here.
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Chribba
Otherworld Enterprises Otherworld Empire
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Posted - 2009.04.06 13:57:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu Asteroids will now scream in pain when mined, as well as beg for mercy. This will cause a horrible moral dilemma in the minds of carebears throughout Eve, causing many to contemplate suicide.
What if you have sound turned off?
Secure 3rd party service |
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Tyrrax Thorrk
Amarr Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.06 13:58:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Amarr Holymight
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu
- Proposing an in-game ransom mechanic for pirates. Something like, when target is down to 25% or 50% hull, you get the option to send them a window requesting a ransom determined by the pirate. No more carebears trying to be clever by sending 10 million when the ransom was 100. If it's paid through the window, your lock breaks and the victim is given a small window of escape.
Stealth carebear buff right here.
Everyone benefits from successful and honored ransoms. ;O They are instruments of love and convenience ! However if you want to be all dishonorable and kill the victim anyway then all you need is a second tackler and the victim not to realize two different ships have him scrambled
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isdisco3
Reaper Industries Eternal Rapture
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Posted - 2009.04.06 15:24:00 -
[22]
What's funny is that a lot of these proposals make a lot more sense than the anti-pvp stuff that gets ankasspasdpfoinasdfpoinarandomletters elected.
if i remember to vote, you get it :) i consider istvaan the steven colbert electoral choice for csm.
Please resize your signature to the maximum allowed of 400 x 120 pixels with a maximum file size of 24000 bytes. Navigator
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Istvaan Shogaatsu
Caldari Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.06 16:38:00 -
[23]
Originally by: Chribba
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu Asteroids will now scream in pain when mined, as well as beg for mercy. This will cause a horrible moral dilemma in the minds of carebears throughout Eve, causing many to contemplate suicide.
What if you have sound turned off?
Amendment to suggestion: Asteroids will scream in pain when mined, as well as bleed profusely. They will also make angry forum posts.
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Gal'drea
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Posted - 2009.04.06 17:01:00 -
[24]
Edited by: Gal''drea on 06/04/2009 17:02:43
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu
Originally by: Chribba
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu Asteroids will now scream in pain when mined, as well as beg for mercy. This will cause a horrible moral dilemma in the minds of carebears throughout Eve, causing many to contemplate suicide.
What if you have sound turned off?
Amendment to suggestion: Asteroids will scream in pain when mined, as well as bleed profusely. They will also make angry forum posts.
Wait a second. Do carebears scream in pain when shot, as well as bleed profusely? Maybe the first, but not the latter.
Either you'll make carebears thirst for blood with this, or outright quit. Whichever happens, in the sake of balance, I think [.edit]outlaws[/.edit] should get rickrolled everytime they shoot someone with a higher sec than them.
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JordanParey
Minmatar Suddenly Ninjas
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Posted - 2009.04.06 21:10:00 -
[25]
Originally by: Gal'drea Edited by: Gal''drea on 06/04/2009 17:02:43
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu
Originally by: Chribba
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu Asteroids will now scream in pain when mined, as well as beg for mercy. This will cause a horrible moral dilemma in the minds of carebears throughout Eve, causing many to contemplate suicide.
What if you have sound turned off?
Amendment to suggestion: Asteroids will scream in pain when mined, as well as bleed profusely. They will also make angry forum posts.
Wait a second. Do carebears scream in pain when shot, as well as bleed profusely? Maybe the first, but not the latter.
Either you'll make carebears thirst for blood with this, or outright quit. Whichever happens, in the sake of balance, I think [.edit]outlaws[/.edit] should get rickrolled everytime they shoot someone with a higher sec than them.
has the potential for comedy gold.
A Pirate is shooting a carebear... slowly but surely killin his ship.. then, right at the end, his lock randomly breaks and the pirate hears "**** In My Pants"
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Gothar Midalk
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Posted - 2009.04.06 21:23:00 -
[26]
In addition to individually corrupt CONCORD officials, would it not be possible (for large amounts of money, of course) to be able to bribe the CONCORD commander of certain highsec systems, thusly gaining free reign to attack certain targets within a certain timeframe? Kind of like how the mob would pay policemen to not be near a certain store at a certain time, no questions asked?
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Istvaan Shogaatsu
Caldari Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.06 21:44:00 -
[27]
Originally by: Gothar Midalk In addition to individually corrupt CONCORD officials, would it not be possible (for large amounts of money, of course) to be able to bribe the CONCORD commander of certain highsec systems, thusly gaining free reign to attack certain targets within a certain timeframe? Kind of like how the mob would pay policemen to not be near a certain store at a certain time, no questions asked?
I love this idea. I will put it forward.
This brings up an excellent point: There's many ideas I won't think of. That's what I need you folks for. In the past five years, the bleats of carebears have always been answered - it's time the other side of the fence got representation. Come up with your griefiest (but game-feasible) ideas, and paste them here. I, in turn, will insidiously steal your ideas and pass them off as my own.
It has taken far too long for the griefers to get their own voice on the CSM! Do we not pay subscriptions? Do we not have feelings? (admittedly, mostly hatred) Do we not contribute to the Eve Online community in our own, special way? Consider what Eve would look like without the griefers! It would suck! And yet, we are demonized, with "grief tactics" appearing as a bannable offense in the EULA! Well, to hell with the EULA and to hell with any simpering, whining carebears who might stand in our way! THE AGE OF GRIEF BEGINS HERE!
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Adam C
Caldari coracao ardente Triumvirate.
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Posted - 2009.04.06 23:19:00 -
[28]
tell ya what - you get Tyrrax back in IAC and i'll vote for ya' on all my accounts.
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Istvaan Shogaatsu
Caldari Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.06 23:47:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Adam C tell ya what - you get Tyrrax back in IAC and i'll vote for ya' on all my accounts.
Relatively speaking you don't have that many.
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Tyrrax Thorrk
Amarr Guiding Hand Social Club
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Posted - 2009.04.06 23:57:00 -
[30]
Heh, i wouldn't be surprised if GH-SC was in IAC at some point ;O almost happened for last tournament
Would've been kinda amusing to join up if the reforming of IAC had taken place, but sadly that whole thing fell through
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