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Lungorthin
Black Eclipse Corp
Band of Brothers
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Posted - 2006.08.04 12:17:00 -
[1]
(continuation)
"Here is the X-Ray," nurse Jane interruped, she fished a sheet out of the folder under her arm and holding it at arms length with two fingers as if it were a dead rat handed it over to Munch.
Munch raised an eyebrow as he examined the x-ray, that was a mop all right, with the business side of it firmly inside the patient. He had seen all kind of strange things in his life as a proctologist, but there is always a first time for everything he reminded himself with a sigh.
"Why," Dr. Munch frowned and tried to formulate a coherent question. "Why on earth did he do that? I mean.. how he did that is beyond me! Did he inflict that to himself?"
"Yes," nurse Jane nodded after an awkward moment of silence, "and the worst is that this is not an isolated case, we have reports from other Space Hospitals as well, Jita, Torrinos, Orvolle, you name it, hundreds of individuals apparently previously associated with Goonswarm being shipped to the funny farm in droves, having gone completely monkey."
"Do you think this is infectious?" the nurse asked now with a sudden serious face. She looked genuinely worried.
Munch shook his head and dismissed the argument with a wave of his hand.
Dr. Munch had not really followed the news lately, he despised politics and news about politics, but the news of the " easy and crushing defeat" of Goonswarm in Cloud Ring and Syndicate --according to the D2 Networks anchor woman-- had been all over the galactic intercoms even in the hospital transport tubes he used to move around inside the gigantic hospital wing. Too bad one could not turn off these annoying intercoms. But Munch had to admit that he found the network's interview of the BoB recon pilots quite interesting though, they had talked about the burning Goon worlds of S-U8A4 and how few if any had managed to escape in small ships the ongoing siege.
Mind absently, Munch started to put on an additional extra pair of surgical gloves above the ones he was already wearing, looking at John Goon Doe 057 he wondered if anyone would ever be able to figure out, what happened to these poor creatures in the war zone. This individual was obviously shell-shocked. But that was work for the colleagues of the psychology department and there was work to be done.
"Bzzzzt, bzzzzt," the patient said, he turned his head and doing his best to aim his protruding eyes straight at Dr. Munch's face spoke his first coherent sentences of the evening:
"I am a bee! Do you like my stinger?"
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Lungorthin
Black Eclipse Corp
Band of Brothers
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Posted - 2006.08.04 12:17:00 -
[2]
Edited by: Lungorthin on 04/08/2006 12:18:36
"Bzzzzt, bzzzzt," the patient hissed merrily.
"Oh û My ûGod. What is that thing protruding from his... err...?", Dr. Munch reminding himself of the attractive dark haired female nurse assisting him, wrestled for a moment for a polite expression and finally decided to simply point at the long handle sticking out from the buttocks of his patient.
The nurse went silent for a moment and Dr. Munch recognized traces of sudden red coloration on her otherwise pale cheeks.
"Well?"
"That is what is left of," she hesitated, "the janitor's mop," she slowly managed to say looking straight at the ceiling, biting her lips and apparently having a tough time not to laugh out aloud, at the same time paradoxically not looking all too happy about this topic. She turned away from Dr. Munch holding her left hand over her mouth.
"A mop?"
"Yes, yes," Nurse Jane turned and exploded in a burst of silly giggles, "but the janitor refused to get this mop back." Suddenly she bolted out of the room just to come back almost immediately holding a medical records folder under her arm. "Bill, the janitor, said the patient can keep this mop, that he would get a new one." She stammered something else in a low voice about the wards only being able to restrain the patient by threatening him with a fly swat, but Munch could not make any sense of that.
"Bzzzzt, bzzzzt," the patient said to no one in particular drawing attention to himself. The patient, John Goon Doe 057, a native of S-U8A4 which according to his file was a survivor of the ongoing siege of the Syndicate region was laying strapped on his belly on a stretcher --stark naked. His anatomy showed traces of yellow and black color hastily applied in stripes all over his body, at one point he must have run out of yellow color for one leg sported orange stripes as well. He bobbed his head back and forth and began to mumble to himself. Munch could only understand bits and pieces that made absolutely no sense to him.
"u giev missl?"
"missl?"
"first u giev missl"
"we free!"
"missl, missl, missl"
(continued ...)
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Damien Smith
Turbulent
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Posted - 2006.08.04 12:23:00 -
[3]
w.t.f.?
-----------
Join channel 'Turby' or die! (bring pie)
Mission running carebears drop good loot. Probe one out today! |
Sigurd Ross
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Posted - 2006.08.04 12:24:00 -
[4]
Everyone in this thread is dumber for having read that.
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Herberge
GoonFleet
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2006.08.04 12:25:00 -
[5]
Verbose and pretentious.
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Desiderata Fabian
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Posted - 2006.08.04 12:38:00 -
[6]
Truly you are the Tennyson of your generation.
(PA ref) |
Gariuys
Evil Strangers Inc.
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Posted - 2006.08.04 12:50:00 -
[7]
Sry but I found it quite amusing, trying to restrain my laughter to upset the co-workers. ;-D nice one.
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Khajit Smitty
Minmatar
MisFunk Inc.
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Posted - 2006.08.04 13:14:00 -
[8]
10/10 for effort.
2/10 for content.
5/10 for humour
Keep trying though.
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Benco97
Gallente
On Ravens Wings
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Posted - 2006.08.04 13:19:00 -
[9]
I find these little stories to be amusing little diversions, there is nothing wrong with the OP wanting to make us smile.
Thank you ^^
Snug Radio - Fart like a Pirate |
Linerra Tedora
Avarice Industries
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Posted - 2006.08.04 14:08:00 -
[10]
lol story.... but hate politics...
-- Have you ever awoken, finding you made hot love to a badger last night??? -- |
Myrdan
GoonFleet
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2006.08.04 14:22:00 -
[11]
Quite an improvement over the last one, I laughed.
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Marros
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Posted - 2006.08.04 14:22:00 -
[12]
Edited by: Marros on 04/08/2006 14:22:10
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Dugan Lee
Caldari
Perkone
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Posted - 2006.08.04 14:24:00 -
[13]
 Originally by: Benco97
I find these little stories to be amusing little diversions, there is nothing wrong with the OP wanting to make us smile.
Thank you ^^
key word is wanting.
----------------
For the whiners:
New Game! |
Michiyo Daishi
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Posted - 2006.08.04 14:52:00 -
[14]
 yet again...
-
*posts posted are not official statements of EVEnews.com, and are the poster's own* |
Psym0n
Roving Guns Inc.
RAZOR Alliance
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Posted - 2006.08.04 15:18:00 -
[15]
VCBee are a plague
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Admiral Pieg
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.08.04 15:39:00 -
[16]
hahaha
Do you like my stinger.. priceless 
______________
Pod from above. |
Prester Joe
Minmatar
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Posted - 2006.08.04 16:08:00 -
[17]
Is he saying Goonfleet got handed their ***es by BoB and then all the pilots went crazy and jammed mops up their ***es, broke them off and called them stingers after painting themselves to look like bees? Or did I misread that? Are there bees in EvE? If not, where did goonfleet get the idea? And isn't calling the story verbose and pretentious a little bit.....verbose and pretentious? |
Herberge
GoonFleet
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2006.08.04 16:23:00 -
[18]
Originally by: Prester Joe
verbose and pretentious?
No, it's succinct and pretentious.
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HappyKitten
Caldari
State War Academy
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Posted - 2006.08.04 16:29:00 -
[19]
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Berious
Eve University
The Big Blue
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Posted - 2006.08.04 16:30:00 -
[20]
I laughed.
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MrsWatts
GoonFleet
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2006.08.04 16:31:00 -
[21]
Abner Louima was a well known goon and making light of hate crimes is pretty low tbqh.
This story is much better than the last one.
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Pang Grohl
Gallente
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Posted - 2006.08.04 16:45:00 -
[22]
I want my 3 minutes back...
This signature is a tribute to the greatest signature of all time.
It's not the greatest signature ever, it's just a... Tribute!! |
Tao Han
Caldari
Crucial Electronics
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Posted - 2006.08.04 16:49:00 -
[23]
hehe, nice one :p
I have a newfound love for the "i giev mssle" people.
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Genericforumalt
Minmatar
Republic University
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Posted - 2006.08.04 16:54:00 -
[24]
I think yore trying 2 hard
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Lungorthin
Black Eclipse Corp
Band of Brothers
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Posted - 2006.08.04 18:29:00 -
[25]
Just for the records: this is a brand new story that I wrote today, inspired on the ingame vcbee craze.
For the friendly proofreaders among the ranks of our enemies: English is not my native language, English is my 3rd language, so yes I will probably always have little cosmetic errors in non-proofreaded first drafts like these.
But ignore the possible mistakes and enjoy the political message of my stories, for my stories usually are but 100% political propaganda That is the aim, not literary art.
bzzzt bzzzt
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Machine Epsilon
GoonFleet
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2006.08.04 19:37:00 -
[26]
(the stunning conclusion)
The mighty capital ship began to pulse and throb with energy. The swarm fired their lagboosters but it was for naught; SirMolleÆs vessel was rapidly approaching its climactic moment. Suddenly RemedialÆs Thanatos warped from the far side of the station right in front of SirMolle. Its afterburner lit up the dark of space and RemedialÆs laughter filled all channels. With a tremendous crash the two capital ships collided. With his ***** team of month old veterans (and several dozen newbies to carry him) Remedial penetrated SirMolleÆs defenses. BoB warriors exacted a heavy toll on the invaders, but for every goon that fell two took his place. Slowly and painfully Remedial forced open SirMolleÆs defenses and breached the bridge. The two leaders traded blow for blow for what seemed like hours. Remedial was taunting and laughing while SirMolle was raging and threatening even greater wrath. Both fighters were battered and worn, SirMolleÆs uniform was in tatters and Remedial was drenched in sweat and the blood of his followers. The avatar finally released its blast throwing both combatants to the floor atop each other. Struggling to untangle themselves both leaders realized they were alone together. Suddenly without followers to impress they realized why they were actually there and embraced their true feelings and each other. The power of the super weapon was nothing compared to the ecstasy they unleashed in each other.ö
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Machine Epsilon
GoonFleet
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2006.08.04 19:37:00 -
[27]
I liked your second story more than your first one. Still we all know thats fiction. Here is whats really going on between Goonswarm and BoB:
"SirMolle pounded his console in frustration. Remedial! That horrible infuriating man just couldn't stop with his constant taunts and baiting. Remedial's rugged charisma and thousands of fanatical followers made him think that he could do no wrong. SirMolle hated it. He wanted to grab his blaster rifle and shove it down Remedial's throat until he gagged. He had to get Remedial - make him pay. He paused, still sweating and breathing heavily from pounding the console - a plan was starting to form in his mind...
RemedialÆs massive bulk tossed and turned on his bed of zydrine. Thousands of his followers had gotten podded before without disturbing his sleep and now was no different. Even the carrier loses werenÆt that bad, he could always force newbies to mine for another one after all. No, tonight was different. He had finally seen SirMolle lose his composure. Seeing SirMolle raging on the viewscreen had sent shivers of pure pleasure up his spine. He kept picturing SirMolle's angry face over and over and over again. It was more sensuous that a deep fried sausage wrapped in bacon. Remedial decided that a warm glass of melted butter would help him relax. He summoned Yeep. He was wearing his most revealing flight suit. SirMolle wasnÆt in his clutches yet but Yeep would satiate his lust for the night. Butter dripping from his jowls Remedial reached out for Yeep. Ever since Remedial had spent the corps clone budget on exotic dancers Yeep always reacted with the most enchanting look of surpriseà
An extra large artillery shell burst harmlessly on the armor of SirMolleÆs Avatar. Fitted with the finest officer modules that his forum warriors could plunder he was neigh invulnerable. None the less SirMolle was manic. Passion burned in his eyes. His triumph was at hand. Waves of smack had drawn the goons out of their stations and to their deaths. The only remaining resistance was based from this starbase. Remedial had barricaded himself in with his few remaining fanatics. His once limitless swarm was demolished and the shields were beginning to buckle. Soon he would hold that infuriated, taunting, rugged man. Then Remedial would know why there were no others like BoB in eve. Suddenly SirMolle was pulled from his fantasies by the urgent cries of Sergeant Spot. ôMy glorious and infallible master the goons are upon us. Hundreds, no, thousands of rifters just came out of warp on top of us. We have already lost dozens of ships that mean nothing to us for we are rich beyond even our own wildest dreams.ö SirMolle knew the ships didnÆt matter. Even isk didnÆt matter. All the isk in the galaxy couldnÆt buy him the one thing that he really wanted. ôReady the super weapon! We will show the goons that we run eve!ö screamed SirMolle.
(continued)
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Crivens
GoonFleet
GoonSwarm
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Posted - 2006.08.04 19:53:00 -
[28]
Edited by: Crivens on 04/08/2006 19:54:05
Machine Epsilon: I hate you. I love you.
To the OP, that story was much better than the last, thank you for making me smile :)
EDIT: I particularly like how happy the goon seems, you've captured the spirit of goonfleet rather well.
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Tibula
ISS Navy Task Force
Interstellar Starbase Syndicate
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Posted - 2006.08.04 19:55:00 -
[29]
No respect for OP.
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HappyKitten
Caldari
State War Academy
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Posted - 2006.08.04 20:27:00 -
[30]
<3 machine's story
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