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NORTHERN COALITION MINISTRY OF INFORMATION - April 1, 2010

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J'inn Caldari Shiva Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2010.04.01 20:16:00 - [1] War News - Fair and Balanced We have to give Molle credit. HeÆs good to his word. BoB has . . I mean Kenz . .. I mean . . . dammit someone give me a scorecard to the South . . . Okay letÆs see here . . . . IT (Ikea Terrorists) have attacked the peace loving (Read: Carebears and Bestest Friends Forever) people of the North. So since we in the North care and love each and every one in the Eve Community, except Satan - - he knows why - - we will provide you with regular war updates. Why? Well there is the loving and the caring part, but also letÆs face it: Getting accurate information on COAD is about as easy as getting a refund from a stripper. So we plan on changing that. Honestly. But before we get to those all important stats lets check in with a recent NC meeting to see how they are preparing for The Mother of All Wars. -----START TRANSCRIPT------ Vuk Lau: Hmm reports from X-70 look serious. Fred0: X-70! What is it? Vuk Lau: ItÆs a solar system. A star with planets around it, but thatÆs not important right now. Looks like IT has moved a large cap fleet with support into the system. Zedone: THEY COULD HIT ALL OF OUR HIGH END MOONS FROM THERE!! Imperian: Looks like we may lose a lot of POSes NC Membership: <cheers of approval> <several members of the POS refueling teams crying for joy> Vuk Lau: SHUT UP!! This is serious. Ender Fal: We lose those moons and our income will go down sharply. We wonÆt be disgustingly rich! WeÆll be just . . . rich. Chribba wonÆt let us into the meetings anymore if weÆre merely rich. I canÆt live like that! Vuk Lau: Ugh . . . I told my wife we would buy that bungalo on Crete for the summers with . . erm I mean. Yes this is serious! <uncomfortable silence> Imperian: Umm Vuk youÆre really not supposed to . . . Vuk Lau: Okay people this is the worst threat we have ever faced. Well okay, there was that STD issue a few months back. Okay people this is the second worst threat we have ever faced. ItÆs time for drastic action!! Plague Black: <gasp> you donÆt mean .. . . Vuk Lau: Yeah we may have to move Karaoke Night to Thursdays. NC Members: <groaning and moaning> Vuk Lau: Stop *****ing!! Meeting over! Random NC Member: Hey does anyone have a good fleet fit for a Hulk? <general chaos> ---- END TRANSCRIPT----- Well it appears The North is ready to play Whack-a-Molle. So letÆs get to the facts: Yes, itÆs true . . . the Southern Coalition (hey itÆs easy to remember) has moved forces into the North and a full scale attack is expected to start, if not already, any moment now. Several SC convoys were attacked in empire, mainly low sec, by NC forces under the umbrella of various war decs. Multiple ships were lost including a vast number of SC fleet fit Battleships. Most of them were noted to be carrying copies of War and Peace or links to various . . . shall we say adult websites. We assume for use while hitting a few thousand NC POSes. Gosh wonÆt that be fun fun fun!! And there have been some Capital Fleet engagements. <details pending CCP buying new servers> <sigh> However I can tell you that the SC lost 9 Dreads in Saranen Tuesday as the result of an NC Hotdrop Strike. <insert your own ôhotdrop strikeö joke here>. Now before you complain that the death of 9 Dreads is not COAD worthy . . . please note that, in general, I agree. However, we in the NC want to keep those not involved in the war fully up to date. The NC would like to recognize the 3 brave NC Dread pilots who agreed to jump in first in order to bait the SC fleet. Their ships died, as planned, in the service of the North. Currently there is heavy fighting in X-70. And there have been some losses on both sides as far as capital ships with the SC taking the brunt of the damage. Further details pending. But in the mean time, please say a prayer for the servers. And finally for the most important running statistic of the entire War . . . . Titan Loses to Date: Molle - 0 Imperian - 0 The rest of NC - 0 The rest of SC - 0 (Hey! IÆm thinking a nice lottery here would be fun!) Stay tuned for periodic war updates!! ----------------- Northern Coalition Ministry of Information Truth & Love The NC: Best Friends Forever!
D Spectre Caldari Naughty 40 Ethereal Dawn	Posted - 2010.04.01 20:32:00 - [2] first in an utterly fail thread.
r3voo Gallente No Limit Productions Looney Toons.	Posted - 2010.04.01 20:38:00 - [3] Originally by: D Spectre first in an utterly fail thread. Hey i'm first. I'm a r*tarded kid flamer who likes to be soo cool by saying "first". You rly pro men. Now go sit in your chair from mommy and daddy and think how stupid your reply whas. But uhm Epic nice read men. Keep up the good work. grtz
AdmiralJohn Gallente The Unknown Bar and Pub Elysium Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.01 20:42:00 - [4] /me stays tuned. Hey, can I buy advertising space here?
Mizz Wolf Minmatar Blue Republic	Posted - 2010.04.01 20:45:00 - [5] Going to guess Molle 2 titans Imperion 1 by the end of this.
Ardetia Caldari The Flying Tigers United Front Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.01 20:51:00 - [6] i hope moving karaoke night is part of april fools The Flying Tigers are recruiting!
Garreth Vlox Minmatar Hysterical Dementia DEFI4NT	Posted - 2010.04.01 20:57:00 - [7] Originally by: D Spectre first in an utterly fail thread. ROFL, who are you and why should we care what you think?????
Impact Caldari Drops Of Heaven Interstellar Forces	Posted - 2010.04.01 21:06:00 - [8] Edited by: Impact on 01/04/2010 21:07:37 Originally by: J'inn War News - Fair and Balanced We have to give Molle credit. HeÆs good to his word. BoB has . . I mean Kenz . .. I mean . . . dammit someone give me a scorecard to the South . . . Okay letÆs see here . . . . IT (Ikea Terrorists) have attacked the peace loving (Read: Carebears and Bestest Friends Forever) people of the North. So since we in the North care and love each and every one in the Eve Community, except Satan - - he knows why - - we will provide you with regular war updates. Why? Well there is the loving and the caring part, but also letÆs face it: Getting accurate information on COAD is about as easy as getting a refund from a stripper. So we plan on changing that. Honestly. But before we get to those all important stats lets check in with a recent NC meeting to see how they are preparing for The Mother of All Wars. -----START TRANSCRIPT------ Vuk Lau: Okay people this is the worst threat we have ever faced. Well okay, there was that STD issue a few months back. Okay people this is the second worst threat we have ever faced. ItÆs time for drastic action!! Plague Black: <gasp> you donÆt mean .. . . Vuk Lau: Yeah we may have to move Karaoke Night to Thursdays. NC Members: <groaning and moaning> Vuk Lau: Stop *****ing!! Meeting over! Random NC Member: Hey does anyone have a good fleet fit for a Hulk? <general chaos> ---- END TRANSCRIPT----- LOL Pretty bad BoB was beat so bad they had to change there names three times just to get the taste of cok removed from there mouth. Speeking of prision style sex. I was there in MM when that STD stuff was going around. EYEDOLL YOU SOB! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! Only communists do Karaoke Night on thursday. On a more serious note. 50 isk for each time one of you kills LD. The yellow stripe down his back when he ran to BoB was so bright I thought he was a new solar system forming.. - - Impact
Orree Gallente Dynaverse Corporation Sodalitas XX	Posted - 2010.04.01 21:08:00 - [9] Hard to believe Karaoke Night maybe be moved to Thursdays, tbh. Nice one, J'inn. ---------- "How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." ---Benjamin Disraeli
Ragnarok101 Caldari Divine Power. Wildly Inappropriate.	Posted - 2010.04.01 21:21:00 - [10] So its not confirmed yet is it ... i mean thursday, surly your not serious we CANT have a Karaoke Night on thursday "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
dastommy79 Caldari Di-Tron Heavy Industries Atlas Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.01 21:24:00 - [11] With all the crap you guys are spinning and your pathetic attempts to be funny, I honestly feel bad for you. You all are so cute with your tough guy faces on but we all know what you are gonna look like by the time we are done with you. MODS I LEFT CORP FOR 2 DAYS NO BAN ME
riverini Gallente Reliables Inc Majesta Empire	Posted - 2010.04.01 22:02:00 - [12] german hugs, riverini
RifterDrifter Minmatar They Found Oil On Your Anus	Posted - 2010.04.01 22:16:00 - [13] Vuk Lau needs better Forum Warriors Yo _______________________________________________
Kronos Hopeslayer Minmatar Shiva Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2010.04.01 22:17:00 - [14] Originally by: dastommy79 With all the crap you guys are spinning and your pathetic attempts to be funny, I honestly feel bad for you. You all are so cute with your tough guy faces on but we all know what you are gonna look like by the time we are done with you. Promise to bring lube, we're all out in H-W already and it's just the first week.
ImmaSplodeYou Amarr The Unit... Honourable Templum of Alcedonia	Posted - 2010.04.01 22:38:00 - [15] Edited by: ImmaSplodeYou on 01/04/2010 22:39:29 Edited by: ImmaSplodeYou on 01/04/2010 22:38:40 Originally by: J'inn Vuk Lau: Hmm reports from X-70 look serious. Fred0: X-70! What is it? Vuk Lau: ItÆs a solar system. A star with planets around it, but thatÆs not important right now. Looks like IT has moved a large cap fleet with support into the system. Please... PLEASE Tell me you didn't just try to rip off Airplane!... THE NORTH WILL BURN! GO VIKINGS!
Lou Cypher Gallente Shiva Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2010.04.01 22:51:00 - [16] Edited by: Lou Cypher on 01/04/2010 22:52:43 Lol j'inn 10/10 Props to KitchenSink .. moast fun in a long time 10/10 CCP -8 points for oldSk00l lag :( 2/10 (2 points ..still <3 eVe) *makes pew pew noises ninja edIT:welcome to the node :D Shrike > Good Morning Northen Monekys, this is God speaking.
Arrador Caldari Serenity Ascension On the Rocks	Posted - 2010.04.01 22:55:00 - [17] Originally by: dastommy79 With all the crap you guys are spinning and your pathetic attempts to be funny, I honestly feel bad for you. You all are so cute with your tough guy faces on but we all know what you are gonna look like by the time we are done with you. I dunno, I lol'd. Was quite amusing.
dastommy79 Caldari Di-Tron Heavy Industries Atlas Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.01 23:12:00 - [18] actualy yeah its kinda funny. Think i was all angry cause i hadnt eaten dinner yet. MODS I LEFT CORP FOR 2 DAYS NO BAN ME
HAUL 5000 Minmatar RWMC	Posted - 2010.04.01 23:35:00 - [19] this space is for sale, convo for details
Asheru Caldari HeartVenom Inc. Legiunea ROmana	Posted - 2010.04.02 01:36:00 - [20] Surely you can't be serious?!
Berneh Gallente Freelance Economics Astrological resources Tactical Narcotics Team	Posted - 2010.04.02 01:54:00 - [21] Thursday ?!? wont that clash with "who can eat the hottest curry afternoon" ?
Minigin Caldari Trinity Corp WE FORM VOLTRON	Posted - 2010.04.02 02:18:00 - [22] after years of trying to blue everyone on the face of the map to protect our income... we dont really mind if we lose it shrug . MINIGIN! The original colour poster - now surrounding you in limegreen.
Nitor1013Z Caldari Red Horizon Inc R.A.G.E	Posted - 2010.04.02 03:15:00 - [23] ORIGINALLY BY ImmaSplodeYou Please... PLEASE Tell me you didn't just try to rip off Airplane!... THE NORTH WILL BURN! GO VIKINGS! wait wait wait wait wait did someone from the honourable templum of fail just say we are going to burn? /emote looks at their killboard and laughs http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/combat_record.php?type=alliance&name=Honourable+Templum+of+Alcedonia at least they are above Aegis Militia D: BTW i love the war update...KEEP IT COMING!
NAFnist Caldari NAF	Posted - 2010.04.02 03:29:00 - [24] so say Nitor1013Z, the uber-killer
Arrador Caldari Serenity Ascension On the Rocks	Posted - 2010.04.02 03:32:00 - [25] Originally by: dastommy79 actualy yeah its kinda funny. Think i was all angry cause i hadnt eaten dinner yet. do we kiss and make up now?
Kon Pepper Gallente Navy of Xoc Wildly Inappropriate.	Posted - 2010.04.02 06:41:00 - [26] Originally by: dastommy79 With all the crap you guys are spinning and your pathetic attempts to be funny, I honestly feel bad for you. You all are so cute with your tough guy faces on but we all know what you are gonna look like by the time we are done with you. Please spare me from you massive, throbbing epeen... theres not enough vasoline in the north to make it comfortable
pedros Minmatar Gaia Freelancers	Posted - 2010.04.02 08:53:00 - [27] voting Imporian titans losses : 4 all rest 2
papaPadla Minmatar Destructive Influence IT Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.02 09:44:00 - [28] Easy WIN. Really nice read and lolz... keep it up i bet 2 mil isk molle will go first
Ace Frehley Minmatar Big Shadows Atlas Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.02 09:48:00 - [29] Edited by: Ace Frehley on 02/04/2010 09:48:27 Originally by: Kon Pepper Originally by: dastommy79 With all the crap you guys are spinning and your pathetic attempts to be funny, I honestly feel bad for you. You all are so cute with your tough guy faces on but we all know what you are gonna look like by the time we are done with you. Please spare me from you massive, throbbing epeen... theres not enough vasoline in the north to make it comfortable I think he meant last time WIdot was smacky on the forum when someone came near their space. Last half their corps and all their space, whined and called us devhax... I really enjoyed it Back to mining, bobby needs more veldspar so he can buy his chicken wings
Meno Theaetetus Gallente Wildly Inappropriate Wildly Inappropriate.	Posted - 2010.04.02 10:23:00 - [30] Originally by: dastommy79 actualy yeah its kinda funny. Think i was all angry cause i hadnt eaten dinner yet. Or perhaps it's because your still bent out of shape over all that smashkill stuff. I don't know why everyone's saying atlas are IT pets now, we all know it dast getting some revenge.
Ocularus Xenos Gallente Lyonesse. RAZOR Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.02 13:18:00 - [31] Well J'inn I wish that all were true, but it seems a Majesta Empire pilot named Banduril lost a megathron and erebus to IT on the 31st, all in the same minute. So I guess you'll have to change the titan score. That or it's....fake?
Orree Gallente Dynaverse Corporation Sodalitas XX	Posted - 2010.04.02 15:58:00 - [32] Originally by: dastommy79 With all the crap you guys are spinning and your pathetic attempts to be funny, I honestly feel bad for you. You all are so cute with your tough guy faces on but we all know what you are gonna look like by the time we are done with you. Gosh, Dasty...you almost sound serious. ---------- "How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." ---Benjamin Disraeli
TK420 Caldari Navy of Xoc Wildly Inappropriate.	Posted - 2010.04.02 16:19:00 - [33] http://www.razerzone.com/venom/
Wilhelm Caster Caldari Destructive Influence IT Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.02 16:37:00 - [34] lol loved the transcript keep it up
J'inn Caldari Shiva Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2010.04.02 16:54:00 - [35] IT WYVERN DOWN!! This is an emergency Ministry of Information news release! It has been deemed news worthy, but not sufficiently news worthy to warrant itÆs own thread. Yesterday a prolonged battle took place in X-70 between the SC and the well lubed NC war machine. By all accounts, and based upon my independent review of the killboards, it is clear the NC won the engagement. IT Killboards report 5 Dreadnaughts lost by IT and none lost by the NC. The number of support ships and battleships lost by both sides was well into the hundreds. Personal Note: Prices in Jita are going up baby! Given the state of the battle SC forces wisely decided to withdraw. At this point Imperian, Fleet Commander for the NC forces, ordered his forces to stand down and he found a quiet place near a POS to cloak up and well . . . . . Okay, after any major win, Imperian runs off and cloaks somewhere in system. He subsequently, refuses to respond on comms for about 15 minutes. WeÆre not sure why. And frankly, we donÆt want to know what he is doing. <shudder> Anyways . . . while NC forces were fighting with each other over who gets what loot . . . it happened . . . ---------------START TRANSCRIPT--------------- Imperian: WHAT THE HELL!!! WARP TO ME!! WARP TO ME!!! <in the background we hear a ****o moving playing. Disturbingly, there are no female voices> NC Member: What the heck are you listening to? Imperian: STFU! Warp to me!! A frikkin Wyvern just landed next to me! Another NC Member: In warp! Get agrro on it Impy! Imperian: I canÆt use both hands yet. Get here!! <another of many NC Voice Comms uncomfortable silences> ------------END TRANSCRIPT----------- Well I could go on. And on and on and on . . . But I wonÆt. Bottom line is this, the First Supercarrier kill of the war has been confirmed. IT Wyvern down in X-70. On a serious note, there are unconfirmed reports that the Wyvern pilot desynched or had a similar problem. If this is true, the NC expresses itÆs condolences. No one should lose a ship like that in such a manner. . . . However in Eve a kill is a kill. And in this war, which is expected to be The Lagfest to End All Lagfests, such problems are expected to strike both sides. STAY TUNED!! P.S. To Imma: I would never rip off Airplane! I demand a full apology! To Asheru: Yes, I am serious, and donÆt call me Shirley. To Ocularus: No Titan kills yet afaik. Draw your own conclusions over that KM. ----------------- Northern Coalition Ministry of Information Truth & Love The NC: Best Friends Forever!
Salivan Harddin Gallente Divine Power. Wildly Inappropriate.	Posted - 2010.04.02 17:09:00 - [36] I too enjoy J'inn's battle reports. Haters be mad cause you rolling J'inn ^^ -------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer: my opinions do not represent my alliance and\or Corporation
PaIe Rider Amarr Hell's Horsemen Z.E.R.G	Posted - 2010.04.02 17:13:00 - [37] Edited by: PaIe Rider on 02/04/2010 17:13:47 Originally by: Asheru Surely you can't be serious?! Dont call me shurley. "So I looked, and behold, a pale horse. And the name of him who sat on it was Death, and Hades followed with him."
KOTH Fluf Caldari Dynaverse Corporation Sodalitas XX	Posted - 2010.04.02 18:41:00 - [38] J'inn, I still need to drag you to the darkside bro. Cya soon! Fluf CEO Dynaverse Corporation Sodalitas XX
drall Gallente Isk	Posted - 2010.04.02 19:02:00 - [39] congrats on killing a SC NC. Just wondering something, What else did you achieve yesterday. The reason i ask is to me killing a desynced SC isn't really something to write home about.
Salivan Harddin Gallente Divine Power. Wildly Inappropriate.	Posted - 2010.04.02 19:28:00 - [40] We have low self esteem, please let us grab to whatever pieces of ego boosting we can get hold of. -------------------------------------------------- Proud member of Northern Coalition - ôOur lives fleeting, our pods fragile, but our friendship eternalö
Nostradamous Caldari Di-Tron Heavy Industries Atlas Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.02 19:29:00 - [41] Originally by: Meno Theaetetus Or perhaps it's because your still bent out of shape over all that smashkill stuff. -2 Originally by: Meno Theaetetus I don't know why everyone's saying atlas are IT pets now, we all know it dast getting some revenge. +1 Honestly after we left vale, I was sad to hear dastys sorrow in Atlas not continuing the assault(as others where sad about our "northern abortion"). But now that the good old Dasty Cakes is back I'm relieved, and once again in love with eve......even if i cant play currently
Mareck001 Caldari Distinguished Gentleman's Boating Club Black Core Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.02 20:02:00 - [42] Battles everyday........ IT losing....... SC Failscade starting.......... D**N... IT'S GONNA BE A FUN SUMMER!!!!
dastommy79 Caldari Di-Tron Heavy Industries Atlas Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.02 21:11:00 - [43] I AM NOT BITTER. I am just really really really angry about things that happened from the past and i refuse to move on. So i just dwell on it and let it consume me with rage. Definitely not bitter though....... MODS I LEFT CORP FOR 2 DAYS NO BAN ME
Wilhelm Caster Caldari Destructive Influence IT Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.02 22:35:00 - [44] Wyvern Pilot was Desynced. Honestly its ridiculous to do cap fights when the servers are wonky like this, its just going to cost both sides no matter how organized or skilled either are.
Imperian Caldari hirr Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2010.04.02 23:06:00 - [45] Originally by: Wilhelm Caster Honestly its ridiculous to do cap fights when the servers are wonky like this RAWR
Kola XXX Caldari Versatech Co. Aeternus.	Posted - 2010.04.03 00:57:00 - [46] Originally by: Imperian Originally by: Wilhelm Caster Honestly its ridiculous to do cap fights when the servers are wonky like this Damn, these forums suck.
Daedhead Caldari GoonWaffe SOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSO	Posted - 2010.04.03 01:37:00 - [47] Originally by: Imperian Originally by: Wilhelm Caster Honestly its ridiculous to do cap fights when the servers are wonky like this
Vuk Lau Gallente 4S Corporation Morsus Mihi	Posted - 2010.04.03 02:21:00 - [48] Originally by: Wilhelm Caster Wyvern Pilot was Desynced. Honestly its ridiculous to do cap fights when the servers are wonky like this, its just going to cost both sides no matter how organized or skilled either are. When I asked IT to come to mass testings on SiSi you guys refused. Instead of that you announced crashing nodes as one of the goals of your campaign. If you guys are all ok, lets bring both blobs on Saturday on SiSi, so CCP can finally deploy the hotfix which will hopefully solve some of the lag/desync/gridload problems (ofc it will proly **** up dozen of other things :ccp: )
GonzoWCS Gallente The Shadow Order	Posted - 2010.04.03 19:15:00 - [49] Any New News? Looks like NC having a field day! Salute!
fatherted1989 Caldari Red Horizon Inc R.A.G.E	Posted - 2010.04.03 19:29:00 - [50] is a good thread imo :)
Kerensky White Minmatar Domini Umbrus DEFI4NT	Posted - 2010.04.03 22:04:00 - [51] Originally by: dastommy79 With all the crap you guys are spinning and your pathetic attempts to be funny, I honestly feel bad for you. You all are so cute with your tough guy faces on but we all know what you are gonna look like by the time we are done with you. We're going to be wearing sunglasses?
Wilhelm Caster Caldari Destructive Influence IT Alliance	Posted - 2010.04.04 04:58:00 - [52] Originally by: Vuk Lau When I asked IT to come to mass testings on SiSi you guys refused. Instead of that you announced crashing nodes as one of the goals of your campaign. If you guys are all ok, lets bring both blobs on Saturday on SiSi, so CCP can finally deploy the hotfix which will hopefully solve some of the lag/desync/gridload problems (ofc it will proly **** up dozen of other things :ccp: ) Good idea.
cyclobs Minmatar 506 Irregulars Honourable Templum of Alcedonia	Posted - 2010.04.04 06:07:00 - [53] Edited by: cyclobs on 04/04/2010 06:15:13 mmm sounds interesting. i'll keep checking up here. btw. sisi lagged so bad today. i lost my ship before my grid even loaded :( in fact i couldn't see my pod until 5 - 10 minutes after the cease fire had been called :( i wanted to shoot someone
Anxekay Caldari Merch Industrial SOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSO	Posted - 2010.04.04 06:16:00 - [54] Haters gonna hate
RifterDrifter Minmatar They Found Oil On Your Anus	Posted - 2010.04.04 12:54:00 - [55] Originally by: TK420 If you're going to do propaganda at least make it funny. _______________________________________________
Julia Ginzinger Caldari Shut Up And Play WE FORM VOLTRON	Posted - 2010.04.04 13:08:00 - [56] Originally by: RifterDrifter Originally by: TK420 If you're going to do propaganda at least make it funny. Bitter clown alt detected!

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