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The TOTALLY OFFICIAL HISTORY of Athra and its people

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Ava Starfire Gradient 1471	Posted - 2014.03.11 13:19:00 - [1] - Quote SETTING: A dusty, depressing temple located in a dusty, depressing city in an equally dusty, depressing part of a planet named Athra. In the background, in the temple, monks chant and flagellate themselves with poorly cooked pasta. The music is reminiscent of the Amarr themselves; boring, repetitive, windy, and probably the result of compressed hot air. In the chruch, a MONK is hard at work kneeling on broken glass, repenting before a graven image of his HEATHEN GOD. The MONK prays and grovels. "Oh my HEATHEN GOD, give us now our deliverance! Purge me and my people of all of our debauchery and sin, so that we may return to greatness! Lead us, oh HEATHEN GOD, and burn the disobedience and selfishness from our weak flesh! HEATHEN GOD stirs within the idol. The MONK looks on in disbelief, and begins to flagellate himself faster, and begins grinding his knees into the shattered glass and other detritus upon which he kneels. "Oh my HEATHEN GOD, please! Give me the strength and the purity to purge the infidels and reclaim..." HEATHEN GOD: "Muh scorch." The MONK tries to decipher the cryptic message. "Scorch? You mean, go forth and..." HEATHEN GOD: "No, fool. I mean muh scorch. Muh scorch." The MONK look all around, and sees no hint that any of the other monks have noticed the words from the Graven Image. The MONK knows, in this moment, that he is chosen to lead the people, his people, the Amarr, in from the scattered desert wastes and endless dunes, and to give them order, purpose, unity! The MONK stiffens his upper lip: "Your scorch, my lord." HEATHEN GOD: "Yiss." The MONK vows that His will shall be done, and rises from his knees. He strides, purposefully, from the temple, knowing that he must unite his people and lead them against their scattered enemies across the windswept surface of Athra. Once so united, they could begin their quest for the Scorch, for the mythical power which must surely lead the Amarr to victory after victory! The HEATHEN GOD fortold it! Life here was depressing for the inhabitants; you see, they grew tired of eating only rock and sand, so they began to pray to a HEATHEN GOD for guidance. The HEATHEN GOD of course personally answered the prayers of only the most Righteous, and gave them the message. "Muh scorch." (( Nope, I'm not as good at this as Noh is. Nonetheless, I am just as qualified to relay the history of another people! Stay tuned for fun, frivolity, flatulence, and, perhaps, The Scorch? )) "There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
Lyris Nairn GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 12267	Posted - 2014.03.11 13:21:00 - [2] - Quote I bear witness there is no god but Solo Drakban and The Mittani is his messenger. Sky Captain of Your Heart Reddit: lyris_nairn Skype: lyris.nairn Twitter: @lyris_nairn
Durlan Katz GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 8	Posted - 2014.03.11 13:24:00 - [3] - Quote Lyris Nairn wrote: I bear witness there is no god but Solo Drakban and The Mittani is his messenger. SOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRAKBANSOLODRA
Proletariat Tingtango GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 907	Posted - 2014.03.11 13:25:00 - [4] - Quote First of all, this: Lyris Nairn wrote: I bear witness there is no god but Solo Drakban and The Mittani is his messenger. Secondly, what exactly is this for?
Foley Aberas Jones 12	Posted - 2014.03.11 15:42:00 - [5] - Quote i kinda love how the first 3 people to reply are all from GoonWaffe.....
Proletariat Tingtango GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 909	Posted - 2014.03.11 17:35:00 - [6] - Quote Thanks for noticing but no you can't join us.
Foley Aberas Jones 13	Posted - 2014.03.11 18:00:00 - [7] - Quote Im already with the CFC...in top me, so...not really missing much ((DUST character, this is just a face toon))
Kalaratiri Assault With Slimy Things 298	Posted - 2014.03.11 18:13:00 - [8] - Quote Proletariat Tingtango wrote: First of all, this: Lyris Nairn wrote: I bear witness there is no god but Solo Drakban and The Mittani is his messenger. Secondly, what exactly is this for? I imagine Ava has gotten rather tired of Gosakuminaminmainori Noh's endless and nonsensical ranting about the "history" of the Minmatar and has decided to do a bit of satire. She's mad but she's magic, there's no lie in her fire. This is possibly one of the worst threads in the history of these forums. -á- CCP Falcon
Karmilla Strife Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque 223	Posted - 2014.03.11 18:20:00 - [9] - Quote Too coherent. Not enough Sebbie butts. Eat more mushrooms and try again.
Fredfredbug4 Eve Defence Force Cult of War 2188	Posted - 2014.03.11 19:34:00 - [10] - Quote Excellent satire Ms. Starfire! And what is this? Goons...in my summit? Watch Fred Fred Frederation and stop cryptozoologist! Fight against the brutal genocide of fictional creatures across New Eden! Is that a metaphor? Probably not, but the fru-fru- people will sure love it!

Claudia Osyn Mythic Security Service 161	Posted - 2014.03.11 20:12:00 - [11] - Quote Fredfredbug4 wrote: Excellent satire Ms. Starfire! And what is this? Goons...in my summit? No, there in my summit. The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Andreus Ixiris Duty. DARKNESS. 4318	Posted - 2014.03.11 20:16:00 - [12] - Quote Claudia Osyn wrote: Fredfredbug4 wrote: Excellent satire Ms. Starfire! And what is this? Goons...in my summit? No, there in my summit. No, they're in my Summit. Mane 614
Foley Aberas Jones 12	Posted - 2014.03.11 20:29:00 - [13] - Quote Andreus Ixiris wrote: Claudia Osyn wrote: Fredfredbug4 wrote: Excellent satire Ms. Starfire! And what is this? Goons...in my summit? No, there in my summit. No, they're in my Summit. No, They're in MY Summit
Foley Aberas Jones 12	Posted - 2014.03.11 20:30:00 - [14] - Quote also allow me to say that my extar post is un needed...but meh
Anabella Rella Gradient 1569	Posted - 2014.03.11 20:42:00 - [15] - Quote Don't insult Ava by comparing her writings to those of the vile witch Noh. Ava's are clear and understandable as satire. Noh's opaque ramblings are simply an attempt at self-aggrandizement; attempting to show how literate, witty and edgy she is (and failing miserably). I'll soon be writing some lyrics for a semi-historical piece titled Book of Reclaiming: The Musical! Be watching for Act I, to be published as soon as I get enough time (and liquor-fueled inspiration). When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around.
Jandice Ymladris Aurora Arcology 559	Posted - 2014.03.11 21:48:00 - [16] - Quote Anabella Rella wrote: I'll soon be writing some lyrics for a semi-historical piece titled Book of Reclaiming: The Musical! Be watching for Act I, to be published as soon as I get enough time (and liquor-fueled inspiration). Hm, is it Heresy Night or something? With Naupilius rambling, Ava doing satire about the Amarr and Rella's upcoming musical based on Holy Amarr Scriptures one has to wonder: How much heresy can the Amarr Empire take? -áScientists rescued from Serpentis Pirates! Shrouded in mystery, the Jovian race
Fredfredbug4 Eve Defence Force Cult of War 2192	Posted - 2014.03.11 22:01:00 - [17] - Quote I wouldn't see a musical on The Book of Reclaiming as heresy nor would I see satire of the Amarr as it either. As long as it's factually correct and done all in good fun then I don't see the harm in it. Of course, I'm not Amarrian so I certainly can't speak for them. That said, I've poked a little fun at both the Republic and the State in several episodes of my show and even the most tribal or patriotic of them respectively have enjoyed those skits. I haven't teased the Amarr yet (merely because nothing happened recently I felt I should really tease them about) but I'm sure most would enjoy it if I did it well. The Amarr are very serious about their faith yes. But they aren't humorless people. On another note, Old Naupy is certainly committing heresy. Watch Fred Fred Frederation and stop cryptozoologist! Fight against the brutal genocide of fictional creatures across New Eden! Is that a metaphor? Probably not, but the fru-fru- people will sure love it!
Claudia Osyn Mythic Security Service 164	Posted - 2014.03.11 22:13:00 - [18] - Quote The only heresy here (besides Nauppie) is you guys not acknowledging me as the ruler and great Goddess of the summit. I earned that title damn it. The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Fredfredbug4 Eve Defence Force Cult of War 2193	Posted - 2014.03.11 22:14:00 - [19] - Quote Claudia Osyn wrote: The only heresy here (besides Nauppie) is you guys not acknowledging me as the ruler and great Goddess of the summit. I earned that title damn it. There, there Claudia. There, there. Watch Fred Fred Frederation and stop cryptozoologist! Fight against the brutal genocide of fictional creatures across New Eden! Is that a metaphor? Probably not, but the fru-fru- people will sure love it!
Claudia Osyn Mythic Security Service 165	Posted - 2014.03.11 22:20:00 - [20] - Quote Fredfredbug4 wrote: Claudia Osyn wrote: The only heresy here (besides Nauppie) is you guys not acknowledging me as the ruler and great Goddess of the summit. I earned that title damn it. There, there Claudia. There, there. I demand offerings of ISK to my wallet now. The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Anabella Rella Gradient 1575	Posted - 2014.03.11 22:57:00 - [21] - Quote Jandice Ymladris wrote: Hm, is it Heresy Night or something? With Naupilius rambling, Ava doing satire about the Amarr and Rella's upcoming musical based on Holy Amarr Scriptures one has to wonder: How much heresy can the Amarr Empire take? In order for me to be a heretic I would first have to be of the Amarr faith which, obviously, I'm not. Neither is Ava. Also, I proposed a musical based on the Reclaiming scriptures to Pilot Fredbug a couple of weeks ago, well before Nauplius proclaimed himself a Blooder/EoM killer. When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around.
Ava Starfire Gradient 1479	Posted - 2014.03.11 23:43:00 - [22] - Quote Setting: A desolate canyon on Athra. The MONK is on his way to a nearby village, to spread the message that was delivered to him by the HEATHEN GOD. The day is hot, and the MONK drags his tired feet across the sand and stones, his heavy monastic robes soaking in the relentless sun and heat. The MONK knows he must not fail the HEATHEN GOD! The message of the Scorch must be brought to all the scattered tribes of Athra, and bring his people onto the path of righteousness. "I will not fail!" declares the MONK to the rocks and shrubs. Hour after hour he trudges across the hot, barren wastes of the Ul'qorra Desert, until he can no longer bear it. The MONK slumps to the rocky ground, exhausted, and lays down, to await his death. After a brief interlude, a TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN locates the man. He calmly kneels and begins to check the MONK's pockets for valuables, when the MONK, in his heatstroke induced delirium, murmurs something. "Scorch...scorch..." "Whuzzat?" the CURRY SALESMAN asks. "Scor... scorch..." the MONK repeats. "Yeah, izza scorcher, arrite" the CURRY SALESMAN says, removing a ring from the finger of the exhausted MONK. "Sco... scor..." the MONK repeats once more. The MONK dies. The TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN climbs back onto his trusty donkey and makes off into the desert with his ill-gotten gains. He puts the stolen ring on his finger, the ring which bears an image of the HEATHEN GOD. He rides... "There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
Gosakumori Noh Seraglio Hastatus Hagia Sophia 599	Posted - 2014.03.12 00:16:00 - [23] - Quote It pleases me no end to have induced (some level of) creativity in a member of Gradient. And they said it was impossible! I am not surprised that it was you, Sweet Pea. I'll put your name in the Little Red Book. Should you get tired of monotonous humdrum and develop the urge to become a Harbinger of the Apocalypse, you just give me a ringieding.
Lyris Nairn GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation 12269	Posted - 2014.03.12 10:51:00 - [24] - Quote My pen'll go off when I'm half-cocked. Sky Captain of Your Heart Reddit: lyris_nairn Skype: lyris.nairn Twitter: @lyris_nairn
Louella Dougans Sovereign Hospitaller Order of Saint Katherine 127	Posted - 2014.03.12 20:58:00 - [25] - Quote Anabella Rella wrote: I'll soon be writing some lyrics for a semi-historical piece titled Book of Reclaiming: The Musical! Be watching for Act I, to be published as soon as I get enough time (and liquor-fueled inspiration). One of Mother's friends has a thing, about converting heathen people to the Imperial Faith, using interpretive dance to convey the fundamental message of the Scriptures. I'll say that conversion via interpretive dance probably has a lower fatality rate than other methods, that people are perhaps more familiar with, such as e.g. slavery and all that. Probably. Be a Space Nun, it is fun. \o/
Ashlar Vellum 24th Imperial Crusade Amarr Empire 107	Posted - 2014.03.13 01:10:00 - [26] - Quote You are one totally funny sebiestor Starky.
Elsebeth Rhiannon Gradient 618	Posted - 2014.03.14 18:49:00 - [27] - Quote So... What y'all high on? Broadcast log:-áhttps://gate.eveonline.com/Profile/Elsebeth%20Rhiannon/StatusUpdates
Katrina Oniseki Revenent Defence Corperation Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive 3047	Posted - 2014.03.14 19:04:00 - [28] - Quote Elsebeth Rhiannon wrote: So... What y'all high on? Concentrated IGS. Syringe delivery. Ch+½j+ì Katrina Oniseki ~ (RDC) Chief Operations Officer ~ [I-RED] Director of Public Relations
Ava Starfire Gradient 1486	Posted - 2014.03.15 12:28:00 - [29] - Quote SETTING: A gambling den and house of ill repute. Within, people drink, laugh, smoke, and commit sinful acts of debauchery and indulgence. The furniture is broken down, the whiskey is watered down, and the inhibitions are heading down. The lighting is subdued, and at a table, the TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN loses hand after hand at poker. Several years have passed since the ring has come into his position. Blond haired temptresses gather around him, giggling and beckoning to him. The TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN fancies a bit of comfort following his losses. He picks a girl from the smoky, sweat-smelling gloom and slides over her way. "Heya bootiful." he drawls. The WANTON HARLOT smiles back at him sweetly. "Thirty an hour, or a hundred for the night." she says. All business, all the time, those Amarr! The TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN is a bit shocked that she was so forward; you see, he had lost all of his money, his donkey, his shoes... he had lost everything of value, save the ring he wears which bears the graven image of the HEATHEN GOD. He doesn't waste a second. "How's 'is?" he says, holding up his hand. The WANTON HARLOT nods. She gently takes the TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN by the hand. "That will do very nicely." She proceeds to lead him up the rickety stairs to her small room, a room which smells oddly of corn chips and stale beer. The TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN does not seem to notice the smell. The two commit repeated acts of sin, in numerous positions. Following their carnality (Is that even a word?! It is now!) the WANTON HARLOT lays in bed, smoking a cigarette, while the TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN slips his ragged trousers back over his skinny legs and fastens his belt. "Lay the ring on the bedstand" the WANTON HARLOT says, quietly. The TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN does not skip a beat. He bolts from the room, fast as he can, which was, of course, his plan the whole time. In an instant he's off, down the stairs, and in a mere moment, he has run from the ramshackle structure. He jumps on the back of his trusty donkey - the same one he no longer legally owns - and is off at breakneck donkey speed down the dusty streets of the small village. "HAHA!" thinks the TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN. "That'll teach 'er!" "Muh scorch" the HEATHEN GOD muses. The WANTON HARLOT casually takes aim from her window with a rifle. The TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN spends his last few moments wondering why he suddenly fell off of the donkey, and why he is so very dizzy. The HEATHEN GOD is pleased. The WANTON HARLOT kneels and removes the ring from the TRAVELLING CURRY SALESMAN'S finger, which had only just ceased twitching. She examines it for a few moments, estimating its value, and then slips it onto one of her fingers. She turns and walks back toward the whorehouse, before pausing and looking down at her hand, at the graven image of the HEATHEN GOD she now wears. The HEATHEN GOD is very, very pleased! "Your scorch." she smiles. The WANTON HARLOT is the first person we encounter who's name has any significance whatsoever; her name is ZURA KOR-AZOR. "There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
Claudia Osyn Mythic Security Service 216	Posted - 2014.03.22 03:06:00 - [30] - Quote We need details on the debauchery and sin committed by said prostitute and salesman.... for research purposes, of course. Insight into ancient amarr mating habits and all that.... The lack of money is the root of all evil.



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