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Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation
55
   |
Posted - 2014.04.23 00:21:00 -
[1] - Quote
*Camera begins to roll to a title card along with a audience cheering and clapping, it then fades to view of Foley standing behind a kitchen counter wearing a chiefs hat, apron and in front of him are various ingredients and High grade explosives , also behind him are 2 very expensive looking stoves, pots, pans and more ingredients*
*Foley raises his hand to que the audience to stop applauding*
Hi im Foley Jones! Welcome to Grenadier gourmet where we don't give a **** about War crimes and in stead make apple pies, before we begin i would like to give a shutout to our sponsors for Acquiring this time slot for us, Scope Works! couldn't had done this with out you!
Now thats out of the way, today we will be cooking a personal favorite of mine, Turkey casserole, now your gonna need the following things
*puts the items on the counter as the camera zooms in to inspect the items*
-A turkey
-Green beans
-Serp approved "sauce", you can find this in any black market near you
-The complete biography of Jacus Roden
-two SMG magazines
-This..i don't know what the **** this is
-2 Locus grenades, , standard, advanced i don't care,
- And your heart *Audience awwwwws*
Ok so the first thing your gonna wanna do is wash your god damn hands *walks over to sink and begins to wash them* yeah, your gonna want the whole family to eat their food clean, always important to do this before cooking
Now that we done that, time to prepare the turkey, now you take your green beans and you shove them riiiiiight up in the turkey's ass like so,
[CENSORED}
Ok now that is done, your gonna take your Biography of Jacus roden and open it to page 42
You doing this? ok so now read about his life as a kid and how he thought he would never accomplish much
ok now close the book and beat the **** out of a Federation officer with it
*Camera cuts to Foley walking up to a federation officer then proceeding to whoop the absolute **** out of him with a god damn book*
*cuts back to the kitchen*
Ok now that your wanted for assault
Now tear chapters 8-20 out and put them inside the turkey...good fiber you know? really good for your body
ok now you want to take your sauce, and does this turkey in it
*begins to pour sauce, camera gets a close in*
Mmmm..Don't you just wanna touch it..i know i do..in fact..
*Camera cuts to a above shot of Foley Laying down in bed, under the covers while cuddling the turkey, the Following was highly Censored*
mmm your skin is so smo-..Yugo? Yugo are you ******* film- oh yous on of a *****! *gets up and begins chasing the camera man..but then cuts back to the kitchen*
Well that was fun! ok so now we gotta take the two mags, now we gotta drizzle the turkey with the bullets,,yeah just dump that **** on there
*makes it rain bullets on the turkey*
"Good source of iron.also give the food some thickness and texture...ok now push a few into the turkey..so it mixes with the fumes and melts in with ti all..very good flavoring after that...ok now for the main event..time to add the boom to it all"
*puts the grenades form before into view on the counter*
now go back to the ass of the turkey and get ready to shove this **** in, ready? ok now on 3"
1
2
2.5
2.9
80
3!
*shoves both grenades into the turkey..and there is a sudden ticking*
"Ok so now we go- oh **** i think i pulled the p-
*explosion takes the view of the entire camera..when it clears the camera is on its side, as Foley is screaming in the background*
"OH GOD! OH GOD MY HANDS ARE GONE..H GOD MY NIPPLES ARE SO DAMN HARD, FEEL SO GOO-"
[TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES - PLEASE STAND BY]
*camera cuts back to the now ruined kitchen with bits of turkey and green beans and rodens life scattered all over..and theres foley with half a hand left trying to eat a silver of turkey*
"Mmmm, now thats so god damn good turkey casserole..well thats all for today ladies and gents..what do you wanna see next episode? please leave your suggestions on what i shall prepare next!"
[END] |
Jurou Yuan
Hakkaisuo Corporation
Monyusaiya Industry Trade Group
83
|
Posted - 2014.04.23 00:25:00 -
[2] - Quote
Please shoot yourself in the face . |
Aracturus
Wildly Inappropriate
Goonswarm Federation
162
|
Posted - 2014.04.23 00:27:00 -
[3] - Quote
inb4 thread locked. :D
This is now a WIDOT thread! |
Eran Mintor
Esoteric Philosophy
555
|
Posted - 2014.04.23 00:52:00 -
[4] - Quote
You started that one thread awhile back that was supposed to be like a choose your own adventure....what happened to that?
-Eran |
Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation
55
|
Posted - 2014.04.23 00:54:00 -
[5] - Quote
Eran Mintor wrote:You started that one thread awhile back that was supposed to be like a choose your own adventure....what happened to that?
-Eran
um...did i or are you talking to the beta i made for that adventure game? this is my holo cooking show.. |
Makoto Priano
Priano Trans-Stellar State Services
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
6199
|
Posted - 2014.04.23 01:01:00 -
[6] - Quote
I actually read that. Why did I actually read that? Maker. I had this man blocked for a reason...
Priano Trans-Stellar: elegant solutions for the State's needs. |
Katran Luftschreck
Royal Ammatar Engineering Corps
2486
|
Posted - 2014.04.23 21:00:00 -
[7] - Quote
What's a "turkey?" Is that like a roe? Or a fedo?
Nullsec in a Nutshell:
http://nedroid.com/comics/2006-08-24-2155-arrrdino.gif |
Diana Kim
State Protectorate
Caldari State
1029
|
Posted - 2014.04.24 11:38:00 -
[8] - Quote
I could send you some pre-cooked dry rations.
If you will feed yourself with dry rations, you won't have to visit medbay after each feeding to sew back your hands or stuff like that.
Saves lots of time, you know, right? |
Anslo
Scope Works
4899
|
Posted - 2014.04.24 13:36:00 -
[9] - Quote
Katran Luftschreck wrote:What's a "turkey?" Is that like a roe? Or a fedo?
Could ask the same question about your Fluid Router signature in your post. What the hell are those things?
|
Marth Young
Proficiency V.
5
|
Posted - 2014.04.24 22:42:00 -
[10] - Quote
Make a plasma cannon cake next time.
Playing Dust is a must!
One Universe \\ One War
Dust News Reporter
|
Lunarisse Aspenstar
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
86
|
Posted - 2014.04.24 23:17:00 -
[11] - Quote
*flickers in with a slightly disgusted look on her face*
"I don't believe I watched that while I was trying to cook."
"Mr. Jones, I can see you have no idea how to cook a casserole and your mother never showed you how to do so properly. One of the drawbacks of being a tube child I suppose...
And if it's a stuffed fowl you planned to make, well... you stuffed the wrong end, it's the throat or body cavity you want after you clean out the entrails."
*turns and gestures to her clean, well kept kitchen and selects a book from a shelf filled with cook books*
"The Amarr Scriptures cover many things, among them is the cooking of fine casserole"
*mutters to herself as she flips through some pages and exclaims*
"Ah! Ingrediients!"
*she begins to read as she putters around the kitchen as she collects them*
"1 package uncooked spaghetti
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup flour
3 cups broth of barnyard fowl
2 cups milk
1 2/3 cups grated cheese from Parmesia
4 cups chopped cooked barn yard fowl. White meat is recommended for the casserole"
Optional - Mushrooms to taste
*after laying the ingredients on her well-kept kitchen Island, she reads outloud while performing the steps*
"First, Preheat oven to 175 degrees C. Lightly grease a baking dish."
"Second, while the oven is preheating, multi task, and bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add spaghetti, and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente. Drain, and place in the prepared baking dish"
"Third, melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Sautee mushrooms. Stir in flour. Mix in broth and milk. Cook and stir until the mixture comes to a boil. Stir in about 1 1/3 cups grated cheese, and remove from heat"
"Fourth, Mix broth mixture and fowl with spaghetti. Top with remaining cheese. Bake 1 hour in the preheated oven, until surface is lightly browned."
"Ah! Heavenly!"
*smiles and turns back to the camera with a winning smile while holding a baking dish in her pax amarria mitts that contains a delicious looking casserole and blinks out* |
Anabella Rella
Gradient
1666
|
Posted - 2014.04.25 17:01:00 -
[12] - Quote
Pilot Aspenstar's method seems simpler and less prone to cause explosive decompression aboard a station or vessel (not to mention being much more friendly to one's limbs).
When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around. |
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