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Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
   |
Posted - 2013.02.14 18:42:00 -
[1] - Quote
Good evening prospective member! Thanks for looting at (yet another one) of VALIC's recruitment threads. Don't worry, the other ones are locked or shoved under the carpet so you aren't missing anything ;)
So some really basic stuff. We are primarily English speaking (who would have guessed!?) As for timezone, we are a mix of both EU and US prime times. We lean a little more on the EU side but we strive to ensure ops for all.
Our activities are mostly based in nullsec, actually...if you join this corp and are not in nullsec, your doing it wrong. We like to pew, we like to mine, we like to look at spreadsheets. Why? Because most of us are old enough to not particularly care to judge a person's playstyle. Play a game for years and doing only 1-2 things is boring, spice things up eh? We do ask (or in my case, require) you to be open minded and not be an asshat when you join *glares at the carebears and elitist*
Oh righto, the listy we like to use ;)
- Some of the things we have to offer:
- Active SOV holding PVP based alliance (We've got everything from small gangs to blobs here, great fun)
- http://eve-kill.net/?a=corp_detail&crp_id=116483
- http://eve-kill.net/?a=alliance_detail&all_ext_id=99001779
- Corporate/Alliance Logistics Via Carrier, Jump Freighter, Rorqual (Plain speaking, we can help you get your assets down to our null sec systems, or build stuff on site)
- Several Corporate Starbases (particularly useful as safespots and storage)
- Corporation Buyback Program for Industrial Goods (ores, salvage, ect)
- Scheduled & Ad Hoc corp operations (PVP, Mining, Ect)
- Great systems to Rat/Mine/PI in to Fill your wallet (and a low 10% tax rate too keep everything up and running)
- Corporate PVP SRP (Ship replacement program) and free skillbooks!
- Healthy Market to buy ships/ammo
- New player friendly corporation
What we're looking for:
- Activity (Weekend warriors and internet snapfus are fine)
- No lemmings. If you must be full on ****** (censoring making me sad as usual), make an alt and be on it when the urge strikes.
- Be a good fit with the group from a social prospective. Drama queens not welcomed
- Teamspeak III and Mic (required before acception)
- Full API Keys submitted in your application. If your confused, speak with a CEO/Director
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Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.15 15:37:00 -
[2] - Quote
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "IGÇÖm lonely. I wish my friends were back here." |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.16 16:57:00 -
[3] - Quote
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.17 18:55:00 -
[4] - Quote
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "HereGÇÖs that $20 I owe you," he says. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.19 18:03:00 -
[5] - Quote
I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.20 17:22:00 -
[6] - Quote
Contrary to what most people would say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. ItGÇÖs a shark riding on an elephantGÇÖs back, just trampling and eating everything they see. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.21 17:28:00 -
[7] - Quote
A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "ThatGÇÖs awfully steep, isnGÇÖt it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now whatGÇÖs your final question?" |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.23 00:41:00 -
[8] - Quote
The only thing I know about Africa is that it's far, far away. About a thirty-five hour flight. The boat ride's so long, there are still slaves on their way here. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.23 23:18:00 -
[9] - Quote
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" |
GSXRSquid
Sarum Prime Innovations
3
|
Posted - 2013.02.24 15:00:00 -
[10] - Quote
A man calls home an a little girl answers the phone
"Hi honey, where is mommy?" he asked
"Upstairs with uncle Bob" she replied.
"What are they doing? "he asked
"Playing horsey" was the response
"Do they have clothes on?" he asked
"oh no" she responded
"Honey, go upstairs and tell mommy that daddy just pulled into the driveway" he told her
The little girl put the phone down and it was quiet and after a bit he could hear noises and then crying. The little girl came back on the phone sobbing.
"Honey what happened" he asked
"Daddy it's bad. Mommy jumped out of the window and is laying in the grass and she is not moving!"
"What about uncle Bob, he asked
"He jumped out the window too and he is on the bottom of the pool" she sobbed.
"Pool? Is this 284-33...................................
friendly bump
|
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
5
|
Posted - 2013.02.24 22:52:00 -
[11] - Quote
GSXRSquid, Great joke! To keep the theme.....
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
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Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.02.26 17:33:00 -
[12] - Quote
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars -- there's nothing left! This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."
|
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.02.28 17:31:00 -
[13] - Quote
A priest, a tax collector and and engineer get caught up in a revolution and all are sentenced to die by guillotine.
The priest is the first to clamped into the dilapidated old slicer. The rope was pulled but the blade refused to fall. All proclaimed it a miracle and decided it was divine intervention and the priest was released.
The tax collector was next and all knew that this hated man would surely die. The rope was pulled the blade dropped and stopped halfway. All agreed that there must be something redeeming about this man that would bring about such mercy and they released him.
The engineer was then led to the place of execution and they prepare to lock him in. He glances up at the blade and says "Hey, I see your problem!" |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.03.02 17:31:00 -
[14] - Quote
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesnGÇÖt matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You wonGÇÖt be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, donGÇÖt press any buttons, youGÇÖll just mess it up. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.03.12 19:58:00 -
[15] - Quote
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.03.16 13:35:00 -
[16] - Quote
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks."
And the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
|
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.04.01 22:52:00 -
[17] - Quote
What's that!
Is it a bird!
No, its a plane!
NO! Its.....
...Vanguard again, oh nevermind.
Vanguard - Bringing you terrible jokes in an attempt to be funny though no one cares because very few people read this far down in a recruitment post for the lost sheep in a game called eve online and i swear by god this is the longest sentence that i have ever written that somehow still makes sense but i have a terrible memory so i cant honestly say if it truely is the longest sentence that i have ever written notwithstanding the things that i may or may not have written in elementary school when i did or did not forget what a period was, which causes me therefore to ask you for your forgiveness and yes, i have absolutely no idea why i typed this long and still kept it going. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.04.29 10:54:00 -
[18] - Quote
Recruitment will continue until morale improves |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.08 10:13:00 -
[19] - Quote
A man runs over a woman with a car. He was later asked why he was driving in the kitchen. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.09 23:58:00 -
[20] - Quote
You know your a redneck when you cut the grass and find a car |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.15 05:01:00 -
[21] - Quote
I walk away from explosions,
not because it looks cool,
but because it keeps my signature radius low. |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.16 20:36:00 -
[22] - Quote
Can't remember if I mentioned if we got erotic dancers....too drunk on Quafe to remember |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.17 16:20:00 -
[23] - Quote
Two fish are in a tank One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive." |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.20 02:01:00 -
[24] - Quote
Dammit man, im just a recruiter, not a professional jokester! |
Tank Stuffer
Jolly Codgers
Get Off My Lawn
3
|
Posted - 2013.05.20 02:08:00 -
[25] - Quote
A baby seal walks into a club......... |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.20 21:13:00 -
[26] - Quote
Best style of clubbin there is |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.29 16:13:00 -
[27] - Quote
I get bored sometimes...take breaks...then come back to find lost souls...
In other words: C-C-Combo Breaker! |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.05.31 23:16:00 -
[28] - Quote
This is what I think a mining fleet would sound like if composed of nothing but strict pvpers....
"Veldspar is Primary! Primary is Veldspar!"
"Stop shooting the Arkonor, thats Secondary, Primary is Veldspar"
"Jesus Christ, how hard is it to shoot the primary!"
"I'm under attack by rats!"
"Shut up and die quietly" |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.06.01 22:41:00 -
[29] - Quote
Dusties do the dying and we'll do the flying |
Vanguard Fletcher
Valeth Imperial Command
WHY so Seri0Us
6
|
Posted - 2013.07.21 00:34:00 -
[30] - Quote
Props to Joe Hinken for the following (credit given where its due)
There was a Caldari pilot, a Gallente pilot and a Damsel sitting together in an InterBus shuttle going through Essence. The shuttle's pilot made an apologetic announcement that the passenger lighting was faulty and may go out for periods of time during their journey.
Right on cue, the shuttle lights went out and it was completely dark.
Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud *SLAP*. When the lights came back on, the Damsel and the Caldari pilot were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Gallente had a nasty red slap mark on his face.
The Gallente guy was thinking: "The Caldari fella must have kissed the Damsel and she missed him and slapped me instead."
The Damsel was thinking: "The Gallente fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Caldari fella and got slapped for it."
The Caldari pilot was thinking: "This is great. The next time the power goes out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Gallente guy again." |
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