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Indahmawar Fazmarai
2702
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 09:09:00 -
[1] - Quote
Doh, the rubbish jokes thread was locked... so I'll have to start a thread for this alone:
"Joe, pal, yesterday I went home drunk and my wife gave me a hell of a beating... does your wife beat you too?" "Nae Sam, dude. When I go home drunk, we just play The Exorcist" "The Exorcist??" "Yay, she yells at me and I puke all over the place..." The Greater Fool Bar-áis now open for business, 24/7. Come and have drinks and fun somewhere between RL and New Eden!-áIngame chat channel: The Greater Fool Bar |
Ralph King-Griffin
Lords.Of.Midnight The Devil's Warrior Alliance
3923
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 10:08:00 -
[2] - Quote
two tomm's and a snare fall off a cliff =][= |
Adunh Slavy
1583
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 11:56:00 -
[3] - Quote
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.-á-á- William Pitt |
Zeta DuRaine
Has Cloning Gone Too Far
298
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 12:17:00 -
[4] - Quote
A +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù ¦ê-à+¦+¦ +»+ï+º-â +º+»+ƒ -æ+¦+ï -à+ï-æ -à+ƒ-í+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ +¦-â+º+º+¦+ù, "M-â+¦ -à+¦ I -à +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù?" "OGê¦ ¦ê-â+¦+ù+ƒ+¦ +¦-â+¦ -à+ù+¦." H+»+ƒ +¦-â+º+º+¦+ù +ù+¦++Gäô+»+¦-æ. T+º+¦ +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù -à+ƒ-í+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ Gê¦-à+º+º+¦+ù. "D-à-æ, -à+¦ I -à +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù?" "Y+¦+ƒ, +¦-â+¦ -à+ù+¦ -à +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù." A -ë+¦+¦-í ++-à+ƒ+ƒ+¦-æ -à+ï-æ +º+º+¦ +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù -à+ƒ-í+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ ++-à+ù+¦+ï+º+ƒ, "A+ù+¦ +á+ù-à+ï-æ+¦-à -à+ï-æ +á+ù-à+ï-æ++-à +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù+ƒ?" "Y+¦+ƒ" +ƒ-à+»-æ +º+»+ƒ ++-à+ù+¦+ï+º+ƒ. A+ï-â+º+º+¦+ù -ë+¦+¦-í ++-à+ƒ+ƒ+¦-æ -à+ï-æ +º+º+¦ +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù -à+ƒ-í+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ ++-à+ù+¦+ï+º+ƒ, "A+ù+¦ -àGäôGäô +¦+¦ +ù+¦Gäô-à+º+»GêÜ+¦+ƒ +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù+ƒ?" "Y+¦+ƒ, +º+º+¦+¦ -à+ù+¦ -àGäôGäô +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù+ƒ." S-à+»-æ +º+»+ƒ ++-à+ù+¦+ï+º+ƒ. "W+º+¦ -æ-â +¦-â+¦ -à+ƒ-í?" +ù+¦++Gäô+»+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ +¦-â+º+º+¦+ù. "B+¦¦ê-à+¦+ƒ+¦," +ƒ-à+»-æ +º+º+¦ +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù, "I'+¦ Gê¦+¦¦ê-í+»+ï+á Gê¦+ù+¦+¦ß¦ò+»+ï+á!" -.- |
Ralph King-Griffin
Lords.Of.Midnight The Devil's Warrior Alliance
3935
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 18:25:00 -
[5] - Quote
please stop that =][= |
Solecist Project
Mew Age Outpaws
4910
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 19:35:00 -
[6] - Quote
Ralph King-Griffin wrote:please stop that Report her.
A ******** kids walks into an icecream shop.
Kid keeps banging his right hand onto his forehead ... ... BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG ... ... his left hand banging against his thigh ... ... BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP ...
... and he looks at the icecream shop guy and yells ...
... I WANT ICECREAM I WANT ICECREAM I WANT ICECREAM!
So the icecream shop seller says OKAY OKAY I'LL GIVE YOU ONE FOR FREE!!! ... ... and hands him the icecream into his right hand.
Kid says THANKS ... ... is SOOO happy he has icecream ... ... totally focused on it ...
... smiling widely! :D ...
... turns around ...
... starts walking ...
... BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!! - I'm an *******... it's what I do... - http://residentoutlaw.tumblr.com - The Underwear Glitch Tutorial. The Mew Age Calender is in need of models! Plus payment! https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=4908292#post4908292 |
Ares Desideratus
Brutor Tribe Minmatar Republic
138
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 19:45:00 -
[7] - Quote
Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
Why did the nun get pregnant? Because somebody banged her. __Marilyn Manson (Born Villain) __System of a Down (SoaD) a+üa¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ç_Arcade Fire (Reflektor) |
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
904
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 19:54:00 -
[8] - Quote
Don't make fun of fat girls with lisps, they're thick and tired of it. Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead. |
Trin Xi
549
|
Posted - 2014.08.16 22:53:00 -
[9] - Quote
An American man goes to Ireland for a vacation. In the middle of the trip he stops off in the pub of a small, quaint town. Soon, he locks eyes with an older Irish gentlemen sitting at the bar. The Irishman waves him over to have a drink.
"The name's McClarney", he says. "I built that bridge over on the far side of town... but they don't call me McClarney the bridge-builder, do they now?"
"Well, I guess not", says the American.
"And look over yonder, do you see that chapel in the middle of town? I built it all by myself using stone that I hand-cut... but they don't call me McClarney the stonecutter, do they now?" says the Irishman.
"Um, we-" the American tries to interject before he is interrupted.
"And I made just about every window for every house in this entire town, by hand, and yet, it's not like they call me McClarney the glass-blower. But you *enjoy* one goat..." Post with someone else's mainGäó. |
Xenuria
The Scope Gallente Federation
925
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 05:00:00 -
[10] - Quote
A old friend from college and I were at a pub. She asked me how I function with everything I know. I responded "I'don't" CSM 9 Candidate Philanthropist Polymath Savant Hero |
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Mudkest
Adventurers
181
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 09:24:00 -
[11] - Quote
an undertaker walks into a doctors office, sais the doc "Wow that's a bad coffin" |
Pepper Swift
Special Projects Industry and Exploration
27177
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 12:54:00 -
[12] - Quote
When life gives you melons you might be dyslexic Signature Space For Rent...-á When life gives you melons you might be-ádyslexic |
Adunh Slavy
1585
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 13:02:00 -
[13] - Quote
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.
My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.
Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. 'Cheeseburgers? Nope! We got spaghetti and blankets.
I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.-á-á- William Pitt |
Debora Tsung
The Investment Bankers Guild
1256
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 13:22:00 -
[14] - Quote
Zeta DuRaine wrote:A +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù ¦ê-à+¦+¦ +»+ï+º-â +º+»+ƒ -æ+¦+ï -à+ï-æ -à+ƒ-í+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ +¦-â+º+º+¦+ù, "M-â+¦ -à+¦ I -à +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù?" "OGê¦ ¦ê-â+¦+ù+ƒ+¦ +¦-â+¦ -à+ù+¦." H+»+ƒ +¦-â+º+º+¦+ù +ù+¦++Gäô+»+¦-æ. T+º+¦ +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù -à+ƒ-í+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ Gê¦-à+º+º+¦+ù. "D-à-æ, -à+¦ I -à +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù?" "Y+¦+ƒ, +¦-â+¦ -à+ù+¦ -à +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù." A -ë+¦+¦-í ++-à+ƒ+ƒ+¦-æ -à+ï-æ +º+º+¦ +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù -à+ƒ-í+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ ++-à+ù+¦+ï+º+ƒ, "A+ù+¦ +á+ù-à+ï-æ+¦-à -à+ï-æ +á+ù-à+ï-æ++-à +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù+ƒ?" "Y+¦+ƒ" +ƒ-à+»-æ +º+»+ƒ ++-à+ù+¦+ï+º+ƒ. A+ï-â+º+º+¦+ù -ë+¦+¦-í ++-à+ƒ+ƒ+¦-æ -à+ï-æ +º+º+¦ +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù -à+ƒ-í+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ ++-à+ù+¦+ï+º+ƒ, "A+ù+¦ -àGäôGäô +¦+¦ +ù+¦Gäô-à+º+»GêÜ+¦+ƒ +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù+ƒ?" "Y+¦+ƒ, +º+º+¦+¦ -à+ù+¦ -àGäôGäô +ù+¦-àGäô ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù+ƒ." S-à+»-æ +º+»+ƒ ++-à+ù+¦+ï+º+ƒ. "W+º+¦ -æ-â +¦-â+¦ -à+ƒ-í?" +ù+¦++Gäô+»+¦-æ +º+»+ƒ +¦-â+º+º+¦+ù. "B+¦¦ê-à+¦+ƒ+¦," +ƒ-à+»-æ +º+º+¦ +¦-â+¦+ï+á ++-âGäô-à+ù +ô+¦-à+ù, "I'+¦ Gê¦+¦¦ê-í+»+ï+á Gê¦+ù+¦+¦ß¦ò+»+ï+á!" If you can read that you spend to much time on the internet. Stupidity should be a bannable offense.
Also This --> https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=216699 Please stop making "afk cloak" threads, thanks in advance. |
Hengle Teron
Mew Age Outpaws
30
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 14:56:00 -
[15] - Quote
The other day my 16 year old daughter announced to me: "Dad I'm pregnant. Me and my boyfriend decided we are keeping the baby."
I shook my head in disappointment: "Its 'My boyfriend and I' " |
RoAnnon
Eternity INC. Goonswarm Federation
465
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 15:57:00 -
[16] - Quote
A penguin is on vacation, driving his convertible Lincoln at a very high speed down the interstate through the desert in Arizona, because all penguins like to drive fast in expensive cars. The wind is fluttering the feathers on his head, he's happy as a penguin could possibly be doing 85 in a Lincoln convertible, when there's suddenly a loud bang under the hood. All the dash lights come on warning of something wrong.
Oh No! he thinks as he pulls over to the side of the road and the car dies.
He gets on his cell and calls AAA, because all Penguins have AAA, and in no time a tow truck shows up and takes his car into the nearest small town.
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to figure out what's wrong with the car.
The penguin can't imagine what he's going to do for an hour when he spots, across the highway, an ice cream shop.
WOW! This penguin really loves ice cream (they all do, in fact), he's suddenly happy all over again as he goes over into the shop and orders up all the vanilla ice cream he can eat. He's deliriously happy shoveling all the ice cream he can into his beak, as fast as he can. He's not being neat about it, it's dribbling down his beak and onto his chest feathers.
He glances at his Rolex, because all penguins have Rolexes, and sees it's been over an hour. Woops. He hops up, pays for the ice cream and rushes back to the auto shop.
"Hey, did you figure out what's wrong with my car?" he asks the mechanic. The mechanic replies.
"Looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no!" the penguins says, wiping his beak. "This is ice cream!" So, you're a bounty hunter. No, that ain't it at all. Then what are you? I'm a bounty hunter. |
Debora Tsung
The Investment Bankers Guild
1260
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 21:17:00 -
[17] - Quote
Two cows are sitting on the branch of a hilariously large tree, knitting some pullovers for their nephews, when suddenly along comes a flying pig, greeting them cheerfully, commenting on the beautifull day and congratulating them to their new grand children.
The cows stare at the pig intensely for a few seconds then close their eyes and shake their heads in disbelieve, one saying "whoever heard of a flying pig..." Stupidity should be a bannable offense.
Also This --> https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=216699 Please stop making "afk cloak" threads, thanks in advance. |
Debora Tsung
The Investment Bankers Guild
1260
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 21:18:00 -
[18] - Quote
RoAnnon wrote:A penguin is on vacation, driving his convertible Lincoln at a very high speed down the interstate through the desert in Arizona, because all penguins like to drive fast in expensive cars. The wind is fluttering the feathers on his head, he's happy as a penguin could possibly be doing 85 in a Lincoln convertible, when there's suddenly a loud bang under the hood. All the dash lights come on warning of something wrong.
Oh No! he thinks as he pulls over to the side of the road and the car dies.
He gets on his cell and calls AAA, because all Penguins have AAA, and in no time a tow truck shows up and takes his car into the nearest small town.
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to figure out what's wrong with the car.
The penguin can't imagine what he's going to do for an hour when he spots, across the highway, an ice cream shop.
WOW! This penguin really loves ice cream (they all do, in fact), he's suddenly happy all over again as he goes over into the shop and orders up all the vanilla ice cream he can eat. He's deliriously happy shoveling all the ice cream he can into his beak, as fast as he can. He's not being neat about it, it's dribbling down his beak and onto his chest feathers.
He glances at his Rolex, because all penguins have Rolexes, and sees it's been over an hour. Woops. He hops up, pays for the ice cream and rushes back to the auto shop.
"Hey, did you figure out what's wrong with my car?" he asks the mechanic. The mechanic replies.
"Looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no!" the penguins says, wiping his beak. "This is ice cream!"
somehow i expected the penguin to be run over by another penguin in another convertible lincoln...
Stupidity should be a bannable offense.
Also This --> https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=216699 Please stop making "afk cloak" threads, thanks in advance. |
Indahmawar Fazmarai
2720
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 21:59:00 -
[19] - Quote
Debora Tsung wrote:RoAnnon wrote:A penguin is on vacation, driving his convertible Lincoln at a very high speed down the interstate through the desert in Arizona, because all penguins like to drive fast in expensive cars. The wind is fluttering the feathers on his head, he's happy as a penguin could possibly be doing 85 in a Lincoln convertible, when there's suddenly a loud bang under the hood. All the dash lights come on warning of something wrong.
Oh No! he thinks as he pulls over to the side of the road and the car dies.
He gets on his cell and calls AAA, because all Penguins have AAA, and in no time a tow truck shows up and takes his car into the nearest small town.
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to figure out what's wrong with the car.
The penguin can't imagine what he's going to do for an hour when he spots, across the highway, an ice cream shop.
WOW! This penguin really loves ice cream (they all do, in fact), he's suddenly happy all over again as he goes over into the shop and orders up all the vanilla ice cream he can eat. He's deliriously happy shoveling all the ice cream he can into his beak, as fast as he can. He's not being neat about it, it's dribbling down his beak and onto his chest feathers.
He glances at his Rolex, because all penguins have Rolexes, and sees it's been over an hour. Woops. He hops up, pays for the ice cream and rushes back to the auto shop.
"Hey, did you figure out what's wrong with my car?" he asks the mechanic. The mechanic replies.
"Looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no!" the penguins says, wiping his beak. "This is ice cream!" somehow i expected the penguin to be run over by another penguin in another convertible lincoln...
I think that that's a part of another joke, the one that says:
Why did the penguin step down from his convertible Lincoln? Because he had run on another penguin who had step down from his convertible Lincoln. Adn why the dead penguin stepped down from his convertible Llincoln? Because it dind't knew how to drive, it was a bloody penguin! The Greater Fool Bar-áis now open for business, 24/7. Come and have drinks and fun somewhere between RL and New Eden!-áIngame chat channel: The Greater Fool Bar |
Pepper Swift
Special Projects Industry and Exploration
27398
|
Posted - 2014.08.19 23:09:00 -
[20] - Quote
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside. Signature Space For Rent...-á When life gives you melons you might be-ádyslexic |
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Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
910
|
Posted - 2014.08.20 00:14:00 -
[21] - Quote
Adunh Slavy wrote:The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.
My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.
Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. 'Cheeseburgers? Nope! We got spaghetti and blankets.
I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Gotta love Mitch Hedburg.
Mitch Hedburg wrote:I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat." Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead. |
Hengle Teron
Mew Age Outpaws
34
|
Posted - 2014.08.20 15:07:00 -
[22] - Quote
oh I have a good one!
People in "democratic" countries think they live in democracy |
Ares Desideratus
Blue Republic RvB - BLUE Republic
141
|
Posted - 2014.08.20 16:29:00 -
[23] - Quote
Hengle Teron wrote:oh I have a good one!
People in "democratic" countries think they live in democracy That hardly counts as a joke since it's just the truth.
What does a nosy pepper do?
It gets jalapeno business ! __Marilyn Manson (Born Villain) __System of a Down (SoaD) a+üa¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ça¦ç_Arcade Fire (Reflektor) |
Pepper Swift
Special Projects Industry and Exploration
28193
|
Posted - 2014.08.20 16:37:00 -
[24] - Quote
Ares Desideratus wrote:Hengle Teron wrote:oh I have a good one!
People in "democratic" countries think they live in democracy That hardly counts as a joke since it's just the truth. What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeno business !
I AM NOT NOSEY When life gives you melons you might be-ádyslexic Signature space - Under offer
|
selket Shihari
Tribal Liberation Force Minmatar Republic
348
|
Posted - 2014.08.21 03:47:00 -
[25] - Quote
a man walks into a church, and asks the priest "hows it hanging?" So long, and thanks for all the fish |
Derrick Miles
EVENumbers
2640
|
Posted - 2014.08.21 07:36:00 -
[26] - Quote
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents." |
Mizhir
Mind Games. Suddenly Spaceships.
66707
|
Posted - 2014.08.21 09:56:00 -
[27] - Quote
So there was this Stormtrooper who got an iPhone.
He couldn't find the Droid he was looking for. One Man Crew - Collective solo pvp |
Indahmawar Fazmarai
2728
|
Posted - 2014.08.21 13:52:00 -
[28] - Quote
Mizhir wrote:So there was this Stormtrooper who got an iPhone.
He couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.
What has been read can't be unread... The Greater Fool Bar-áis now open for business, 24/7. Come and have drinks and fun somewhere between RL and New Eden!-áIngame chat channel: The Greater Fool Bar |
RoAnnon
Eternity INC. Goonswarm Federation
468
|
Posted - 2014.08.22 17:07:00 -
[29] - Quote
A Stormtrooper and a Redshirt get into a firefight.
The Stormtrooper misses with every shot.
The Redshirt dies anyway... So, you're a bounty hunter. No, that ain't it at all. Then what are you? I'm a bounty hunter. |
Random Nardieu
Lone Star Warriors Yulai Federation
1
|
Posted - 2014.08.22 17:13:00 -
[30] - Quote
World of Warcraft |
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