My lawyers will be contacting you shortly.

Excellent, more novels for the collection and I dodge the bullet once again and avoid being in any of them.

This is complete nonsense.

I've never been a jewel thief, I've been to nullsec twice, and I was trained in the finest Civire hand-to-hand combat techniques, not 'ancient mysterious Khanid martial arts'.

You're making my life sound far more interesting than it really is. I demand a signed copy and a sequel.

I think someone switched the names on our resumes, boss.

Plus, I'm pretty sure standing corporate policy with regards to Nation is "burn it from orbit with extreme prejudice," not "go digging around in the dark, up to your eyeballs in nanites."

Edit: Also, what Cael said. Sort of. I'm slightly curious what nonsense I'd be portrayed getting up to. That's bad, right?

Excellent, more novels for the collection and I dodge the bullet once again and avoid being in any of them.


I'll raise a glass to your return tonight.

You're a jewel thief, Khanid martial artist, nullsec prospector, and you own a black catsuit?

And you didn't show it to me?

Guess that makes two of us. We mustn't do anything interesting enough to attract attention.

Hey... wait, what? Our secret is outted!

...We mustn't do anything interesting enough to attract attention.

Be thankful for that. You wouldn't really want to end up immortalized in the pages of one of these... um... yeah, whatever they are would you?

I am not sure that screaming it here is the best way to continue dodging it... It might give people ideas.

Nonsense, if you were really in love with me you certainly wouldn't be in True Slave Foundations. No flowers for you!

How many of you are going to transparently beg for the next book to be about you? Have some dignity and just ask outright instead of the shoddy attempts at reverse psychology and "oh, wouldn't it be nice, hypothetically of course" drivel.

Psht, how bad can it be?

I mean when I sat there and asked myself that same question, I came to the horrific thought of someone being in a love triangle with Laerise Fierach and Lord Vaari. But that's horror, not romantic fiction, so it doesn't count thankfully.

Oh, but my dear Cael, they've started a horror line. That was the label of mine.

I can see it already. A dreadful tale of brainwashing and sinister obsession, as the brave Caellach must fight against the wiles of his new master and mistress, to free his mind and body from slavery...

...but when it comes to it, does he really want to?

Pass me the cyanide.

Having finished Kihtaled Park, I can say that it's an amusing satire of Khanid noble society and doesn't appear to have any scandalous or 'naughty' bits.

Pass me the cyanide.

Drop the cyanide.

Sidenote: you have very twisted plot ideas.

Oh huh, I was actually referring to Mr Marellus... "idea".

I would never dare be so familiar with you. My apologies.

You do realise that the Empire banning them does literally nothing, right?

Round about six years ago I used to have a great racket smuggling them across the Caldari-Amarr border. The fact that there's no legal outlet for them meant I could charge the back-alley bookstores in Devoid and Tash-Murkon whatever the hell I wanted for them - they weren't getting them any other way!

Thankfully the Empire has blocked the sale of most of this trash.

Oh, and I believe you will be receiving a visit from yet more lawyers.

They'll fund the legal campaign on a book with you in it, probably something about finding love in the arms of strong yet sensitive Brutor male.

It's best to not encourage them.

Audiences can suspend their disbelief only so far. No one would believe that any sighted male would want anything romantically to do with an Amarrian hag like Newelle.

Audiences can suspend their disbelief only so far. No one would believe that any sighted male would want anything romantically to do with an Amarrian hag like Newelle.

Audiences can suspend their disbelief only so far. No one would believe that any sighted male would want anything romantically to do with an Amarrian hag like Newelle.

Audiences can suspend their disbelief only so far. No one would believe that any sighted male would want anything romantically to do with an Amarrian hag like Newelle.

It's best to not encourage them.

Why were you doing it then ? : (

Oh, but my dear Cael, they've started a horror line. That was the label of mine.

I can see it already. A dreadful tale of brainwashing and sinister obsession, as the brave Caellach must fight against the wiles of his new master and mistress, to free his mind and body from slavery...

...but when it comes to it, does he really want to?

Warning: product of a disturbed mind. Side effects may include bemusement, confusion, horror, insomnia, and a desire for convenient amnesia. Consult your physician to see if Reppy's Imagination is right for you. In the event of contracting laughter from this product, consider applying for twisted status yourself.