Labratory Rat
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Posted - 2009.06.20 14:39:00 -
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Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.
A': Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None 'o yo' ****in' business!
A': 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
A': None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
A'': Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a software problem.
A': None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.
Q: How many FSE's does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: Who can tell. FSE's are always in the dark.
A': 2. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
Note: FSE's are ``Field Service Engineers.''
Q': How long will it take?
A': That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've brought with them.
Q'': What if you have two dead bulbs?
A'': They replace your fuse box.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.
Q: How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There's a primitive for that.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
A': Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
A'': Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.
A': None of your damn business!
Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. (``That's all right...I'll just sit here in the dark...'')
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. |