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Author |
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Omar Alharazaad
ZomCom
174
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Posted - 2014.06.07 10:30:00 -
[1] - Quote
When that bug climbing up your arm turns out to be real, and all you can feel is relief. When the movement out of the corner of your eye turns out to not be real. When you realize that in order to be able to fluently converse with all of your vendors you would need to speak so many languages that your employers could no longer afford to pay you. When your right eyelid wont stop twitching due to you having to keep from reciting the mantra 'shallow grave' over and over out loud. When you realize that there's still four hours left to go before it's zero beer thirty. |
Doreen Kaundur
442
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Posted - 2014.06.07 10:41:00 -
[2] - Quote
get another job.
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Omar Alharazaad
ZomCom
174
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Posted - 2014.06.07 12:51:00 -
[3] - Quote
Nah. I'm actually quite good at my job. The relentless nature of human stupidity just wears me down from time to time and causes the crazy to start to boil towards the surface. |
Krixtal Icefluxor
INLAND EMPIRE Galactic
111051
|
Posted - 2014.06.07 13:00:00 -
[4] - Quote
....you're sitting at the conference table at work at 7:00 AM ready for the meeting your boss called, and you are sitting there still at 8:00 AM because he is "running late". "He has mounted his hind-legs, and blown crass vapidities through the bowel of his neck."-á - Ambrose Bierce on Oscar Wilde's Lecture in San Francisco 1882 |
Grimpak
Shifting Sands Trader Cartel Bleak Horizon Alliance.
1558
|
Posted - 2014.06.07 14:16:00 -
[5] - Quote
good thing my work is more physical. [img]http://eve-files.com/sig/grimpak[/img]
[quote]The more I know about humans, the more I love animals.[/quote] ain't that right |
Omar Alharazaad
ZomCom
178
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Posted - 2014.06.07 17:04:00 -
[6] - Quote
Mine would be too if I were to let that crazy actually reach the surface. The nearby cornfield would be exceptionally fertile and I would have myself a booming business of used semi trucks and trailers... and yet there's this whole moral/ethical hierarchy thing that stands in the way. Still better than driving cab, my last job. "There's a few imaginary laws and an angry mob standing between you, me, and a trip to a nearby hog farm... so chill out and let me do my job."
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Grimpak
Shifting Sands Trader Cartel Bleak Horizon Alliance.
1558
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Posted - 2014.06.07 17:43:00 -
[7] - Quote
Omar Alharazaad wrote:Mine would be too if I were to let that crazy actually reach the surface. The nearby cornfield would be exceptionally fertile and I would have myself a booming business of used semi trucks and trailers... and yet there's this whole moral/ethical hierarchy thing that stands in the way. Still better than driving cab, my last job. "There's a few imaginary laws and an angry mob standing between you, me, and a trip to a nearby hog farm... so chill out and let me do my job."
meh, I just assemble leaf springs. if somebody pisses me off I can just go around clobbing heads with a metal sheet. [img]http://eve-files.com/sig/grimpak[/img]
[quote]The more I know about humans, the more I love animals.[/quote] ain't that right |
Lido Seahawk
Norr Amalgamated Industries
106
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Posted - 2014.06.07 20:12:00 -
[8] - Quote
You go to shut down the off-line generator for maintenance, and everything suddenly gets real dark and quiet.... Can I have your stuff? |
Sibyyl
Gallente Federation
1546
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Posted - 2014.06.09 11:39:00 -
[9] - Quote
When you have to explain to your IT person that your work laptop may have a virus after visiting a **** site. ("I don't watch ****.. scoff" - this almost worked) When somebody else overhears you pleading with your computer (hey please don't delete my powerpoint..!!) When your boss finds you napping under your desk When you forget to close down all your Youtube tabs before showing everybody your screen When two coworkers hit on you at once When you start talking about EVE and everyone else is o_O .. when everything else is gone .. |
Ralph King-Griffin
Var Foundation inc.
1833
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Posted - 2014.06.09 11:48:00 -
[10] - Quote
Sibyyl wrote: When two coworkers hit on you at once
Iv had two cougars fight over me at a dental conference a few years back...they were both married to delicates... "CAKE CANNOT HOLD UP TO BEING A CHARACTER DAMNIT."
Unsuccessful At Everything |
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Slade Trillgon
Brutor Force Federated
2942
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Posted - 2014.06.09 22:08:00 -
[11] - Quote
Ralph King-Griffin wrote:Sibyyl wrote: When two coworkers hit on you at once
Iv had two cougars fight over me at a dental conference a few years back...they were both married to delicates...
Here is a clear example of how to people can take something very similar very differently
Wondering what you mean by 'delicates'
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Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
14181
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Posted - 2014.06.10 00:15:00 -
[12] - Quote
Ok OP, what you are experiencing is common is boring office environments. But there are things you can do to solve this crisis!
Start Muffin Monday.
Implement Doughnut Thunderdome (provide half as many doughnuts as there are people in your office and/or floor).
Friday Pie-day.
Become feared through acts of office vengeance.
Replace sugar with salt next to office coffeepot.
Turn something into a puppet.
Goat Simulator.
Post-it note mosaic.
Swap nearby coworkers phone lines.
Create an a capella singing group with nearby coworkers and bust out "Eye of the Tiger" at odd times.
Learn to imitate voices and use those voices for nefarious purposes.
Find co-workers weaknesses and exploit them.
Hijack nearby wireless printers and print odd pictures or creepy messages when people walk by it.
Wrath.
Tell co-workers that you want to eat them to gain their power when they are recognized over you.
Replace pencil erasers with hardened pink frosting.
Take packing peanuts, cover in macaroni and cheese powder packet, place in Cheetos bag on breakroom table, walk out with handful of real Cheetos. Sit back and watch.
You see, an office environment is a blank canvas. There are plenty of art supplies around you, use them to create a masterpiece. Boring office environments are due to lack of content creation. Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Sibyyl
Gallente Federation
1548
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Posted - 2014.06.10 00:54:00 -
[13] - Quote
Slade Trillgon wrote:Ralph King-Griffin wrote:Iv had two cougars fight over me at a dental conference a few years back...they were both married to delicates... Here is a clear example of how to people can take something very similar very differently Wondering what you mean by 'delicates' Like so? .. when everything else is gone .. |
Ralph King-Griffin
Var Foundation inc.
1866
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Posted - 2014.06.10 00:58:00 -
[14] - Quote
Slade Trillgon wrote:Ralph King-Griffin wrote:Sibyyl wrote: When two coworkers hit on you at once
Iv had two cougars fight over me at a dental conference a few years back...they were both married to delicates... Here is a clear example of how to people can take something very similar very differently Wondering what you mean by 'delicates' actually i got smartphoned there, Delegates i.e. attendees of the conference . "CAKE CANNOT HOLD UP TO BEING A CHARACTER DAMNIT."
Unsuccessful At Everything |
Omar Alharazaad
ZomCom
182
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Posted - 2014.06.10 03:50:00 -
[15] - Quote
Interesting ideas. I particularly liked the 'Turn a coworker into a puppet' one. I may have misread that, but I'm gonna stick with my interpretation.
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Doreen Kaundur
478
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Posted - 2014.06.10 08:31:00 -
[16] - Quote
That awkward moment at work...
when you accidentally fart in the elevator full of your coworkers...
and the elevator breaks down between floors.
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Slade Trillgon
Brutor Force Federated
2950
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Posted - 2014.06.10 12:14:00 -
[17] - Quote
That awkward moment when you get caught by a coworker while taking a **** in the back of the building after normal work hours
It was by break time and I did not want to go back into the building just to head nature's call
Luckily she did not notify HR and just pointed out slightly more secluded spots to do my business |
Astenion
The Scope Gallente Federation
388
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Posted - 2014.06.10 13:00:00 -
[18] - Quote
Freelance is "free" of all of the above. On the other hand, it's also "free" of any job security. |
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
3246
|
Posted - 2014.06.11 00:58:00 -
[19] - Quote
Our Mission Statement: We will provide the highest quality and the fastest service and the best customer service and the most competitive price. "Were [sic] not your monkey and so what?"-á -The Sex Pistols (2006) |
Omar Alharazaad
ZomCom
187
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Posted - 2014.06.11 23:52:00 -
[20] - Quote
When everyone starts staring at you because you just started chuckling evilly while reading the EVE Forums. |
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Chopper Rollins
Brutor Tribe Minmatar Republic
870
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Posted - 2014.06.12 03:12:00 -
[21] - Quote
That feeling when you read a thread that reminds you why working in a cube is morbid and a waste.
Goggles. Making me look good. Making you look good. |
Ranzabar
Ratio 1.618 Corp
96
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Posted - 2014.06.24 00:02:00 -
[22] - Quote
Stick the earbuds in and crank up Royksopp. You won't care much about work anymore. Abide |
Mudkest
Adventurers
160
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Posted - 2014.06.24 09:39:00 -
[23] - Quote
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote: Replace sugar with salt next to office coffeepot.
no, you replace the coffee with decaf. then once everyone is (unknowingly)over their caffine habbit you rpelace the decaf with espresso |
Debora Tsung
The Investment Bankers Guild
1141
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Posted - 2014.06.24 09:45:00 -
[24] - Quote
Mudkest wrote:Unsuccessful At Everything wrote: Replace sugar with salt next to office coffeepot.
no, you replace the coffee with decaf. then once everyone is (unknowingly)over their caffine habbit you rpelace the decaf with espresso
I'd totally do that, unfortunately our coffee is supplied daily by some coffee dude and only he has the key to that big ass coffee machine.
He guards it like a cerberus, also i think he's slightly mad. Stupidity should be a bannable offense.
Also This --> https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=216699 Please stop making "afk cloak" threads, thanks in advance. |
Lord LazyGhost
The Bastards The Bastards.
377
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Posted - 2014.06.24 10:14:00 -
[25] - Quote
Get 5 or 10 co workser go randomly go up to the same person through out the day and say the same random ahit. Ie happy birthday. Or sorry to hear about your cat. Or some bollox. Its funny how pissed off people get.
Ok everyone its not my fuckjng birthday **** off lol |
Mudkest
Adventurers
160
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Posted - 2014.06.25 15:55:00 -
[26] - Quote
some usefull phrases for at work
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. 6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? 8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 13. No, my powers can only be used for good. 14. How about never? Is never good for you? 15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. 16. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication. 17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message . 19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 20. Who me? I just wander from room to room. 21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys! 22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. 23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. 24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. |
Xtreem
PERPIDE Ineluctable.
190
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Posted - 2014.06.25 20:13:00 -
[27] - Quote
That awkward moment at work you are fixing someones IT issue and find 'personal' photos on their work laptop.. made for some awkward silence :) |
Mark Munoz
The One Corp Brothers of Tangra
151
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Posted - 2014.06.26 21:16:00 -
[28] - Quote
Xtreem wrote:That awkward moment at work you are fixing someones IT issue and find 'personal' photos on their work laptop.. made for some awkward silence :)
HAHA I **** you not I did a job one day knocked on the door and the wife answer wearing only a robe(super hot woman). She was all. oh my husband's not home yet let me show you the computer, it's in the bedroom. I sit down and she says I think most of his problems are with iPhoto. So I open iPhoto and the majority of the photos are of her ass naked. She giggles and says well I guess I don't need this robe anymore. Takes it off goes a few feet to my left which is their closet and just starts getting dressed! Then her husband walks in while she is still nude sees her and tells her to stop embarrassing the IT guy.
I swear to you I thought I was being setup for a porno movie or something. |
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