| Pages: [1] 2 3 4 :: one page |
| Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
Remedial
   |
Posted - 2005.06.12 21:55:00 -
[1]
The Warrior from Hell: A Comedy of Errors, a Three Part Play written by Remedial, Esq. and performed by His Majesty's Royal Lordless Acting Troupe
Prelude:
:DeathforMeh, in full jester garb, takes the North stage:
DFM: "Verily, a tale is upon me! It was naught but four days past when the would-be hero Hellwarrior did declare his rage at the Lordless rogues and plighted his troth to be their undoing."
"And yet his tale was not one of victory and triumph, but rather comedy and loss. It shall be my burden anon to relate the exploits, both fair and fiendish, for the enjoyment of all."
:Exeunt:
ACT I, Scene I A CHALLENGE OF HONOR
:The Scene - a bereft basement room with a dim light bulb and an old computer in CANADA:
:Kage Getsu, wearing an Inuyasha T-Shirt and tighty-whities, reads his eve-mail:
KG: "What Ho! What have we here? A declaration of war against us? What twink dareth to spite the famed Kage Getsu of the Lordless?"
:He absentmindedly twirls his braided hair:
KG: "Hellwarrior? Foul Knave! I bite my thumb at thee and shall summon my bravest brethren to strike down thy ships of battle where they campeth! Oh Ye."
:He begins typing furiously into his corporate channel.
Lights dim and fade out to next scene.:
ACT I, Scene II THE ANTIHERO PRESENTED
:The Scene - a palatial mansion, somewhere in Europe. A dignified man in a tophat and monocle sits upon a golden gilded throne in front of three plasma widescreen monitors.
He is Hellwarrior, an idle rich robber baron:
HW: "Forsooth! Soon the rich bounties offered by Dentara Rast on these Lordless fools shall fill my coffers and fatten my wallet further than ever before."
:He adjusts his diamond encrusted wireless mouse to his eve-mail:
"Four million ISK for the declaration well spent, indeed. But what is ISK to one such as me? Born into the silver cradle and fed with the silver spoon, purveyor of ebay and buyer of characters for my whims; I shall forwith destroy them for my pleasure with both of my purchased accounts. Ahahahaha!"
:He laughs-out-loud and caresses the Persian cat resting on his lap. Lights dim and fade out:
|
Remedial
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 21:57:00 -
[2]
ACT II, Scene I ONE FINE DAY IN YULAI
:The Scene - 24 hours later, A shoulder view of Hellwarrior's computer monitors. He has two accounts, "Hellwarrior" and "Fishpoo". A third monitor has an MSNBC report on the New York Stock Exchange running, complete with tickers to various stocks.:
HW: "The war hath commenced and I spy that Lordless idiot Remedial awaiting me outside the station! I shall be the one to turn the tables on him, so to speak!"
:One of his ships, a Sacrilege warps to Yulai-X DED. Remedial is there in a Blackbird:
HW: "Have at thee!"
:Hellwarrior fires on Remedial, who appears unconcerned and then docks at the station:
HW: "Curses, the element of surprised stands ruined! Perhaps he shall again be foolish and undock, however."
:Remedial undocks a moment later, and then redocks. And then undocks, and then redocks. And again. And again. And once more.
HW: "Ludicrous! He toys with me. I target him and fire and yet he refuses to engage. I dub thee cowardly, Remedial!"
:Remedial undocks and Hellwarrior obliges him with lasers. But this time, Remedial begins to jam him!:
HW: "Multispectrals on a Blackbird? I NEVER!"
:A Raven, piloted by Trina Tron and a Megathron piloted by Turretson warp in and begins to destroy Hellwarrior's Sacrilege.:
HW: "Noooooooooooooo! My Domination Disruptor!"
:He explodes, and his pod is ejected. Hellwarrior's monocle flies off of his face as he comes to attention and he flails about looking for it. He looks up again and his pod has been destroyed. His face turns red.:
HW: "A full set of third-degree implants, lost. They shall pay for my expenses, TEN FOLD"
:He draws forth a revolver and shoots out a monitor. Lights dim and fade out.:
ACT II SCENE II
:The Scene - Same as before. Manservant George stands off to the side of the throne, motionless and waiting for his master's call. Hellwarrior adjusts his monocle and preens his fancy black mustache while gazing into his new DLP monitor. He docks his orbitting Megathron to Yulai X DED and waits outside with the Armageddon. Suddenly, Turretson in a Megathron appears on the horizon!:
HW: "Aha they have fallen for my clever trap!"
:He unleashes his Megapulse Lasers before the Megathron can dock. They destroy the Megathron shortly:
HW: "These Lordless are nothing! O'erweened new-bees to this game believing they are skilled! I shall reclaim a confidance in my abilities hence."
:He chortles heartily and gingerly sips some Dom Perignon from a crystal glass. The Persian cat purrs happily. He now spies Remedial logging online and presently his portrait in the local channel:
HW: "Vengeance is upon thee, Remedial fiend!"
:Remedial undocks in a Dominix and advances towards Hellwarrior's Armageddon:
HW: "Fool! The Dominix be the worst battleship in the game and no match for my Geddon of Gankage!"
:He fires on Remedial, but only gets off one volley before he finds himself jammed:
HW: "Multispectrals on a Dominix! I NEVER!"
:Many heavy drones deploy from the Dominix, which begins firing blasters upon his Armageddon. Hellwarrior is powerless to stop him as he is scrambled, jammed and aggressed. He is destroyed, but escapes in his pod:
Hellwarrior: "ARGH, a third most unrighteous blow to my esteem. How could I lose to one who pilots such a horrid ship?"
:A tear of rage descends his cheek. He swats the Persian cat from his lap, who hisses and runs into the parlor room. Hellwarrior raises his fist.:
HW: "By my blood, I swear an oath. I shall hunt these
Lordless until their corpses are scattered about space and their corporation nothing but a memory in my mind's eye."
:He stands up from his throne and withdraws a revolver. He shoots George, his manservant, who collapses without a whimper. Lights dim and fade out:
|
Remedial
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 21:57:00 -
[3]
ACT III SCENE I THE BEGINNINGS OF ENDTIMES
:The Scene - same as before. Manservant Percy, replacement for George, stands nervously next to the throne. Hellwarrior cruises around Yulai X in a Zealot. He taunts Remedial, who failed to catch him before because he mounted no web to countermand Hellwarrior's microwarp drive. He darts in and out of range of Remedial, who is powerless to respond.
HW: "Nyah I say, Nyah to you!"
:He grins malevolently as a newer member of Lordless, Michael Kerrigan, undocks from the station in an incursus.:
HW: "For spite, I shall kill the new man and make my getaway again, haha!"
:Hellwarrior docks at Yulai X DED and then reemerges quickly, microwarp driving away from Remedial's dangerous guns. He targets the incursus and fires into it, ripping it to shreds. He laughs maniacally - but wait! As Michael exploded, he activated a stasis webifier! Hellwarrior watches horrified as his ship slows to a crawl:
HW: "Oh God, not the cannons again!"
:His ship inches slowly towards salvation, but the ion cannons pound him relentlessly. As he reaches the falloff limit, his structure gives way and he implodes. He warps away in his pod, saying nothing. Percy drops the silver platter he was holding, which crashes to the floor noisily, and bolts for the door. He almost makes it to the door before he is shot in the back by Hellwarrior. He pushes a button on his intercom.:
HW: "Kenneth, run the numbers again. Newest loss: Zealot avec second technology components."
:A moment of silence later, a voice responds from the intercom, 'Lord Hellwater, thy new balance of losses exceeds six hundred millions, sir!':
:Hellwarrior angrily releases the button. After a moment he clasps his hands to his face. Lights dim and fade out:
ACT III FINAL SCENE
:Scene - Hellwarrior's room again, but in shambles. The expensive furniture has been sold off, as have the state-of-the-art monitors and hardware. A dim lightbulb hangs lit overhead, casting a paltry light amidst shadows. Hellwarrior stares fervently at a much smaller pair of monitors displaying his accounts:
HW: "This is it - all that I have left. My two precious battleships, all that the cruel world has left me. I have auctioned off my life's amenities to rebuy a measure of manhood such that I might peacefully end my days knowing I am not forsaken."
:He logs onto his accounts and undocks, noticing too late that Remedial, Heinrich Burkhard, and Kane Mercy are in the local channel:
HW: "Oh... Oh no. Not this."
:His battleships exit the station to find a Dominix, Scorpion and Maller awaiting them.:
HW: "By grace, I shall dock before they penetrate my hull."
:He clicks the mouse button. After a moment he furrows his brow and clicks again. And again. And again. Screaming in rage he pounds on his mouse button.:
HW: "DOCK! DOCK GODS DAMN YE TO HELL! DOCK!"
:His screen indicates that he is close to the station with both ships, but Lady Luck has forsaken him. An undocking velator has pushed his ships just beyond the maximum range and he sits now, webbed and helpless.:
HW: "Dishonored again! I am fortune's fool, bereft and helpless upon this stage I am scorned by the gods themselves. Do not take what little I have left, I beg ye!"
:Fate does not waver, however, and his ships are soon both destroyed. He weeps openly, uncaring of the world.:
HW: "With the world against me, stripped of my riches, I am no longer a man. Once I was blind, but now I see my folly laid before me. There remains one bullet in my revolver, and now I know why. Cruel Fate, take me to the final jumpgate."
:He withdraws the revolver, pauses for a minute, and then places it to his head. A gunshot in the dark, and then silence:
:Exeunt:
EPILOGUE -
:Scene A middle class apartment in the USA. Remedial makes a final sale of the late Hellwarrior's goods:
Remedial: "LOL"
END
|
Remedial
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 22:01:00 -
[4]
Edited by: Remedial on 12/06/2005 22:01:23
2005.06.11 04:24:00
Victim: hellwarrior
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Fuzzily Penguins
Destroyed Type: Capsule
Solar System: Yulai
System Security Level: 1.0
Involved parties:
Name: Remedial (laid the final blow)
Security Status: -1.9
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Lordless
Ship Type: Blackbird
Weapon Type: Thunderbolt Heavy Missile I
2005.06.11 05:42:00
Victim: hellwarrior
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Fuzzily Penguins
Destroyed Type: Armageddon
Solar System: Yulai
System Security Level: 1.0
Involved parties:
Name: Remedial (laid the final blow)
Security Status: -1.9
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Lordless
Ship Type: Dominix
Weapon Type: Anode Mega Electron Particle Cannon I
Destroyed items:
Type: Radio L (Cargo)
Quantity: 5
Type: Ogre I (Drone Bay)
Quantity: 1
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Mega Pulse Laser II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Multifrequency L (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 1
Type: 'Langour' Drive Disruptor I (Fitted - Medium slot)
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Sensor Booster II (Fitted - Medium slot)
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Multifrequency L (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 1
Type: Multifrequency L (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 1
Type: Mega Pulse Laser II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Radio L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Multifrequency L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Gamma L (Cargo)
Quantity: 5
Type: Ogre I (Drone Bay)
Type: Ogre I (Drone Bay)
Type: Ogre I (Drone Bay)
Type: Microwave L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
2005.06.11 16:36:00
Victim: hellwarrior
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Fuzzily Penguins
Destroyed Type: Zealot
Solar System: Yulai
System Security Level: 1.0
Involved parties:
Name: Remedial (laid the final blow)
Security Status: -1.9
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Lordless
Ship Type: Dominix
Weapon Type: Ion Blaster Cannon I
Destroyed items:
Type: Infrared M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Xray M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Multifrequency M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Radio M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Sensor Booster I (Cargo)
Type: Sensor Booster I (Fitted - Medium slot)
Type: Heavy Pulse Laser II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Heavy Pulse Laser II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Type-D Power Core Modification: Reaction Control (Cargo)
Type: 10MN MicroWarpdrive II (Fitted - Medium slot)
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Capacitor Power Relay I (Cargo)
Type: Radio M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Gamma M (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 1
Type: Target Painter II (Cargo)
Type: Heavy Beam Laser II (Cargo)
Type: Heavy Beam Laser II (Cargo)
Type: Heavy Beam Laser II (Cargo)
Type: Multifrequency M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Multifrequency M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Gamma M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Gamma M (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Xray M (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 1
Type: Medium Nosferatu I (Cargo)
Type: Warp Scrambler I (Cargo)
|
Remedial
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 22:02:00 -
[5]
2005.06.12 16:51:00
Victim: hellwarrior
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Fuzzily Penguins
Destroyed Type: Armageddon
Solar System: Yulai
System Security Level: 1.0
Involved parties:
Name: Remedial (laid the final blow)
Security Status: -1.9
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Lordless
Ship Type: Dominix
Weapon Type: Ion Blaster Cannon I
Name: Heinrich Burkhard
Security Status: 0.0
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Lordless
Ship Type: Maller
Weapon Type: Unknown
Destroyed items:
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Multifrequency L (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 1
Type: Mega Pulse Laser II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Microwave L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Mega Pulse Laser II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Microwave L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Mega Pulse Laser II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Multifrequency L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Ogre I (Drone Bay)
Quantity: 10
Type: Microwave L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Microwave L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Gamma L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Heat Sink II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Large Automated I Carapace Restoration (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Ultraviolet L (Cargo)
Quantity: 7
Type: Gamma L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Multifrequency L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Xray L (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 1
Type: Microwave L (Cargo)
Quantity: 1
Type: Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: RADAR Backup Array II (Cargo)
Quantity: 3
2005.06.12 16:51:00
Victim: FishPoo
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Fuzzily Penguins
Destroyed Type: Megathron
Solar System: Yulai
System Security Level: 1.0
Involved parties:
Name: Remedial
Security Status: -1.9
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Lordless
Ship Type: Dominix
Weapon Type: Unknown
Name: Kane Mercy (laid the final blow)
Security Status: -1.4
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Lordless
Ship Type: Scorpion
Weapon Type: Bane Torpedo I
Name: Heinrich Burkhard
Security Status: 0.0
Alliance: Unknown
Corporation: Lordless
Ship Type: Maller
Weapon Type: Unknown
Destroyed items:
Type: Berserker I (Drone Bay)
Type: Berserker I (Drone Bay)
Type: Berserker I (Drone Bay)
Type: Ogre I (Drone Bay)
Type: Ogre I (Drone Bay)
Type: Ogre I (Drone Bay)
Quantity: 1
Type: Sensor Booster I (Fitted - Medium slot)
Type: 425mm Railgun II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Magnetic Field Stabilizer II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Magnetic Field Stabilizer II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Sensor Booster I (Fitted - Medium slot)
Type: 425mm Railgun II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: 425mm Railgun II (Fitted - High slot)
Type: Magnetic Field Stabilizer II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Magnetic Field Stabilizer II (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: Thorium Charge L (Cargo)
Quantity: 848
Type: Antimatter Charge L (Cargo)
Quantity: 36
Type: Antimatter Charge L (Cargo)
Quantity: 36
Type: Medium Automated I Carapace Restoration (Fitted - Low slot)
Type: X5 Prototype I Engine Enervator (Fitted - Medium slot)
Type: Antimatter Charge L (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 29
Type: Antimatter Charge L (Fitted - High slot)
Quantity: 32
|
Remedial
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 22:32:00 -
[6]
Sorry about the other threads, wasn't trying to spam. Apparently the forums didn't like trying to post all three acts into one post and just made empty threads without warning me.
|
DJ LOUD
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 22:34:00 -
[7]
ITT you clone a previous thread until it's the only thing anyone can read.
BTW, nice post (this one, not the other crap you usually post - i didn't get the last 3).
Voted 5
|
Tyrandor
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 22:46:00 -
[8]
Haha! Well played!
|
Werner Bohr
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 22:57:00 -
[9]
Most excellent, good sir!
|
Taxon
|
Posted - 2005.06.12 23:56:00 -
[10]
5 gold manbabies
|
Trey Azagthoth
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 00:15:00 -
[11]
gold, pure gold
|
Kane Mercy
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 00:16:00 -
[12]
ground floor
|
Warner Caslet
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 00:16:00 -
[13]
I love you Remedial.
|
Zezman
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 00:51:00 -
[14]
I would pay to see this play on stage.
(»)(»)
À\Oo/
À=\/=
This is Rat. It is a vermin. It has eaten all of Bunny's lettuce. |
Yeep
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 00:56:00 -
[15]
I've already bought the movie rights from him for 1 isk.
|
Monstrous Issue
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 01:54:00 -
[16]
Well played sir.
|
Sasanak
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 03:19:00 -
[17]
Edited by: Sasanak on 13/06/2005 03:19:49
omg this is soooooo funny
|
El Mole
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 03:20:00 -
[18]
bandwagon goons
|
alyandon
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 04:53:00 -
[19]
Bravo
|
Azaeren
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 04:56:00 -
[20]
monocoles a poppin
gg
---------------------------------------------
|
Typherin laidai
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 06:45:00 -
[21]
 Originally by: Remedial
KG: "Hellwarrior? Foul Knave! I bite my thumb at thee and shall summon my bravest brethren to strike down thy ships of battle where they campeth! Oh Ye."
Lol made me chuckle  
Typherin Care Negotitation Expert level 5
Originally by: Eris Discordia
*gives Typherin some loving*
|
Trepkos
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 06:56:00 -
[22]
Best bedtime story ever.
|
DigitalCommunist
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 07:08:00 -
[23]
Hmm, nice story, sucky losses
Though would be hard to make someone with 10b+ poor just by downing a few tech 2 ships.. he'd have to lose an uber CN raven or something
_____________________________________
Perpetually driven, your end is our beginning.
"Can I be a consultant for EVE II?" - WhiteDwarf |
Typherin laidai
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 07:41:00 -
[24]
Originally by: DigitalCommunist
Hmm, nice story, sucky losses
Though would be hard to make someone with 10b+ poor just by downing a few tech 2 ships.. he'd have to lose an uber CN raven or something
He could make me his Financial Accountant ...
he'd be poor in a week 
Typherin Care Negotitation Expert level 5
Originally by: Eris Discordia
*gives Typherin some loving*
|
Zaneg
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 12:15:00 -
[25]
Encore and all that jazz *clap* *clap*
|
Dionysus Davinci
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 12:26:00 -
[26]
:)
|
mirel yirrin
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 12:41:00 -
[27]
Great stuff, Keep it up. Shakespeare would be proud/confused
-------------------------------------------
05.05.05 16:22 [Notify}
Combat Your Mega pulse Laser 2 strikes bunny, wrecking for 983.2 dmg
.
... <<< Now Bunny is made of ash >:D
.. |
Dionysus Davinci
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 12:43:00 -
[28]
Edited by: Dionysus Davinci on 13/06/2005 12:48:42
Edited by: Dionysus Davinci on 13/06/2005 12:45:42
Edited by: Dionysus Davinci on 13/06/2005 12:45:21
Originally by: DigitalCommunist
10b+ poor just by downing a few
He is at 3/4 billion in losses so far or more. Keep it up and we will have him in a rookie ship in a month.
I oh do so hope he fits this
|
hellwarrior
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 14:36:00 -
[29]
I enjoyed the post until the kill mail parts. Woohoo, you killed a filthy rich stoned eve player.
I thought we could just enjoy the pvp without any forum whoring. As for my losses, oops, wrong button? I don't see any of you getting ripped on the herb, and attempting to fly 2 accounts.
gfs so far.
|
Dionysus Davinci
|
Posted - 2005.06.13 15:14:00 -
[30]
Originally by: hellwarrior
I don't see any of you getting ripped on the herb, and attempting to fly 2 accounts.
You should have kept that to yourself. 
|
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 3 4 :: one page |
| First page | Previous page | Next page | Last page |