| Pages: 1 :: [one page] |
|
|
| Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 0 post(s) |
Lady Casseris
   |
Posted - 2011.04.01 10:02:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Lady Casseris on 01/04/2011 10:15:05
After our recent Golem kill, we were on the lookout for more care bears to kill. ôRattlesnake on Scan,ö my CEO said. ôWarping to it at 10 on my alt. ItÆs an open mission come on in.ö
I warp in my PvP punisher and begin looting, the rattlesnake instantly warps off. I follow him and warp out to avoid getting killed by the rats. My CEO, Dave, calls back into the mic, ôHeÆs back!ö and I return back to the mission, beginning to fill my punisher with the spoils of this missioner's hard work.
The rattlesnake pilot convos me speaking in broken English questioning me about looting his wrecks. I reply like I do not understand what he is talking about and explain I just want the loot in the wrecks. He goes on to say just donÆt take the things out of cans. Suddenly I see him blow up the final rat of the mission and I see a yellow can drop. I overload my afterburner burning to the can before he gets there. 10k, 5k, 3k, and snag the reports out of the can.
Him > Give the report
Lady Casseris > Why do you need Reports?
Him > The report is quest item
Lady Casseris > Oh IÆm sorry, here let me jettison it and give it back to you
Him > Still not, you must before the container click and container give up
*Fast Forward*
Him > I have by me new one at market
So the rest of my corp think all is lost with this Rattlesnake, but I continue on. If I can just get him to shoot me one time, we win. I begin to play the part of a noobà but not just a noob, I play the part of a girl noob.
Him > have you husband and children?
Lady Casseris > no =(
Him > im not too
Him > only playing EVE, or have other hobbies?
Lady Casseris > I rockclimb and dance alot
Him > than you must have a great body xD
Lady Casseris > Yea I do =D
Him > I would love to see that :-)
Lady Casseris > If your ever in the United States near me, II may have to give you a thank you present =p
And thus, the seed of lust was planted in his head. I follow him through a few missions, asking why he does things certain ways, and how his ship can tank so much. He links me his fit, I read the list into vent: Gist B-Type X-Large Shield Booster, Dread Gurista Invuln, Full set of Dread Guristas Cruise Launchers, Dread Guristas Shield Boost Amp, Fed Navy Omnidirectional Tracking Link. Estimated total price with ship and rigs: 1.8 billion ISK.
I continue to befriend him. Andreas he calls himself. Now let me pause for a moment, this guy is a total creeper, like watching you sleep through your window kind of guy. He asks me for my real life address, and playing the nub I am, I give him a false one. He continues to look up the property value of such house and links me to the for sale page asking why I want to sell it. Better have some mace on you if you want to mission with this guy. But letÆs continue:
Lady Casseris > Can you do me a favor please =p
Him > what
Lady Casseris > Can you shoot my ship? I want to see if you take away my shield
Him > i dont like to kill the ship -.-
Lady Casseris > I promise you wonÆt kill it, I put lots of plates on it
Him > im at the republic sec service
Lady Casseris > Warp to me, i am at my spot I sit in. people kill me at station before
Lady Casseris > just wanna see how tough my little frigate is
And here boys and girls, he leaves fleet, warps to a planet and fires one volley of missiles at me. I start my point on my punisher andà See picture below for graphical representation of upcoming events in the story:
I then proceed slowly get into to get my neuting legion (fit it before you bash it), out of the orca. My hands were shaking like crazy as the adrenaline of another kill rushed through my body. My CEO warps in with his guardian and begins cap transferring me.
|
Lady Casseris
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 10:05:00 -
[2]
Edited by: Lady Casseris on 01/04/2011 10:05:40
I launch my drones and begin attacking the Rattlesnake. After 3 cycles of my neuts his cap was totally decimated. Nothing is left but his drones which I picked off 1 by 1 crushing his only hope at getting out of the fight. I push him through shield and armor rather quickly and stop my DPS at 20% hull. We push him to eject and offer to sell his ship back to him at a reduced cost later on. He proceeds to attack me again so I push him further into hull leaving him at about 5%.
Him > Lady?
Him > give you me your word
Lady Casseris > I promise Andreas
And he ejects. Now stupid me forgot that when he ejects his skills are removed from the ship, and I was too worried about one of his friends warping in and repping him while he was stalling for the eject. The Rattlesnake explodes. We scream into vent laughing hysterically, to high on the fun to care about the ship blowing up. Dave opens the can: Gist B-Type X-Large Shield Booster, 2 Dread Gurista Cruise Launchers, Fed Navy Omnidirectional, and the Dread Gurista Shield boost Amp. Total ISK: 880 million. After him crying about the loss and wanting a new ship, I decide to reveal the truth behind everything.
Lady Casseris > Andreas I have some news.
Lady Casseris > I am a guy.
|
Dirk Magnum
Blue Republic
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 10:20:00 -
[3]
All men are dogs C C C
Great story all-in-all. 
|
Chopper Rollins
Minmatar
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 10:24:00 -
[4]
Now look here. I did me some astrometrics skills and fitted out a little probe 'cause i got these sisters combat probes from an LP store and wanted to try this scanning dealie out.
Lo and behold, mission hubs are full of salvage. I mean loads. Also pilots who run away from me at first sight and either stay away or reappear in something T2. I never get aggro, i just salvage away. These pilots! Years older than me with no idea of aggro mechanics or even intel, they just ask me questions like i'm their friend!
So i can make 40 million in an hour sometimes, with the added plus of that 'Aha!' moment when i find a large ship off the system's plane.
I see now that it's people like you who create the anxiety in these pilot's minds, this is terrible and you should feel terrible.
Here's the thing though: some of the incompetence and static i get from these mission runners makes me feel pity and contempt for them, is this how i'm going to end up just like you? Will their attitude force me into tricking them into combat so's i can watch their property vaporise?
|
Dave Hourai
Gallente
Death of Virtue
MeatSausage EXPRESS
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 10:35:00 -
[5]
lolwut?
No Virtue, No Vice. No Beginning, No End. |
Azhpol
Gallente
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 11:00:00 -
[6]
 Originally by: Chopper Rollins
Here's the thing though: some of the incompetence and static i get from these mission runners makes me feel pity and contempt for them, is this how i'm going to end up just like you? Will their attitude force me into tricking them into combat so's i can watch their property vaporise?
Probably. And if that doesn't when you get to the point that the isk doesn't really matter anymore you will do it just because carebear tears are tasty 
|
Jennifer Starling
Imperial Navy Forum Patrol
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 11:28:00 -
[7]
Edited by: Jennifer Starling on 01/04/2011 11:28:41
Originally by: Lady Casseris
story about poor guy being trapped
Funny, I swear I also saw you pop up in my mission some days ago! :P
Always scary, those red flashing ships ..
|
Velocity Prime
Misfit Toys
Clockwork Pineapple
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 15:15:00 -
[8]
That's good stuff.
Smuggling, booster sales, recruitment. Visit my blog. |
Admiral Rufus
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 15:53:00 -
[9]
lol i saw you announce this kill in the SN public channel, didn't realise it took so much social engineering to get it!
|
Dave Hourai
Gallente
Death of Virtue
MeatSausage EXPRESS
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:01:00 -
[10]
Edited by: Dave Hourai on 01/04/2011 16:02:03
Sure did; it had been a slow day until we found that guy, and it took about 2 hours of "social engineering " to net the thing. Sadly, no kill OR loss mail 
No Virtue, No Vice. No Beginning, No End. |
|
|
The Crushah
Gallente
The Python Cartel.
The Defenders of Pen Island
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:02:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Dave Hourai
lolwut?
You make me proud young Padawan. 
|
Barakkus
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:04:00 -
[12]
Why has there been such a lack of quality threads like this in C&P for the last year and a half?
-
-
[SERVICE] Corp Standings For POS anchoring
|
Velocity Prime
Misfit Toys
Clockwork Pineapple
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:59:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Barakkus
Why has there been such a lack of quality threads like this in C&P for the last year and a half?
Most of the storytellers all have blogs now. That leaves us with mostly crap here. v0v
Smuggling, booster sales, recruitment. Visit my blog. |
Dave Hourai
Gallente
Death of Virtue
MeatSausage EXPRESS
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:38:00 -
[14]
Edited by: Dave Hourai on 01/04/2011 21:38:54
Originally by: The Crushah
Originally by: Dave Hourai
lolwut?
You make me proud young Padawan.
No Virtue, No Vice. No Beginning, No End. |
Lady Casseris
Death of Virtue
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 11:25:00 -
[15]
Edited by: Lady Casseris on 02/04/2011 11:25:08
Well we got a Vargur and a Maelstrom kill today but the maelstrom was boring so I am updating it for the Vargur. Mostly dialog here, rather than commentary from yours truly. Obviously skipped the part about where he tries to teach me how to mission, only the juicy parts included and selected for maximum lulz.
Lady Casseris > hi
Him > yes?
Lady Casseris > Do you need someone to mission with? I just came back to the game after my boyfriend broke up with me and cant afford ships for missions
Him > if you will chek my ship you will see that i dont...
Him > but your welcome to tag along
Lady Casseris > Cool ^.^ do you mind if I take loot?
And so it begins again. Challenge Accepted.
Lady Casseris > So tell me about yourself IRL =p
Him > just a dude that likes sci fi and ships.... nothing special there
Lady Casseris > Everyone is special in there own way imo
Regular EVE loser such as the person who is reading this sentence right now. He begin to type awkwardly later as in severe mistyping, so keys may have gotten sticky?
Him > about 200-300 on my autocanons
Him > those are short ranged
Him > the howezers are long range
Lady Casseris > Ahh, are the guns you have now long range?
Him > i have both
You should see his fit... (*cough* check my battleclinic *cough*) A t1 arty, a t2 arty, and 2 AC's. Fail, as in double facepalm fail.
Him > how many skills do you have?
Him > you can chek in your cherecter sheet
Him > Current skills: 264 (skill points: 69,639,948)
Lady Casseris > 43 skills
Lady Casseris > and 2,453,697 skills points
Him > not bad
Him > 2 mil for 43 skills is very good
Lady Casseris > Thank you ^.^
Atleast he knows complimenting the ladies on their skills is a step closer to trading that V-Card for a Man-Card.
Lady Casseris > is there anyway you can do me a favor though?
Him > what is it?
Lady Casseris > Can I see how much damage one of your guns does?
Lady Casseris > I want to see how much it does to my frigate =p I worked hard fitting this
Him > no way
Him > im not going to do that
Lady Casseris > ?? why not
Him > you ship will pop
Lady Casseris > can you shoot me with 1 drone?
Him > besides i think concord will kill me
Him > if you where in my corp then may be
Lady Casseris > No they wont, people shot me before when i took from there missions and concord didnt kill them
Lady Casseris > how do i join your corp?
Him > as it is i dont want to risk it
Him > ye
Him > but you where not in their fleet
Him > let me chek what offices we have near
Him > Saatuban I - X-Sense Chemical Refinery - 4 Jumps
Lady Casseris > can I leave this fleet? I am really excited to get back tot eh game and train and I wanna see how much damage I could do in the future?
Him > its here to make it easyer for you to find me
Lady Casseris > ill rejoin in a minute, i just really want to see before I have to leave to go to the store
Lady Casseris > ill be back soon though
Him > cool
Lady Casseris > here can you stick something out so you can attack me one time?
Him > with what?
Lady Casseris > what does the least damage?
Him > drones....
Lady Casseris > can you shoot me with one of those?
Lady Casseris > wow that does alone
And I begin scramming him while orbiting the Vargur at 500m. Meanwhile during this whole time missioning, Dave scanned down the Vargur and we positioned ourselves on the gate before this room with the guardian and orca and cloaked in activation range of the gate to stay off D-scan, but ready to pounce. So in comes and Orca and a Guardian. This guy is clueless and isnt even shooting me anymore, just sitting there. I approach the Orca switch to my Legion. I just set out my neuts, point and drones. And he shoots the Guardian... Seriously? Gist B-Type Photon Scattering field. Meh loot for having to flirt with a guy for an hour. Hopefully better loot next time.
The Wreckage
|
Shawnm339
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 14:38:00 -
[16]
seriously dude you're not even a pirate you're like the uncercover cop that got George Michael to whack off in some toilets yeah you got the loot but you still came out the situation so far back in the closet you're living in Narnia......yarrrrrr only reason you like pirate outfits is you think one of the guys in the village people wore one
|
Shawnm339
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 14:40:00 -
[17]
carebear tears taste so sweet?? you sure its his tears you were tasting?
|
Princess Bride
Caldari
Corripe Cervisiam Trade Consortium
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 14:52:00 -
[18]
Meh.
All envy of Ninja life quickly evaporating.... evaporating.... gone. If I wanted to flirt all night on a Friday with losers for low pay I'd start a 900 number.
---
...but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" |
Shawnm339
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 18:27:00 -
[19]
lol hit the nail on the head...let's recap we have a male pretending to be a female flirting with someo guy in some far off place so she/he can get him to fire at him so she/he can salvage his stuff and post about the sweet tears on this very forum whilst stroking his e-peen about how he tanked some poor unsuspecting virgin to his other virgin friends...god i wish i was you
|
Frau Klaps
Amarr
Trillionaire High-Rollers Suicidal Bassoon Orkesta
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 19:29:00 -
[20]
When I did the whole pretend to be a girl thing it creeped me the hell out. Was pretty funny though and it's unbelievable how some people are so accepting 
---
|
|
|
Lady Casseris
Death of Virtue
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 20:31:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Shawnm339
lol hit the nail on the head...let's recap we have a male pretending to be a female flirting with someo guy in some far off place so she/he can get him to fire at him so she/he can salvage his stuff and post about the sweet tears on this very forum whilst stroking his e-peen about how he tanked some poor unsuspecting virgin to his other virgin friends...god i wish i was you
Why are you mad? Also he doesnt need to shoot me for me to salvage.
|
FunzzeR
Imperial Shipment
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 21:41:00 -
[22]
The Scottish Fold approves.
PRAISE THE SCOTTISH FOLD!!
THEIR WILL SHALL BE DONE!! |
Akkukkak
|
Posted - 2011.04.03 16:20:00 -
[23]
Originally by: Lady Casseris
blah blah ... some Guy pretendig to be a Girl ..... Blah blah
They say .... one day you will like it, and may never return back!!
|
Awesome Possum
Original Sin.
PURPLE HELMETED WARRIORS
|
Posted - 2011.04.03 17:29:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Frau Klaps
When I did the whole pretend to be a girl thing it creeped me the hell out. Was pretty funny though and it's unbelievable how some people are so accepting
50mill for a pic
♥
|
|
|
| |
|
| Pages: 1 :: [one page] |