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Homeland Defense internal strife

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Major Spag GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 19	Posted - 2011.10.23 01:51:00 - [1] - Quote "Do you know why we called you in, Mr...Spag is it?" The concord agent, obviously annoyed, stares into Major Spag's face. "Because you're bad at posting and need someone to help you post better?" retorts Major Spag. He gives the officer a smug look and lays back slightly in his chair. The officer's composure finally melts as he leans over and violently brushes all his material off the interrogation desk and onto the ground. The agent steps in real close to Major Spag and anger is blatantly pasted across his face. The Agent's lips spasm and curl as he tries desperately to hold onto whatever resolve he has left. "Listen you little punk. We know you are funding terrorist activities in Gallente space. We also know you understand this "Shytespeke" language. So you might as well come clean and tell us what we want to know." Major Spag replies, "Concord agents are all alike. You watch too many special forces vids and you think you can go around in your cute little uniforms and act all big and tough to get your way. It's pathetic." The officer steps back and start pacing back and forth. His patience teeters on the brink but he maintains his resolve. He replies back to Major Spag,"How about this. I give you a piece of information, you then give me a piece and we will work from there. Yes?" "Whatever you say, buttercup!" Major Spag lets loose a kiss and a wink. "Fine. Here is what I have for you Mr. Spag. We know of this organization call 'Homeland Defense'. Every month they travel to Lonetrak and make a hand off of a considerable amount of isk. Now someone like you can obviously find this information important and would easily intercept such a transaction." The Officer seems pleased with his part of the bargain and stares at Major Spag expectantly. "OK. Here is what I have. Over the past 6 months, your agents have been finding random spam messages across space. The message I am sure don't make much sense to you. I tell you now that those messages come from none other than BBJ Shepard." Intrigued, the Agent proceeds with his questioning. "And what do these messages say?" "Oh, it's just a riddle." Major Spag replies, "That contain the answer to the meaning of life!" The officer chuckles, "So tell me, Major Spag, what is the meaning of life?" Major Spag's face drops to an intense stare, "It Ends!!" Just then the lights cut out and drench the room in total darkness. A loud pop and the sound of a body dropping to the floor is all that is heard. Just as Concord Officers bust through the interrogation room doors, the far walls burst outwards into total darkness. The Agents struggle to keep from being sucked into the vacuum. They witness Major Spag's silhouette as it flies into the waiting hull of a Wolf Class Star Frigate. As the ship's bay closes, the flabbergasted Concord agents glimps Major Spag, mideus extended, giving the officers a mocking salute.
Major Spag GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 21	Posted - 2011.10.23 03:05:00 - [2] - Quote Kazzzi wrote: I have successfully activated a tech 2 mind con-troll device which will compell all of Goonswarm to post on IGS and tell us about their day. This is the last thing he spoke, Doanshoot. It is obvious that this man is completely insane. The mere fact that he believes a mind control device is able to compel anyone is a pure farce. I recommend making sure he gets put into an airlock and flushed into the corona of a O class star immediately.
Major Spag GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 24	Posted - 2011.10.23 04:31:00 - [3] - Quote ~~~~~~~~~Priority one message~~~~~~~~ Topic: The Fuzz Message: Space Commander Captain Doanshoot. I bring news regarding my capture. Included are the audio recordings direct from my implant suite. As you can see, they are aware of your dealings in lonetrak. However, the purpose of your dealings remain hidden from them. At this time, they seem really interested in BBJ Shepard. Hopefully I did not give him any undue attention. However, BBJ is skilled in the ways of, shall we say, persuasion and I have no doubt he can handle this little problem with gusto. In the mean time, I am heading my way to Deklein once more. I understand you will not be there for further communications as your current assignment has your full attention. I intend to make contact with Drew Carnegie in order to get to the bottom of whatever it is that appears to be happening. Hopefully my introduction will go better than my attempt at investigating the latest Sansha incursion (Ah the daily fun of Jump Freighter logistics!) Afterwords, we will likely need to plan further campaigns as lately things have not been terribly exciting. Your friend in space, Major Spag. ~~~~~~~~Message End~~~~~~~~~~~~
Major Spag GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 25	Posted - 2011.10.23 04:52:00 - [4] - Quote ~~~~~~~~~~Priority Omicron Persei 8 Message ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Topic: Meeting by candlelight Message: Mr. Carnegie. I look forward to our meeting in Torrinos and hope that your stay is most enjoyable. Although Gallente are more expert at these things, I hope you will find my "care" package to be to your liking. Once I arrive, we shall be sure to attend dinner as the local Torrinos cuisine is most enjoyable. Additionally, please try the "Les Larmes du Stupide". It is a fine wine and should be well worth the price I paid for it. Also, you stated you have a small favor to ask of me. I will definitely help you out with whatever you need. Thank you and I'll see you when I get there. Yours, Major Spag ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Message End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Major Spag GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 26	Posted - 2011.10.23 05:13:00 - [5] - Quote Good evening, Drew Carnegie. I was told a great many things about you. I apologize for my lateness but I was de...errr entertained by some people prior to reaching Torrinos. I trust you enjoyed my "Care" Package?
Major Spag GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 27	Posted - 2011.10.23 05:19:00 - [6] - Quote Not much I'm afraid. And they paid for their ignorance. You said you needed something translated. I can definitely handle that. Let me see here. Hmmm....ok, this is definitely from BBJ Shepard but I have to figure out which of his six dialects he is using. Tell me, how did you come by this message?
Major Spag GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 28	Posted - 2011.10.23 05:38:00 - [7] - Quote You gotta understand. When you work with people on this side of the galaxy, you have to treat everyone differently. I don't pretend to have any love for Gallenteans and as such I have made certain steps to ensure that my message is at least heard. However, I am surprised that you seem reluctant to deal with Doanshoot. He is an honorable man in some regards despite his misguided agendas. When you have been around as long as I have, you tend to figure out pretty quick when to fight your personal battles and when to allow others to fight theirs. But I digress, your questions were not answered. If anything, you can pretty much count me as working for no one. I do not pretend to exert any influence on people and I expect no influence to be thrust upon me. This letter from BBJ. It is using a third stage shyte binary digit in the second paragraph. This places the document as a 5th level dialect. It says that Gallente is working on their own accord and doanshoot is not involved with any empire state. I highly doubt he has any wishes to deal with Gallente at all so your theory does not seem to hold weight. I wish I could bring you happier news but it is what it is.
Major Spag GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 53	Posted - 2011.10.23 06:08:00 - [8] - Quote ~~~~~~~~~~ Priority One message ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Topic: Drew Carnegie Message: Doanshoot, This Drew Carnegie, he appears to be trouble. I have no doubt that he wishes to undue your agendas and intends to expose you. I think I may have thrown him of your trail but I was unable to determine his decision on the scenario I pitched to him. For now, we shall see if this Travis Wells character fulfills his contract. Otherwise, future intervention may be in order. Worst of all, I think my blue ice and dancer care package may have been for naught. Oh well, i still have some blue ice left so I might as well get the most of it. Will send you pictures of the red heads later. Sincerely, Major Spag ~~~~~~~~~~~~Message End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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