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Lana's Alt
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.09.04 02:35:00 -
[1]
I would have dearly loved to have posted this with my main, but apparently posting actual content get you a ban these days.
My story begins shortly after this thread was posted. I saw the opportunity for some quick isk and sprung in to action (before Noir. even!). Not willing to tip my new target off by having everyone tell him it was a trap, I mail him directly.
Hi Joe,
As a mercenary corporation the skool will be able to either assist your pilots or fight your war for you. The skools standard charge for a wardec of this type is 500M isk for the first week and 250M isk for each week after that.
*stuff about fees and the payment plan*
I'm also happy to negotiate diferent terms if they arent good for you.
So I wait and sure enough I get a reply.
if i hire you, i want you to completely destroy there corp, no trace remaining, do you understand?
Excellent. Just want I like to see, someone who is eager to destroy the opposition to them. Eager enough not to look in to backgrounds or check corp history or you know, do anything smart. We mail back and forward for a while to negotiate the payment and the specifics then Joe realizes we are both connected at the same time and convos me.
Joe Phoenix > hi
Joe Phoenix > how many pilots have u got?
Lana Torrin > I can get about 30 peilots in corp by the time the dec gos live
Lana Torrin > we usually run around in 2 or 3 gangs of 5-10 pilots
Joe Phoenix > ok, i want you to do it
Joe Phoenix > i want the SSS dead
Joe Phoenix > and i want you to make sure they know it was the commonwealth who sent you!
Lana Torrin > cool
Sweet. So we have a deal. We negotiate a little longer as to what he wants me to do and how he wants to pay. Payment will be 250M when the dec gos live and then, well I really didnt care after that. This does mean I have to dec SSS but thats only 2M isk. Spend 2M to make 250M, easy enough. Vote gos in, Joe logs off, Lana is happy.
So I log in next day and wait until the 24h is up. I mess around with the buggy voting system for what seemed like another hour and eventually the dec gos in. I send Joe a mail.
So.. 24h before it gos 'live'.. First bill of 250M is now due.
2 mins later I receive a response.
im afraid your too late, the war was called off at 2:30, im sorry for any problems this may have caused you, however we will be in need of your services in the future, so add me to your address book and keep me posted on your troop actions.
Lana not happy.. Lana want isk now, not in 3 or 4 weeks.. What would a REAL merc corp do faced with non payment... Ah right, tell him I am sorry but he still has to pay the setup fee. (I've lost the next 3 or 4 mails, sorry). So we mail backwards and forwards and I advise that non payment of the contract may result in bad things happening to his corp. This appears to hit a nerve with Joe, and was the first indication to me that the dec was called off because he doesn't have the isk.. What sort of a man negotiates with a 'merc corp' and doesn't have the isk to pay them?!
We resolve to continue discussing it tomorrow as it is very late for him. I'm still without isk and its now looking like a lot of work for a pitiful 250M.. I agree anyway.
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Lana's Alt
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.09.04 02:36:00 -
[2]
I log in to a new mail.
Actuelly screw it, war dec them, make up some reason why your attacking them, nothing to do with the commonwealth ok. I want no traise leading back to us. can you do that?
So now im confused as to if he has the isk or not. I decide to play along and agree to keep him name out of it. (SSS still hasnt asked me what the dec is for, very pro of you guys). There is still however the matter of the administration fee. Oh well, Joe isnt on so it can wait.. Later on I recieve a new mail.
we want you to change target.
This man changes his mind a lot..
That sounds fair. So here is the new deal. I will be switching targets at 04:00 eve time today (thats three and a half hours from now). If I have recieved your inital 250M payment by then I will switch to the corp of your choice, I'f I havent then I will switch to your corp.
There we go, a deadline. If he has the isk I'll be expecting it soon and if he doesnt this is going to be fun.
hey lisson lana im the one in charge here, im hiring you, you do the job, you dont want to take the contract then i can find somone else, i just picked you because aparently your trustworth.
No Joe your not and no Joe im not.. I'm the supposed merc corp here and he is a miner, what on earth does he think he is doing? So the threat gos out again, administration payment of 250M isk by 4 eve time or he gets a dec. Knowing this may happen I already have the vote in ready to go as theres nothing threatening someone when you have an ACTUAL dec in. I mean I'm a merc corp with 30 battleship pilots on their way back from deep 0.0 and he runs a 20 something man mining corp.
i want to put this contract on hold until a suitable target dec's us (12 hours), i will contact you then with details.
obviously this is a attempt to delay me. No deal. He trys a few more delaying tactics but I have decided to strong arm him with my immaginary BS fleet. Then I get this.
i can pay you 170m right now, will that be enough, just to make it nice and easy.
Well at least I know how much isk he has now. Its been 3 days already and while this is a lot of fun, its starting to get old. So I agree that he can pay 170M now and the 80M later.
why dont we call it a good round 200m and be done with it, because that i can get you by tommorow, the other 50m will take a week or more to put together (had our mining fleet completely whipped out in the war), so it will be easier for both of us if you take this offer and remain on friendly terms with each other.
Delaying again? After it worked so well last time? OK, thats it, time to actualy send a threat and not keep hiding the thread behind niceness.
The war gos active at 4. I have listened to your plees and despite it being obvious that you never intended to pay me as you have no isk I have negotiated. You said you could pay 170M isk before the war went active. Out of the kindness of my hear I have accepted this and am willing to wait for the remainder of the isk, and now you dont even want to pay that.
I would honeslty rather not wardec you and spend my time killing miners that cant defend themselves. Its not much fun and there is no profit in it, but I dont like having my kindness exploited in an attempt to get out of paying.
If the 170M isk you negoited is not in my walled by 04:00 eve time today I will press the accept button on the dec and we will commence destroying your corp. If I have recieved the payment by then I will hold off for 2 weeks to give you enough time to get the 80M isk outstanding.
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Lana's Alt
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.09.04 02:36:00 -
[3]
So then I get a convo..
Lana Torrin > I have laid out my terms and I will stick to them. 170M isk in the next two and a half hours and then you have 2 weeks to pay the remaining 80M isk.
Joe Phoenix > have we reached a deal?
Lana Torrin > If there is payment then I believe we have
Joe Phoenix > I still retain this to be your fault
Joe Phoenix > and what guarentee do i have that u won't just dec me anyway?
Joe Phoenix > ask for more money
Joe Phoenix > could we hurry this up?
Lana Torrin > Well firstly I dont believe you have any more money and secondly if I did thay you would cry on the forums about it and I would never get any more work.
Joe Phoenix > cry on the forum?
Joe Phoenix > i am not in the habit of crying...
Joe Phoenix > infact the last time i cryed was at a funeral
Joe Phoenix > so...
Joe Phoenix > do we have a straight deal
Joe Phoenix > i want this cleared up
Joe Phoenix > its on contract
Lana Torrin > im not about to change those terms so yes, when the payment gos in we have a deal
Joe Phoenix > its on contract so i have a record
Lana Torrin > thankyou
I then get a want to buy (nothing) contract for 170M isk. Thanks Joe, you have been fun and anoying at the same time! I really do hope you dont treat a real merc corp like this or you will find them to be a lot less forgiving. Oh, and do some research next time.
TL;DR: Joe is a big a noob as SSS say so, but I now have most of his isk.
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Lana's Alt
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.09.04 02:38:00 -
[4]
In before 'Only 170M? Thats not thread worthy". It wasn't about the isk.. Although having all of his isk is lol worthy.. It was about the tears. Tears which will be posted here as soon as they come.
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Corporate Thief
Caldari
Code Triage
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Posted - 2009.09.04 02:42:00 -
[5]
 Originally by: Lana's Alt
TL;DR: Joe is a big a noob as SSS say so, but I now have most of his isk.
And that's the important thing.
Side note: If you really don't like this guy, I've been known to take charity cases 
---
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Kate Yeats
Caldari
Stand and Deliver
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Posted - 2009.09.04 02:55:00 -
[6]
Originally by: Lana's Alt
if i hire you, i want you to completely destroy there corp, no trace remaining, do you understand?
Very commendable, it was clear Joe intended to do some very nasty things with his money, hiring mercs indeed! You did right to remove it from him and prevent him from doing further harm to others/himself.
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Ta'jek
Angels Of Death EVE
Free Worlds Alliance
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:11:00 -
[7]
lol that explains this thread
Linkage
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Lana's Alt
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:22:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Ta'jek
lol that explains this thread
Linkage
Ah! Thankyou very much. I knew that thread existed but I couldn't for the life of me find it.
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Octavious102
Serene Storm Society
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:32:00 -
[9]
He has been fitting 4 warp core stabilizers on all his ships, namely his Drake. I had to chase him down with a ship fitted with 3 scramblers. Thank you so much for giving this tard every bit of what he deserves.
Perfect end to a perfect week.
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Lana's Alt
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:37:00 -
[10]
Originally by: Octavious102
He has been fitting 4 warp core stabilizers on all his ships, namely his Drake. I had to chase him down with a ship fitted with 3 scramblers. Thank you so much for giving this tard every bit of what he deserves.
Perfect end to a perfect week.
Focused point on a HIC.. Does wonders for this sort of problem.
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Vastenio
Gallente
Aliastra
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:46:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Vastenio
joe the great forum ***** strikes again hitting this whole website with epic fail dmg
stand strong against the evils of our world |
Lyris Nairn
Caldari
Empyrean Holdings
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:47:00 -
[12]
Great read! :)
-- Quite possibly the nicest person who'd ever want to kill you. |
Loqiel
Serene Storm Society
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:51:00 -
[13]
Here's the illustrated version of Joe's massively-stabbed Drake. Not as bad as this travesty which just happened but certainly worthy of your amusement.
"A good plan executed violently now is better than a perfect plan executed sometime in the future." -Gen. George Patton |
Octavious102
Serene Storm Society
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:51:00 -
[14]
When he wakes up, and notices this thread; I call dibs on whats left of his stuff.
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Razzor Death
Anarchy Assassins
Vanguard.
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:55:00 -
[15]
Edited by: Razzor Death on 04/09/2009 03:56:34
Nice read lana & good job.
Sorry about your main 
( I hope this new alt isn't as scary looking as your other alt you used during the last ban )
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Queue K'Umber
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Posted - 2009.09.04 03:57:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Loqiel
Here's the illustrated version of Joe's massively-stabbed Drake. Not as bad as this travesty which just happened but certainly worthy of your amusement.
I would dearly love for the pilot of that Megathron to explain why it was fitted in that manner.
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Artemis Rose
Sileo In Pacis
The Space P0lice
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Posted - 2009.09.04 04:47:00 -
[17]
Originally by: Lana's Alt
In before 'Only 170M? Thats not thread worthy". It wasn't about the isk.. Although having all of his isk is lol worthy.. It was about the tears. Tears which will be posted here as soon as they come.
In honor of Lana Torrin, I'd still have to troll you for only 170mil ISK. Srsly, clogging our fine forum with boring chatlogs (which contain chest beating, no tears btw) and a tale of only 170mil... 
Everybody involved are noobs. If I remember correctly, in their station humping party, SSS lost a neutral repper Raven.
We've gotten plenty of smack on how terrible Joe Phoenix and his corp are terrible and poorly setup(blah blah, you can read the threads for details). But SSS adds the sweetness by losing a non-aggressed BS on a station to them.
***
Currently Playing: Trolls from Outer Space
Current Equipment: VISAcard chain mail, +2 Amulet of Epic Whine, Self Banstick +2
WTB: +666 E-peen killboard stats |
Violent Flame
Corporate Sin
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Posted - 2009.09.04 04:57:00 -
[18]
Originally by: Artemis Rose
Everybody involved are noobs. If I remember correctly, in their station humping party, SSS lost a neutral repper Raven.
We've gotten plenty of smack on how terrible Joe Phoenix and his corp are terrible and poorly setup(blah blah, you can read the threads for details). But SSS adds the sweetness by losing a non-aggressed BS on a station to them.
It was the other way around, IC lost the neutral Raven.
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De'Veldrin
Minmatar
Special Projects Executive
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Posted - 2009.09.04 05:19:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Razzor Death
( I hope this new alt isn't as scary looking as your other alt you used during the last ban )
Are you kidding me? Lana's last alt was hot...in that I'm damned scary looking kind of way.
--Vel
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshat. |
g0ggalor
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Posted - 2009.09.04 06:16:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Lana's Alt
In before 'Only 170M? Thats not thread worthy". It wasn't about the isk.. Although having all of his isk is lol worthy.. It was about the tears. Tears which will be posted here as soon as they come.
I scammed some newb out of 90M once. 90M isn't all that great of a scam, but since it was all he had, it made it kinda special.
It was great when he raged in local about getting his isk and/or supposedly bought implants, and when asked how much I scammed him for, I simply replied "all of it" which has such a nice ring to it.
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Lexa Hellfury
The Hull Miners Union
Gentlemen's Club
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Posted - 2009.09.04 07:38:00 -
[21]
I can't believe Lana Torrin made a good thread 
Originally by: RedSplat
The Forum moderation Software known as Mitnal became self aware. CCP had no choice but to shut it down.
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Benwah
Empire Arms Dealers
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Posted - 2009.09.04 08:56:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Queue K'Umber
Originally by: Loqiel
Here's the illustrated version of Joe's massively-stabbed Drake. Not as bad as this travesty which just happened but certainly worthy of your amusement.
I would dearly love for the pilot of that Megathron to explain why it was fitted in that manner.
You haven't seen his 200mm plated, dual tanked, multi weapon Dominix of Doom yet.
Hell, all of this cat's loss mails are pretty funny. Might be worth it for my little trading corp to dec them.
Is it still locked?
Signature Locked. Please refrain from amending a moderated warning. Zymurgist |
Soralio
Gallente
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Posted - 2009.09.04 09:55:00 -
[23]
While we're on the subject of lolmails, Laser007 has something for everyone. Try and find the honour tanked Vindi!
Originally by: Mrs Ravenfire
Originally by: IamBeastx
you molest dead corpses?
And you? You molest living corpses? I think thats way worse - poor zombies 
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Drakan290
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Posted - 2009.09.04 10:17:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Soralio
While we're on the subject of lolmails, Laser007 has something for everyone. Try and find the honour tanked Vindi!
I just shot myself in the face
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Siigari Kitawa
Gallente
The Aduro Protocol
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Posted - 2009.09.04 10:19:00 -
[25]
Started in Market Discussions and wound up in C&P.
Sounds like Eve to me 
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Lady Spank
Amarr
Sekret Kool Klubb
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Posted - 2009.09.04 10:26:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Siigari Kitawa
Started in Market Discussions and wound up in C&P.
Sounds like Eve to me
And now Siigarry kitkat is are here we should move it to missions and exploration.
I need to get back into the mercenary business. My success with the obelisks suggest I have a natural talent for such operations.
The quality of my replies is directly related to the QQuality of the opÆs comments |
Myleena
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Posted - 2009.09.04 10:27:00 -
[27]
Loved it so much I think I'll dec his corp too.
Thanks.
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Lady Spank
Amarr
Sekret Kool Klubb
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Posted - 2009.09.04 10:30:00 -
[28]
Originally by: Lexa Hellfury
I can't believe Lana Torrin made a good thread
Technically Lana Torrin didn't.
The quality of my replies is directly related to the QQuality of the opÆs comments |
Siigari Kitawa
Gallente
The Aduro Protocol
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Posted - 2009.09.04 10:33:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Lady Spank
Originally by: Siigari Kitawa
Started in Market Discussions and wound up in C&P.
Sounds like Eve to me
And now Siigarry kitkat is are here we should move it to missions and exploration.
I need to get back into the mercenary business. My success with the obelisks suggest I have a natural talent for such operations.
I approve of the nickname Kitkat.
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Jemtek
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.09.04 10:43:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Lana's Alt
I would have dearly loved to have posted this with my main, but apparently posting actual content get you a ban these days.
HAHAHA!!!!
I HAVE 17 MIL, WILL THAT HELP?
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