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J'inn
Caldari
Shiva
Morsus Mihi
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Posted - 2010.04.13 19:33:00 -
[1]
So IÆm a day late! I was busy Monday doing stuff. I hate spring. It just means yard work. But I digress . . . .
So what happened last week? Well two things really. Lots of pew pew. Lots of lag.
Atlas is still hitting P3EN-E without any dramatic success. Ship losses on both sides are staggering with RAGE, M.E. and the rest of the BFF Force fighting tooth and nail for their homeland.
IT had their most successful weekend so far with the destruction of a few POSes. But they have not been able to make any serious strikes on the North. And letÆs face it, taking POSes in NPC space ainÆt that hard. In response, however, the Northern BFF Forces have continued to battle IT aggression with massive Battleship fleets.
What is interesting are the different strategies being employed. Capital ships have, for the most part, remained docked. Bombers and Dramiels are the sexy boys of the month. It seems both sides are being ôresource consciousö in their endeavors. Man, IÆve sold enough bombers in the north in the last week to keep me in ISK for a long time. . . . . I love conflict . . . it smells like ISK.
As for the forums, combat has been violent, bloody, ugly, and yes . . . LOADED WITH STATISTICS!!! The War of the Stats goes on with each side employing newer and cooler looking statical analyses. There have been so many stats that the World EconomistÆs Society consider CAOD to be one of itÆs top ten **** sites. <EconomistÆs insert your death threats here>
But honestly, only one stat matters . . . And that is . . . how much ISK does JÆinn make . .. Erm I mean who is left standing after the bloodshed? Time will tell.
Although there have been some disturbing issues regarding lag and
<insert more JÆinn blathering>
PART 2 coming . . . Hold on . . . Stupid post length limits . . . UGH and 5 minute timer . . .
-----------------
Northern Coalition Ministry of Information
Truth & Love
The NC: Best Friends Forever! |
J'inn
Caldari
Shiva
Morsus Mihi
|
Posted - 2010.04.13 19:40:00 -
[2]
But meanwhile . . . At the home of Bobby Atlas . . .
Mr. Atlas is asleep. All curled up in his pajamas. Dreaming of Eve Conquest. Muttering in his sleep. ôItÆs mine all mine! The North is mine. Muhahahahahah!ö When suddenly, he is awoken by an odd and ethereal voice:
ôNot yet it ainÆt Bobby. But for a price . . It could be.ö
Bobby shoots up in shock from his bed only to see three odd men standing in his bedroom. He notes a faint odor. Something like sulfur. But not exactly.
Bobby: WHAT THE!!! WHO ARE YOU!!!??
Stranger: Please allow me to introduce myself. <starts humming> <gets dreamy eyed and then snaps out of it> Excuse me, I just love that song. Anyways, the gentleman to my right is Set. The gentleman to my left is Beelzebub. As for me, you can call me Satan.
Bobby: <gasp>
Beelzebub: Do you always have to be so dramatic? They always wet their pants or throw up. Why canÆt we call first for a change?
Satan: Have you seen our phone bills lately? ItÆs long distance to everywhere except Iceland.
Set: <mutter> cheap bastard <mutter>
Satan: Look Bobby. Stay clam. We just want to talk. We just want to help you out buddy.
Bobby: But but but . . .
Satan: Look just listen . . . We know you are trying to take over the North in Eve. And . . .
Bobby: You know about Eve?
Satan: <sigh> Of course I know about Eve!! Who do you think helped develop it! How else could a game about internet space ships make this much money without my help?
Bobby: I always wondered . . But, why is it so frustrating. I mean if it had otherworldly help you would think it would be perfect.
Set: Bwhahahahahahahaha <echo> <echo> <echo>
Satan: Perfect. Oh it is perfect . . . People are addicted. Our lag feature stresses the players to the breaking point . . . .People will do anything to win. ANYTHING . . . And that my dear Bobby . . . works out rather nicely for me. Actually itÆs my greatest internet game creation.
Beelzebub: Yeah, Star Trek Online didnÆt work out so well . . .
Satan: STFU!!!
Set <snicker>
Satan: Hey it was better that your whole Richard Nixon thing!
Set: ThatÆs low man.
Satan: Whatever. Now look we in Burn Eden are helping you guys out in game.
Bobby: Wait Wait!!!! Satan in Eve is YOU!!
Set: Yeah, somebody thinks he is too cool to use an Internet Handle.
Satan: Hey baby there is only one Satan!
Beelzebub: Oh brother! Anyways, you know me better as Evil Pookie. And Set over there goes by Ghosttor.
Bobby: With how many people you guys torture in game, and you fly the most expensive stuff and yet you never seem to do anything to make ISK . . I always wondered . . . and hmm actually this all makes sense.
Satan: Enough with the blah blah. Lets talk turkey. You want the North. IÆm willing to make sure you get it.
Bobby: How?
Satan: Lag baby. Lag. ItÆs driving everyone insane. Oh the souls weÆll be getting in the next 50 years from just this one game. Yummy . . . However, if Atlas was lag free . . . you would roll over the North.
Bobby: Erm . .. My soul right?
Set: See I told you he was smart.
Beelzebub: Yup, we like smart people.
Bobby: Well I donÆt know really. We are doing okay.
Set: <snort>
Bobby: And we have finished creating really deep safe spots.
Beelzebub: WhatÆs that got to do with anything?
Bobby: Ah, well if you have a really deep safe spot you can jump your fleet into that spot in a lagged out system and have time for your grid to load without having to worry about hostiles. ItÆs our last way to combat lag and still be able to do fleet battles.
Set: Okay, we donÆt like people that are too smart.
PART 3 coming right up . . . after this 5 minute commercial . . .
-----------------
Northern Coalition Ministry of Information
Truth & Love
The NC: Best Friends Forever! |
D3rg3
Minmatar
Alpann Siad Anam
Elysium Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.13 19:45:00 -
[3]
christ that was terrible
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J'inn
Caldari
Shiva
Morsus Mihi
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Posted - 2010.04.13 19:47:00 -
[4]
Satan: <pulls out a cell phone> Hey Michelle. Yeah itÆs me Satan. Mr. Sexy.
Set: Stop harassing the employees! WeÆll get sued again!!
Beelzebub: <shudder> . . Lawyers
Satan: Michelle, put me through to CCP downstairs please.
Bobby: You have a direct line to CCP in Iceland??
Set: Oh theyÆre not really in Iceland . . . theyÆre on the 8th floor of our building.
Bobby: Hell has a building!!? Where?
Set: <points down and smiles>
Bobby: <stunned silence>
Satan: <on the phone> Hey guys itÆs me. HowÆs things there? Right. Good good. Yes, I know the cafeteria food sucks. ItÆs Hell ya know! Stop complaining, you know we have that 1000 year contract with Starbucks! It was part of that whole Microsoft deal. Just try the grande triple skinny latte. I love æem! But look this is serious, I need you guys to adjust something in game please. Yeah, exactly. No itÆs not complicated. Just remove deep safe spots please.
Bobby: Noooooooo.
Set: Bwahahahahahahaha <echo> <echo> <echo>
Beelzebub: Bobby looks sad Mr Set.
Set: Yes he does Mr. Beelzebub. Sad and desperate. Tsk. We should help him out.
Beelzebub: An excellent idea Mr. Set. We should help him out.
Satan: <snaps cell phone shut> So Bobby, we want to help. Just sign this contract. You will feel great afterwards. Trust me.
-------------------------------------
Titan Death Count . . . come on people . . . kill some already. Sheesh
-----------------
Northern Coalition Ministry of Information
Truth & Love
The NC: Best Friends Forever! |
Anna Valerios
Amarr
Rage and Terror
Against ALL Authorities
|
Posted - 2010.04.13 19:49:00 -
[5]
Even I am logging in to say what the **** is this gay ****.
~ avs |
Farham
Gallente
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2010.04.13 19:52:00 -
[6]
Clearly not a Bobby Atlas story with no reference to chicken wings or honey mustard.
Not hacking it in 0.0 since 2006
Farham is my name, and fail quoting is my game. |
CBBOMBERMAN
Gallente
Eclipse Industrials
Quantum Forge
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Posted - 2010.04.13 19:57:00 -
[7]
hmm. I hate to be rude but here it goes.
No offence, you just horrible at comedy. You may be good at something but comedy is not your strenght.
0/10
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General Windypops
Gallente
The Littlest Hobos
Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2010.04.13 20:32:00 -
[8]
I'll usally post in pretty much any dumb old CAOD thread, but I ain't posting in one this cringeworthy. What on earth were you thinking? Proof if proof were needed that the NC really are dull as hell.
Twitter:@genrlwindypops
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Faekurias
Caldari
Origin.
Black Legion.
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Posted - 2010.04.13 20:34:00 -
[9]
Edited by: Faekurias on 13/04/2010 20:34:17
I for one thought that was excellent.
Please continue my Dear Sir, and make us an offering of this magnitude atleast once a day!
The Gods of CAOD are pleased.
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General Windypops
Gallente
The Littlest Hobos
Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2010.04.13 20:48:00 -
[10]
 Originally by: Faekurias
Edited by: Faekurias on 13/04/2010 20:34:17
I for one thought that was excellent.
Please continue my Dear Sir, and make us an offering of this magnitude atleast once a day!
The Gods of CAOD are pleased.
Don't play with your food, Faeky, it's not polite
Twitter:@genrlwindypops
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Julia Ginzinger
Caldari
Tax Free Corporation
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Posted - 2010.04.13 21:05:00 -
[11]
AAaaaahhh Caod, where one day you can be loved and a week later nobody likes your postings anymore.
Anyway keep em coming, at least these chestbeating posts have some value and its a comical one 
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Ambiva
Amarr
Vanishing Point.
The Initiative.
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Posted - 2010.04.13 21:09:00 -
[12]
1st page
wo da jiang you de , lu guo
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Sandwich PvP
Caldari
The Maverick Navy
IT Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.13 21:12:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Farham
Clearly not a Bobby Atlas story with no reference to chicken wings or honey mustard.
You forgot the Pizza Girl reference...err boy...err I guess we still have not verified that story....
The only fight worth fighting is the one you should lose. |
TexasFire
Caldari
Texas Deep Space
Lone Star Defense League
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Posted - 2010.04.13 21:20:00 -
[14]
Wow.... Just Wow........
Someone get him some help. OP has been huffing glue and typing. |
Naomi Wildfire
Amarr
Stardust Heavy Industries
Majesta Empire
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Posted - 2010.04.13 21:23:00 -
[15]
Not as good as the first one, but still awesome :)
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kuky
Amarr
Smoking Hillbillys
The Transcendent
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Posted - 2010.04.13 21:27:00 -
[16]
Nice read. I think people aren't aware of the latest ccp nerf projects.
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Metal Dude
Gallente
Destructive Influence
IT Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.13 21:41:00 -
[17]
Originally by: J'inn
Man, IÆve sold enough bombers in the north in the last week to keep me in ISK for a long time. . . . . I love conflict . . . it smells like ISK.
In true spirit of NC.
The truth will set you free
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Zoctrine
Caldari
Tsuna Tide
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Posted - 2010.04.13 21:46:00 -
[18]
Originally by: Naomi Wildfire
Not as good as the first one
/This
3/10
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Avernus
Gallente
Imperium Technologies
Sodalitas XX
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Posted - 2010.04.13 22:26:00 -
[19]
Wasn't quite as good as the first one, didn't really deserve all the flames.
Liked the deep safe reference.
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Vuk Lau
Gallente
4S Corporation
Morsus Mihi
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Posted - 2010.04.13 22:27:00 -
[20]
Hehe good one.
J'inn next time please write the fairytale how U'K singlehandedly destroyed CVA so you could get some positive feedback from CAOD crew.
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Evil Thug
Minmatar
Rage and Terror
Against ALL Authorities
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Posted - 2010.04.13 22:29:00 -
[21]
This is ****ing sucks. Bring back rzr dude with graphic propaganda updates.
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Daedhead
Caldari
GoonWaffe
SOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSO
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Posted - 2010.04.13 22:51:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Evil Thug
This is ****ing sucks. Bring back rzr dude with graphic propaganda updates.
Bring back the russian -A- I really hate this FIXMC 2.0 roleplaying -A-.
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Orree
Gallente
Dynaverse Corporation
Sodalitas XX
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Posted - 2010.04.13 22:52:00 -
[23]
I agree with Av...not as entertaining as the last one, but I don't really get the flames (apart from it being CAOD and that's what people here do...lol).
Keep going, J'inn. 
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"How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." ---Benjamin Disraeli |
Vasili Z
Minmatar
Cosmic Odyssey
BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2010.04.14 00:39:00 -
[24]
forced retirement please
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Going to kill you in Dust 514 (wait a minute, micro-transactions are dumb) |
SATAN
Amarr
BURN EDEN
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Posted - 2010.04.14 00:58:00 -
[25]
Edited by: SATAN on 14/04/2010 00:59:41
Next time convo us first that way we can tell you how stupid this post would look, before the damage was done.
Oh and I have an Iphone, no snapping shut sounds...
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Evil Pookie
Caldari
BURN EDEN
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Posted - 2010.04.14 02:29:00 -
[26]
:facepalm:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVrN-Rv2VEs |
AdmiralJohn
Gallente
The Unknown Bar and Pub
Elysium Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.14 03:01:00 -
[27]
Can I be in the next news report?
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Serj Darek
Minmatar
Black Nova Corp
IT Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.14 03:49:00 -
[28]
Originally by: J'inn
Edited by: J''inn on 14/04/2010 01:47:50
PART 2 coming . . . Hold on . . . Stupid post length limits . . . UGH and 5 minute timer . . .
-----------------
Northern Coalition Ministry of Information
Truth & Love
The NC: Best Friends Forever!
You had me at coming...
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CCP Zymurgist
Gallente
C C P
C C P Alliance
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Posted - 2010.04.14 14:56:00 -
[29]
Locked by popular demand! \o/
Zymurgist
Community Representative
CCP Hf, EVE Online
Contact us |
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