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Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
1370
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Posted - 2013.07.22 19:35:00 -
[91] - Quote
Bad Bob walked into the saloon and up to the bar. There was dog sleeping on the floor in his way. Bob pulled out his pistol and shot him right in the foot. The dog jumped up yelping and ran out of the saloon.
Over the next few weeks the dog learned how to shoot a six-gun. He practiced until he could shoot six bottles off of a fence in three seconds. He practiced until he could shoot a silver dollar thrown up in the air. He strapped on his pistol belt and went back to the saloon. Somebody said, "Look at that! What's that dog doing packing iron?" The dog spit on the floor and said, "I'm here to kill the man that shot my paw."
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Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1456
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Posted - 2013.07.22 19:50:00 -
[92] - Quote
Khergit Deserters wrote:Bad Bob walked into the saloon and up to the bar. There was dog sleeping on the floor in his way. Bob pulled out his pistol and shot him right in the foot. The dog jumped up yelping and ran out of the saloon.
Over the next few weeks the dog learned how to shoot a six-gun. He practiced until he could shoot six bottles off of a fence in three seconds. He practiced until he could shoot a silver dollar thrown up in the air. He strapped on his pistol belt and went back to the saloon. Somebody said, "Look at that! What's that dog doing packing iron?" The dog spit on the floor and said, "I'm here to kill the man that shot my paw."
Looking to the right... --->
<--- looking to the left...
No joke was found. 
CCP Unifex: -á"lurking single players (...)-áare the majority of characters on Tranquility"
...And so now we know why CCP hasn't done anything for soloers since Apochrypha. |
Destination SkillQueue
Are We There Yet
5501
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Posted - 2013.07.22 20:28:00 -
[93] - Quote
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:Khergit Deserters wrote:Bad Bob walked into the saloon and up to the bar. There was dog sleeping on the floor in his way. Bob pulled out his pistol and shot him right in the foot. The dog jumped up yelping and ran out of the saloon.
Over the next few weeks the dog learned how to shoot a six-gun. He practiced until he could shoot six bottles off of a fence in three seconds. He practiced until he could shoot a silver dollar thrown up in the air. He strapped on his pistol belt and went back to the saloon. Somebody said, "Look at that! What's that dog doing packing iron?" The dog spit on the floor and said, "I'm here to kill the man that shot my paw."
Looking to the right... ---> <--- looking to the left... No joke was found.
Not sure if serious, but I'm looking for the man who shot my paw. |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
529
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Posted - 2013.07.23 04:45:00 -
[94] - Quote
Odin, father to the young Thor and Loki, was constantly frustrated by their fighting with each other. Time and again Loki would provoke his brother, and sometimes he would evade Thor's inevitable rampage, and sometimes he would not.
What was worst, in Odin's eyes, was when Loki would provoke Thor just as Odin was assembling the hosts of Asgaard for battle. Thor would go tearing off trying to seize Loki to deliver the beating he so richly deserved. Often the reason for this was that Loki didn't want to go off to battle. Knowing this, Odin would keep an eye on things and send someone to interrupt them before things would escalate too far.
One day, as the forces of Asgaard were arrayed before Odin in preparation for the start of a great campaign, he surveyed the forces. They were fine, pale, fierce, with gleaming armor, ready to deal death and destruction to any who opposed them. Thor stood among them, but Loki was notably absent. A messenger approached Odin and related Loki's fondest desire to avoid assembly for battle this day. Odin, stealing a page from his other son's book, thundered back at the messenger that Loki was commanded to appear.
Some minutes later, Loki appeared, eyes downcast, slumping over in his armor. He had provoked Thor again, but this time, Thor had managed to beat him to with an inch of his life. Every visible patch of Loki's skin was black or blue or purple.
Odin walked over to Loki, lifted his chin with a forefinger and said gently, "Knowing you seek escape from the duties of battle, I thought you were making a petty excuse, but this," Odin said with a gleam in his eye, "is a Norse of a different color." |
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1456
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Posted - 2013.07.23 06:31:00 -
[95] - Quote
Destination SkillQueue wrote:Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:Khergit Deserters wrote:Bad Bob walked into the saloon and up to the bar. There was dog sleeping on the floor in his way. Bob pulled out his pistol and shot him right in the foot. The dog jumped up yelping and ran out of the saloon.
Over the next few weeks the dog learned how to shoot a six-gun. He practiced until he could shoot six bottles off of a fence in three seconds. He practiced until he could shoot a silver dollar thrown up in the air. He strapped on his pistol belt and went back to the saloon. Somebody said, "Look at that! What's that dog doing packing iron?" The dog spit on the floor and said, "I'm here to kill the man that shot my paw."
Looking to the right... ---> <--- looking to the left... No joke was found. Not sure if serious, but I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
Oh. I already figured that "paw" was meant to soud like "pa" but didn't knew what was funny with "looking for the man who shot my pa".
CCP Unifex: -á"lurking single players (...)-áare the majority of characters on Tranquility"
...And so now we know why CCP hasn't done anything for soloers since Apochrypha. |
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
1382
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Posted - 2013.07.23 14:17:00 -
[96] - Quote
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:Destination SkillQueue wrote:Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:Khergit Deserters wrote:Bad Bob walked into the saloon and up to the bar. There was dog sleeping on the floor in his way. Bob pulled out his pistol and shot him right in the foot. The dog jumped up yelping and ran out of the saloon.
Over the next few weeks the dog learned how to shoot a six-gun. He practiced until he could shoot six bottles off of a fence in three seconds. He practiced until he could shoot a silver dollar thrown up in the air. He strapped on his pistol belt and went back to the saloon. Somebody said, "Look at that! What's that dog doing packing iron?" The dog spit on the floor and said, "I'm here to kill the man that shot my paw."
Looking to the right... ---> <--- looking to the left... No joke was found. Not sure if serious, but I'm looking for the man who shot my paw. Oh. I already figured that "paw" was meant to soud like "pa" but didn't knew what was funny with "looking for the man who shot my pa".
You have to have watched a lot of bad old American Westerns to get it. Anyway it's a horrible not-funny rubbish joke.  |
Something Random
The Barrow Boys
406
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Posted - 2013.07.24 22:54:00 -
[97] - Quote
Man walks into a bar
gets ejected as hes drunk already
"caught on fire a little bit, just a little."
"Delinquents, check, weirdos, check, hippies, check, pillheads, check, freaks, check, potheads, check .....gangsn++ all here!" |
Jayem See
Biohazard.
704
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Posted - 2013.07.25 01:42:00 -
[98] - Quote
Something Random wrote:Man walks into a bar
gets ejected as hes drunk already
Denied for being a RL situation rather than a rubbish joke 
What animal is the best at maths?
It'sssss obviousssssly the Adder.
Aaaaaaand relax. |
Ryuske Shihari
RS Industrial
245
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Posted - 2013.07.25 11:37:00 -
[99] - Quote
Must admit that I did not look through ALL earlier posts so forgive me if this one is already here.
Dude 1: Hey man, why did the chicken cross the street?
Dude 2: I don't know, why did the chicken cross the street?
Dude 1: To get to the gay guys house.
Dude 2: Ok?
Dude 1: Knock knock
Dude 2: Who's there?
Dude 1: The chicken...
Dude 2:...... |
Faenir Antollare
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
11
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Posted - 2013.07.25 11:50:00 -
[100] - Quote
What would you rather Bee or a Wasp 
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese chappie are all hired at a construction site.
The foreman points too a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy. "Seeing that you once played at center-half for your Country you're in charge of sweeping,"
To the Irishman, he says "Seeing as you have expieriance digging potatoes you're in charge of the shoveling,"
Then to the Chinese guy, he said "Seeing as you were in the Logistics corp of the Chinese army you're going to be in charge of the supplies."
"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him."
So then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."
The foreman is really pissed off now, and storms off Everest like the pile of sand looking for the Chinese vet.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells..
"SUPPLIES!" |
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Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1477
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Posted - 2013.07.25 20:17:00 -
[101] - Quote
What looks exactly like half a cheese?
The other half of the cheese.
CCP Unifex: -á"lurking single players (...)-áare the majority of characters on Tranquility"
...And so now we know why CCP hasn't done anything for soloers since Apochrypha. |
Trin Xi
397
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Posted - 2013.07.25 22:04:00 -
[102] - Quote
A Spaniard walks into a bar and demands free drinks.
The bartender says, "Well, I wasn't expecting that."
The Spaniard replies, "No one expects the Spanish Imposition!"
Post with someone else's mainGäó. |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
531
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Posted - 2013.07.27 21:04:00 -
[103] - Quote
I would steal these and post them here but there are just too many: https://twitter.com/BadJokeCat |
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1489
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Posted - 2013.07.27 22:13:00 -
[104] - Quote
Cynter DeVries wrote:I would steal these and post them here but there are just too many: https://twitter.com/BadJokeCatSamples: I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: "Bread in captivity." I miss my umbilical cord, I grew attached to it. Ugh, you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend any more.
--> I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep. 
(Maybe it's too good to be here, actually)
CCP Unifex: -á"lurking single players (...)-áare the majority of characters on Tranquility"
...And so now we know why CCP hasn't done anything for soloers since Apochrypha. |
Rainus Max
Fusion Enterprises Ltd
Nulli Secunda
30
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Posted - 2013.07.28 11:14:00 -
[105] - Quote
Why can't you have a 12 inch nose?
Because it would be a foot. |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
532
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Posted - 2013.07.31 03:59:00 -
[106] - Quote
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. (still from that Twitter link) |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
532
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Posted - 2013.07.31 04:02:00 -
[107] - Quote
According to the TV show 'Embarrassing Bodies', a coffee enema is an effective cure for constipation.
I can confirm this is true; however, I'm no longer welcome in Starbucks. |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
535
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Posted - 2013.07.31 04:15:00 -
[108] - Quote
The "Curiosity" rover has found no signs of football, beer or p_rn, destroying the theory that men are from Mars. |
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
1419
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Posted - 2013.08.01 20:08:00 -
[109] - Quote
A guy's girlfriend forced him to come to dinner at her parents' house. The guy's sitting at the table with girlfriend and family, pretty nervous. Everybody's there-- the family dog is even lying under the table. Mom says, "Here, try some of my special baked beans." Guy thinks, Oh crap, I can't eat beans. They give me instantaneous gas. But mom says, "Go ahead, it's my grandmother's recipe-- this dish is a family tradition!" The guy can't see anyway out of it, so he has some.
Sure enough, he has a gas buildup that has to be released right away, there's no way around it. He discretely passes a little. Dad looks up and says to the dog, "Spot, get out from under there!" Guy thinks, Whew, he thinks it's the dog! I'm safe! So he passes a little more gas. Dad says, "Spot, come one, get out from under there!" Guy thinks, This is working great! I'm going to make it after all! He passes the final bit of gas, and dad says, "Spot, get out from under there, before he poops on you!" |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
546
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Posted - 2013.08.05 23:00:00 -
[110] - Quote
Indahmawar Fazmarai wrote:What does a guy sliding downhill on a flaming piano?
Dunno, hang me if I know.
Suggested correction:
What do you call a guy rolling downhill on a flaming piano?
An ambulance. |
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Pepper Swift
Watchers of Eden
401
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Posted - 2013.08.06 04:16:00 -
[111] - Quote
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. |
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
1528
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Posted - 2013.08.06 06:31:00 -
[112] - Quote
Pepper Swift wrote:This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
Mmmkay, 5 times later, I've got it. Here, have a cookie rubbish image.
The Greater Fool Bar is now open for business, 24/7. Come and have drinks and fun somewhere between RL and New Eden! |
Pepper Swift
Watchers of Eden
447
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Posted - 2013.08.06 08:12:00 -
[113] - Quote
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:Pepper Swift wrote:This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. Mmmkay, 5 times later, I've got it. Here, have a cookie rubbish image.
AHA.. looks like that joke fit the post to a Tee... it was great rubbish joke indeed. |
Faenir Antollare
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
72
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Posted - 2013.08.06 11:23:00 -
[114] - Quote
Chelsea FC are to announce that the signing of Wayne Rooney is imminent, Colleen spent the whole of last night agreeing personal terms with John Terry and again this morning...................... |
Mr Paperclip
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
4
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Posted - 2013.08.06 15:08:00 -
[115] - Quote
Q. What does a pokemon do when your in the shower?
A. Pika-chu
Q. How do you get 100 Pikachu's on a bus?
A. Pokem-on
He shoots he scores and the crowd goes wild "WAHOO, YER, AMAZING, we love you Mr Paperclip thingy who clearly has an eating disorder otherwise you wouldn't be so skinny!!!" Yarr
(Cheers slowly fading out after a month of celebrating)
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Gary Goat
XDC-UK
46
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Posted - 2013.08.06 15:16:00 -
[116] - Quote
A friend of mine drowned at sea so we had his coffin shaped as a life boat.
Its what he would have wanted. |
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
1431
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Posted - 2013.08.06 17:15:00 -
[117] - Quote
Guy: I hope I die in my sleep like my dad did.
Guy 2: That's nice that he died peacefully.
Guy: Oh, it wasn't that peaceful. He was an airline pilot and there were a lot of passengers screaming. |
Faenir Antollare
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
73
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Posted - 2013.08.06 18:40:00 -
[118] - Quote
That's really bad yet I lol'd 
Old n Gold
How do you make a snooker table laugh ?
Put your hands in it's pocket and tickle it's balls.. |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
547
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Posted - 2013.08.06 22:37:00 -
[119] - Quote
Who leads the pep rallies in heaven?
The cheerubs
What happened when the knight had his legs cut off?
He was de-feet-ed. |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
547
|
Posted - 2013.08.06 22:55:00 -
[120] - Quote
Which fish repeats phrases over and over again?
A mantra ray. |
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