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Ja'kar
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Posted - 2006.05.03 16:24:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Ja''kar on 03/05/2006 16:25:18
Well since its my post I will start - used to live in a 2nd floor flat with the bedroom, kitchen and bathroom off the street and the front room (living room) with a door facing the main street so basically nobody could see u any part of the flatà
Anyway on days of I would get up walk naked to the bathroom -> kitchen eat breakfast make a cup of tea û spend some time scratching my arse û wash up (yes hands first)and go to the bedroom get back into bed for hour or soà.
Was like that for about a year and a half û then one fine day did the above but while I was in mid scratch my arse routine I notice a black guy on ladders outside my side window staring at me(which is a big window facing a wall?) after a few seconds of looking at each other I go 'alright m8', - take my tea and walk calmly to my bedroom where I die of complete embarrassment û though my torture was not complete turns out they were doing work on the houses for the next 6 WEEKS- had to endure the ****ers for 6 WEEKS û though I played it cool used to have a laugh with them but boy inside I was dieing and was one of the happiest days of my life when they left
Ok beat that!!!
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Ebedar
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Posted - 2006.05.03 16:54:00 -
[2]
Not me, but something that happened while I was about, which frankly made me cringe...
I was with a friend checking out the computer software section in a large store (Makro). There were just two of us in the aisle and he decided to let a fart rip - and it was absolutely rancid. Unable to contain my nausea I moved to the next aisle. The fart was so bad that my friend couldn't stay in the aisle and inhale his own brand, so he came into the next aisle too.
A minute or so later a guy walked into the vacated aisle with two kids, a girl of about 6/7 and a boy about a year or so older. He was there for all of 30 seconds before I heard him sniff and let out a disgusted sound. He turned on his daughter:
"Have you shat?"
"No dad!"
"Are you sure? It bloody stinks, I can smell it!"
"No dad it's not me I swear!"
My friend's fart was so bad an innocent little girl got accused of soiling herself as a result.
Intel for sale
The Dominix: A Documentary |
Bach Atreides
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Posted - 2006.05.03 17:02:00 -
[3]
I went to New York City with a couple of female friends and we stayed in a hotel on Manhatten. Earlier that day they convinced me to go eat Indian food with them even after I explained that Indian never agreed with my stomach. (You can see where this is going.) That evening as we're getting ready to go out, I have to use the restroom (I was having stomach pains.) I wasn't prepared for what happened next; but an extremely loud explosion occured in the bathroom. I heard the girls talking outside the bathroom just prior, but after the blast, there was utter silence.....then hysterical laughter. I stayed in there as long as I could, but I finally had to come out all red-faced. They still bring up that damn subject to almost everyone and never let me forget it.
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Keldareth
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Posted - 2006.05.03 17:14:00 -
[4]
When I was younger I lived in a subdivision that was just built in Toronto. It was a new subdivision and as such there were no fences in the back yards to seperate the houses so all the families with kids would just let the kids out back and it was like a court yard as it was surrounded on all 4 sides by houses.
I was prolly about 8 at the time and as such was subject to a small bladder which when needed to be emptied required immediate evacuation.
I started hobbling home holding my crotch to try to not **** myself and upon realizing I couldn't make it ducked down between my neighbours house and the house 2 doors down.
I went behind the part that stuck for the chimney and began to **** on this big green box. When I ****ed on the fan it made this awesome WHIRRRRRRRRRR noise. Thought it was hilarious so I kept aiming for the fan. Finished up and took off to play with my friends again but my nanny caught me and brought me home and I got in a fair bit of trouble.
Turns out I ****ed all over the neighbours air conditioner air intake. Their house had an odd urine smell in it for a few days afterwards.
Family still razz's me about it.
Luckily the neighbours never found out, but still damn embarassing.
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Bach Atreides
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Posted - 2006.05.03 17:21:00 -
[5]
It's a good thing you didn't pis.s on any wires!
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Keldareth
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Posted - 2006.05.03 17:22:00 -
[6]
Agreed... although I think they are fairly well water proofed given they sit outside in the rain.
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FireFoxx80
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Posted - 2006.05.03 17:50:00 -
[7]
You could sue for damages.
Anyway, I am not going to announce what I did, as it still haunts me to this day. I will however state that one two seperate occasions, people have told me the sorty of "some bloke who ...", not realising I am that person.
I am an urban legend.
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ParMizaN
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Posted - 2006.05.03 17:51:00 -
[8]
 Originally by: Keldareth
When I was younger I lived in a subdivision that was just built in Toronto. It was a new subdivision and as such there were no fences in the back yards to seperate the houses so all the families with kids would just let the kids out back and it was like a court yard as it was surrounded on all 4 sides by houses.
I was prolly about 8 at the time and as such was subject to a small bladder which when needed to be emptied required immediate evacuation.
I started hobbling home holding my crotch to try to not **** myself and upon realizing I couldn't make it ducked down between my neighbours house and the house 2 doors down.
I went behind the part that stuck for the chimney and began to **** on this big green box. When I ****ed on the fan it made this awesome WHIRRRRRRRRRR noise. Thought it was hilarious so I kept aiming for the fan. Finished up and took off to play with my friends again but my nanny caught me and brought me home and I got in a fair bit of trouble.
Turns out I ****ed all over the neighbours air conditioner air intake. Their house had an odd urine smell in it for a few days afterwards.
Family still razz's me about it.
Luckily the neighbours never found out, but still damn embarassing.
rofl
Damn i cant think of any atm :<
Phenomena of ironies, cast the litany aside
How intelligible, blessed be the forgetful |
HippoKing
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Posted - 2006.05.03 17:54:00 -
[9]
Originally by: FireFoxx80
You could sue for damages.
Anyway, I am not going to announce what I did, as it still haunts me to this day. I will however state that one two seperate occasions, people have told me the sorty of "some bloke who ...", not realising I am that person.
I am an urban legend.
sounds impressive. tell us 
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Lardarz B'stard
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Posted - 2006.05.03 18:02:00 -
[10]
On a ski trip to Switzerland with my school and 2 other schools when I was about 14 I thought I would be clever and made a wise ***** to the baggage attendant at the airport.
I think I said something about 'not having a bomb or anything' or something.
I was made to repeat myself to some huge airport police bloke with a gun, then I got hauled off to a containment room. They asked me what party I was with and kept me there for about 30 mins, grilling me continuously about how it wasn't clever to mention explosives at an airport.
In the meantime one of my teachers had been roped in and given a real dressing down too by the airport security people. He was told that they had considered not letting the whole party fly (70 people or so). Eventually they let me off and we all got on the flight, but it was a but touch and go at one point.
So basically I almost jeopardised a ú500 holiday for all of my schoolmates, the teachers and 40 fit girls. I wasn't Mr Popular for a while. I couldn't even pretend I was drunk.
Exiles Recruitment |
Gabel
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Posted - 2006.05.03 18:09:00 -
[11]
I posted as an alt
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PKlavins
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Posted - 2006.05.03 18:09:00 -
[12]
Originally by: HippoKing
Originally by: FireFoxx80
You could sue for damages.
Anyway, I am not going to announce what I did, as it still haunts me to this day. I will however state that one two seperate occasions, people have told me the sorty of "some bloke who ...", not realising I am that person.
I am an urban legend.
sounds impressive. tell us
/signed
PLEASE tell us 
I make sigs/banners 5mill each, convo/evemail for details |
Kurren
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Posted - 2006.05.03 18:30:00 -
[13]
So, I used to live with my friend in a very small place that had only one bathroom which was right next to our beds.
One day I come home from work with my stomch bubbling, so I don't waist any time. I run immediately to the bathroom. I sit down, I proceed to take the loudest crap in history. It was terrible. I opened with a "tuba" fart followed by splashes and water gun sounds with loud, liquidy, bubbley farts in between. I had to give it a mercy flush between heaves, and the nastyness STILL just kept coming. I was on the crapper for 10 minutes, flexing my legs, and just making some God awful noises and smells. I finished up though. Wiped. Flushed... again. Washed my hands. Stepped out of the bathroom to find my best friend and his girlfriend with their heads poking out of a blanket they were having sex under.
I just left the apartment.
To this day I'm refered to as "The Mood Killer"
--- --- --- ---
SobaKai.com
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Bach Atreides
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Posted - 2006.05.03 18:41:00 -
[14]
rofl!! That's way better than mine! Quite colorful too. Taking this thread right into the gutter are we? Or I should say...toilet.
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Ja'kar
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Posted - 2006.05.03 20:44:00 -
[15]
Edited by: Ja''kar on 03/05/2006 20:45:00
FireFoxx80 post it ok u can use an alt and we will pretent we never read ur post!
Kurren ftw sofar!
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Sakura Nihil
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Posted - 2006.05.03 21:00:00 -
[16]
Mood Killer
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VaderDSL
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Posted - 2006.05.04 00:40:00 -
[17]
When I was a wee nipper back in secondary school (14/15 years old) on a sponsored walk I thought I would be*****y and show off trying to vault a style (wooden fence over a stone wall). Waiting either side of this style there were about 50 people from the top year (16/17 years olf). So there I was, I jogged up to the style, put my hands on the top of the style and tried vaulting it ....
Well my foot got caught and trapped in the style, I went arse over **** and ended up dangling upside down from this wooden style infront of about 50 people rolling on the floor laughing their hearts out at me.
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Aaronus
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Posted - 2006.05.04 02:23:00 -
[18]
When I was 15 my mom washed our car seats down with pine oil (brown). We were going to go to Wal-mart and I was wearing white pants (hey, it was early nineties). She said the seat was dry and it felt dry when I checked it.
I get out of the car and head inside, she goes next door to grocery shop. I am walking around and start to notice people snickering and looking at me then I check the back part of my pants and it was damp. I had a huge brown spot like I had crapped on my self. I head to the bathroom and because this was one of the older Wal-Marts it was just a door to a toilet, no stalls. I sat in there for like an hour waiting for my mom to get done. People kept knocking and I kept saying I was in there. As I walk out of the bathroom there are like three people standing there waiting to get inside.
Had to walk in front of them with a brown stain on my pants like I had some problems in there and walk out of the store like that. Thats probably the most embarassing. To this day when I get up from sitting I rub my backside to make sure it is dry and nothing is on it.
Oh and then there was the time our real estate agent brought people by the house we were selling and I had layed out of school. I get up in my underwear and walk through the house right into complete strangers in the hallway.
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Subaru Yakamitsukamosuki
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Posted - 2006.05.04 07:04:00 -
[19]
Originally by: FireFoxx80
You could sue for damages.
Anyway, I am not going to announce what I did, as it still haunts me to this day. I will however state that one two seperate occasions, people have told me the sorty of "some bloke who ...", not realising I am that person.
I am an urban legend.
All talk, no trousers.
OH FORGET IT |
Handon Guild
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Posted - 2006.05.04 09:57:00 -
[20]
Ok, an evening, about 8 years ago, I was at my new girlfriends house. We were young, and in love, and tbh, we humped every time we saw a chance to do it.
Now, she had horses in a stable outside, and I often went with her out there, when she had to feed them. This peticular weekend, she had the entire family sleeping there, so no ponane for me.
Well, when we were out in the stables, feeding the horses, our lust overwhelmed us, and we hit it in the hay!
Now,and this is the most embarassing thing I've ever experienced, as I was well working, pounding my girlfriend, who stood bent over, leaning on a brick of hay - THE FAMILY ENTERED the stables, as a part of the grand tour of the farm..and the first thing that met their eyes AND ears were me, doing their daughter/sister/granddaughter/niece etc.
Needless to say, conversation at the dinner table was a bit short and to the point 
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A day of fun in Denmark |
Big Muthatrucker
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Posted - 2006.05.04 09:57:00 -
[21]
I was stationed in Korea and came back from a realy long night of drinking. Everyone was gearing up for a post inspection so everyones room looked exactly alike and had no personal effects laying around in sight. I come stumbling in and fall into my bed and pass out. The problem is I only climbed one flight of stairs to the female floor instead of two which was my floor...
Turns out the 2 girls that roomed there let me stay there for the night and woke me up the next morning letting me know I was going to be late for Physical Training. I rushed up stairs into my room to change into my uniform and ran out to formation.
What I didnt realize was my face was decked out like a cheep hooker with every piece of make-up I could imagine...It was a battalion run so everyone on base was there laughing. My first sergeant made me run with the make up on.
Turns out the 2 women were a staff sergeant and a sgt first class and also reffered me to the army's version of Alchoholics Annonomys...turning down a referal means disciplinary action. At first I was so angry but when I show up to the first of 8 meetings they were there and just refered me so they could have some company.
Inappropriate content - Laqum |
FireFoxx80
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Posted - 2006.05.04 10:00:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Subaru Yakamitsukamosuki
All talk, no trousers.
Oh, I had trousers on, that was the problem...
Ok, story goes like this.... (I thik it will win hands down)
I was out drinking one night; first a few hours in the local vodka bar with a friend, sampling the varieties of*****tails, then a KFC, then onto a weatherspoons to help a mate celebrate his birthday.
I get there, we procees to do Flaming Sambuccas (where you light the drink and proceed to down it), with Cement Mixer chasers (drink baileys and lime, hold it in your mouth, and shake your head vigourously until it congeals into a lump that you have to eat).
By this point, you can obviously tell that I am pretty hammered. I go to the toilets to have a slash, I go to fart, and embarassingly I follow through. Being sober enough to realise what I've done, I go into a cubicle to wipe up; but being drunk, it takes me a good 15 minutes.
So one of my mates comes in to find me, wondering if I've just collapsed or something (been known to happen, once threw up blood for 6 hours). He shouts into the cubicles, as any mate would do... and I reply:
"It's ok, I followed through, just sorting myself out"
Which made perfect sense to me... but not to the 15 or so other blokes in the toiet as well.
Needless to say, when I finally returned to the bar, a deathly silence enveloped the place and I left in shame.
As I say, I still hear the story of "the bloke who shat himself in the weatherspoons" on occasion.
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Jon Engel
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Posted - 2006.05.04 10:11:00 -
[23]
In Physical Education class in high school We had to line up in alphabetical rows according to our last names. I was right behind a girl I had a bad crush on and we had to do toe touches.
As soon as the coach yelled to go down and I bent down I let out the worlds loudest fart. The hollow gymnasium and wooden floors provided all the acoustics I needed to let that sucker fly for miles.
Suffice to say I never spoke to her again the rest of my high school days.
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F'nog
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Posted - 2006.05.04 10:42:00 -
[24]
Edited by: F''nog on 04/05/2006 10:42:59
Not me, but a guy I know had just finished watching a certain type of video when there was a knock at the door. He answered it with his shirt off and a certain substance all over his stomach and chest. The UPS guy was very polite and didn't mention any of the substance on him...
-Edit- I'm tired, but if I put my mind to it, I'm sure there's something more embarassing that applies to myself that I'll come up with. Stay tuned.
Originally by: Bl4zer
But, cmon, this is the Eve forums, we don't let facts get in the way of pointless speculation.
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Dak Hakin
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Posted - 2006.05.04 10:45:00 -
[25]
Originally by: F'nog
Edited by: F''nog on 04/05/2006 10:42:59
Not me, but a guy I know had just finished watching a certain type of video when there was a knock at the door. He answered it with his shirt off and a certain substance all over his stomach and chest. The UPS guy was very polite and didn't mention any of the substance on him...
-Edit- I'm tired, but if I put my mind to it, I'm sure there's something more embarassing that applies to myself that I'll come up with. Stay tuned.
That cat shoulda grabbed a towel or something...
_______________________________________________
I am the devil, and I'm here to do the devils work.
Mr. Grumpy-sour-pus
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Lanfear's Bane
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Posted - 2006.05.04 14:08:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Jon Engel
In Physical Education class in high school We had to line up in alphabetical rows according to our last names. I was right behind a girl I had a bad crush on and we had to do toe touches.
As soon as the coach yelled to go down and I bent down I let out the worlds loudest fart. The hollow gymnasium and wooden floors provided all the acoustics I needed to let that sucker fly for miles.
Suffice to say I never spoke to her again the rest of my high school days.
We used to have assembly in on of the gyms in school and lit rip while sitting down. To get the full effect of this sit cross legged on a wooden floor and pass wind violently. It's a rather loud, and very impressive noise. The teacher at the front stopped talking rather than compete with the noise and laughter and my 'friends' all started inching away from we to aboid the small, leaving a rather obvious circle around me and putting the blame directly at my door.
I couldn't see for the tears of silent laughter.
The moral of the story: Even if you think it's going to be a quiet one - try and hold it in.
Lanfear's Bane.
_ _ _
Now selling T2 Mushrooms. |
Ja'kar
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Posted - 2006.05.04 14:17:00 -
[27]
Had to walk in front of them with a brown stain on my pants like I had some problems in there and walk out of the store like that. Thats probably the most embarassing. To this day when I get up from sitting I rub my backside to make sure it is dry and nothing is on it.
due that can giva ya psychological damage!
good stories made me feel better about posting mine
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mamolian
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Posted - 2006.05.04 15:52:00 -
[28]
Back in 2ndary school, between 3rd and 5th year we used to have this Transition year It used to be called.. where you basically just did workshops and gained other life building skills and s***, I applied for one of the trips abroad, heading over to Lourdes, to help bringing people up and down to the church and back to their hotels etc etc..
We were all 16, legal age to be served alcohol in the local pubs.. we pretty much spent that entire week locked..
One particuar morning, I was still so drunk i could bearly stand.. had to balance myself on the back of the wheelchair I was pushing, when the priest asked me to stand back.. and allow the invalid person some privacy for his confession.. so i did as i was told.. took about 3/4 maybe 5 steps back.. and ended up sitting down in the lap of another wheelchair bound person.. of course the whole place snickered.. and Im still reminded by it every time i meet up with old school buddies.
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Bach Atreides
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Posted - 2006.05.04 16:07:00 -
[29]
As far as I'm concerned, Handon Guild wins it all. That's an awesome story!
I got two highschool wrestling stories. Both of them occured during matches my little brother was in, but I was only present for one of them.
The first one happened to a competitor from another school who's wrestling singlets (uniform) were all white with blue stripes on the side. Wrestlers are constantly taking laxatives to shed weight so they can "make weight." This particular guy, in the midst of his strenuous exertions started to develop a very distinctive brown stain on his as.s. As the match went on, it got bigger and bigger until it started dripping and finally, when he realized it, he went running off the mat to the lockeroom forfeiting the match.
The other occured when a female (well-endowed btw) was wrestling a male. The match ended with the male quickly pinning the female. He didn't wait to get his armed raised by the ref signaling his triumph, instead, he also went running off the mat towards the locker room clutching his crotch, trying to hide an obvious boner.
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Kindakrof
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Posted - 2006.05.04 16:15:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Bach Atreides
As far as I'm concerned, Handon Guild wins it all. That's an awesome story!
I got two highschool wrestling stories. Both of them occured during matches my little brother was in, but I was only present for one of them.
The first one happened to a competitor from another school who's wrestling singlets (uniform) were all white with blue stripes on the side. Wrestlers are constantly taking laxatives to shed weight so they can "make weight." This particular guy, in the midst of his strenuous exertions started to develop a very distinctive brown stain on his as.s. As the match went on, it got bigger and bigger until it started dripping and finally, when he realized it, he went running off the mat to the lockeroom forfeiting the match.
The other occured when a female (well-endowed btw) was wrestling a male. The match ended with the male quickly pinning the female. He didn't wait to get his armed raised by the ref signaling his triumph, instead, he also went running off the mat towards the locker room clutching his crotch, trying to hide an obvious boner.
BWAHAHAAHHAHAHA HUMILIATIoN
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The _Ultimate_ thread
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