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Yonos
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Posted - 2006.02.20 02:01:00 -
[1]
After reading lots of threads on how not to get ganked yet still seeing bad practice ingame, here is a satirical list of how TO get pirated/ganked/corp assets stolen or otherwise victimized:
1. Don't use warpcore stabs, and never two of them
2. Always travel with the most expensive equipment you can get, it seems to attract pirates
3. Warp to low sec asteroid belts at 15km
4. Fly alone
5. Put a cloaking device on your battleship
6. When warping away from pirates in low sec, always warp to a planet at 15km and not a gate
7. Give new corp members that have a negative security status all roles to your hangers and POS the minute they join (funny story....)
8. Accept all gang invites in low sec
9. Go afk at a safespot in low sec or even better, at the top planet
10. Forget to deploy your drones, especially if you are in a drone carrier ship (or don't carry any at all)
11. Don't bring ammo
12. Mismatch weapon types i.e. lasers on minmatar ships
13. Refuse to pay ransom to a pirate
14. Call for help in local
15. Don't warp your pod away, just sit there
16. Smalktalk your enemy, it will make them want to kill you all the more
17. Give away ships with corp money and play favorites while doing it
18. Accept anybody into your corp to insure spies
19. Test an experimental setup in your expensive ship in the top belt of a low sec system
20. Use an ECM Burst, two of them
21. Forget to turn your MWD off
22. Leave your default name on your ship so pirates have an easier time assessing your abilities (big one)
23. Eject out of your ship when you still have half armor (I've seen this more than once)
24. Never use an alt scout in low sec or 0.0, its probably safe
25. trust everyone
26. Respond to an SOS in low sec local
27. After killing another player, just sit there and gloat while local fills up
28. Be aligned to something for warp and then click warp to something in the opposite direction
29. Mistake HACs for their tech I versions
30. warp to moons in low sec
31. Get stuck on asteroids in belts
32. Use battleships with no sensor boosters to protect your mining barges in low sec
33. Keep local chat minimized and with blink off
34. Armor tank caldari ships :)
35. Rely on jamming for defense
36. Become a noob outlaw
37. Mistake local chat for gang or corp chat
38. Believe you are safe in the first stage of a complex in low sec
39. Warp at 100km of a 0.0 gate camp (depends how hardcore the campers are)
40. play drunk/stoned
41. dont use instas, or even better, use instas that are waaaaaay off
42. think your shiny new dreadnaught/carrier is invincible (hint: its not)
43. dont bother fueling your POS
44. share your account username and password
45. forget that you are in a high sec system and shoot someone
46. hesitate
47. log off when caught
48. keep ratting when someone comes into local and don't bother to check their bio
49. use very expensive implants
50. have a clone 50 jumps away, or don't keep one at all
I have done some of these, done some of these things to others, I have seen these or I have heard about them. If you want to get f*****, just follow these 50 steps. Feel free to add 
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Deja Thoris
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Posted - 2006.02.20 02:07:00 -
[2]
Minimise your overview, it just clutters up your screen.
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Okgan
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Posted - 2006.02.20 02:23:00 -
[3]
Wait until the first time you're blown up by a player to check out the egg tutorial.
Explosions are pretty - you'll want all your effects on. Sound makes it all the more dramatic.
Buy a battleship and climb into it the moment you finish the base skills to fly it. Now that you're invincible you can go check out 0.0 while you train armor upgrades to level 1.
If someone locks you fire on them immediately. That'll teach 'em.
If you need to bail out to the gate, you might as well get some return shots in before you get there.
Leave all your BPO's and other valuables scattered around in your cargo hold. Secure containers are expensive.
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Sun Ra
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Posted - 2006.02.20 02:27:00 -
[4]
I do like half of those 
Arcane Frankologies - 'plz stop guys it's xmas' |
Superbus Maximus
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Posted - 2006.02.20 02:33:00 -
[5]
hillarious
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Tenacha Khan
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Posted - 2006.02.20 02:35:00 -
[6]
Edited by: Tenacha Khan on 20/02/2006 02:36:14
I do
1. Don't use warpcore stabs, and never two of them
2. Always travel with the most expensive equipment you can get, it seems to attract pirates
3. Warp to low sec asteroid belts at 15km
4. Fly alone
9. Go afk at a safespot in low sec or even better, at the top planet
10. Forget to deploy your drones, especially if you are in a drone carrier ship (or don't carry any at all)
11. Don't bring ammo
13. Refuse to pay ransom to a pirate
20. Use an ECM Burst
21. Forget to turn your MWD off 
24. Never use an alt scout in low sec or 0.0, its probably safe
25. trust everyone
27. After killing another player, just sit there and gloat while local fills up
33. Keep local chat minimized and with blink off
34. Armor tank caldari ships :) kicks ass tbh
35. Rely on jamming for defense
36. Become a noob outlaw (everyone was a noob once )
37. Mistake local chat for gang or corp chat (i do it the other way round)
40. play drunk/stoned
41. dont use instas, or even better, use instas that are waaaaaay off
44. share your account username and password
49. use very expensive implants
50. have a clone 50 jumps away, or don't keep one at all
 Aint it weird how Im still alive
Also, I dont insure my ships
And Wranger > j00 -Eldo
I pwnt Wrangler - Tenacha |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2006.02.20 02:56:00 -
[7]
 Originally by: Yonos
28. Be aligned to something for warp and then click warp to something in the opposite direction
-There is no such thing as 'too rookie to take a Battlecruiser to low-sec'.
-When NPCing, never dock to leave the modules in your hangar. Just carry everything in your hold, it saves time.
-After all that hard time mining, you just deserve the best named items for you shiny new first Cruiser!
Barriers - an EVE novel |
Silver Night
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Posted - 2006.02.20 03:47:00 -
[8]
Edited by: Silver Night on 20/02/2006 03:49:10
When you jump into a 0.0 Gatecamp in that Covert ops, double click the cloaky thing (On - Off again :( )
Undock from a 0.0 station in hostile territory whenever you want,no need to check whats out there.
Three words: Inty vs Thorax (thats 1 v 1)
In an HAC? You can kill anything in any numbers, obviously, so go for it!
These are... erm... from a "friend's" personal experience.
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Director.
Caldari Patriot.
Murderer of (his own) Frigates. |
HUGO DRAX
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Posted - 2006.02.20 04:39:00 -
[9]
Assume your T2 frig can pwn that T1 frig sitting lonely infront of the station. then attempt to dock when your losing.
Dont just complain, do something. Channel macrointel meet with likeminded folks, spottings,intel |
Swiftness
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Posted - 2006.02.20 05:49:00 -
[10]
- Nosferatu's suck... especially in close range pvp : don't use them !
- The bigger, the better ! Buy a bigger ship as soon as you can afford one.
- Fit your brand new Battleship with invulnerability fields and 1600mm plates, so you have nice resistances and lots of HP.
- If a pirate in a frigate/inty locks you at a stargate/station in low sec, warp to the nearest planet ASAP
- If you get killed by a pirate, put a BIG bounty on his head so his gaming experience becomes a nightmare !!!
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Okgan
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Posted - 2006.02.20 06:13:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Swiftness
- If you get killed by a pirate, put a BIG bounty on his head so his gaming experience becomes a nightmare !!!
/me coughs coffee through his nose.
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Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2006.02.20 06:31:00 -
[12]
Originally by: Swiftness
If you get killed by a pirate, put a BIG bounty on his head so his gaming experience becomes a nightmare !!!
YAAAAAARRGHHHH!!!
*smashes head against wall*
I should have thought of that one!!!
Barriers - an EVE novel |
Alindyar
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Posted - 2006.02.20 07:01:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Yonos
After reading lots of threads on how not to get ganked yet still seeing bad practice ingame, here is a satirical list of how TO get pirated/ganked/corp assets stolen or otherwise victimized:
40. play drunk/stoned
I have done some of these, done some of these things to others, I have seen these or I have heard about them. If you want to get f*****, just follow these 50 steps. Feel free to add
well I ALWAYS play stoned as I live in Amsterdam.
makes me relax a bit more
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Yonos
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Posted - 2006.02.20 08:56:00 -
[14]
some good ones that I forgot about. Here is another one.
51. Use autopilot to get your pod out when your ship is blown up (goddamn it, at least I didn't have implants)
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Gideon Araht
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Posted - 2006.02.20 11:28:00 -
[15]
I really hope certain people in game dont read this thread , i'll never hear the last of it. 
....
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Grimwalius d'Antan
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Posted - 2006.02.20 11:54:00 -
[16]
1. Don't use warpcore stabs, and never two of them (Fights should always end with an explosion or two)
2. Always travel with the most expensive equipment you can get, it seems to attract pirates (Expensive stuff is more fun to use)
3. Warp to low sec asteroid belts at 15km
4. Fly alone (People don't run away from lone ships as often)
21. Forget to turn your MWD off (This has led to some shamefully slow killings of newbies in Imicuses)
24. Never use an alt scout in low sec or 0.0, its probably safe (Can't be bothered with alts, and if Im heading for a trap I should rightly be exposed to it)
27. After killing another player, just sit there and gloat while local fills up (Better chance at getting a quick fight if I stick around and wait for people to come back for the loot)
41. dont use instas, or even better, use instas that are waaaaaay off (Too much work, not enough fun in reward)
46. hesitate (Every time I hesitate, people get away. Every time I DON'T hesitate, Im a victim of jump in traps)
48. keep ratting when someone comes into local and don't bother to check their bio (I do check their bio, but since Im pretty much always hoping to be engaged, I stick around unless they stick around for too long, because that's when they are bringing friends it seems)
49. use very expensive implants (I have yet to be podded since my carebearing days)
I do these on a daily basis.
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johena
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Posted - 2006.02.20 12:34:00 -
[17]
Edited by: johena on 20/02/2006 12:38:26
I have 2 more to add.
51) do not check your maturety and sense of team work at the door. This is because everyone looks at the long run and values team work and long term in game relationships just like you.
52) Do not try to **** over people with 1/12 the SP and more than a month or 2 in game. Only mess with people that have 3X the ingame time so you really have something to brag about.(funny sorry)
53)make sure you only mess with alliances and corps that .....see 52.
but that about covers it yonos. I think you did a good job with the first 50.
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Yarek Balear
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Posted - 2006.02.20 12:57:00 -
[18]
54). Always respond to the sound of an enemy gatecamp by autopiloting towards the system that is camped (funny story...)
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Cuisinart
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Posted - 2006.02.20 17:25:00 -
[19]
55. If you do manage to escape a gate camped by your enemies/pirates, don't bother to turn off your auto-pilot.
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OrangeAfroMan
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Posted - 2006.02.20 18:13:00 -
[20]
Er.. whats bad about ECM bursts? I have never really looked at em much but they dont seem like a deathwish o.O
Malka Badi'a = My idol, listen to her. |
Pakchoi
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Posted - 2006.02.20 18:15:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Yonos
1. Don't use warpcore stabs, and never two of them
12. Mismatch weapon types i.e. lasers on minmatar ships
Both of these are fine if you know what you are doing and have a good reason; most frigs have no reason to fit stabs.
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EvilTwin I
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Posted - 2006.02.20 18:20:00 -
[22]
56: 
[ be smart / be a retard ] |
CrispyKritters
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Posted - 2006.02.23 01:26:00 -
[23]
Edited by: CrispyKritters on 23/02/2006 01:27:07
57. Sit there in low sec doing whatever while they slowboat it towards you, don't warp away, they just want to check out the cool stuff on your ship.
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Lygos
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Posted - 2006.02.23 02:36:00 -
[24]
Ctrl-F9 for best screenshots while npcing, autopiloting through 0.0, fighting, or schmoozing.
I've done all those things. If I didn't, it might take ages to see anything bad happen. The time I spend not-logging in is directly proportional to the amount of time since something bad happened.
Eunoia: The persistent suspicion that the universe is secretly conspiring to quietly improve one's life. |
Yonos
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Posted - 2006.02.23 03:16:00 -
[25]
ecm bursts take up lot of cap, especially when using them on smaller ships...I dunno I've killed a lot of noobs with ecm bursts on and I think it negatively affected their performance substantially
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Pliskkenn
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Posted - 2006.02.23 13:42:00 -
[26]
60 something
After being told theres a gate camp and talking about it for 15 , always proceed to warp that gate. It's bound to have been cleared by then, and if not, your sure to berak through it.
(Happens to me all the time. I'll know its there, then the moment my ship enters warp I think to myself *Arses, its camped isn't it*)
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Cyrus Gideon
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Posted - 2006.02.23 21:46:00 -
[27]
Edited by: Cyrus Gideon on 23/02/2006 21:45:57
Another one:
Buy stuff for you soon to have new ship that uses up 90% of your ISK and that is located 20 jumps into low sek. Then stuff it all into the cargohold of your old ship, fly back on autopilot and go take a **** while your ship warps to the last gate before leaving low sec. (actually did this in my first week playing :( )
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Malthros Zenobia
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Posted - 2006.02.23 22:01:00 -
[28]
58. Only carry kinetic missiles when you go NPCing in your Caldari ship. If CCP wanted you to use other types then they wouldn't give the kinetic bonus.
Originally by: Istvaan Shogaatsu
I'm probably one of the biggest Bush fanboys in Eve...
This is like, Darth Vader, can't-reach-climax-without-killing-a-puppy evil.
RAWR!11 Sig Hijack!11 - Imaran |
Golden Helmet
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Posted - 2006.02.23 22:17:00 -
[29]
59: Shield tank your Rifter and Rupture
Don't worry, your sig is safe...wait...oops. --Jorauk |
Silver Night
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Posted - 2006.02.24 03:51:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Golden Helmet
59: Shield tank your Maller or Apoc
Fixed
--------------
Director.
Caldari Patriot.
Murderer of (his own) Frigates. |
Eudoxus
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Posted - 2006.02.24 05:00:00 -
[31]
60(?) The scanner is a bit tricky to use and understand. Don't bother with it.
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Erdain
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Posted - 2006.02.24 12:46:00 -
[32]
I used to shield tank with a Rupture...
Rock*Out |
Trell Asaker
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Posted - 2006.02.24 13:20:00 -
[33]
Originally by: Alindyar
Originally by: Yonos
After reading lots of threads on how not to get ganked yet still seeing bad practice ingame, here is a satirical list of how TO get pirated/ganked/corp assets stolen or otherwise victimized:
40. play drunk/stoned
I have done some of these, done some of these things to others, I have seen these or I have heard about them. If you want to get f*****, just follow these 50 steps. Feel free to add
well I ALWAYS play stoned as I live in Amsterdam.
makes me relax a bit more
And I'm always drunk - way to go Finland!
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Altrex Stoppel
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Posted - 2006.02.24 21:11:00 -
[34]
125252352.) Don't forget that everyone in low sec who talks to you in local si your freind! Yea theres a story behind that....
Originally by: Psycarne
Quite right, Ginger is massively under powered, and should be given a tech II rubber duck.
/signed |
Montague Zooma
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Posted - 2006.02.24 22:27:00 -
[35]
Quote:
5. Put a cloaking device on your battleship
OK, I'm a total noob. I use a cloaking device when I'm out solo ratting in 0.0. Whenever someone who may be unfriendly pops into the system, I cloak at a safespot so I won't be found and ganked. That's worked well for me so far.
Granted, a cloak gimps your targeting speed for pvp, but when used to avoid pvp it seems like a good tool. So what am I missing?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
One noob. One corp. One complete waste of 1.6 million isk. |
Wee Dave
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Posted - 2006.02.24 22:49:00 -
[36]
- Fit short and long range guns for flexibility. If you have seven or eight turret hardpoints, fit a mixture of short and long range small, medium, *and* large guns! You'll be able to hit anything!
- Minimise local. It distracts you from the task of moving ore from your cargo hold to your jetcan.
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Ebedar
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Posted - 2006.02.24 23:46:00 -
[37]
Civilian Shield Boosters were good enough for your starter ship so they're good enough for your Raven.
In the event that you still need to kit out a ship, don't bother picking up the modules and taking them to where the ship is - simply undock in your ship with few or no modules fitted and autopilot to where the modules are. Works especially well in hostile situations as, if anyone fires on you, you can tell them to stop as you have nothing fitted.
One Step Further |
Jovialmadness
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Posted - 2006.02.25 11:40:00 -
[38]
Edited by: Jovialmadness on 25/02/2006 11:42:25
Quote:
34. Armor tank caldari ships :)
Ill have you know that i have 85+% resists on my caldari armor except em which is 78% with a cap recharge rate of 224. Not to mention an armor repair capability of 1120 in 11.25 seconds. Granted i would never take this into low sec
Yes this is an alt...i dont want anybody popping my Raven at any time anywhere...its worth more than most corp assets.
Point being...i probably would laugh at your damage....with my caldari armor tank.
P.S. Its a mission runner
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Zekk Pacus
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Posted - 2006.02.26 01:02:00 -
[39]
60-something) PvP? PvE? It's all Pv-something! My guristas tank can stop a battleship, I'll easily be able to kill that Augoror!
60-something+1) Don't carry both setups with your main ship - if you need to swap out, you can dock, buy the modules and fit them! You've got all the time in the world!
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Zolofine
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Posted - 2006.02.26 11:22:00 -
[40]
Originally by: Cuisinart
55. If you do manage to escape a gate camped by your enemies/pirates, don't bother to turn off your auto-pilot.
LMAO...
Twice have i done that now... Once i got out a second time, the other time i was brutally ganked |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2006.02.26 14:10:00 -
[41]
60+ RL issues always take precedence, and they take precedence RIGHT NOW. Just go afk right there in that belt you are.
Barriers - an EVE novel |
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