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Byterider
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Posted - 2003.08.07 14:19:00 -
[1]
Today, Taggart Transdimensional Inc has completed the purchase of the Universe as we know it.
Ragnar Danneskjold was quoted as saying "We're really pleased about this purchase. This will put our stocks off the charts! Financial opportunities are limitless". Further adding, "Taggart's financial prowess and seemingly bottomless funds allowed us to make an offer the Universe couldn't refuse."
In related news: The Amarrian Emperor has agreed to step down from his position of God to the Amarrian people and accept a position in Taggart as VP of Amarr sales.
Stavros of M0o Corp was surprised by the purchase and claimed: "This is ridiculous, if the Universe does not back out of this deal M0o corp is going to leave the Eve area for good."
Morkt of the "Morkt's Defense Weekly" publication stated: "This has always been the plan of TTI. TTI is evil, all they care about is the mighty ISK and are kicking women and children off of their home planets for not paying rent. They have turned off 726 stars because the inhabitants have not kept up with their power bills. something must be done."
Taggart has also been rumored to be working on a way to reopen the Eve-gate for the purpose of "exploring untapped markets".
More news as this story develops.....
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Chee
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Posted - 2003.08.07 15:18:00 -
[2]
oh crap we will have to pay rent soon? |
Femme Fatal
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Posted - 2003.08.07 15:52:00 -
[3]
Edited by: Femme Fatal on 07/08/2003 15:54:49
Roark, one of Taggarts pilots was cited saying, upon hearing of the news:
"This is indeed a great day, now I have even more systems I can run away through, incase I get attacked by enemy shuttles"
The joy over this aquisition was also shared by various other members of Taggart who hope to get better treatment from various station personel throughout the universe while hiding in them. Anla Shok had earlier complained that the staff of an undisclosed station had laughed at him for an entire 4 hours, just because he had chosen to hide in a crate while waiting for the enemy frigates to leave the system.
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Joshua Calvert
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Posted - 2003.08.07 16:08:00 -
[4]
TTI have disappeared completely up their own arses.
LEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! |
Mojoest Pastuer
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Posted - 2003.08.07 16:45:00 -
[5]
"Looks over at Joshua". Didnt I fight a war with you over in the Allegiance system?
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Endureth
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Posted - 2003.08.07 17:56:00 -
[6]
Edited by: Endureth on 07/08/2003 17:56:48
oops
-E
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Tehel Necrona
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Posted - 2003.08.07 18:50:00 -
[7]
And my cut is all the Gallante lap dancers i could ever wish for.
-Necro
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Joshua Calvert
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Posted - 2003.08.07 18:58:00 -
[8]
Allegiance System?
  
LEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! |
Stavros
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Posted - 2003.08.07 21:00:00 -
[9]
stavros was really bored one day and needed a good laugh, so just cos he had been taking a whole SHED load of drugs and he was drunk off his ass and he was bored of swimming in his HUGE PERSONAL FORTUNE, he accidently switched on to the tti corp info channel.
OMG SUCH****GOTRY HE HAD NEVER BEFORE BEHELD...
Stavros then got bored and went back to fantasizing that he was godzilla!
MUST CRUSH TOKYO!!! GRR!! GRR!!!! CRUSH JAPAN!!
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"Keep On Flaming Lamers, Like Your Ships Did When We Ended You" |
Tehel Necrona
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Posted - 2003.08.07 21:10:00 -
[10]
Not kidding, you must be on some good ****.
This is why Tai Mushrooms and forums never go well.
-Necro
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Byterider
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Posted - 2003.08.08 14:15:00 -
[11]
more on this story...
Today, cries from TTI pilots of "We own you!" resonate through the stars. Not to brag, but to announce that TTI has aquired the water and mineral rights to every sentient being in the galaxy.
Ragnar Danneskjold, CEO of Taggart Transdimensional, made the following statement:
"We're pleased we were able to purchase these rights. Now when someone passes away, we can harvest the water and mineral content of their bodies to further power the Taggart financial giant. It's quite humorous to know that when foes such as M0o and Mega kill an innocent being that they are only allowing us access to more resources."
In related news: M0o corp, upon hearing the news, turned on Lord Zap and demanded he pay a 5 million ISK "tax" or be pirated for the mineral value of his corpse. An anonymous source in M0o is quoted as saying "If Taggart wants it, it must be more valuable than Arkanor! Then there was the bounty on him of course, but hey...who's counting?"
Morkt, of "Morkt's Defense Weekly", issued an ominous warning:
"This is a galactic outrage! The minerals and water content of my body belongs to no one but me. It can't be bought or sold! This is obviously some Taggart/Jovian plot to take over Empire space. The end is near!!"
He then rushed away to his ship and warped out of the system as it was announced a Taggart mining fleet was seen arriving at a local jumpgate.
We will keep you up to date on further developments...
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Stavros
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Posted - 2003.08.08 14:24:00 -
[12]
yaaar i suspect this scurvy scum sucker or talking total ****zle....
dont be listening to his words for he has is one of those that likes to feel the flagpole, if you know what i means! haaaaaaar!
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"Keep On Flaming Lamers, Like Your Ships Did When We Ended You" |
The Wretch
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Posted - 2003.08.08 15:12:00 -
[13]
"TTI have disappeared completely up their own arses."
LOL - sorry TTI friends, but this stuck me funny.
The Wretch
Cyberdyne Systems CEO
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Mojoest Pastuer
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Posted - 2003.08.08 15:20:00 -
[14]
My mistake Joshua..There was a Joshua that ran a clan over in a little know Microsoft system called Allegiance. The motto was "all your bases belong to us" Thought it was a little too coincidental to not ask.
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OverKill
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Posted - 2003.08.08 15:44:00 -
[15]
OOC: LOL this is actually amusing and a little joke certainly helps to break the tension which is begining to run rampant through the world of EVE.
BIC:
OverKill glances across the holo-type screen and notices the press release with amusement.
"The day that this comes to pass is the day I look for the wormhole back to my ancestral home."
With this he continues to scan the relavent databases pertaining the recent rumors regarding TTi's connection with an as of yet unknown all powerful source.
Regards,
OK
[email protected] - http://www.hadean.org
Chief Executive Officer - Hadean Drive Yards |
Setec
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Posted - 2003.08.08 15:53:00 -
[16]
I am the new sheriff of the Universe, woohoo!
Everybody pay me unreasonable taxes and I'll kill you if you shoot any of the King's deer!
___________________________________________
Space Invaders website: http://www.si-corp.net |
Fortoye Drak
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Posted - 2003.08.08 15:59:00 -
[17]
I kind of doubt anything appeared in MDW about it as MDW closed yesterday.
Press Liason
Big-Bang Burger Bar - Neocom Site |
b0ksah
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Posted - 2003.08.08 16:28:00 -
[18]
The Chaplain looks puzzled.
"TTi? Who?" 
b0ksah laughs and opens a new Juk'ta.
Compassion is not a sign of weakness .. !!
-= Dumdidum =- |
Princess Akmazara
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Posted - 2003.08.08 16:28:00 -
[19]
I would like to reach Morkdt we were speaking ingame. Is there an email address I can contact him at? You can evemail it to me privately if you like.
Thank you.
Princess Akmazara
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Fides Punica
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Posted - 2003.08.08 21:02:00 -
[20]
What use is buying the universe when TTI cant even hold one system?
Ownership is determined by he whom can hold it.
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Rimmon Alaster
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Posted - 2003.08.08 21:34:00 -
[21]
They most likely paid in advance to someone offering to sell it over the trade channel.
They were informed that since they have made the payment, they must now pick it up. The only catch is that the seller would have trouble moving it, so it's far off in non-empire space.
The seller also suggested that they bring several industrial ships loaded down with zydrine and megacyte, so he would know it was them.
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Relic
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Posted - 2003.08.08 23:52:00 -
[22]
I can do you a nice deal on London Bridge or even the tower of London, if you are still in the market.
Relic
(nice story by the way)
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Lardarz B'stard
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Posted - 2003.08.09 03:25:00 -
[23]
If TTI have just bought the entire Eve universe they will want to take it back to the shop for a refund cos its faulty.
E.T. Radio - designed to enhance your flying experience....
http://radio.evesound.net:8000/evetrance.ogg.m3u |
Tumo Kitahoshi
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Posted - 2003.08.10 06:54:00 -
[24]
How are you gentlemen!!
All your base are belong to us.
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HeavyMetal
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Posted - 2003.08.10 21:30:00 -
[25]
TTi owns crap if you really think you own the universe stop hitting up that bottle of scotch and get your head out of your ass
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Ice T
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Posted - 2003.08.11 14:50:00 -
[26]
Edited by: Ice T on 11/08/2003 14:56:10
Do I have to put away my cigar too? I mean, common, it's been such a nice evening with my glenmorangie and my cubans.
What,what? Can't you afford any?
Ice T leaned back in her armchair with her cigarr in her right hand while putting down her glass on the expensive amarrian antique desk. 'Peasants, she quietly said to herself while tuning in the TTI business reports on her state of the art TTI made liquid 150 inch screen.'
Ice T
Taggart Transdimensional |
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