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Noob Mercs (PHAIL) Lowsec/FW, Noob Friendly PVP

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Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.05.21 00:42:00 - [1] - Quote So maybe you've heard of this PVP thing before, but never gave it much of a try. You've bolted your first gun on your frigate, but don't really know which end to point at the enemy. You completely suck at this activity called PVP, but gosh darn it, you're willing to give it a try, to put yourself between your enemy and your friend and take a bullet to the brain, because hey... your clones are cheap and that's what a good meat shield does! Welcome to Noob Mercs, where our ticker PHAIL isn't just a clever name, it's a way of life! We have been in operation since 2008, and have a long storied history. We've had an entire fleet annihilated by a Goonswarm Titan and used swarms of frigates to take down targets worth more than our entire fleets. For every enemy we've ever killed, we've lost 2 ships doing it, but there was a time when it took 5 or 6 deaths to get a kill, so we're getting better, and THAT, my friends, is the point. We are the Noob division of the Monkeys with Guns. Alliance. We're expected to be meat shields and tacklers. As a new member, the first thing you will learn is that your pod and your ship are tools to be used, they are expendable. We will rip the fear of losing your ship and pod from you, and turn you into a killing machine. In this, you will find the freedom to engage your enemy no matter the cost or chances, and it is THEY who will fear you. Once you learn these basic lessons, and start to gain skill and confidence in PVP, your time as a Noob Merc will be drawing to a close. We have 7 other corporations in our alliance that will be watching you, waiting for the day you are ready to move up and join the ranks of our elite. We Are: A lowsec based PVP corporation in a Gallente FW Alliance. FW will give you the opportunity to make excellent money while you look for pew pew. NBSI (if it's not blue, you shoot it) New Player friendly. Pirates of opportunity. Piracy is permitted, but it is not required. We are not: Industrialists Miners People who do anything that doesn't involve shooting stuff. We are looking for: New players ready to PVP. Carebears seeking to reform themselves in the way of pew pew. We Offer: Incredible PVP Opportunities, with several fleets up daily. TS3 Voice Comms An alliance full of veteran players who may help you learn the art of pew pew if you're not a complete tool. To Join, you will need: Only need the most basic combat skills. We don't bother with API checks, and will just assume you are a spy until you prove otherwise. At least neutral Gallente Federation faction standings to join. Every once in a while we have to kick people who drag our standings down. We won't check this when you join, but after 6 days your standings come into play and you may find yourself booted if you drag us down too far. To move to our lowsec home system. You are no good to us or yourself if you try to base out of highsec, or too far from our home. We are based in Nennamaila. For more info, join our alliance's Public Channel, "Banana Public" Several of your potential new aliance mates are in there right now ready to answer questions and get you signed up.
Liam Ataru Ideal Machine 0	Posted - 2013.05.21 01:33:00 - [2] - Quote Sounds interesting. Can i keep flying amarr ships?
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.05.21 01:56:00 - [3] - Quote Liam Ataru wrote: Sounds interesting. Can i keep flying amarr ships? You can fly whatever race's ships you like. The alliance keeps a near limitless supply of cheap fully fit Derptrons and Derp Kestrels on hand, but you're welcome to bring your own derp ships.
Crazy HybridChick The Scope Gallente Federation 9	Posted - 2013.05.22 02:18:00 - [4] - Quote I was really looking forward to being turned into a killing machine, however I've done my time in FW and Im not interested in having that many blues again. good luck in your search! Sexual -áHarrassment will not be tolerated. It will however be video taped and graded for future review.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.05.22 03:56:00 - [5] - Quote Crazy HybridChick wrote: I was really looking forward to being turned into a killing machine, however I've done my time in FW and Im not interested in having that many blues again. good luck in your search! You made me re-read the OP to make sure I remembered to put that in there. Must have been too excited to read the rest after you got to the part where we turn you into a killing machine. It's ok though, I understand. We do have a few blues because of FW.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.05.24 20:16:00 - [6] - Quote Remember Boo the hamster? We're pretty big on doing things for great justice too. Like going for the eyes.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.05.26 17:23:00 - [7] - Quote This one time... at gate camp... There are a lot of good ways to finish that meme, but to find out you'll have to come fly with us.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.05.30 23:51:00 - [8] - Quote This has been an excellent week for recruitment, with up to 3 new pilots in a day joining our ranks. We can never have too many fearless meat shields though, so please feel free to visit us for a chat in Banana Public and see if you might be our next Noob!
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.06.09 01:00:00 - [9] - Quote Our frigates are so numerous they blot out stars giving our enemies the opportunity to fight in the shade.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.06.16 16:29:00 - [10] - Quote Greetings nublets! For today's lesson, we look at how to take out a REALLY expensive Tengu with frigates. Yes, even YOU could have been in on this: http://youtu.be/okiKJjxhOAo Would you like to know more? We're waiting for you in the Banana Public channel in game!
Alvin Starr Caldari Provisions Caldari State 3	Posted - 2013.06.21 13:25:00 - [11] - Quote What TZ do you guys work off? I'm GMT and while I'm all for dying gloriously in a ball of radioactive destruction there's no way I'm staying up till the wee small hours to do it, I need my beauty sleep (plus I have a job and a family so....) Everything can be air dropped at least once.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.06.21 22:01:00 - [12] - Quote Alvin Starr wrote: What TZ do you guys work off? I'm GMT and while I'm all for dying gloriously in a ball of radioactive destruction there's no way I'm staying up till the wee small hours to do it, I need my beauty sleep (plus I have a job and a family so....) We are busiest shortly after midnight GMT, however our alliance has several euro players who are on earlier in the day as well.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.07.07 21:36:00 - [13] - Quote For 2 months running now we've actually finished out the month with a positive kill/death ratio... which is weird for us. This month has started off stellar as well. Still got noobs making noob mistakes, but people seem to be learning fast. It's kind of like watching Darwin at work. Want to see if you have what it takes to learn PVP?
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.07.10 01:55:00 - [14] - Quote All time k/d ratio for our corp: 0.49 (that is 2 losses for every kill) 3 months ago: 109 kills, 116 losses --- Ratio: 0.96 (almost 1 kill to 1 loss) 2 months ago: 148 kills, 134 losses --- Ratio: 1.1 (slightly better than 1 kill to 1 loss) Last month: 435 kills 295 losses. --- Ratio: 1.47 (almost 1.5 kills for every loss) This month so far: 121 Kills, 59 Losses --- Ratio: 2.05 (2 kills for each loss) Avg. SP of a noob merc? 3 million. PVP experience before joining? 0. How far we have come. I'll call that success in the making! (Though I've probably just jinxed us)
Yang Yijun Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 0	Posted - 2013.07.10 05:30:00 - [15] - Quote Nubbin King wrote: All time k/d ratio for our corp: 0.49 (that is 2 losses for every kill) 3 months ago: 109 kills, 116 losses --- Ratio: 0.96 (almost 1 kill to 1 loss) 2 months ago: 148 kills, 134 losses --- Ratio: 1.1 (slightly better than 1 kill to 1 loss) Last month: 435 kills 295 losses. --- Ratio: 1.47 (almost 1.5 kills for every loss) This month so far: 121 Kills, 59 Losses --- Ratio: 2.05 (2 kills for each loss) Avg. SP of a noob merc? 3 million. PVP experience before joining? 0. How far we have come. I'll call that success in the making! (Though I've probably just jinxed us) Throwing ships into the fray is fun. Throwing ships into the fray while listening to a FC is fun and effective!
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.07.17 01:21:00 - [16] - Quote Things are still going well, and we have room for plenty more. Come join the dark side.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.07.19 21:16:00 - [17] - Quote We almost have more newbros than we know what to do with right now, but we still have plenty of room for more. Soon, our frigates will be so numerous, they will blot out the sun! This is good, because our enemies can't take all the heat and would prefer fighting in the shade.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.07.21 14:47:00 - [18] - Quote People are starting to get wise about our cheap frigates killing their expensive toys. Fear is a powerful tool... so is embarasment. Come join us and learn how to be a fearsome embarasser... if that's actually a word. Hell, if it's not, I just made it a word, I'm the damn king. LET'S ROCK!
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.07.31 22:58:00 - [19] - Quote If you think about it, the atron is kind of like an origami swan.... only more useful.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.08.14 13:54:00 - [20] - Quote Almost 150 noobs have answered the call to the ways of the pew. We are legion.... and some of us have become quite rich... for noobs.
Picnic Audene Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation 0	Posted - 2013.08.15 02:03:00 - [21] - Quote Do you guys have any rules/standards in terms of playtime? In addition to newbro status, I also have newdad status (as of 13 weeks ago) and this tends to crop up suddenly and without warning! Also, I'm skilling logi/support (always the healer) and wondering if there's a place for that in your blobs, or if kamikazi derptron is a better plan. Just want to have a good time, don't care about dying or ratios or any of that.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.08.15 23:33:00 - [22] - Quote Picnic Audene wrote: Do you guys have any rules/standards in terms of playtime? In addition to newbro status, I also have newdad status (as of 13 weeks ago) and this tends to crop up suddenly and without warning! Also, I'm skilling logi/support (always the healer) and wondering if there's a place for that in your blobs, or if kamikazi derptron is a better plan. Just want to have a good time, don't care about dying or ratios or any of that. Our pilots come from all walks of life, some with busy families that can only play a few hours a week, and some with no lives that spend 18 hours a day playing eve in their basements while getting drunk and viewing eye bleach (among other things) on their in-game browser. We accept both, and those who fall somewhere in between, with open arms. For logi, we always need more frig logi pilots. Many militia fleets we join have need of the more advanced cruiser logi, usually of the armor variety.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.09.01 13:48:00 - [23] - Quote Noob mercs are quickly becoming a force in their own right. We now boast over 160 pilots. Unironically, when bad people bring nasty alpha tornados to harass our friends in larger ships, our atron gangs will chase them from the stars or eat them alive. Fun Fact: It's almost impossible for an aplha artillery tornado to hit an atron in motion. Relying on distance to give them time for escape, unwary tornado pilots sometimes underestimate the speed of the Atron in closing this distance. Given the weak tanks of attack battlecruisers, even a single atron once in range can often kill this battlecruiser all by itself, even in the hands of a low SP pilot. It is for this reason that smart ABC pilots will warp at the first sign of our frigate gangs. While they can often alpha kill cruisers and some other battlecruisers, they are completely ineffective against us.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.09.08 15:53:00 - [24] - Quote Our philosophy of PvP in this corp is to Fly Fearless. Don't know what that is? Have a read on FunkyBacon's Blog http://funkybacon.blogspot.com/2013/09/fly-fearless.html and learn all about how we view space slap fests. Noob Merc's pilot Xiderpunk is featured as a 1 month old noob who solo killed someone 12 times his age. Once you're done reading, head over to our in-game channel, Banana Public, and ask to talk to a recruiter!
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.09.20 01:08:00 - [25] - Quote 166 Noobs derping it up with us right now. A bunch are looking at promotion into the alliance proper at the end of this month. Could be you next month! Come talk to us in Banana Public if you'd like to know more!
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.10.02 01:26:00 - [26] - Quote Another record month for us, most kills in a month we've ever had at 816, a positive k/d ratio with "only" 470 losses, and we missed 90% ISK efficiency by only 0.3% More noobs and reforming carebears are joining us every day, our numbers are legion. Come find out why in Banana Public!
Braydor Dimaloun Imperial Academy Amarr Empire 0	Posted - 2013.10.02 02:20:00 - [27] - Quote When you say New players ready for PVP what do you mean exactly?
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.10.03 01:07:00 - [28] - Quote Braydor Dimaloun wrote: When you say New players ready for PVP what do you mean exactly? We have 2 types of new players: 1. Actual new players with very basic skills, usually under 2m skill points and just getting into eve. 2. Players who are just new to PVP, usually carebears looking to change things up a little bit. People who have been mining or running missions and other forms of PVE, who want to get into blowing ships up that belong to other players.
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.11.03 04:35:00 - [29] - Quote Our Newbros seem to fair far better than the Newbros in many other, better known, Newbie friendly corps. The difference? Mentors who actually know WTF they're teaching, who have years of experience fighting solo and in small gangs. You just can't beat a quality education, come talk to one of our recruiters and learn what the difference is. In game channel "Banana Public"
Nubbin King Noob Mercs Monkeys with Guns. 6	Posted - 2013.11.19 18:04:00 - [30] - Quote New expansion means newbies flying around looking for purpose in life. If you have the guts, we have the purpose. Swing by in-game channel Banana Public and say hello!

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